


Cry

by ForbiddenTerritory



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternative Lifestyles, Angst, Dom/sub, Domestic Discipline, Dubious Consent, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Family Drama, Family Feels, Forgiveness, Gay, Healing, Healing Sex, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Kink, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Non-Consensual Spanking, Paddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Psychopaths In Love, Punishment, Rape, Redemption, Rescue, Self-Discovery, Shame, Slow Burn, Spanking, Therapy, Triump, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Vanilla, Victory, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 111,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6621550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForbiddenTerritory/pseuds/ForbiddenTerritory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night, like a bat out of hell, Emma Swan shows up at The Chessfield Adult Academy of BDSM. She is in pieces. Her recent past has destroyed her. Regina Mills, the Headmistress, sees a woman she can help. Although her makeshift family knows Regina has a heart, it is buried so deep they don't see it, that is, until Emma.</p>
<p>Regina decides that Emma's buried desires could be the missing key to Emma's recovery......  </p>
<p>They take a journey of untangling abuse, crossing lines, domestic discipline, spanking, healing, transformation and maybe even love. But Emma's past doesn't want to let her go. Can two people be tested this much and still go on? Can they still even recognize each other? One thing is for sure, Emma and Regina find themselves in forbidden territory and a future they never could have imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drop Off

**Author's Note:**

> \----------  
> COPYRIGHT NOTICE AND WARNING: The author of Cry does not own Once Upon a Time, or any of the characters or references from OUAT. The author does own the story, the unique depiction, and every non OUAT scene and creation. Chessfield belongs to the author. The story line belongs to the author. Any institutions or individuals using this fanfiction will be persecuted. This story is the copyright of it's author. Permission is NOT granted to use any of Cry, in any form, extracted or not, for any purpose or forum whatsoever, either now or in the future. If you have or do, it will be considered plagiarism and a breech of privacy and copyright. You will be subject to legal ramifications. The author will press charges to the full extent of the law.  
> \----------
> 
> Character Note: Blue is old enough to be Regina's much older sister and Emma's mother. She is an important maternal role in this story. So, I am ignoring some of her OUAT fairy asshole moments in favor of her being the essence of the Blue Fairy, called on in the hour of need. 
> 
> My Response To Comments: I am extremely busy. I would love to know If there is any interest in me developing this story/series. If I can't respond to your comments personally I am sorry. I usually don't have the time to participate in social media but creative writing is important to me. Please know I appreciate every reader, and am honored you are reading my material. Thank you.

Regina's POV

 

“Headmistress-” Graham’s exacerbated voice cuts in and out, and Regina can hear scuffling and muffled cries. “I don’t know what to do, she was just dropped off here.”

“I will be right there.” Regina combs her hands through her hair. She smooths over her black blazer and matching pants as she stands. She turns her desk lamp off for the night, coolly grabbing her pocketbook and locking the office behind her. Two of her students had been waiting for her on the bench outside of her door. They sit up, startled from her sudden presence, and dutifully bow their heads. “Ariel, Eric, no doubt another lovers quarrel? I have warned you both about making a scene during class. I will have to deal with you tomorrow. Go home.” Regina holds up her hand for them not to usher a word. They each blush shyly instead.

-

“What is going on?” Regina calmly approaches Graham in what appears to be an unfolding crisis at the entry way of The Chessfield Adult Academy. He is standing on guard in front of an enraged woman. The woman’s blonde mermaid locks are disheveled. Her makeup is running over her savage, confused expression. The stranger is more pale and lanky then she, and looks about her age. Graham has her backed into a corner like a wild animal. His face is all red. He has broken out into an anxious sweat as he struggles for control. Regina realizes he has probably been attacked by this woman. She can just tell.

“She is crazy, she-” Graham stutters. “She was.....j-just... dropped off here. Some lady kept buzzing the door. When I went to talk to her she practically threw this beast at me. She yelled in my face that she belongs here and just left. I tried to stop her.”

“Fuck you. I don’t belong her with you sick people.” The strange woman spits at Graham. She pretends to lunge at him and then laughs when he flinches. “You pussy.”

Regina quietly turns to Graham and whispers. “Do you see how bad she is shaking?” She then turns to the stranger, softly stepping towards her. “Its ok.”

“Headmistress wait.” Graham cautions. “you don’t know what your dealing with.” He grabs Regina’s arm and she turns and firmly removes his hand.

“Let me deal with this, its ok.”

“Headmistress, huh? So your the boss here?” The woman sizes the headmistress up and down, until she looks into Regina’s eyes. She does a double take, almost as if she recognizes her. She softens briefly, blushing a little. In this pause a wave of clarity washes over the stranger’s face. Her blue green eyes penetrate deeply into Regina’s dark brown eyes. Regina, is completely taken aback by this woman. She can see the striking and translucent stranger behind the crisis. Her gaze makes Regina tremble to her core. Regina is unnerved. She finds herself blushing and looking away, two things _nobody_ makes her do. But it doesn’t matter anyways, because as quickly as the clear moment happened it vanished. As if a spell was suddenly cast on her again, the woman fell back into her raging meltdown. “I have heard all about you sickos. So you are what, the dominatrix? Where is your leather outfit? Is he your bitch? Oh, should I say _slave_? You should beat him for having no balls. Nevermind, I bet you like him better that way.” she laughs in spite. It becomes apparent her jean jacket and cargo pants are ripped and speckled in blood as she widens her stance and Regina can take stalk of her. Her face is bruised and bloody. Her lip is split.

“Thats enough.” Graham lunges aggressively towards the stranger to which Regina swiftly stops him, grabbing his arm. “Graham!” she huffs with the authority to stop a charging army. “Now is no time for pride. How dare you? what kind of counselor are you? control yourself.” Graham’s anger drops in an instant at his feet. He bows his head shamefully in deference to his headmistress.

“I am sorry.”

“You should be. Go take a seat.” he looks defeated as he follows orders, sitting on the bench near the entry way of the Chessfield Adult Academy.

“Asshole. You dickless good for nothing...... You can suck it-” the strange woman’s impending rant is cut short by Regina taking another step towards her. “Don't come near me you fucking bitch. You are not my boss!” She claws and yells. She reaches to grab Regina, and Regina takes hold of her wrists.

“Its ok, your safe here. Its ok...” Regina says with a tone of affection no one has ever heard from the headmistress.

“Its not ok, this is not ok. Fuck you.” She frantically pulls her wrists back from Regina. She slams herself on her back against the wall, and falls to the floor in tears. “Don't touch me, stop hitting me.” She cries and starts to mutter inaudibly. Curling her legs up into her chest, she lays on her side in a defeated mess.

Something clicks inside Regina as she watches this stranger fall apart before her. This woman has been seriously abused. It wasn’t some random attack, oh no. That was her when she was twenty six and her mistress was arrested. That was her the first day out, after four years lost in her abuser’s prison. She was out of her skull, seeing fire and delusional, just like this woman. She is looking into a mirror from her past.

“Regina we should call the hospital or the police, this lady should be hospitalized. We shouldn’t get involved. look at her, she is dangerous.” Regina frowns as she glances back at Graham sitting behind her.

“You know what they will do to her. She is not dangerous......” Regina’s voice trails off in sadness as she looks back at the crying woman.

“Go ahead. Call them!” the woman yells from the corner on the floor. “I fucked everything up. I ruined everything. call them. Just don’t leave me here with you fucking perverts.”

Regina gently approaches her and sits by her side. “Honey we want to help.” She says with such warmth every vying student in Chessfield would be envious.

“Don't talk to me like that!” the woman totally snaps. She sits her head up on her arm and spits on Regina. Regina calmly shifts her position and the woman jerks back to protect her face expecting to be hit. “Please don’t, please no, I am sorry.”

“I won’t hurt you. Its ok, its going to be ok-” the woman kicks Regina in her knee as hard as she can.

Regina gasps in pain and clutches her knee, the most emotion she has shown in a long time. “Ahhh.” She quickly gains her composure back to the complete control she lives from. Graham on the other hand is triggered and at Regina’s side.

“I don’t care what happened to her, she is not our problem. Your hurt-”

“Graham hush. Its ok.” Regina’s voice is strained in pain.

Suddenly, the woman has become completely still and silent. She is hunched back into a tight ball fearfully tracking the two strangers through her cupped hands.

“call Blue.”

Graham gruffly gets on his cell and in a few words Blue is on her way. “She can’t stay here-”

“Enough. help me up." Graham lifts Regina up to her feet and helps her limp over to the same bench he been banished to, minutes before.

Regina winces as she sits down, obviously still in pain. "No, its better to stand." She mutters and Graham helps her up. She frowns at him and is relieved they have some distance from the stranger. Her tone is low and firm. "I know your concerned. And for some reason you are more upset than I have ever seen you. I thought crisis calls were your specialty?” Regina sizes Graham up and down. this is more than concern. Graham looks jealous, his cool blue eyes glare at the stranger. Regina is disappointed in him. Graham is her Dean, the head teacher and dominant under her, submissive only to her. Over the last 8 years she has run Chessfield with Graham at her side, and has come to consider him a real friend. Why on earth would he be threatened by a desperate suffering woman that needed their help?

Graham lowers his voice to a level he is sure the woman cannot hear. “Look, I know when I am at work I...” He pauses awkwardly.  "I _answer_ to you, but I am also your friend. I know what you have been through. You are everyone’s headmistress but you choose to be alone. I see how you are looking at her. You haven’t waited this long for a woman that needs to be rescued. You deserve someone-”

“Don’t be ridiculous-” Regina whispers flustered.

“I saw it Regina, I saw what happened to you the moment you really looked at her. And, she might be crazy but anyone can see that she is beautiful.”

Regina pauses embarrassed and caught off guard. For one thing Graham has been in love with her since the day he started here. He has never been able to accept she does not share his feelings, and that she is a lesbian. But, she also knows Graham is right. Something did happen when she saw this woman. Its more then her past staring back at her or a stranger in need. Its a feeling. well no matter. Regina does not do feelings.

“Whats going on?” Blue arrives in haste.

“Blue can you take her into the recovery center? She needs a 24 hour watch. She is aggressive. She needs to be seen by our on call doctor-”

“Who is she? We have never-”

“Blue listen, I know this may........I mean,” Regina pauses and gathers her authoritative presence. “I need you to personally see to it that we get her through the next 24 hours, I need you to do this for me.”

Graham sighs loudly and throws up his hands.

“Graham that is enough.” Regina turns so sharply towards him that he stumbles back, chagrined. “I have been lenient with you due to the nature of this situation. This is your _final_ warning.”

“I am sorry mistress.”

Regina calmly turns back to Blue. “Can you do this for me?”

“Of course Regina.”

“Ok then, I will come by first thing tomorrow and see how she is doing. You will need help getting her downstairs.”

“let me page Tink. She is on night duty tonight, I will stay with them.”

“Graham go home, it has been a long night. I know you did your best and tomorrow we are going to start a new day. Report to me first thing. Ok?"

“Yes mistress.” Graham says begrudgingly. Regina sees he does not like being dismissed first and watches him sharply to prevent protest.

“Good night Graham, sorry you had such a hard night.” Blue smiles sympathetically and he nods grimly. He reaches for the strange woman’s bag that was thrown in with her. He hands it to Blue and leaves.

“Tink should be here any minute.”

“Blue we go way back. Way back.”

“And you have come so far Regina.” Blue says maternally.

“So far that you are the only one here that can call me by my first name.” Regina smiles. “Remember when you found us? When I first met you?”

“Of course baby, how could I ever forget? I think you are the only one that found a way out of that unscathed...”

“Well she, I just know she-”

“Oh.” suddenly Blue gets the impact of whats happening.

“I mean she is out of her head like I was. I see it in her eyes, she has been told she is a wild animal and treated like she is a wild animal for so long, now she believes it.”

“Regina,” Blue says concerned. “Now I see why Graham was so upset-”

“Please Blue, you of all people. I understand why you would be worried, but you also know me better than anyone. I have good instincts. I see through things. I know what is happening. Nobody else will know how to help her. Please trust me on this. She is not just a project, I can’t even explain it...” Regina starts to tremble as if her body feels emotions her face won’t allow. The only time she even lets herself _think_ about being vulnerable, it is with Blue.

“Ok Regina. Lets take it one step at a time. I will help her tonight, but you have to listen to my advice then.”

“Ok.”

“That must be Tink.” They turn to the sound of footsteps coming up from the basement. Regina looks over at the strange woman. She has not stirred one bit.

“she disassociated right after she kicked me. She is completely catatonic. _I know that look._ ”

Tink listens in.

“she kicked you?” Blue reacts.

“I am fine, really.”

“If you say so." Blue sighs. "Then go home and get some sleep, I will fill Tink in.”

“thank you Blue. goodnight.”

____________


	2. Decision

Regina and Blues POV

  
“How is she?”

Just as promised Regina starts off her morning at the recovery center at Chessfield. She tried hard with makeup, and one of her best pants suits, to hide she could not sleep the night before. She can hear the anxiety in her own voice. Regina has never been able to get anything by Blue. She shifts awkwardly under Blue’s knowing look, primping herself and pretending she feels fine. Honestly she doesn’t know how Blue does it. Nobody else could tell how knocked off center she really is, since meeting the stranger last night.

“Her name is Emma. She is eight years younger then you and her license has a Boston address. The doctor just left. We think she was on something last night. We could not pinpoint what it was.” Blue pauses and leans on the tall counter in the lobby area. The room is sterile and plain. Morning sun offers the only company from the basement half windows above. Faint sounds of Tink taking care of her nursing duties, down the long hallway, is all that can be heard. Blue looks tired. Who would expect having to stay up all night in a drama like this? “We finally had to sedate her. She is sleeping now-”

“Did she fight you? Can I see her?”

“No Regina. We are not even discussing you seeing her.” Blue eyebrows her and Regina throws up a wall like she didn’t just ask.

“She did not fight us, thank god. She was in pure terror, poor thing. We did not see any of the aggression you experienced. Her phone kept ringing, a woman named Zelena was trying to reach her. Every time she heard it she went through the roof and I had to start over with her, trying to get her to come down. Finally, she was tired enough and I was able to hide her phone.......” Blue’s weariness is replaced by hesitation. She is holding back.

“Blue, what it is?”

“Regina honey we need to call the police. Two of her ribs are cracked, her chest is bruised.......... her neck is badly bruised-”

“Jesus.” Regina gasps in dismay. “And her neck?”

“Yes. Its very sad. She looks as though she was choked. She may be lucky to be alive. She is covered in scratches and cuts. To say nothing of what state she will be in on every other level, when she wakes up she will be in a lot of physical pain.”

Regina tears up before she can control herself. “Its so wrong,” she whispers in a low voice.

“Yes it is.” Blue sighs. She studies Regina, gauging how to bring up the next topic. “I don’t know what happened to Emma in the last few days. But, we found discharge papers in her bag, she was in psychiatric care three days ago. I think we should bring her back there. I think she needs serious professional help.”

“She was on a psych ward too?” Regina is instantly flustered, leaning on the counter next to Blue. For someone who revels in complete dominance over life itself, having her darkest hour be paralleled is unearthing. All her color is gone in shock.

“Regina stay with me here. Take a deep breath.” Blue tries to rub Regina’s back and she flinches, moving away from the touch with a cross look.

“I am fine, really.” Regina lies. She nods sharply for Blue to continue what she was saying. Blue knows her code. This is a warning to not spotlight any ‘weakness’ or Regina will try and prove how tough she really is. After all this time Blue still can’t just hug the woman who is a daughter to her now.

“The police forced you and Maleficent’s three other victims to be assessed in psychiatric care. It was part of the court order. And, that was 12 years ago honey. Its not the same thing. I know you feel like you can help Emma, and both of you being hospitalized is a big coincidence, but you have no idea how sick Emma could really be.”

Regina is getting more agitated. She frowns at Blue while trying to maintain her cool poise.

Blue becomes as firm as she can ever be. “Regina angel, your going to have to let go on this one. I am taking her back to the hospital. It feels downright illegal to keep her here. And, you know it would be wrong, however well intentioned you are. I already asked Tink if she can extend her shift. We can get Emma in there while she is still sedated.”

Blue sighs looking at Regina’s heartbroken face. How is this happening? The one who has made a steel heart to buffer herself from a lifetime of pain, now looks like a tender deer pining over a complete stranger. It hasn’t even been 24 hours and Regina is showing more care for Emma then Blue has ever seen her have for anyone. Well, after all Blue is a clinician. Psychology is her area of expertise. She knows this is just as much about Regina finally being able to care for _herself_. Ah, what mirrors can do. Still, maybe it won’t hurt for her girl to have a little hope...... Regina has been so dead inside. Maybe it is ok if that hope is this stranger for now, its better than nothing, right? Blue rolls her eyes at her own thoughts. ‘Oh god, what am I thinking?’

Against her better judgment, Blue offers in a low voice, “I feel like I will regret encouraging you. But maybe I can list myself as a contact and see how she is in a couple weeks........ As you know she is a _long_ way off from getting stable-”

“Thank you.” Regina blurts out, lit up like a christmas tree.

“Oh no. What am I doing G?” She folds her hands like she wants to pray. “Keep your feet on the ground. Well, that is something I  worried I would never have to tell you!” Blue smiles but quickly gets serious again. “You, _more than anyone_ , knows what she is facing. If you are _ever_ going to see her again, you need to give her a chance to find her feet first.”

____________________________________


	3. Update

Regina and Blue's POV

 

 

“Can I come in?” Blue stands in the doorway of Regina’s office.

“Of course Blue.” Regina looks up from the paperwork at her desk and gestures for her to have a seat. She graciously stands and joins Blue on her silver leather couch in front of two large windows.

Regina feels her heart beating faster. Is she here because she finally has news about Emma? It has been two weeks and the hospital said they would call Blue.

Blue looks around Regina’s office, wheels turning. Considering they work in the same building Blue doesn’t come up here much. Regina can guess what she is thinking as she nervously eyes a collection of ropes and floggers on the wall behind her desk. Regina thinks her tools are tastefully displayed and fairly discreet. Her office is far more subtle than many classrooms at Chessfield. But not subtle enough to put Blue at ease. “When are we going to talk about you applying to teach G? Don’t you think it is time to branch out from...... _all of this_?” And, don’t deny it, you aren’t happy anymore.”

“Blue....” Regina’s tone is chastising by pure habit. “This is my life.”

“Well baby, its not _all_ of who you are.”

Regina pauses. She is always gets agitated when Blue pushes her. She hates it but Blue does makes her think. Blue has been on Regina's case for years to let a little light into her life, whatever that means. All she knows is she prefers order and control. And, running Chessfield is what she is good at. She has attained quite the reputation for her little Adult Academy of BDSM in the underground community. People come from near and far to work with her. But is she still happy? Well that is a silly question, when was she ever happy? Well maybe once. Regina used to love medieval history. She had a passion for it really- the true stories of kings, queens, and a very different time. She loved being immersed in academia. It suited the introvert she is at heart. She excelled in school and was on track to become a professor of history. Then her secret desire to explore the lifestyle stumbled her right onto Maleficent's path. She thought she was in love. Instead, she lost herself in a four year torture chamber that not only derailed her life, but the very fiber of her identity.

Maybe her old dream has been knocking. She has quietly expressed to Blue the desire to get back into teaching. She has thought about bridging together her love of teaching and the lifestyle. Graduate students and a provocative, cutting edge liberal arts school would be perfect for that. Maybe she is getting to old to be directing a school that actually practices bdsm. It is all becoming sadly mechanical. It has been for a long time. Her heart is not in it like it used to be. She is bored and lonely as the ever elusive headmistress. Sure, she has the poise of a queen responsible for all her loyal ‘subjects,’ like the royalty of her history books. But all she can think about is going back home each night, having wine, and getting lost in stories of long ago. Well, that is not entirely true. A new focus pulls at her now, ever since two weeks ago when a crazy blond beauty came careening through Chessfield’s doors.

Regina looks up from her thoughts, in a start, coming back to the room. She peers at Blue in narrowed eyes. “I will take your concerns into consideration.” Regina clips coolly.

Blue can’t help but smirk and rubs her tired face. ‘Oh Regina’ she muses in her mind but would dare not say out loud. ‘What am I going to do with you?’

“So, it is been two weeks. Has-” Before Regina can ask the question that has been burning inside of her, is there any news about Emma, another knock startles them both. “God, I miss having Belle today to screen my visitors,” she whispers.

“Well I hope you would have still let me in.” Blue laughs.

“That depends. If I would had known what trouble you were going to give me today....” She winks at Blue.

“Come in.”

Graham enters and motions for a student to follow, coaxing her from the doorway.

Ariel timidly pops her head in with an embarrassed and tear stained expression. Regina looks harshly at Ariel unmoved by her tears. “I hope for your sake, after the lesson I had to teach you and Eric two weeks ago, that we are not back where we started, Miss Mermaid.”

Graham firmly nods for her to enter the Headmistress’s office, and to stop hiding behind him. Ariel obeys and frantically looks between her teacher, her headmistress and Blue. Her long red curly locks flood down around her. Her thin petite frame, shaking under a tight sundress, makes her look more delicate in her current state.

  
“Your ok.” Graham offers softly. “Calm down, breathe, and bow your head. You know you will never be pushed past your limits here. Show your headmistress the respect she is due.”

“Yes Master.” Ariel squeaks, deeply blushing and trembling in a deep bow with her hands behind her back.

“Why are your hands behind your back? They should be folded in front of you where I can see them. Graham what color is Ariel?”

“Yellow Headmistress.” Regina can see Graham wants to speak and nods her permission. She has perfected nonverbal communication with her dean. In nothing more than a few glances, gestures or nods, Regina and Graham can have an entire conversation. And, she almost always knows what he is thinking.

“Ariel safeworded out of my classroom and asked to see you privately. We were in Rope Safety for Beginners. She was partnered with Eric and something triggered her. She is uncomfortable talking to me about it.” Graham looks at Ariel’s back and then to Regina cueing his headmistress that something is awry. Now Regina is sure Ariel is hiding something behind her.

“Thank you Graham. You are a good teacher. Miss Mermaid, I hope you appreciate how your master watches out for you. I am happy that for your sake, your presence in my office is not due to bad behavior. Graham you are dismissed.” Graham nods and leaves.

“Maybe I should come back.” Blue is uncomfortable being caught in the middle. Years ago she agreed to run the Recovery Center at Chessfield. It is the ‘safe zone’ where students can come into a strictly vanilla space to process their thoughts, feelings, and occasional minor injuries, as they learn about and experience consensual bdsm. Blue is the Counselor on staff and Tink the Nurse, both the only members of Chessfield not into kink, or an alternative lifestyle themselves. Their presence makes a big difference for everyone. It offers neutrality and a sounding board for each student to find their own expression. And Regina, although light years away from being able to express it, is the most reassured by Blue working at Chessfield. More importantly, Blue is always there for her in _everything_.

Regina stands and walks over to her frozen student. “Would you like Ms. Blue to leave?”

“No Headmistress. Its ok.”

“Ok then.” Regina approaches the terrified young woman and can see just how upset she is. “Ariel, we take using a safeword very seriously here. Everything is ok, be at ease. The ‘scene’ ended the moment you used your safeword. Nothing is going to happen so speak freely with me dear. Tell me whats going on.” Regina is kind, if removed. She is not truly soft or tender with anyone, save the night she met Emma.

Tears roll down Ariel’s miserable face and she frowns in anger. “I am so humiliated right now. I am so.... _so_ mad at Eric!”

She gently nods for her student to continue talking. When she doesn’t Regina tries to see behind her. Ariel jerks back away from Regina. “Ariel let me see.” Ariel relaxes her shoulders and starts to cry. Regina turns to discover that Ariel’s wrists are bound too tightly in an atrocious novice attempt of knotting. She turns back to Ariel and looks into her timid, shame filled eyes with compassion. “lets start by me unbinding you. Stay right there. Its ok.”

Regina gets scissors from her desk and shows them to Ariel. “ These are paramedic scissors, the only kind you should ever use, ok? Can I cut the ropes off of you?”

“Yes please.” She mumbles, burning in shame.

As Regina stands behind Ariel, she can hear her student’s breathing change and see goosebumps on her pale, young skin. She couldn’t be more than 25. She knows Ariel has a crush on her and it makes Regina uncomfortable. But she pushes that aside, as she does with all of her students that have feelings for their headmistress. Honestly, she has never liked being on a pedestal, its not the same as real love. She gently and quickly unties her binds and Ariel turns around to face her, rubbing her wrists. “Thank you.”

“Do you have more you would like to tell me?”  
  
Her student looks like a deer in the headlights, completely flustered and tongue tied. She clearly does not want to say anything more.

“Ok then. I have some instructions for you. I would like you to be in the red group, not yellow, for one month. Then make an appointment with me and we will see how you feel about moving forward at Chessfield.”

“Oh no!” Ariel cries. “Are you demoting me? Are you upset with me?”

Regina smiles slowly at her student’s innocence. “Hush, no silly, of course not. I am doing this to protect you. Ariel you are very sensitive, one of my most sensitive students. Eric is moving too fast for you. If you continue at this rate you will hate bdsm forever, and possibly be traumatized. I want you to enjoy reading and learning from afar and that is what the red group is for. There is no active participation or live witnessing of bdsm. It is the ideal group for you right now. I think you will be greatly relieved to take the break.”

Ariel _is_ so relieved as she absorbs her headmistress’s command, it is like the entire room relaxes around them.

“Also, I would like you to see Blue once a week so you can have a safe place to talk about your feelings. We can help you feel safe at Chessfield, but you need to feel safe at home too-”

“Oh my, Headmistress I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. Of course I feel safe with Eric. He is like my prince, my happily ever after!”

“Uh huh.” Regina gives Ariel a look like she can see into her very soul. “Ariel, you deserve to be happy too.” Ariel appears like she was hit by a ton of bricks. Everyone says the Headmistress’s perceptions are unprecedented, now Ariel understands why. She is not happy with Eric, not at all. How did the Headmistress know all of that from a rope burn?

“Once again, I encourage you to share your feelings with Blue. Please see her on your next day of class. She is who I share with, you know.” Regina winks at her student who lights up adorably, invited into a tiny part of her idol’s private life.

  
Regina glances over to Blue who nods in agreement of the plan. Regina does a double take at Blue’s maternal, love filled expression for Regina. Blue is visibly touched by watching her counsel and support her student so well. She is proud of her. Regina blushes slightly and feels her own heart stir. Over a long journey together Blue is still teaching her, _everyday_ , what love is. Ariel would never know her headmistress briefly felt human as she turns back to her student in complete dominion.

“Ariel, I will be calling Graham to have Eric see me today. I will not be sharing anything we discussed privately. I will simply be informing him that I am putting you in the red group for my own reasons, and that if he is not 100% supportive of you, he will be _very_ sorry. I want you to leave this to me. I am also going to give him a serious lecture about safety in bdsm. I never want to see a knot like that again.”

“Yes Mistress.” Ariel blushes, feeling very cared for and aroused by it all.

“Go see Tink and have her look over your wrists. Then take the rest of the day off. Its beautiful out today. Go spend time in the courtyard if you want, or call it a day. When is your next class?”

“Friday.”

Ok. Report to Graham before your old class starts and we will have a new syllabus ready for you. Alright dear?”

Ariel is rosy and lush. Her attraction to her teacher is starting to show as she gazes in gratitude and longing. The student has been transformed from a pathetic caged bird to a liberated woman in her teacher’s charge. Ariel seems as though she wants to hug Regina but gets a firm ‘this conversation is over’ look back.

“Ye- uhm, I mean, yes, yes. Thank you headmistress.” Ariel stutters.

“Good day Miss Mermaid.” She nods and her student bows and quickly darts away.

Regina sighs and faces Blue, looking empty but pleased at her work. “Good luck with her Blue. She needs to face that she has feelings for women, on top of everything else. That is certainly not a conversation I can have with her.”

Regina sits back down next to Blue, sinking into the cushions and the quiet moment with her mentor.

“Regina I am so impressed, you just took exceptional care of her. I wonder where you learned how to be such a good counselor?”

“”Its unbecoming to gloat.” Regina snarks not looking at Blue.

“Uh huh. Well you obviously have your work cut out for you today. How about we check in tomorrow?

 _“No._ ” Regina gripes, losing her composure for one brief flash. “Excuse my tone. I would rather you inform me if there is any news about Emma now. Thank you for your concern, but a revolving door of student issues is a typical day for me, as you must know.”

Blue realizes maybe she is the one who wants a break. She always becomes drained when she is an active witness to the day to day at Chessfield. She prefers to work with the students within the boundaries of the Recovery Center. Also, She gets protective towards Regina who looks increasingly tired in the world she created here. Most of all, she is nervous to share her news about Emma.

“I must ask, did the hospital call you?”

“Yes. And I went there yesterday.”

“You what?” Regina gasps vulnerably.

“They called me in baby. As you know Emma is in the same hospital you were in. It is affiliated with Lewiston Medical. Remember that is where I worked for 20 years in their psychiatric facility. Its a small community, all the staff know each other between the two hospitals. Back when my friend was the head clinician she called me when you ....... well you remember all of that. Apparently, after taking in you and Belle, I still have a reputation for adult ‘foster care’ as they affectionately call it. I met with Dr. Wale, he is new there. He is Emma’s psychiatrist..........He asked if I would take Emma in. I told him I would consider it.”

“What?” Regina looks shocked, flustered and beside herself in excitement, all at the same time.

“Helping you heal was the most important thing I ever did. Helping women heal from trauma is my calling, you know that. The thought of the deeper work that happens at home versus in a hospital is appealing, not to say anything of how my heart bleeds for Emma! But I am not sure about making this commitment. My first concern is you. I really don’t know if having Emma in our lives is a good idea for you. Anything that risks all the progress you have made-”

“Please Blue, please take her in.” Regina’s dark brown eyes widen in an innocent purity, searching deeply into Blue’s. She looks utterly disarmed. Quite frankly Blue has never seen her this way.

“Oh G. If I do take her in I am going to be in your face about everything. I know what your triggers are. I will not let you go backwards. And, when I start to work closely with Emma are you really going to be able to handle that? You must know you won’t be able to see her for some time.”

“Why not?” Regina raises her voice, shaky and unnerved.

Blue eyebrows her expectantly.

“Ok, ok, _fine._ ”

“The no contact rule would just be for now baby.”

“Please, just take her in. Please!” Regina presses in a childlike whine that would cause the other people in her life to faint in surprise. Regina surprises Blue by reaching out her hand and affectionately squeezing hers.

Blue is dumbfounded. Who is this stranger? She sits blinking at Regina in silence. They pause together as minutes tick by like hours. Blue weighs her decision heavily. Regina holds her breath in anticipation.

Blue is the first to break the silence. “I have never seen you want anything like this and I have known you, my dear girl, for 12 beautiful years ........ This is why I will table my concerns ............... I will take her in.”

Regina releases into a whole body smile. It is a revelation. “Thank you Blue.” She says breathlessly, squeezing Blue’s hand.

“So what did they say about Emma? And how is she?”

“Its all very sad honey. Dr. Whale informed me Emma has nowhere to go, no family. The only person who tried to contact her is Zelena, her wife, the woman responsible for all of this-”

“She is gay-”

_“Regina.......”_

“Continue.”

“Against the hospital’s advice Emma refuses to fill out a restraining order. At least they tried to get her to fill one out.”

“Well why on earth wouldn’t they? Are they blind, did they not see the condition she was re-admitted in?” Regina heats up in a burst of anger.

“Regina stay with me. I know the whole thing is mind blowing. When Emma was hospitalized the first time she actually convinced the professionals that _she_ was the abuser.”

“What?”

“Yes. Dr. Whale said in all his years of service he never saw a more compelling case of mind control. Zelena worked her over good. Emma is showing the same patterns as a long time cult victim ....... _like you did.”_

“I knew it. I just.... _oh my god_.” Regina’s voice trails off as she fully absorbs what Blue said. She hunches over holding her stomach, woozy.

“You were right.” Blue takes a moment to collect herself as well. She feels such grief at what both these woman have been through. Its unbelievable they have been hurt in the same unusual way. Both Emma and Regina unknowingly gave themselves to predators. Abuse is horrific on its own, but it is not always intentional. Zelena and Maleficent are actual psychopaths. Brilliant and dangerous, not just intending to hurt but to destroy. Blue remembered how many years it took to get Regina to identify one simple thought or feeling of her own. Just to see a faint smile or slight flicker of light in her eyes. She was just a shell of a woman. Nobody was left home. It is hard to imagine that after Regina’s long and treacherous recovery, Emma has not even begun.

“Zelena has cut her off from all of their finances, well everything, and is using that as leverage to try and get her back. The hospital was resigned to possibly having to discharge her to a woman’s shelter.

“What? That is crazy-”

“yes, I know baby. Dr Wale’s plea for me to take Emma in was _almost_ as compelling as yours. Nobody wants to see a survivor be thrown into the streets. But the system is so broken. I will take her in. Just remember the rules. You have to stay out of this for now. Just because you share her story doesn’t mean you can jump in and try to save her. You certainly can’t help right now considering that you have feelings for her.”

 _“Who said anything about feelings?”_ Regina snaps rudely.

“Regina listen. Emma needs to get better. She needs professional help and to do the work herself. Are you going to cooperate, really?”

“Yes Blue. Jesus, I am not a child. I trust you on this.” Blue is the only one Regina has ever trusted. “I will do whatever you say, whatever it takes.”

________________________________________________________________

 


	4. Sunday

Regina and Blue's POV  


  
Six months ago was a lot like now. Its snowing, that is different. A beautiful blonde stranger stirs hope, that is new. Regina should be out having a life on her only day off of the week. Instead, she sits at home in her kitchen. It is a usual routine of becoming startled after realizing she was lost in her thoughts, time ticking by as she gazes out a window. She finds herself unable to focus. Its worse than usual.

It has been two years since she let her submissive go. She misses Granny, Ruby and family dinners. But she can’t go back, not after disappearing from their life with no warning, not after everything they did for her. At least Blue keeps showing up. Regina is lonely. she built her life around work and being the Academy’s guiding light. She is a born leader. But, she doesn’t remember a time she could just let go. She wants to be a normal, simple, vulnerable woman. A woman who has somewhere to be on a Sunday.

A knock on the door cuts through her commiserating. She is relieved Blue asked to stop by today. She can see her away from her perfectly executed headmistress role. More importantly, she can finally hear about Emma.

“Hey honey. How are you doing?” Blue comes in and hugs Regina, who, by doing her very best, is able to accept the hug.

“Thank you.” Regina says awkwardly.

“Oh my dear.” Blue smirks at Regina. “You really are something.”

Regina, intent on getting the spotlight off her weaknesses, guides Blue to the kitchen and offers her some wine.

“Well Regina there is one thing I really wanted to ask you today. You are going to wish you didn’t invite me over. But I need to ask. How is your drinking?” Blue pauses with great sensitivity. “I know it has been a problem.”

“Blue!” Regina barks in anger. She sits down suddenly feeling dizzy and subdued.

“We have talked about this, triggers and setbacks. Drinking became a problem again after you left Belle two years ago. Not to mention my terror when you were first sent to me. No sooner did we get you back from your catatonic states, then you decided to heal with Cabernet! Regina baby, your _intrigue_ for Emma, and your lack of control in this situation, can definitely be a trigger. I have been concerned.”

Blue softly sits next to Regina at the table. Between them is Regina’s full glass of red wine, poured before Blue’s arrival. Regina lifts her arms onto the table and rests her face in her hands. They sit together in quiet for a few minutes.

Regina lowers her hands and then folds her arms in front of her. She takes a deep breathe, fully composed. “I know it has been a problem before. I am ok now. I might be drinking a little too much. I am just ..... _lonely.”_

Blue tries to take Regina’s hand but she keeps her arms clenched together in visible discomfort. She holds Regina’s arm instead. “Admitting your lonely is a big deal .......... I don’t know if you ever have.”

“Can we change the subject for now?” Regina’s voice drops very low. “I appreciate what your doing. I promise I will continue to be honest with you.”

Blue reads Regina’s body language. She is rigid and anxious. It would shock anyone else to see her that way. Not Blue, its her job to push Regina and she is not done with her today. If Blue let Regina set the pace in her own self growth she would have barely grown at all, poor thing. She gives her girl time to process in silence. Regina processes feedback slowly. If Blue rushes her she will snap.

Regina finally looks up after replaying their talk in her mind. She nervously eyes her mentor, who looks more unrelenting then usual. She hugs at her elbows and awkwardly tries not to glance at the full glass of wine in between them. Nobody has ever looked out for Regina likes Blue does. But it doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Apparently, Blue is intent on riding her today.

“Why haven’t you called Granny?” Blue scolds.

“What?” Regina goes pale, she is never the one to _be_ reprimanded.

“She is like your other mother Regina. And Ruby is like your sister. You know how she looks up to you.”

“How can I? I just abandoned them........”

“You fell of the wagon. Alcoholics do that sometimes. It happens. You shut down after Belle. It has been two years of you giving them the silent treatment. It is yourself you are mad at. And, forget about them for a minute. When you shut everyone out its you that suffers the most.”

All the self-possession and maturity in the world can’t hide Regina’s shame. Her cheeks glow like a scolded child. _“I am not an alcoholic...”_

Blue shakes her head in frustration. If she doesn’t slow down this will be counter productive, she knows her ‘daughter’ too well. She musters the patience and compassion she needs to be soft with Regina.

“I am sorry honey. I should know by now not to come at you like that. We will save that conversation for another day. I am sorry I snapped at you.”

“Its ok.” Emotion passes over Regina’s face. Her shoulders relax. She can feel Blue softening.

“Granny and Ruby love you. Our little family isn’t complete without you baby. That is what I should have said. Nobody is as hard on you as you are. We all know what you have been through. None of us have had to fight demons like yours....”

Regina rolls her eyes in a moment of indulged insolence. _“Well I can’t go over there because I can’t see Emma, now can I?”_ She bites in oozing sarcasm.

Blue ignores her tone. She stares at her expectantly.

“I am sorry ....... I will ........... make more of an effort.”

Blue intensifies her look, unsatisfied.

“I will call Granny this week. .......... I promise.”

Now it is settled. For all of her flaws, Regina’s word is gold. She would not be agreeing to any of this if Blue wasn’t right. She has got Regina’s number, damn her.

Granny is Blue’s best friend. Twenty years ago Granny was an ER nurse at Lewiston Medical where Blue worked on the psych ward. They had lunch together everyday. They held each other's heartbreaks, dreams and secrets. They were there for each other like good blood. Blue was a lot like Regina in that she only thought of her career. She is not like Regina in that she only thinks of helping others. Although, Regina is more like that then she realizes. Blue never built a life of her own. She felt empty. Granny has a granddaughter Ruby, and it was always just the two of them at home. She had full custody of her. She was the only mother Ruby ever knew until Blue entered the picture. When Ruby became a teenager everything changed. At 15, Ruby became a wild child over night. Granny was on her last thread. She had inherited the old Shepard’s House years before. Its on the big hill, right in town. It has four spacious bedrooms upstairs, a huge living room, three bathrooms, a large backyard and Granny's prized garden. It was more space then Granny and her rebellious granddaughter could ever need. So Blue moved in. She gave Granny her sanity back by getting Ruby under control. In return, Blue got what she always wanted, a family of her own. With Blue contributing to the mortgage, Granny was able to retire and fulfill her dream of opening a family diner. Ruby working there was good for everyone, now Ruby can practically run the place. Two years later they took in Regina and Belle. Their makeshift family grew. Regina was only 26 at the time. Granny always says _‘blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker then blood.’_ They were all happy together. 12 years later, in this awkward and punishing moment, Blue is grilling Regina for pushing all that away. Regina feels herself inhale sharply, pulling in the much needed _oxygen_ of Blue’s intervention. She always has to learn the hard way, painful self imposed isolation, about the airless void of keeping everyone at bay. She has no excuse. She used to be alone. Now there are loved ones waiting for her.

“So, Blue ...” Regina hesitates.

“I am sorry baby. I know that was hard. Your off the hook for now.” Blue winks playfully.

“Very good.” Regina lets out a still smile. Her heart picks up its pace now that she can direct the conversation. And like a flower faces the sun, she asks what she aches to know most. “So how is Emma?”

“Well yesterday marked six months since she was dropped of at Chessfield.”

 _“_ I know.” Regina accidentally says out loud. She tries to recover by appearing aloof. “I mean, I thought it might have been that long, I m-mean, uhm-m-”

“Since when do you stutter?” Blue interrupts Regina and laughs at her.

Storm clouds touch down as Regina heats up in anger.

“Sorry, Gina. I shouldn’t poke at you right now. Let me answer your question.”

Regina’s furrowed brows and flaring nostrils relent. But, she has had enough of feeling exposed for a very long time!

“She is making a lot of progress. Weekly therapy....”

“Dr. Hopper?”

“yes, I hope that is not too weird.”

“No, Continue.”

And I have taken her back to see Dr Wale a few times. He is given her a controversial diagnosis, Complex PTSD. And, possibly some form of a dissociative disorder. Both could have applied to you as well, but boy does it look different on her!

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you needed four years of me softly, gently, unfalteringly, pulling you out of your shell. You disappeared inside of yourself for weeks at a time. Nobody knew where you were. When you first came home you just stared at the wall in the living room, Ruby thought...”

“I know what Ruby thought.” Regina snapped. She remembers the bratty teenager taunting her and insulting her, calling her mentally retarded.

Emma seems totally fine, all here. She is probably like the normal happy self she was before Zelena. That is, _until she gets triggered._ You know how they say fight or flight? Well baby, If you were flight, in your own quiet self contained way, she is fight! She attacks! The poor girl slips so deeply back into her trauma she loses all sense of reality. She lashes out at us like she is fighting Zelena for her life. She calls us by name but she is not really there. She becomes dangerous Regina. I have never seen anything like it. Doctor Wale has. He had a few patients who were prisoners-of-war. They were tortured to the point that well after they were rescued, when they felt unsafe, they fell right back into their captive minds.

“That is horrible. I was hoping for better news.” Regina clamps down in sadness. She gets up and dumps her wine out. She decides to make them coffee, letting the busy work distract her from how depressing this afternoon has become.

“Its not all bad Regina. She really is a special woman. I have grown fond of her. She is so intelligent, funny and caring. Once she learns how to channel that fighting spirit she will be quite capable, a force to be reckoned with, no doubt. I believe there is hope for her. She just has to get through this part.”

“So then, can I see her now?” Regina acts casual as she hides with her back to Blue, preparing two coffee mugs.

“Gina no. I realize it is inappropriate for me to share any of Emma’s progress with you. But nothing about this situation is normal. For your own good, and hers, I need you to understand _why_ you have to stay away for now. If you tried to meet her it would confuse her sense of whats real. it would just mess her up more, baby. You represent the worst night of her life, and right now all those bad memories are inseparable in her mind.

“That is not fair.” Regina zings as she places coffee in front of Blue and sits back down with her own. She sighs heavily. She is tempted to burrow her face in her hands but refrains. “Its not fair...... but, I get it. And, I am not a teenager. I don’t have some secret plot to go find her behind your back.”

“Right now you don’t, my little spit fire. But we don’t know how long you will be asked to wait, or god forbid, if she will ever really surface.” Blue concedes sadly.

“She will.” Regina states matter-of-factly. She will not stop believing in Emma. What if Blue had given up on Regina?

“Well one thing is for sure. I have to keep a better eye on _you._ Thats why I got you this.”

Blue pulls out a gift from the bag at her feet. “Its something I have been meaning to get you for a long time.”

Regina is touched. Her whole presence softens as she accepts the gift.

“Should I open it now?”

“Well yes, silly.” Blue smiles warmly.

Regina opens the package to reveal a french cookbook that is very familiar to her. She tenderly traces over its gold letters and flips through its shiny, new pages. Blue and Regina used to cook every Sunday when she lived at the Shepard’s House. They would follow the recipes from this very book. They both love to cook. It was the favorite part of Regina's week, and, the only time Regina really felt normal.

“I think it is about time we start our tradition again, don’t you? Anyways, your kitchen is twice the size of ours. It is so fancy, a chef's dream. Its time you learned how to use it.” Blue chuckles and squeezes Regina’s arm.

Regina’s eyes swell with tears. “I would like that.” She pauses, taking it all in like a warm blanket wrapped around her. She finally has somewhere to be on a Sunday. “Thank you.”

 


	5. Gym

Emma's POV

 

 

“Your so _gay_!”

“Ruby you can’t say that. Only gay people can say that.” Emma playfully sneers, flashing her blue green eyes and raising her beer to Ruby. “What were we talking about?”

“That your so gay. And you gay people have so many rules.” Ruby smirks, she is about to crack up completely. They both are.

“Before that?” Emma laughs.

“You were avoiding my question. So _Emma,_ is the hot blonde chick picking you up again tonight, or what? Lets see, is it ass and breasts night?”

Emma and Ruby are near hysterics now, tears building in their eyes from whole body laughs. “Ass and breasts, oh my god!” Emma repeats clinking her bottle with Ruby’s. “ _Chest and abs_ , Ruby geez, quit making me sound like a whore. We are going to the gym for god’s sake. You can make anything dirty!”

“Yup. You could use a class in that. When are you going to take this girl out? You have been working out together for a like couple months now, _lame_. You know she is into you.”

Emma gets flustered. She feels the beer heating up her face and clouding her thoughts. Sure, she likes the attention and her new friend is gorgeous. But she can’t get that dark beauty out of her mind, ever since the fateful day she crashed into this new world. She hasn’t seen her since but she knows her name is Regina. “I’m an idiot!” Emma announces out loud in a mindless buzz. _‘I don’t even know her’_ she thinks, giving herself an exaggerated slap to her forehead.

“Your still hung up on my sister, aren’t you? Girl, you don’t know what your getting yourself into.” Ruby raises her eyes at Emma, in a brief burst of seriousness before guzzling down the rest of her Mich Ultra. From what Emma has been able to piece together, Blue and Granny took Regina in once too. Emma knows that Regina had a problem. It was awhile ago. Ruby bonded with her. She looks at Regina as a big sister. Emma can tell there is a whole lot of water under _that_ bridge. Ruby is really mad at her for not being around. This is the gist of what Emma can get anyways, nobody wants to talk to her about Regina. It pisses her off. Who is the mysterious woman that helped her during the worst night of her life? She wants to know more. It makes her stomach hurt.

Emma’s thoughts are cut short by Ruby’s phone. “Billy? Where you at? When you coming to get me? I am wearing something _new_ for you today ..... hurry up and get here.” Ruby lays it on so thick Emma is completely distracted and starts laughing again.

“Sure, I am going to take classes from you.” Emma rolls her eyes and pokes Ruby in the ribs. Ruby smirks back and walks into the living room. Emma can hear her flirt with her boy toy while she waits for him to pull up in his truck. In their cat and mouse its no question who is who.

Emma has all but a minute or two to sit at the kitchen table, stare into her empty Mich Ultra bottle, and wonder what to do with herself. The last thing she wants is to be alone with her thoughts and a buzz. And, why is she drinking this crap? Its Ruby’s favorite. That makes Emma love it. Saved by the doorbell!

Ruby opens the front door and scowls. “Sorry, I was waiting for-”

Emma runs over to the door, “A boy. This is Ruby and she doesn’t have basic social skills.”

“Fuck you Emma.” Ruby smiles at them both and gets back to her phone call.

“See?” Emma’s eyes dance as she takes in the site of her beautiful new friend. “Hi Elsa.”

“Hi Emma.” Elsa blushes slightly in a slow smile back. “Ready for me to kick your ass tonight?”

“Well, you are the trainer.” Emma teases. “And, I may have had a couple beers.”

Elsa shakes her head, entertained. “Really? That would make you the only one I know who drinks before the gym. Its like 6pm? Lets go you nut. I will make sure you don’t fall off the bench.”

 

\----

They tend to turns heads when they enter World Fitness together, most especially Elsa’s giggly coworkers at the desk.

“Anna do I still have a 7pm?” Elsa eyes her, telepathically yelling at her to get the dorky grin off her face at seeing the two blondes together, again.

“Hi Emma, back for more?” Anna giggles.

Emma sarcastically smiles back. She looks away gazing into the gym, pretending to not understand or care about the innuendo.

“ _Anna-_ ” Elsa growls.

“He canceled. I tried to tell him you like to see all of your clients in the daytime anyways. You have your usuals tomorrow morning."

“Thanks.” She grits and follows Emma up to the weight room. The smell of heat and sweat mingle with the cold air coming off them. They run up the stairs. Their winter coats are heavy as they cut through the toned, lightly clad club members.

“Why do you people live in Maine? Why does Maine even have to exist? And, how did you get me to work out on a freezing night in the middle of January?!”

They start unloading into their lockers, both still taut from the winter’s chill. Elsa flips up her long blond hair in a quick tail, and strips down to her tight, blue tank and black sweats.

“You love it. Face it, your hooked.”

“Well I used to lift weights, _before-”_ Emma stops short awkwardly as she peels her sweatshirt off. She is down to a black sports bra. She hides her head in the locker while she looks for her tank top in her gym bag, hoping to change the subject she just started.

“Its ok. I know you don’t want to talk about it yet.” All Elsa knows is that Emma just got out of a bad relationship. That is all Emma wants her to know. Everyone else in her life knows too much already. _She hates feeling exposed._ “Look at you.” Elsa says breathless.

A soft finger touches Emma’s bare skin. Elsa traces down the vertical line of Emma’s abdomen where a stronger definition forms. Emma’s whole body quivers and she jerks up, hitting the top of her head on the shelf of her locker. “Owe!”

“That is what happens when you drink before working out.” Elsa pretends, closing Emma’s locker so there is nothing in between them. She steps closer. “Aren’t you getting toned?”

Emma steps back dizzy, rubbing the top of her head. She throws on her tank top. “Well I have a good trainer.” She says in a blush and then quickly pulls back. “You first today, meet you in a half hour.”

Elsa agrees but looks sad. Emma knows Elsa feels rejected but tries to brush it off. She feels like such an ass.

 

\----

Emma is relieved they spend the next 30 minutes apart. They will meet back up to spot each other on the heavier weights. She gets lost in obnoxious music through her earphones, sweats out the booze, the noise in her head, and anxiety about Elsa just making a pass at her! She lost everything when she was hospitalized. She used to have a few friends that weren’t connected to her wife. Zelena hunted and snuffed out each friendship until Emma was alone in her wife’s hell. Now someone new really cares about her. And, Elsa treats Emma like a normal person, not like she just came out of a prisoner-of-war camp ....... which she kinda did. But, this ‘new friend’ wants more ....... _fuck._

Elsa walks over to Emma, who is frowning at herself as she does bicep curls. Emma startles as Elsa’s glistening figure appears in the wall length mirror next to her own glistening reflection.

“You startle so easily, sorry. Emma 10 pounds less. Your going to hurt your shoulder again and be no fun for the next few weeks.”

Emma grunts, lifting the right dumbbell up to her shoulder and back down, trying to show off that Elsa is wrong. She starts to lift the left.

“Stop.” Elsa smiles, stepping softly in front of Emma. She traces down Emma’s lower arms and over her fingers with her own. They both let out audible sighs at the touch. Emma anxiously scans the room feeling off guard. She is thankful it has mostly cleared out now that it is past 7pm. One guy smiles transfixed at them. Gross. Elsa lifts the weights out of Emma’s hands, turns and puts them away. “C’mon, you.” Elsa purrs affectionately. “Give your poor arms a break and spot me on the bench press.”

Emma smirks and goes for the bait. “Your so bossy tonight, geez. Just because you can’t handle 30 pound dumbbells-”

Elsa retorts in a sing song tease of laughter as she adjusts the bench press. She fixes the weights and lays on her back under the barbell.

Emma wets hers lips and looks around. She runs her hands down the bar checking the weight for safety. She finally lets herself look down. Hovering above Elsa, flat on her back, beautiful, and borrowing into her with her blue, wide eyed stare is ........ _a little much._ Emma looks away awkwardly feeling flushed.

“You ok?” Elsa smirks, in tune.

“Y-yes-”

“You know I am counting on you here.” Elsa giggles, loving the affect she has, no doubt.

“Stop it. All here. Lets go.” Emma says toughly.

They get the first two reps in and Elsa is looking troubled.

“Is it too much weight? you need a break?”

Elsa rests her hands on her stomach. “Emma, wanna have a drink after this? I have some great wine at my house.” Elsa says soft and nervous.

“Elsa-”

Elsa lifts herself up and sits on the bench facing Emma. Emma hands over her towel. “Don’t. I can take a hint. Look, that was my last attempt. This hurts too much. I am sorry. I am supposed to be the girl here, remember? We joked about that the day you were shocked to find out- _well you know._ I have never felt this way about another woman. You said you had always been the pursuer until your wife found you. But, you keep pushing me away. Pretty soon I won’t have any dignity left-”

“I am sorry, the timing-”

“Your lying to me. I know Its more than that. Look, its fine. But I can’t do this anymore.”

Emma is heartbroken. Everything stops. She stands in a cold sweat like a statue. She is suddenly empty and irrevocably alone. She is being left, again. She loves her friendship with Elsa, this sucks so bad. It brings up so much. Fuck life. Fuck all the loss and the goodbyes in her life. She can’t help but feel the moment she gets close to somebody they leave. Her thoughts plunge. ‘I was too trusting again, idiot! I can’t trust people. How could I forget that? I shouldn’t trust Blue, Granny, Ruby, _anyone,_ because it is just a matter of time......’

“I will call a cab. I won’t come on the days you work.” Emma rubs her face gruffly, and then hugs her shoulders. Elsa’s sad expression is filled with compassion and pain. “Elsa, I am sor-”

She interrupts in a sweet but final whisper. _“We both are.”_

 


	6. The Chat

Emma and Blue's POV

 

 

“Quit eating all my meat!’’

Ruby starts to laugh with a mouth full of ground beef, juice drips down her chin. Its quite the scene.

“Don’t choke! I am glad your mouth is full...I don’t even want to know where your brain went.” Emma laughs playfully. “ I see the horns on your head. Is your dirty mind going to let us have any normal conversations?”

“Not likely. But, I know you love it.” Ruby pops open another Mich and offers her one to which Emma raises her red wine back in solidarity. Emma has brought the kitchen to life as she works on a huge vat of her favorite chili. The smell of onions, tomatoes, garlic, peppers, beans, beef and spices create a mouthwatering feel that wafts through the air. It feels good to cook for the family that took her in and has been nursing her back to normalcy. Putting fire in the hearth is comforting. Even if it is not her home. And with the whole Elsa thing blowing up in her face, another shot to her heart, she needs every pot on the stove to warm things up. She feels so _raw._

Here is this beautiful family. They are so loving to her, the outsider. She can’t really trust it. But, Emma always looks for hope. She is a fighter. Lately, she has been focusing on getting a job bartending. It is one thing she rocks at. This little town has as many bars as one block in Boston, but Granny knows someone. She was supposed to talk to him today. That is not the only reason she made everyone dinner, but its one of them. She needs to get back on her own two feet.

“Ruby, you staying for dinner?”

“Can’t, Billy is coming to get me. It was really good!”

“Yeah all the- never mind, not worth it.” Emma snarks. She laughs as Ruby flutters out of the kitchen telling Emma how much she loves her. Emma loves how silly and expressive Ruby is. Boy does it lighten the mood of her current state of affairs.

Emma sits alone with the chili cooking and swirls her wine around, waiting for Granny. She is trying not to think about anything deep, please mind, don’t go there. The skeletons in her closet are so many the door broke open and she is buried under bones.

Emma hears the front door and her heart skips. Does she have a job? “Granny is that you?”

“Its Blue honey.” Blue strides into the kitchen in relief. “Oh my, its heaven in here!” She exclaims, still breathing heavy from the cold. “You think I would be used to Maine by now,” she laughs as she decorates the kitchen table with her arms against the snow. Emma picks up a fallen hat and places it on the chair. Blue doesn’t skip a beat, sizing her up and down. “Well first of all it smells amazing in here-”

“Its my secret recipe. Ruby took me out shopping today. I hope you like chili.” Emma says vulnerably, trying to cover it with a sassy look.

“I love chili, and you know that famous line, ‘my favorite meal is one I don’t have to make myself!” Blue sits down and smiles warmly. “Emma thank you. Your too much. The house is cleaner than it has ever been. Nobody else can pick up a dish, you haven’t let us move an inch of snow and now your cooking? We don’t expect this. What a sweetheart.”

“Its the least I can do.” Emma says seriously. She feels unnerved by Blue’s kindness. Nobody talks to her that way. And as they sit alone in silence Emma gets more uncomfortable. She has an issue with Blue that she has not wanted to face. Her wall goes up and Blue feels it.

“Hey, I was giving you a compliment honey. You were so excited when I first walked in, what happened?”

“Nothing.” Emma lies blankly, averting her eyes.

“when are you going to _try_ and let me in?” Blue sighs, folding her hands in front of her. “Have I done something to upset you? Can you tell me what is wrong? And, please stop denying that there is something wrong.”

Emma slumps forward staring at the last of her wine. Her life is surreal. She is basically and adult foster child to these people. She is 30 god damn years old! Her foster _‘mother’_ is a clinician for god’s sake! ‘I am surprised Blue doesn’t just ask me what color am I feeling?’ She snarks in her own mind. How the hell did she get here? But, she is lucky to be here. What else was she going to do? _Zelena almost killed her._ Its hard to admit that to herself. Only therapy is making it real. She still doesn’t believe it. What she knows is she arrived on her hands and knees. She had no money, no family, no friends, no dignity, and worst of all no will left to do anything about it. Zelena had finally broken her, she finally believed she was just a worthless piece of shit. Emma was ready to die the night Zelena threw her into Chessfield. And then, in the worst moment of her life, the dark beauty talked to Blue.

Emma sighs. Her excitement to talk to Granny is gone. Its buried under all the skeletons in her closet Blue just invited to dinner. It does not take much in her fragile state to be flattened. “Are we really going to do this now?” She says rudely, flinching at what a child she sounds like. She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in regret. “I am sorry. You are right.” Emma tries to focus on her breathing, one of her new strategies, to push through the confrontation. “Bear with me.”

“I’m right here.” Blue bows her neck to meet Emma’s lowered eyes. Emma looks up. Blue offers a comforting smile to her struggling charge.

  
“Ok Blue. look, I know you care about me. You sat by my bed all night when I was dropped off at Chessfield. You and Granny took me home from the hospital. I would have been on the streets, and not in a very good mental state, lets just say. For the last 6 months you have lead me out of hell. I feel like you understand what I am going through more than me sometimes. Where would I be if you and Regina sent me away from Chessfield instead? I can’t even imagine it. I would have just...”

Emma looks down gravely and pauses in the impact of her thoughts. She lowers her voice and speaks though furrowed brows. ”I could not have taken one more day of my old life. I was at my breaking point. Then there was you and Regina quietly talking in a hallway and suddenly I was being given a second chance. It was a miracle. There are no words for the gratitude I feel. _I can’t even touch that.”_

Emma starts fidgeting with Blue’s drying mittens and then makes herself stop. she gathers her nerve to continue. “I feel like an asshole that you saved my life but I just don’t trust you at all. I know Regina asked you to take me in that night. I saw the expression on your face. _She talked you into this._ You didn’t want to take me in. This all is just a mind...” she bites her lip to keep from swearing again. “You didn’t want me here.”

A lightbulb goes on for Blue. “Oh Emma, I didn’t realize you remembered _anything_ about that night, let alone heard me and Regina talking. I can’t imagine how it has been to carry this around. No wonder I felt a wall between us! Honey, your right about what you saw ............ It is a _mind fuck-”_

  
“Blue your language, I am shocked!” Emma surprises both of them and laughs. Its just too funny to hear Blue swear. Blue laughs back, reveling in the interruption of humor.

Blue shifts back into her seriousness, a confession heavy on her heart. “I did not want to take you in baby, but you need to know why. It was not about you at all.”

She takes a deep breath and checks to see if Emma is still with her. She is touched at how well Emma is doing with this. “12 years ago a dear friend called me, she used to be the head clinician where you were hospitalized. She said they have one of the worst abuse cases they had ever seen. The police arrested the perpetrator. What they found made the news. A psychopathic woman, disguising herself as a dominant in the BDSM lifestyle, was basically holding 4 women as torture victims. Severe mind control was involved.” Blue hesitates and brings her voice to a delicate whisper. _“Much like what you went through Emma.”_

Emma feels tears well up in her eyes as she listens. She wants to remind Blue that Zelena was never into BDSM, but that is really not the point. She was crazy and she did hurt Emma ..... a lot. She fights internally to make sure she does not get triggered, as her trauma pulls at her like a vortex. she feels herself start to sweat in anxiety, but she knows she is safe, she must be able to push through this.

“One of those victims was Regina.”

Emma is visibly shocked. She can’t believe it. The worst thing in her life also happened to the woman she can’t stop thinking about? The dark beauty...... wow. It is impossible to imagine that picture of confidence suffered much like she did, maybe worse. Emma’s heart hurts so bad for her.

Blue watches Emma carefully like a shepherd eyes their flock. Emma is still with her, so its time for her to know more. “Four women were brought in and two of them were catatonic. A couple months went by, they weren’t making any progress. The psychiatric facility couldn’t afford to keep them. There was nowhere for them to go. They weren’t going to make it in a shelter. If they had been sent to a longterm facility they may have never come back out again.”

Blue gets up suddenly, trying not to get lost in her own emotions. This has to be a teaching and healing moment for Emma. She pours each of them a glass of water and leans over the sink, taking brief comfort in the wintery view through the window.

Blue opens up to Emma as she gazes outside. “Regina and Bell where about to be locked away for good. My friend asked me and I could not say no. They never had a chance. Granny and I took them in. It took me 4 years to get Regina out of hell. Just as many years as she was with that demon. Bell is a story I will save for another time. She is ok now. Regina became like my daughter. Granny and I love her like a daughter. Since then she has made a lot of progress and had a lot of setbacks. When Regina has a setback she falls hard. She is not like you Emma. She is not as strong as you. There is nothing fast about her. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you are healing very fast. Her wanting to rescue you the night you were dropped off at Chessfield ....... I can’t tell you how much it terrified me. I could not bear to watch her go back into the darkness.”

Blue turns back toward Emma again, revealing tears in her eyes that she quickly brushes away. “I didn’t want to take you in because of Regina, and I did take you in for Regina. Now I have spent the last 6 months falling for you, like I did her. You know I am practically Ruby’s other mother. I feel like I have three girls now. Can you understand all of this can be true together? I am so glad I took you in. I can’t imagine it any other way. I am so damn proud of you...” Blue gets choked up. she hides her eyes by putting her hand on her forehead. “I am sorry angel.”

“Its ok.” Emma states protectively. She can’t stand to see Blue hurting. She shoots onto her feet, knocking the table a few inches away in a loud thump. “I do understand.” Emma wraps her arms around Blue before she can think twice.

Blue lets out a sigh of relief in Emma’s bear hug. When Emma steps backs Blue makes sure to have her full eye contact. “you are so special Emma. I am glad we talked about this. I am really hoping you will give me another chance, and maybe let me in more. like I said, I have three girls now.”

She tries to absorb Blue’s comforting words. Blue really does care for her. She has never wanted to trust anyone like she wants to trust Blue. The feeling of warmth and safety fills her stomach like a starving person after a big meal. ‘Oh Emma, don’t be an idiot! Look at my track record!’ Her fears shout back at her.

Emma sits back down, pushing the doubts out of her mind. Everything comes together in a different light. “This all makes sense now. I knew it was Regina that got me here. That is so weird. Why would she put everything on the line for a complete stranger? And, I was being totally crazy. I treated her like shit!” Emma stares intently into space. “I need to see her.”

“No!” Blue reacts and then sits next to Emma cautiously. “Emma I am serious. Not yet, not right now. Neither of you are ready.”

“Why not? I am just thanking the stranger who saved my life. Why does that have to wait?” As she says the words, and reads the expression on Blue's face, she realizes she is not being completely honest with herself. Her stomach turns into a knot. She feels flustered all of a sudden, did the heat go up? “Fuck me.” She mumbles to herself, then she looks up at Blue. “I don’t understand why she makes me _nervous_ , I just met her that one night.”

“Its ok baby. Just keep trusting me on this, we can check in again. Focus on yourself right now, on getting better. Life will start to make sense again.”

Blue hides her anxiety from Emma. How badly her two girls want to meet. What a disaster that would be. She won’t be able to hold them off forever. It wouldn’t be right to either. Right now it most certainly is. She feels it in her bones and is fiercely protective of them both.

 


	7. Champagne

Multiple POV’s

 

 

“Robin’s giving me Saturday nights on the bar!” Emma announces proudly to the group. “I am full time now.” She flashes a dorky grin to Granny, thankful she got Emma the job at The Rabbit Hole, months ago.

“Granny is getting a liquor license, _finally._ Now I can actually make money at the diner.” Ruby laughs sarcastically.

Granny rolls her eyes.“This is still a trial basis-” She retorts and Blue interrupts her. “Now, now, girls we are celebrating. Granny your turn, c’mon.”

“Alright. I am just very happy girls. For one thing my Regina has starting calling me again. I missed her so much. I suppose I can thank my ole roomie for that.” She smiles at Blue.

Ruby rolls her eyes dramatically and crosses her arms in bitterness.

“Ruby give her time honey. Its not you. Regina is embarrassed she shut us out again. You know how she gets. Thats all it is.” Blue reassures her.

“Whatever.” Ruby snarks. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Ruby has no tolerance for her asshole sister. Where has she been? Regina probably wants to show up now because she has the hots for Emma. Ruby can just guess. What about the people that took her in? Called her family? Called her sister? S _crew her._

Blue turns between her two girls. Ruby will be fine if she drops the topic for now. And Emma, well, lately she blushes every time Regina’s name comes up. That has her the most concerned.

“C’mon, Granny what else?” Blue prods.

“Ruby, I am really proud of how much interest you have taken in the diner lately. You have come so far. You know it will be yours when your ready.”

The whole family takes a pause to turn to Ruby and appreciate her. Her getting the diner will be a big moment and she is on her way.

Ruby smiles. She has mixed emotions about it. She is overjoyed, grateful, unsurprised, and sad. She can’t get enough of hearing that the diner will be hers. But, she also can’t get enough of working side by side with Granny. Weird. Its like bittersweet. Granny has been grooming Ruby to take over for years. Granny has always been thinking about Ruby’s future. It used to annoy her. Then it scared her. Granny has been trying to prepare Ruby she won’t always be around. Screw that. Now that Ruby is older she gets the past too. Granny used to drive her crazy, always up her ass! Now she feels bad about how much she put the woman through. Granny looked out for her, never leaving her side no matter what shit she did. Ruby has nothing but love for the woman, a gratitude she can’t describe without getting really upset. She worries about her too. Granny is the strongest, sharpest, wittiest person Ruby has ever known. How could she be slowing down? She is even getting ..... Soft. What?

“And Emma, I can’t believe it has been a year since you joined us .... _and from the state you came to us in...”_ Granny clears her throat and looks down, hiding her emotion. “Let me just say this. Where you are now blows me away. You have done good kid. You have worked really hard.”

“Thanks Granny-” Emma blushes. She is grateful but uneasy. She hates being under the spotlight when it comes to her recovery.

“Emma you know you rock.” Ruby is maxed out between thinking about Granny, the Diner, her asshole sister, and Emma’s past. “Guys, I don’t mean to be an ass but this is supposed to be _fun._ Enough with the deep stuff, _really.”_

Emma is grateful for Ruby’s interjection. She is as overwhelmed as Ruby is. The combination of thinking about family dinners with Regina, and the group focus on her healing, is making her woozy. Ruby always lightens the mood and puts Emma at ease.

“Ok, I can take a hint-” Granny snarks.

“Sledgehammer, “ Ruby hems, to which Blue raises her eyebrow. Now everybody is giggling. The are all relieved to get a little lighter. They start to revel in their own private party, cozied up at the Diner bar. It is hours after Granny closed for the night. The AC buzzes and 5 full champagne glasses sparkle and sweat. Its a hot July night in downtown Storybrooke.

“So _I am excited about_ going to bingo and to start knitting. I am going to have time now that Ruby is taking over more.”

“Bingo and knitting, you?” Ruby cracks up. “Thats for old people. You will never be old.”

“I have to say Granny, even I am surprised.” Blue smirks at her best friend.

“Ok you knuckle heads. I am almost 70. I have a right to be old.” Granny raises her eyebrows. “Blue its your turn.”

“Well -” Blue pauses trying to think about herself for a moment. “What was the question again?” She blushes cutely.

“It was your question!” Emma laughs patting Blue on the shoulder. _“What are you excited about?_ Poor Blue, you are not used to talking about yourself. Your used to dealing with our sorry asses.”

Ruby laughs. “So true! We love you!” Ruby stands up and hugs Blue from the back.

“Your both sweet, unlike Granny.”

“From all sides!” Granny protests in chuckles.

Blue laughs. “Just kidding Granny. Ok. I am very excited about my new job offer. Dr. Wale has offered me the head clinician role at Portland Medical. Its a really exceptional place. So, I will be stepping down at Chessfield.” Blue glances over at Emma anxiously. She is afraid the news will be difficult for her. Blue will be running the same psychiatric facility Emma was hospitalized in.

Emma reads her like a book. She covers up her feelings. “Blue, thats great. Your life is _the most_ exciting right now. We have a winner! Thats so great. They are damn lucky to have you." Her eyes flicker mischievously as she turns to Ruby. "Lets pour her a shot after.”

“We can both make her one!” Ruby perks up with a devilish grin.

“No way to that. Nice try." Blue winks.

Granny lifts her glass and ushers everyone to follow suit. “So here is to us. Emma it was sweet you wanted tonight to be about all of us. _And,_ lets remember the real reason we are here tonight. Its been one year girl. I know that a year ago today was a very bad day kid. So, we are celebrating that we found you and your part of our family now. I won’t have it any other way. So girls raise your glasses, to Emma!”

“Yay!” Shouts Ruby. They raise their glasses in a heartfelt toast.

They draw out the evening in champagne, laughter, bonding and merriment. When the air first cools as the night turns black, Granny turns off the AC and opens the windows. Crickets and peepers make a midsummer night soundtrack. It stirs that feeling of magic, youth, and a moment nobody wants to end. Emma’s heart is filled with such warmth and gratitude. She almost forgets that she isn’t just a normal woman, in a normal life with her real family. At 30, she wonders for the first time ever, is this what a good family _feels like?_ But if she knows anything by now she needs to wait for the other shoe to drop. It always does. Something that feels too good to be true usually is. Just look at her childhood. Look at Zelena. She thought they were soulmates! Look at how _that_ turned out.

 

 

 


	8. Special Feelings

Emma and Blue’s POV

  
“So. Your leaving Chessfield.” Emma remarks. She sips her morning coffee and Blue prepares her own. She tries to be casual, glancing through the paper at the kitchen table, but Blue is on to her.

“Ok honey, what are you getting at?” Blue peers into Emma’s blue green eyes. One deep look from Blue and Emma is effectively disarmed.

“I would say your patients will be lucky to have you, but they won’t be able to get away with _anything.”_

Blue smiles and sits next to Emma.

“So ...... How does Regina feel about you leaving?” Emma blushes. She avoids Blues eyes in a second failed attempt at acting nonchalant.

“Is that really what you want to ask me?”

“Oh god.” Emma rests her forehead on her hands and stares down at her elbows. She groans and rolls her eyes, mocking herself over how uncomfortable she feels.

“How is Regina?”

“Hm. how is Regina, huh? You are usually so direct.”

“Fine! I can’t stop thinking about her and I really want to see her.” Emma frowns defensively. She tries to hide her vulnerability again, this time by sitting tall, pulling up her chest and speaking assertively. “Look, I just want to bring her flowers and thank her. No biggie. Where would I be if she didn’t make you take me in?” Emma repeats herself, struggling. “ just want to thank her....” Emma trails off, not sure how to finish making her case.

“It’s the right thing to do. Thats all it is. Its been a year. _I barely remember her.”_

“Nice try!” Blue chuckles and holds out her hands for Emma’s. Emma takes them and focuses on her breathing. She shakes her head at herself. Underneath her miserable awkwardness is excitement. Her heart beats faster, waiting for Blue’s real reply. Emma is ready to see Regina. _Blue has to see that._

“Its time. I will talk to Regina, Regina has really wanted to see you too, honey. She has had a hard time waiting. I gave her no choice. Now I think your ready.”

“what?! really?” Emma looks like she was slapped in the face. She jerks her hands back and stands up, reactive.

“I am sorry I could not tell you sooner, you had to focus on your recovery. I know there is a spark between you two. But in your fragile state over this last year it would have complicated everything.” Blue stands up facing Emma solemnly.

Emma tears up. “Who do you think you are? That was not your choice to make.”

Emma gapes at the woman she was starting to trust.

“That was not right. What the hell? I am so damn _pissed_ at you.” she huffs and folds her arms protectively over her chest.

“Whats going on in here?” Ruby saunters into the kitchen in her little summer nighty. She is still half asleep and disturbed by the upset voices.

“Blue hid from me that Regina has been wanting to see me, _all this time_ I bet. I never knew it. Blue told her she had to wait. I had no idea! ” Emma yells and storms out of the kitchen.

“What?” Ruby puffs, confused. “Why would you tell Regina she can’t see Emma? You know Emma has a major crush on her, right?”

“Ruby you are not helping. Emma could not possibly know that after meeting her once-”

“The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes you just know Blue. Really, where is your sense of romance?” Ruby touts insensitively.

“Great just what I need. I have you encouraging her! Ruby look at the whole picture, what she, what _they_ have each been through. Oh never mind. its no use. I have to go to work.”

Blue anxiously checks her watch and is grateful she doesn’t start her new job until September. She can be late to Chessfield. She walks upstairs and knocks on Emma’s bedroom door.

The door is already cracked open. She pushes it gently to reveal Emma hunched over, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“I feel like such an idiot. Everybody, including the woman I can’t stop thinking about, knows about my daily struggles to get my head out of my ass. Since when did my whole life become group therapy? I must be a major fuck up, I can’t even decide for myself who I can ask out? I bet _all you two talk about is how fucked up I am._ You, and the last person on earth I want to know about all this shit! I wanted to impress Regina. Too late for that!” Emma blabbers to the floor.

“Emma you know better than to think these thoughts. Don’t make this about you being not good enough, you know that is not true. Your in a healing process. Everyone understands that. And, while I am sad I have hurt you, it is progress for you to tell me your mad at me.” Blue sighs and gently approaches Emma, sitting in front of her on the carpet, looking up at her girl.

“I am just so embarrassed. Why did I have to meet her on the worst day of my life? where do we go from _that?”_ Emma huffs.

“Well for one thing stop building this all up. Stop creating a story about having a crush on Regina. You don’t even know her. And, I don’t want you thinking that she is perfect either. She is far from it, she is working on her stuff too angel.”

“I do have feelings for her, I just _know.”_ Emma snaps, a flash of hostility in her eyes.

“Ok, I hear you. What you need to focus on is your PTSD. It used to be crippling for Regina too, but in a very different way. When you check out you get _dangerous_ Emma. You could actually hurt someone. That is _not_ who you are. You are not a violent person. We need to work on this.”

“But it hasn’t happened in like 6 months!” Emma scowls angrily in protest.

“I know honey. but you haven’t had any major triggers. The vulnerability of having _‘special feelings’_ for someone can be a trigger. It is going to bring up everything that went wrong with Zelena, all the ways you were unsafe. I was never trying to keep you away from Regina. I just didn’t want either of you getting hurt.” Blue tilts her head to get Emma to look at her.

“What, with my _‘special feelings?’_ Emma chuckles sarcastically.

“Hey, there you are!” Blue teases. Then in a wave of solemness she lands her point. “Just imagine, what if you lash out at Regina? That is what I have been trying to prevent.”

Emma looks back down somberly and mutters in a whisper. “I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt her, _again.”_

They sit, for the next few minutes, with the kind of silence you could hear a pin drop in.

Emma looks back at Blue, conflicted. “I know you were just looking out for me. I am still wicked pissed. But, I get why you did it.” Emma chews on her thoughts with a clenched jaw. She finds some resolution by handing Blue the olive branch.

“And, ok. I know my episodes have been pretty crazy. So thanks. .............. _Thanks for not giving up on me.”_

“I would never do that. Your my girl.”

__________________________


	9. Help

Regina and Blue’s POV  
 

  
Regina is startled from a loud rap on the door. She takes off her reading glasses and peers up at her office clock. Its 10pm. “Who on earth...” she mutters. Another loud rap startles her again. She stands up suddenly, spilling her all her paperwork over the office floor. “Dammit.” She hurries down the stairs and sees Blue through her front window. She quickly opens the door ushering her inside.

“Blue what is wrong? I have never seen you so upset!”

“I am sorry Gina, I just need a new perspective. I want to scream and pull my hair out!”

Regina guides her to the living room couch, sitting next to her. Regina is concerned but acts as calm as still water. Blue has never come to her like this. This is a big deal for both of them.

“Emma went on a dissociative rampage tonight. She broke every other plate in the kitchen, she cut herself, she threw a plate at Ruby! It was the worse one I have ever seen. I thought I was going to have to call Portland Medical.”

“What?” Regina gasps. “I thought she was doing so well!?”

“She was!” Blue collapses onto her elbows on her knees. She speaks into her hands. “That is, until Zelena called and _she answered.”_ Blue groans in anger.

“By time I figured out what was happening the damage was done. I Had to wrestle with her to get her phone. I broke it by accident when I could finally tare it out of her hands! If a mother sees her child being hurt ..... But, she was already gone, full blown PTSD trigger.”

“Oh god.” Regina says emotionally. She is sick absorbing what happened tonight.

Blue is still in shock.

Regina shakes herself inside and takes a deep breath. She needs to lead this conversation for Blue. She speaks in a low firm voice. “This is unacceptable. I can’t believe she is still having violent episodes. This can’t go on. How did you get her to come back?”

Regina’s composure hides how broken her heart feels. She has waited so long to see Emma. _Now look at her._

Blue starts to cry. It is long overdo. Her body trembles and her tears pour out from the deep. Regina rises to the occasion and rubs her back. She is good at giving support, just not needing it. As Blue cries, she releases all the pent up anger and pain, like an open floodgate in the middle of Regina’s living room.

Finally, her tears pull back in her need to speak. “Oh Regina, I can’t take much more of this. It is not her fault, she has tried so hard. _God,_ I wish I could break Zelena’s face in!” Blue yells like she is spitting nails.

“I do too.” Regina agrees quietly while keeping her hand on Blue’s back.

“We didn’t really get Emma back tonight. When this happens we just keep everybody as safe as possible until she exhausts herself. She gets so escalated she crashes. She doesn’t really come back until the next day. Drugs help, if we can get her to take a sedative.”

“This won’t do.”

“What do you want me to do? Hospitalize her? What would that say to her after a year of hard work? That would break her all over again. She has not had a single episode for six months. And believe me it wasn’t easy! I have watched her struggle and fight against her triggers so hard. She has prevented many blackouts. This time was zero to one hundred. And can I really blame her? The last time Zelena called her was shortly after she moved in with us. I don’t know what else to do. I have nothing left. My approach does not work when it matters most! I mean, _what do you want me to do?”_ Blue is desperate. She gets a tissue from her purse and wipes her eyes, sure she is a complete mess.

“For starters, there is still no restraining order. We need one immediately. This is a family emergency. I know Emma has refused to get one out of fear.”

Regina starts to smolder in authority. Her voice becomes sharp, steady and deep. “I think its time we don’t let Emma’s fears, or her _episodes,_ run the show anymore.”

Blue nods in solemn agreement, hazy from her tears.

It suddenly clicks for Regina. It _is_ time to get involved. Blue is in way over her head. Her family is in a crisis. They need her help. Emma needs her help. And even though Regina never became out of control like Emma does, only Regina has fought the kind of demons Emma is fighting now. She must take over and end this hell for all of them.

“Do you have any idea what Zelena said to Emma?”

Blue sighs heavily as she reflect back. “Something that made her feel like giving up. She was shouting ‘Zelena wants me to come home. Its over. Nothing matters anymore. I am just going to ruin everything again.” And then she started screaming at us to just get it over with and kick her out.” Blue sits up finally and looks imploringly into Regina’s dark brown eyes. “It is so horrible. She swears, she will throw and break things, she has hit me-”

_“She has done what?”_ Regina yells so uncharacteristically Blue flinches in response.

“It sounds worse than it is. Its not really Emma, it is her PTSD, she doesn’t even-”

“Dear god Blue! You are a trained professional. She is being abusive to you. I am not letting this happen, ever again. I can’t believe you hid from me how bad these episodes actually are. For heaven’s sake, you are not safe!”

Blue blushes and looks down at the floor. Regina is right. This is unworkable. Its too much.

Regina’s muscles go tense. She has had it. She tries to reign in her fuming anger towards Emma. She is seeing red and black. _What she would do if Emma was hers ......_ She pulls herself back in a start. ‘Get it together Regina. Someone needs to be in control right now.’ She scolds herself with the kind of discipline that makes her perfect for the job. She is always in control. She knows the behavior is not who Emma is. But, that does not make any of this ok. She considers the clues in Emma’s episodes. “Blue, how do you talk to Emma when she is in a trance?”

“Like I am supposed to of course, calmly, tenderly, softly.”

“And she responds by getting more agitated?”

“yes. Its like I make it worse! But what else am I supposed to do?” Blue pleads.

“how did Emma respond to Zelena?”

“When she was on the phone? _Pure terror._ She stopped dead in her tracks, like she had seen a ghost. The Emma we know shrunk into a fragile, terrified mess. Its devastating to witness. She just disappeared. What am I going to do?” Blue looks up at the ceiling, talking to herself as much as to Regina at this point. _“I am not giving up on her_ Regina. And I am not letting them just sedate her and lock her away, which is exactly what they will do with this violent kind of PTSD. Oh baby, what am I going to do?”

Regina places her hand on Blue’s knee to get her full attention. _“I have some ideas.”_

_______________________________________________________________

 


	10. My Turn

Mostly Regina’s POV

 

“Regina? Regina!!!!” Ruby is hysterical. She sounds like a hostage in an armed robbery.

“Whats wrong Ruby? What is it?” Regina pulls all the strength she can summon into her. She grabs her keys, purse and starts to lock up her office at Chessfield. Her gut tells her she will have to act quickly.

“I tried to call Granny and Blue. They are at work! You have to get over here fast. Should I call the police?” Ruby’s words are garbled through tears and panic.

“Tell me what is happening right now.” Regina directs Ruby sharply.

“Zelena is here. She has a knife! Emma wouldn’t leave with her, so Zelena locked them inside Emma's bedroom. Help her! I am so scared-”

“Ruby call the police. I will be there in 5 minutes. Do exactly what the police tell you. Do not try and go in there. It will put you and Emma’s life at risk. It would escalate Zelena and she is capable of anything. Do you understand?”  
  
“Ok, hurry up!”

“Thats not good enough. Ruby, _promise me_ you will stay out of sight.”

“I promise. Hurry Regina!”

“I am on my way.”

Regina is in her car in a flash, squinting to follow the road when her eyes can see only red. All she can hear is the loud thumping of her heartbeat in her ears. All she can think is how much can happen in 5 minutes.

“If you hurt her I will kill you Zelena!” She yells as she speeds to Granny and Blue’s.

When Regina pulls into the driveway there is a 40 something year old woman with a devilish face and hate filled, evil eyes being arrested. Her long red hair blows about and she has a perverted grin on her face. Any normal person would look upset! She is pressed on the hood of the cops car as two officers handcuff and restrain her. She stares right through Regina, grinning. But Regina’s perceptions are sharpest when she is called to protect her family. Regina can see Zelena’s seething hatred towards her. She can also see Zelena views her as a threat. _She should._

Two cruisers and an ambulance with flashing lights announce the emergency to the sleepy neighborhood. Nosy and concerned neighbors are trying to figure out what is happening without leaving their property. They cower and duck through windows, doorways and on their lawns. Blue pulls up out of nowhere, almost rear-ending Regina’s car.

An officer approaches them both at once. He motions for them to stay calm by putting his hands up. Before he can speak Blue is all over him.

“Are they ok? I have to go in!” She shrieks in tears.

“Wait Ma’am. I am the Sheriff of Storybrooke, Sheriff Charming. I am going to have to ask you a few questions-”

“Are they ok?!” Regina demands in a fury. Right then Ruby runs out hysterical and collapses in Blue’s arms.

“Yes they are. We confiscated a knife from the perpetrator. The victim is banged up but she should fine. We don’t think she has been stabbed but she won’t let us near her. We need to take her to the hospital just to be safe. My partner is up there with her right now. _She is agitated-”_

“Up there alone with Emma?” Regina snaps. “Look you don’t understand-”

Blue interjects realizing that if they don’t calm down they will delay being able to help Emma. “Sheriff Emma has severe PTSD. She goes into dissociative fits when she is scared. She has been hospitalized for this. All because of that horrible monster over there. Please let Regina go inside so she doesn’t suffer anymore tonight. She could hurt herself more. I can stay and answer all your questions.”

The Sheriff motions for Regina to go upstairs. She rushes past him immediately. The whole house is dark. She peers down the hallway to Emma’s open doorway. There stands another officer, a gruff stubby older man with genuine concern for the woman. He is holding up his flashlight trying to enter Emma’s room. He ducks as a small glass lamp hurls past his head and smashes. “Miss, I am just trying to help you. If you will just let me look you over, we want to get you medical attention.”

 _“Officer.”_ Regina whispers loudly and motions for him to come over, out of Emma’s doorway and view. She explains to him Emma’s current headspace and appeals to him to let her take over. “Please. We will press charges against Zelena. We will make sure Emma gets medical attention and comes down to the station to answer your questions. Right now we just need everyone to leave. This spectacle is making it so much worse for her.” Right then his partner and Blue come up the stairs seeming to have arrived at the same conclusion. “Well ladies,” the officer says sympathetically, “she is banged up pretty bad but it doesn’t look like anything too serious. I don’t see any knife wounds but I just can’t know for sure.” The officer looks imploringly to his superior.

Sheriff Charming takes over. “Well Blue, assuming that what you say is true, and I have no reason to doubt you, if she fights us any injury she has will only get worse. We don't have to insist on her taking the ambulance, given her _unusual circumstances._ But you have to get her in right away.”

Regina and Blue are equally relived until the Sheriff finishes with a warning. “But I am concerned not following normal protocol. So here is what we need- written proof that she has been to a hospital within 24hrs, and that she comes down to the station by then. I have some questions. If you don’t make this happen you could be charged with endangerment. We can come to her if the hospital wants to keep her for observation. Here is my card, I expect to hear from you shortly.”

“You have my word.” Regina nods.

Within a couple more surreal minutes the red and Blue lights, bouncing through the dark house, disappear. Regina has Blue and Ruby wait with her in the hallway until they are gone. She firmly holds her finger to her lips to keep them silent while the police leave.

“Now listen to me girls. I am taking care of Emma this time. Blue you are going to take Ruby downstairs. Go help her recover from this horrible event. Give her your full attention. Do you understand?” Regina orders.

“Regina I need to see if Emma is ok-”

“Shush. Speak quietly. She is. listen Blue, from now on we are doing this my way. I need you both to trust me. I will call if I need help, or if I need you to bring us something. There will be no more disassociated _fits_ in this house.”

Blue glares at Regina in shock. She gently turns to Ruby. “Go downstairs baby and wait for me.” Ruby does what she is told, still too shaken to even speak. _“Regina,”_ Blue thunders, “ _if you think for one second-”_

“Enough Blue. You always fight my instincts until you see the results. Your way is not working. I know you don’t like the lifestyle but there is a time and a place-"

“She has been abused! Tonight she got the shit beat out of her!”

“And she was dropped off at _Chessfield._ She is a submissive. I knew that the moment I saw her, a whole damn year ago. I knew by the way she tried to provoke me. All the questions I asked you the other night confirmed it. She needs someone to take control or she spirals into the hell of her PTSD. I don’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to trust me.”

Blue is fuming. She is too angry and dumbfounded to even respond.

Regina softens and places her hand gently on Blue’s shoulder. “Please Blue. It Is my turn now. You have done everything you can for Emma. And, its my job to keep you safe just like you have always done for me. I can help her. _I know I can.”_

Blue lifts up her arms almost helplessly. She resigns in desperation. “Oh Regina I hope your right. I will be downstairs waiting.”

 


	11. Mistress

Regina and Emma's POV

 

Regina stands alone in the hallway trying to snap herself back together. Her breath catches in adrenaline and she leans against the wall. She gives herself a pep talk. She knows she can do this. She knows what she is doing. ‘Trust yourself. Don’t let Blue get into her head.’

Regina tugs on the sides of her blue blazer and pulls her shoulders back. She walks into Emma’s dark room like she owns it. The first thing she is aware of is Emma’s labored breathing. Here is the same wild animal trapped in a corner she met one year ago. She sees her in the dark. The light orange hue of the streetlight outside mixes with the dim light from the hallway to trace her figure. Emma is hunched over on the floor next to her bed. She is ready to lunge at Regina with glazed, wild eyes spitting hatred at her. There is a dark bruise under her right eye and her shirt looks ripped, but it is hard to see.

Regina must get the upper hand immediately or her plan won’t work. She aggressively steps in front of Emma and looms over her. She speaks with resounding authority. “Do you remember who I am Emma? Do you remember what I do?”

Regina can see Emma draw back, intimidated. “I am the headmistress of Chessfield. I am a dominant. And, tonight I am in charge of you.”

“Fuck you!” Emma blurts out but is unsure of herself, or what to make of Regina.

Regina does not skip a beat in bending down, taking the side of Emma’s head and pressing her lips to Emma’s other ear. “One more outburst like that and you will be very sorry.” Regina straightens back up, placing both of her hands on her belt in a warning. In a calm and dangerous tone she says, “nobody speaks to me like that, _ever.”_

Emma looks down in dismay and starts to shake. Regina’s heart breaks that the poor bruised and beaten woman, slouched over in a lump of suffering, needs to be dommed right now. She wishes she could take Emma lovingly into her arms. But if that worked Blue would have been successful a year ago. Regina’s approach is right. She takes a deep breath filling with resolve. She reminds herself of how dangerous Emma is to everyone when she is gone like this. Regina’s job is to end this cycle for good.

“You will apologize to me right now, _or so help me God.”_

The remnant of Emma’s tough exterior shatters. “I am sorry, I am sorry!” She screams and starts to cry.

“You will address me as Mistress because right now you belong to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes Mistress.” Emma mutters and leans into Regina’s feet, crying. “Please don’t hurt me, _please.”_

Regina lifts Emma back up to a seated position and squats down in front of her. “I don’t want to have to discipline you. That is up to you.” Regina speaks firmly but calm now that she has Emma's cooperation.

“Emma I am giving you one chance to do this right. One, do you hear me? I am going to ask you a few questions and you will not hesitate. You will answer me right away. Do you understand? Capisce?”

“Yes.”

“Yes _what_ Emma?” Regina says, not hiding her agitation.

“Yes Mistress.”

“Did Zelena stab or cut you?”

Emma hesitates. “Well, no.”

“It won’t take you long to learn how scared you would ever be to lie to me-”

“She was just trying to scare me with the knife. She traced it down my face and my neck. She does it a lot. She cuts my clothing, buttons ...... This time she accidentally went too deep and it graced my arm. Its only a scratch.”

Regina puts her hand over her mouth trying to hide her dismay. She turns on Emma’s bedside light and spotlights the pathetic woman underneath. She bites down on her hand in blinding fury at Zelena, and worse, at the tone in Emma’s voice- protective and loving towards her attacker.

“Let me see.”

“Emma lifts her right arm in front of Regina showing where her plaid shirt had been vertically sliced down to her elbow and a thin line of dried blood underneath. It is not too deep. That doesn’t stop tears from forming in Regina’s eyes in disbelief.

She coughs and wears anger like a mask to keep control of Emma. Luckily Regina is a professional when it comes to appearing cold and dangerous herself. “Did she choke you again?

“No.” Emma whispers, obviously ashamed Regina remembers last time. _“She didn’t want to hurt me today, she is trying to give me another chance to come home. Last time I deserved that....”_

Regina bites down on her hand and tastes blood, to keep from screaming at Emma.

“Emma....,” Regina doesn’t even know where to begin.

“Look, I belong to her. I just need to belong to someone. _You wouldn’t understand._ She took me in, she took care of me. I had nobody. I was nothing.  I am hers now. She sets me straight when I am fucking up.”

“So she is your Mistress?”

Emma looks confused.

“Your dominant? Dominatrix?”

“Oh my god, gross! No, that is sick!" Emma glares at Regina in disgust.

"You people at Chessfield are really sick. She has warned me all about you. And believe me, _Its not the same._ She dope slaps me when I am being stupid. She might knock me around a little because I run my mouth. I can be really disrespectful. I can be horrible. But you know what? She forgives me. She doesn’t _'discipline'_ me. BDSM is wrong. _She warned me about you.”_ Emma’s piercing blue eyes are filled with contempt, confusion she is trying to hide, and a secret pleading only Regina would ever be able to detect, underneath it all.

“Do you need any urgent care? Anything broken, cracked, bleeding?” Regina coolly redirects.

“No.”

_“If you lie to me....”_

“No! Bruises on my chins and ankles. It will hurt to walk, nothing serious, honest.”

  
“Ok then.” Regina takes a deep breath before delivering her commands like Emma’s queen before her. “Here are the rules. There will be no more dissociative fits, rampages, trances, episodes, checking out, whatever you have called them. They are all just _tantrums_ to me and you are not a child. No excuses. I forbid it.”

“But I can’t help it!” Emma cries out in fear and anger.

“Oh yes you can and you will. I know you can. Blue may not, you may not, but I know you can.”

“How am I going to do that? You are horrible..... fu-uc-” Emma stutters and instantly regrets almost swearing at Regina again. She leans against the wall tucking her face into her knees.

“Oh, you are so lucky you did not finish that sentence.” Regina’s voice is low and supreme again. “You are on your _last_ warning. Do you understand? Do you hear me?” Regina's tone is so severe it reverberates through every inch of Emma.

“Yes Mistress. I am sorry.” Emma knows what thin ice she is on. Regina means what she says and it is terrifying. She feels herself melt into a puddle of surrender.

“There will be no more disrespect in this house. Never again. It is over. You are not a child and you _will_ control yourself. Your little tantrums don’t run the show anymore. Do you understand?” Regina bellows forcefully. _“Look at me.”_

Emma peers up from her knees and is shaking again. “Yes Mistress.” She says meekly.

“Emma why were you brought to Chessfield? My Academy is hard to find. It is practically in the woods. There are no signs, no advertisements, in fact you have to know someone to know about us. And Zelena yelled something about you belonging there when she dropped you off, _now didn’t she?_ Of all the places you could have been dropped off.....”

Regina can see Emma’s immediate resistance to answering that question like a wall is suddenly between them. It is obvious Emma knows exactly why she was dropped off there. Emma starts to rock back and forth. She frowns and shakes her head.

“I know you don't want to tell me. But you belong to me now. You do not have a choice. In the next ten seconds if you do not tell me everything there is to know, I am going to have to punish you on the same night Zelena did. 10, 9, 8-”

“Zelena does not punish me! I already told you that! She is my wife and I belong to her! She believes BDSM is a form of abuse. You people are playing out unhealed wounds from childhood. _Your a bunch of perverts....”_

“Then why did she drop you off there? 10, 9-”

For all of her scathing insults towards the lifestyle, Emma responds instantly to Regina dominating her. “Please stop counting! I promise I will listen to you. I will be good. Please don’t punish me!” Emma completely snaps. She starts to wail and hunches forward in her anguish. “Please, I am so scared of you right now. Please.”

Regina kneels down next to Emma and sits on her knees. she lets Emma completely come apart. Emma cries for minutes on end. As her heaving slowly stops and her wailing turns into quieter tears, Regina gears up for whats next. She has to lead her out of the dark. She has to be smart about every single step. Regina says calmly, “Emma who do you belong to right now?”

“I belong to Zelena. She will kill me!” Emma starts crying loudly again and places her arms onto Regina’s lap like a terrified child. Regina lets her and moves in closer to Emma. Emma curls tightly around her lap.

“No you don’t. I am taking over from Zelena. You belong to me now. You are mine now. I will protect you from her. I know how to do that. You will do everything I say to keep you safe. You said you want to be a good girl. _Why did Zelena drop you off at Chessfield?”_

Emma’s breathing gets choppy as she buries her face into her arms and clings to Regina’s lap. Regina can feel her heart beating fast on her thigh.

“Look at me.” Regina directs sharply.

Emma gets very still suddenly. Regina is concerned she will become catatonic like Regina used to get. She must keep her here. Regina softens her tone a bit. “Just sit up a little, lift your head up a little, and you can whisper it to me. You don’t have to look at me.”

Emma does, careful to avoid Regina’s eyes and trembles. “Because once I thought I could trust Zelena. I told her about how I always longed to experience BDSM. I told her that I had certain.... _fantasies._ Then she used that against me to the bitter end! She was constantly telling me about how sick and perverted I was........”

“Emma have you ever heard the expression the pot calling the kettle black?”

Regina is sad at Emma’s glazed over response to her question. Obviously how deeply Zelena has brainwashed Emma about who is the guilty one and who is not, won’t be so easy to erase. “Continue.”

“She dropped me off at Chessfield because I really let her down. I failed her Regina, she tried so hard with me. I was such a fuck up. I ruined her whole life. She said I should go live with the other perverts.” Emma sighs and then her voice becomes hopeful, if not tortured with confusion. “But, It was just to teach me a lesson. I don’t belong at Chessfield. She wants me to come home now. She is ready to take me back.”

Regina shakes her head incredulously. “Zelena is a sick and evil woman. _She is the sick one Emma._ She is not your home. She has abused you on every level. The lifestyle isn’t abusive, its people like Zelena and my ex-mistress Maleficent that are abusive. The problem is bad people, whether they are into the lifestyle or not. Zelena is a very bad person. There was never anything wrong with you, or your fantasies.”

Regina assesses Emma. She is still clinging tightly to her lap, holding on for dear life. Her face is pressed over her folded arms. She has completely given herself to Regina. Domming her is working, thank God. Regina must push her more to solidify their bond. Their bond must be strong enough to get her through the hurdles ahead. She must have complete control over Emma to keep her from becoming violent and deranged, especially now when she needs medical attention. She must move as quickly as possible. She is terrified she will have to follow through on her threats. She wouldn't know where to begin. Disciplining Emma is the last thing she wants to do, _at a time like this._

“Emma, listen to me. I have a very important question for you. What is the fantasy you had the most?”

“What?” Emma exclaims in shame and horror looking up at Regina. Regina gives her an unrelenting look in return.  
  
Emma groans. “Please don’t make me tell you that.”

“Oh I absolutely am. Nothing sexual is going to happen between us. This is about keeping you safe. I need to clean you up, you need medical attention, and we have a lot to do to get Zelena out of our lives forever. But first I need to know, _for sure,_ how you are wired.”

“No Regina please! I am embarrassed, that is last thing I can think about right now. Please. I want to be good!” Emma implores Regina desperately.

“You want to be good, hmm?” Regina hardens again, and speaks with a sharp dangerous edge. “Then you will call me Mistress and don’t make me remind you of that again. You will answer my question right now. And, you will trust that I know how to take care of you. There is a reason for everything I ask and do.” Regina places a firm hand on Emma’s shoulder and squeezes. “Emma right now. 10, 9-”

“Ok, ok. I promise I am answering. Please don’t count Mistress.” Regina is relieved that counting is so effective. Emma starts to cry again and she shushes her soothingly. “Ok then.” Regina says more affectionately, “show me a good girl.”

“I had a lot of fantasies about being spanked.” Emma blurts out completely mortified. “Oh I hate this. I hate telling you this. This is so horrible.” She breathes heavily and shamefully hides her face from Regina. She feels like she is going to die.

Emma surprises Regina in her sudden change of tone. A spring of internal fire blazes her next words. She looks at Regina, unabashed. “You know, _I used to be a tough and independent woman_. I used to not want or need _anyone._ So Letting Zelena happen and having these secret fantasies is beyond fucked up. Why would I want _that?_ Why would I want to be punished? What the fuck? And, how can I admit this after everything I just said about BDSM? Why would I want to belong to someone and have them take control, when I am such a free spirit at heart?"

Emma bows her head back down in shame. "You must think I am such a fuck up, like, l-like, _Zelena is my fault-”_

Regina takes hold of Emma’s chin and lifts her face up. “Look at me. Thats it, good girl." Regina bores into Emma's eyes with her own. "Emma, you will not talk about yourself like that anymore. You are not to refer to yourself as a fuck up. None of this is your fault, do you hear me _?_ I understand more than you know. Zelena took advantage of how you are wired."

"And Emma, _I see your fiery spirit,"_ Regina discloses. "You wanting to submit does not make you small or weak. It can be part of your strength, if you let it." 

Regina becomes firm again, "continue.”

She releases Emma’s chin. Emma’s eyes grow soft and wide taking her Mistress in. She is coming back from her trigger, her traumatized state fades behind this powerful figure before her. And, Regina is loving. Maybe someone else couldn’t feel it, but there is real love in her sternness and insight.

“Thats all.” Emma whispers, lowering her eyes in a blush.

 _“Emma.....”_ Regina’s smoldering brown eyes warn her not to lie.

Emma’s feels herself submitting to this mysterious woman who first rescued her a year ago. The one Emma referred to, in her own mind, as the dark beauty. Her chest stirs in Regina’s strength and clarity. Emma's fragile new world has just been shattered by her past. Regina comforts her in the wreckage.

“You better be taking this as seriously as you should. I asked you what your fantasy is and _I know_ you haven't told me everything. I expect you to answer me right now. Believe me, I already have more than enough information to make you listen.”

Regina’s threat humiliates Emma, and she lets out a shameful gasp. She is jilted back to the reality she must answer to her Mistress, not get lost in her! She must be braver than she thinks she can be. She hates sharing all of this! But, upsetting Regina and entering into the ensuing forbidden territory is way, way worse.

“Mistress, what I am really scared to tell you is I always longed for real pain. I don't know why. The back of a hairbrush, a paddle, a _real_ _punishment._ Some other things ...... Just, I really wanted ......” she groans in utter embarrassment unable to continue. Regina can feel Emma’s skin heating up over her lap.

“You really wanted to be _spanked.”_

Emma freezes and holds her breath, bracing herself for what could possibly be next.

She comes to and inhales sharply. “I don’t want _you_ to do that! I wanted a girlfriend to do that someday when we were happy. Like for fun only. I don't know. I am so scared of you right now.” Emma whimpers in agony, humiliation and confusion.

“Well,” Regina sighs and speaks tenderly to Emma as she pats her hair. “I am really quite predictable. First of all I am going to keep you safe. And, I am going to teach you how to control yourself so your tantrums stop ruining all of our lives. Be good for me and you will have nothing to be scared of.” Regina pauses to emphasize her next thought. “Emma, I hope it does not come to this when you don't feel ready.” She sighs heavily. “But, it may have to. You have been spinning out of control. I understand that you do not _want_ me to spank you, but that may be exactly what you _need.”_

Emma gasps loudly at Regina’s words.

“So let me be very clear. You understand what I will have to do....”

“I will be good mistress! You won’t have to, please, I will be so good!” Emma shrieks in embarrassment. She stares into Regina’s eyes with a beat red face of shame.

“Ok, ok. I think we have talked enough. Its time for me to take you to the hospital. No more tantrums Emma, that chapter is over for good. Not one rude word, not one. Not to me or Blue, Granny, Ruby, the hospital staff, the police, _or you know exactly what will happen._ Do you hear me?”

“Yes Mistress!” Emma says, emphatic. She is still piercing into Regina’s eyes in a surge of courage.

Regina has got her. She has all the proof she needs in Emma’s blue green flecks. Her intense, wide eyes are filled with surrender and need. She is giving herself to Regina. Becoming Emma's Mistress is the lifeline to pull her out of the dark. It is the exact _medicine_ Emma needs. She is a born submissive. Its all so clear to Regina now. When her triggers get activated she is lost in darkness. This is the force that will get her out of hell for good. Regina can see Emma becoming truly free, just like Regina was after four years of Blue’s painstaking devotion. Regina has had many failures in her life. Getting Emma to come back will _not_ be one of them. Her determination sends a shiver up her spine.

Regina leans in and whispers in Emma’s ear. “Are you ready to be my good girl?”

“Yes Mistress.”

“Ok then. Time to go. I am taking you to the hospital now. Do not address me as your Mistress when we are around anyone else. But, I think I have made myself very clear, that is how you will treat me. You do belong to someone Emma, but it is not Zelena. _It is me._ Get up. Get up right now.”

 

 


	12. Emergence

Multiple POV’s

 

  
Blue’s jaw drops as Emma and Regina enter the kitchen. The plate she was passing to Ruby falls out of her hands. It smashes loudly, a stark contrast to the silent shock Ruby, Blue, and Granny are all feeling. Emma looks ok, visibly beaten and eyes swollen from crying, but she is still _here._ Her traumatized family gape at her in disbelief. They were preparing for another violent and deranged night of wresting her from darkness. They can’t believe how light, present and tender she looks. How did Regina do it?

Regina stands tall in the doorway. Her presence is so commanding they all straighten up in her view. They can see how different Regina looks too. Something has shifted. They are seeing the Headmistress of Chessfield at home. She makes it look like she was born in command. But it is more than that. There is a major difference in the Headmistress before them. It is her feelings for Emma. Its written all over her, the kind of feelings nobody has _ever_ seen Regina have.

“Go get your water.” Regina eyebrows Emma and sternly points to the sink. Emma does as she is told. Regina grimaces as she watches Emma limp unsteadily through the kitchen. She shoots a sharp look and motions for nobody to intervene to help Emma. They all know why, anything could set off another episode. She speaks firmly, “we are just coming in to get some water. Then I am taking Emma to the hospital. _And,_ we are letting you know that Emma is ok.”

Emma hovers over the sink and sips her water, it hurts to drink. She hates being the center of attention in this state. She wishes she could just disappear and die. She tries not to look at anyone. She touches the bruise under eye briefly. Oh, _how she hates being exposed like this._ And, now that she is feeling less triggered, starting to rest in Regina’s control, she is coming off the adrenaline of the attack. Her body is killing her! Her legs feel like they can barely hold her up where Zelena repeatedly kicked and stomped on her for refusing to leave the Shepard’s House. Fuck Zelena and Emma’s crazy fucking life. A few weeks ago Zelena called Emma to tell her it was time to come home. Today Zelena tried to make her come home. How can a year of dare she say normalcy, just vanish? This family around her? Everything she built here? It feels like just another broken dream she has to up and leave. Its the story of her life. Another dream that was probably never real to begin with. Maybe Zelena's bitch is all she will ever be, or dead. Being dead might be better than this. She feels a torrent of doom drowning her out. Her thoughts and feelings plunge. Sipping on water with stinging lips, Emma stares into the nothingness of the pitch black window over the sink.

Regina seizes the moment Emma’s back is turned to her. She wants to remind their family again to leave Emma alone while she could so easily be triggered. She puts her finger to her lips to keep everyone quiet. She mouths, “don’t say a word.” They each nod in consensus.

Blue has been fighting tears in her eyes since they entered the room. She uses all her strength not to run to Emma, wrap her arms around her and cry. A year ago she met this girl for the first time after Zelena did her worst. She was catatonic by time Blue got there. Regina had already dealt with her rampage. A year ago Blue wanted nothing to do with the stranger. She feared Emma would ruin Regina’s recovery. Now all she wants is to hold her _daughter._ Its overwhelming. She hunches forward slightly, clutching her stomach. Ruby sees Blue struggling. She puts her arm around her while motioning for her to stay quiet.

Granny is not one to show emotion. The family lovingly refers to Granny as the rock. She raises her eyebrows and takes her glasses off to rub her brow. She looks back at Emma and rests her forehead in her hand, quietly rocking back and forth. She can’t believe how much she loves this damn kid and how somebody could keep torturing her like this.

Emma finishes her water, oblivious to the warning Regina ushered behind her. She has slipped back into darkness and is visibly hunched forward, leaning against the sink.

Regina narrows her eyes in awareness. “Emma turn around. _Right now...”_

Blue flinches at Regina’s punitive tone. Ruby and Granny are also shaken by it.

Emma does not respond.

“ _10, 9-”_

Emma inhales sharply. Regina’s firmness brings her back into her body. Its oxygen when she is suffocating. She turns around quickly and gives Regina an apologetic look.

Regina nods in the understanding Emma is back. She relents the count.

Emma hurries back to Regina, trying not to look at Granny, Ruby, or Blue. She stands by Regina in the doorway as though she wants to fall into her arms. Instead she bows her head. _“Sorry-”_

“You think I won’t know when your checking out?” Regina eyebrows her new charge.

Emma blushes and starts to get nervous. She hates that all eyes are on her! Thank god nobody else can hear what Regina is saying .... _hopefully._

Regina can see Emma’s panic.

“Emma I am not heartless. You didn’t know that you were getting triggered again. I did, but you didn’t. I am going to help you, actually no, I am going to _make you_ beat this. All I ask is that you are respectful and you respond to correction. Just do your best. Do you understand? Or as my Italian grandfather always said, _Capisce?”_ Regina offers a slow smile.

Emma melts in the softness of the woman who claims she is her Mistress. Kindness from anyone else at a time like this, would infuriate her. But Regina has been so strict with her tonight. Her change in tone is a relief. It feels like a tiny present of hope inside a sea of insanity. Emma relaxes just a bit. She would have been in a deathlike, free fall into hell by now, if she went home with Zelena. Instead, she feels the first thread of _safety_ in Regina’s care.

Regina feels Emma leaning into her, ever so slightly. The bond is gaining strength. Regina's heart stirs.

“Good girl.” Regina whispers in her ear. “Time to go.”

 

 

 


	13. Dumb Fool

Multiple POVS

 

This has been the most awkward two weeks of Emma’s life. She can’t wait for it to be over! She watches Ruby come out the front door of the Shepard’s House, goods in her pocket. Her face is all lit up to see Emma. She stands on the front step waiting. Emma grabs the passenger door handle of Regina’s black Mercedes-Benz. She waits for her Mistress’s permission to get out.

“I know you want to see Ruby before our family meeting starts. And, if you were _really_ mine, I would spank you for having a cigarette behind my back.” Regina says casually as she looks for her lipstick in her purse.

Emma blushes profusely. Regina has made alot of threats in the last two weeks. But, she has not referred to spanking her since the night she forced Emma to disclose her secret fantasy. Why would she say that right before their family meeting? And, how did she know Emma was going to have a cigarette? Does she have to know _everything?_

“Mistress I, I- and wait, I thought I was yours?” Emma stutters. She feels sad, confused and simply can’t wait until when Regina goes home! Regina _has_ been her lifeline. She has now saved her twice. She got Blue to take her in a year ago. In the the last two weeks Emma has lived at Regina’s home in a makeshift bootcamp. Regina has commanded Emma to rise above her tantrums. She hasn’t had a single episode, she has been too scared to! But, realizing she is bigger than that horrible PTSD vortex is nothing short of a miracle. This more than counts for being saved twice. So is Emma Grateful to Regina? Hell yes. But the whole thing is a painful mess. Regina is the woman she had a crush on. Where has the dark beauty gone? Now Regina is an unrelenting, cold, stern, authority figure. Emma spends most of her time blushing and keeping her head bowed. She is so embarrassed by the whole dynamic. She has been a shell of herself. And its terrifying to think Regina may discipline her, this is not how she imagined BDSM would be! She has tried to exceed Regina’s every expectation, stay out of her way, and keep to herself. She did a good job isolating herself in Regina’s guest room. Lucky for Emma, Regina works long hours at Chessfield.

“You think I didn’t know?” Regina’s raspy voice startles Emma out of her rumination. Regina is touching up her makeup in the car mirror, and looking as beautiful as the first day Emma laid eyes on her.

“I'm sorry-”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Its your life.” Regina says coldly.

“Why are you being like this?” Emma accuses boldly, and turns to face her.

“You don’t really know me at all. Do you think I like this? Do you think this is easy for me?”

“I am not sure what you are talking about. Your a dominant.... I am confused.”

“Yes, that is a big part of who I am. And, the lifestyle will be part of my next relationship. But you realize that will be a world away from what I have had to do with you, since your tantrums derailed all our lives. Right now its just my _job_ to be your dominant.”

Regina’s words sting. It doesn’t help that there is cruelty in their delivery. Emma sits back in the passenger seat feeling stunned. Regina is usually so controlled, firm, even sarcastic, but not mean. Emma stares in a haze out the windshield at the garage door. She didn’t see when Ruby went back in.

Regina suddenly realizes she was hurtful. She reaches over and holds Emma’s hand apologetically. Emma gasps, this is the biggest show of affection since the fateful night Emma curled around her lap and Regina patted her hair. Regina looks straight ahead, finding the nerve to let Emma in. “look Emma, I don’t regret anything. You need my _medicine._ But what you don’t get is how much I want us to get to the next part.”

“Look, I know you you want me to stand on my own two feet. I want that too-”

“Your too trusting Emma. You should question altruism. Blue is altruistic ....... _I have other motives_ ..... Don’t get me wrong, I do care for your wellbeing a great deal.”

“What are you talking about Regina?” Emma feels a rush of distrust. She furrows her brow, crosses her chest and impatiently waits for Regina to continue. It feels like hours. Regina’s stone expression shifts slightly as she sits behind the _potential_ of opening up. Its a micro drama, waiting for the dawn. And then as Regina moves her hands and breathes like she is about to speak, Emma curses herself for being completely hypnotized by her.

“Well maybe....” Regina goes quiet, _again._

“Regina tell me!” Emma flashes her true, no nonsense, ballsy self in the heat of her anger. The break from the two week role play is a welcomed jolt for both of them. Regina’s eyes dance at seeing a burst of Emma’s fire.

“Fine, I will.” She lowers her voice like it is a secret. _It is._ “I want you to take me out on a date, you dumb fool. Your so wrapped up in yourself. Did that ever occur to you? Contrary to what you might believe I am not looking for a submissive, Emma. You know the last two weeks haven’t been for me. I knew I could reach you and clearly nobody else can. I have wanted to help you. But, I had different hopes for us.”

“Oh my god. Regina-”

“ _Well, it doesn’t matter does it?”_ Regina snaps rudely, continuing to refuse to look at Emma. She keeps her glare locked on the garage door in front of them. She slowly softens. “That isn’t even a possibility until you can get the upper hand of your demons. Furthermore, I shouldn’t be saying any of this. It is inappropriate of me. But I am saying it anyways. I just can’t hold this in anymore. Your so dense, you will never get it!”

Regina sounds angry but squeezes Emma’s hand before letting go. She finally turns and looks into Emma’s eyes. “What I am trying to say is you are more than a submissive to me. I don’t want to be your weird ‘ _therapy’_ mistress. You need me to dominate you when your still prone to tantrums _._ And I know this chapter is not over. But for God’s sake hurry up.” Regina’s anger has turned into a disclosing plea. She is showing Emma a vulnerability no one has ever seen.

Regina suddenly feels how much she let Emma in. Its like she was punched in the chest. It hurts too much. She hunches forward, puling in her shoulders and shuts down protectively. Emma starts to speak and she holds up her hand to quiet her.

Regina opens her car door rushing to exit. She bends down to add, “Take 20 minutes to connect with your sister, anyways you need the sun. You have been hiding too much in my guest room, now haven’t you? I need to talk to Blue and Granny before we start the meeting.”

“ _Mistress-”_

“This conversation is over. And, I am weening you off of being my submissive. Don’t address me as your Mistress unless it is clear that is how I am approaching you. Emma, _I am hoping we can start to make a transition...”_ Regina looks flustered as she slams the car door and rushes inside.

Suddenly everything is surreal. Emma’s heart is about to beat out of her chest. She is overwhelmed. She spent all this time building a wall around her heart. She told herself she can’t have feelings for Regina, especially after she took over Emma’s recovery! _Then Regina comes in and knocks the wall down herself!_

‘I has been a complete ass! How could I be so stupid?’ She thinks in distress. Regina was right. Emma had no idea Regina had feelings for her. She had been too busy fighting her own feelings, assuming it was just her crushing on Regina, too busy trying to heal and grasp how badly she hurt her new family. It all makes so much sense though. Regina has had total and unwavering devotion to her from the moment they met. Emma’s phone vibrates jerking her back to sitting in a hot Benz in the driveway. Ruby is coming back outside.

Emma really needs a cigarette now. She and Ruby take turns quitting and then starting up again. Emma gets out of the car and grabs her suitcase from the back. She can’t even feel her feet. Her head is spinning. Ruby runs back outside slamming the front door behind her. She practically jumps into Emma’s arms and squeezes her tightly.

“I missed you! Its so boring here without you. I have no one to share my secrets with. What took you so long to get out of the damn car? What weird kinky mess are you in with my freak sister?”

“Where are the goods?” Emma says desperately, blocking out Ruby’s questions.

“Oh yeah, the goods. I am sorry. Your upset.” Ruby puts a cig in her and Emma’s mouth, lights Emma’s and then her own.

“Its not you, _believe me.”_ Emma exhales in the greatest relief since Ruby snuck her a cigarette in the hospital bathroom, two weeks ago. That was the morning after she was admitted and Blue agreed to let Regina take Emma to her house. “Oh Ruby! I missed you, you have no idea. This has been such a mind fuck. Regina is a piece of work. You were right about that! Staying with her has been.... _Ehhhhhh.”_ Emma groans in a dramatic flare.

“I know. What the fuck? Why on earth did they think that was a good plan? Geez.”

Emma shrugs. she wishes she could tell Ruby that Regina just professed feelings for her. But not right now. It is just such a relief to be in Ruby’s company. She makes Emma feel normal again after a stay that belongs in some weird ass movie.

“We need to do something fun after the family meeting. _Lets go out.”_ Emma says like its an epiphany.

“Oh my god. Yes!!!!! Ruby raises her arms up. “Party! You know your speaking my language.” She shifts into sarcasm. “That is, right after the ‘ _family meeting’.”_ Ruby rolls her eyes and pretends she is gagging herself.

“I know!” They both laugh.

“Remind me never to pick a grandmother who was an ER nurse for forty years, who’s best friend is a clinician, who’s adoptive sister is a dominatrix, ever again! Next lifetime lets go live with normal people!”

Emma laughs, but the reality of Regina’s mandatory family meeting, the condition she set in allowing Emma to return to the Shepard’s House, sets in. The attendees, so well spelled out by Ruby, are probably sitting in the living room waiting for them now. Regina may have a soft spot for Emma. But, soft is the _last_ thing she will be, as she runs this meeting.

 

 

 


	14. Family Meeting

Multiple POVS

  

“Hey Gina.” Blue Hugs Regina tightly like it has been ages. Granny is next. They haven’t seen each other since Emma’s night in the hospital. That feels like a lifetime ago for all of them. “Where are the girls?”

“Outside, _smoking.”_ Regina says with detest.

Granny eyebrows her.“Hey lighten up kid. If I have learned anything from Ruby, you have to pick you battles.”

“ _I am not Emma's mother.”_ Regina snaps coldly before taking it in. “I guess your right.” She is secretly glad to have both of her ‘moms’ back in her life. It still feels brand new, even after 12 years, to let anyone give her a hard time out of love.

Regina takes a deep breath and looks seriously at Granny and Blue. “We have spoken about my approach with Emma since she came to stay with me. I know you still have concerns. Can I address this before Emma comes in? I asked her to stay outside with Ruby so we can talk.”

They both nod. Blue guides them to the coziness of the living room and they each take a seat.

Poised as usual, Regina begins. “Let me start by sharing my latest observations about Emma. I have made her share about her past to get a better sense of her episodes. I have learned a great deal. She basically needs the opposite of what I needed when I came to you twelve years ago...”

“What do you mean?” Blue looks puzzled.

“Well, I needed infinite patience, now didn’t I? If I detected the slightest agitation from either of you I would just shut down. I needed a soft and tender approach. And, you both had the patience of saints.” Regina briefly looks down and whispers, _“you still do.”_

“That is how you drew me out of my shell and I came to trust you both. But all of those things trigger Emma more.”

Blue and Granny listen intently, obviously trying to wrap their heads around Regina’s words. How can basic human kindness be a trigger?

As if Regina heard their thoughts she responds. “Emma grew up in chaos, in the system, as you know. Her life was an endless free fall. She doesn’t trust soft or tender, it sets her off in a heartbeat. When she is triggered she is already fighting to not lose control. Discipline makes her feel safe. she needs firmness, clear directions, and the threat of consequences. She needs a no nonsense snap back to reality.”

Regina is uncomfortable trying to explain this. It makes so much sense in her bones but her family has always struggled with the lifestyle. How is she going to tell them her conclusion? How can they understand she needs to continue to dominate and potentially discipline Emma? She sighs in stress and rubs her temples.

“We are listening baby. I know this has been really hard for you.” Blue tries to comfort her.

“Thank you Blue.” Regina nods and finds her sharp resolve to lead her family no matter what they think. It is for Emma’s sake. It is for all of them. It is the only way to end the madness. “Emma never had anyone in her life giving her a sense of structure or order. Growing up that way is unnatural. That is why she is still so bonded with Zelena, despite all of our horror. And, that is why she bonded so easily _with me_. Being dominated makes her feel safe. I am just going to do this long enough to unhook her from Zelena and her trauma. Until she can tap into her own strength when she feels threatened. She will beat this.”

“I would be lying if I said I was comfortable with this-” Blue shares sadly.

“Yes,” Granny adds, “but Blue, the kid has become abusive to you. And even though we don’t really get the lifestyle we know our Regina. Its working. She got Emma to get a restraining order, press charges, tell Regina when Zelena contacted her instead of-” Granny pauses in thought. She rubs the bridge of her nose in furrowed emotion. She gathers herself and looks Blue deep in the eyes. “Let me just say this. It is a miracle that Emma accomplished all that, the most triggering stuff of all, and didn’t have a single episode in Regina’s care.”

“Yes, but won’t it damage her more if Regina uses corporal punishment on her? I understand the concept of discipline. But, why does it have to be _physical?”_

Regina’s cheeks get rosy by Blue’s pandora’s box of a question. _“Its complicated.”_ Regina huffs. “There are personal things about Emma’s past, what she needs now....” Regina is flustered and awkward before she transforms it into a puff of anger. She speaks with a cutting edge. _“Don’t you think I have deeply considered all other alternatives before resorting to this?_ It is simply what she needs the most. How I know that feels far too personal to share. It is not fair to me or Emma. This is just one way Emma and I get each other, and I don’t expect either of you to understand. But like I said before, I do expect you to trust me.”

“Oh Regina. I know you feel what you are doing is right but have _you really thought it through?_ Spanking an abused adult woman? A woman who is not a consensual client at Chessfield? Can you imagine? I feel like I should be put in jail for being part of this-”

Before Regina can ream Blue out in a fury, Granny surprises them both with her response. “I think Regina is right. I think Emma wants this. Blue you saw how Emma was looking at Gina that horrible night. She had more trust in Gina in one hour, then she has towards us in over a year. It must be what you told me the other day on the phone Gina, that Emma is a _‘_ submissive?’ She is responding to this. She is staying here when everything else has failed. I may not understand but I know the results I see. And Blue my dear ole friend, you are the best clinician there is. If a traditional approach would have worked, surely after a year of intensive care with you....”

“I know, I know.” Blue shakes her head. “And the alternatives we have left are so bleak ..... “ Blue looks with imploring sadness at Granny and Regina. “We can’t keep her safe anymore. And, I don’t want to see Emma locked up in a psychiatric ward. Patients in her shoes almost always digress in an institutional setting. They start to believe they are incapable of controlling themselves or having a normal life-”

They are interrupted by Ruby loudly swinging the door open and Emma tentatively following her inside. Blue leans in towards Granny and Regina whispering. “If she agrees to this I will accept it...”

“ _Giving her a choice defeats the whole purpose-”_ Regina whispers back in a hiss.

Its Granny’s turn to whisper and she is more heated than usual. “Girls, enough. Regina lead this meeting like you were planning on. Lets see how it goes. It isn’t called a family meeting for no reason. Come on. Snap out of it, both of you. Emma needs us right now.” Granny stands up and motions for them to follow suit.

Emma, having been instantly fixated on the heated discussion, draws back into the open doorway. She looks as though she wants to bolt, suitcase still in hand. Ruby awkwardly stands next to her. She is not sure how to help. She is so pissed at everyone for not just running up and greeting Emma.

Blue reads Emma’s body language and rushes over to her in secret alarm. The last thing any of them need is for Emma to get triggered _now._ “I am sorry baby, everything is ok. I am sorry this has been such a stressful time.”

Emma tries a feigned smile in response, wavering. She glances over to her Mistress who’s stern look of warning gives her comfort. Emma can’t walk away from this, or fall apart, she is simply not allowed to. So she straightens up, breathes and takes it in.

“How I have missed you Emma.” Blues wraps her arms around her before she will drop her suitcase. Blue holds on like a mother would. Emma can see Granny by their side grinning happily.

“We sure did, kid.” Granny takes her suitcase so Emma can hug Blue back. Emma feels tears streaming down her face. Her heart swells. she forgot to _feel_ what she was working so hard for, a family. Their love comes flooding in.

Blue finally releases her and looks her up and down. “Welcome home baby. We know you have been working really hard. I know it hasn’t been easy. Lets go get some tea, I got your favorite.”

“No, not before our meeting.” Regina states from the couch with an irrevocable edge.

“Regina, she hasn’t even settled in-”

“Blue. _we talked about this.”_ Regina clips. “Emma come sit by me, now.” Regina lifts her smoldering glance from from Blue to Emma. Emma feels the now familiar panic of Regina’s firmness run throughout her body. It is mixed with something new, desire. What a confusing combination. She feels like she is melting into the floor. She blushes from head to toe, hurrying to sit next to Regina. Hopefully nobody can see her whole world shift.

“I remember Gina, ok.” Blue gathers herself, pats her hair back, and sighs. She promised weeks ago she would let Regina lead the meeting, she can’t go back on that now.

“Come on Ruby.” Granny nudges her. “Your in this too kid.” To which Ruby rolls her eyes and sulks over to the other seat next to Emma. Everyone is now assembled in a semi circle in the living room. Pastel colors, and August's afternoon light, offers tranquility. It is lost upon each of their concerns.

“So..... _this isn’t awkward.”_ Ruby snarls. She stares at the carpet but speaks to Regina. She hates her now more then ever.

Emma shudders. Imagine if she ever talked to Regina that way?

“We talked about you being sensitive to other people Ruby.” Granny reminds her.

“Emma are you ready to start?” Regina asks in a low husk.

Emma is nervous but reminds herself she doesn’t have to be. Everyone in this room loves her and is rooting for her. Still, her stomach twists in knots.

“How about you start with your feelings and just speak from your heart, huh? You can do this.” Regina rests her hand on Emma’s knee. Emma can feel her family gaping at Regina’s tenderness. _Regina is never this way._ And, seeing her bond with Emma is brand new for them.

Emma is relieved by her comfort. It is hard to expose herself to everyone. She is still shaky after Regina’s car confession, not to mention the pressure Regina has exerted around this family meeting for the last two weeks. The heat from her hand is a rousing distraction. It makes her warm _everywhere_. Emma tilts her head and whispers, “thank you.” Regina responds with a light squeeze and then leaves her hand in place.

“Ok. Here goes. You have all been so loving and understanding towards me and my PTSD. Especially Blue, you have been working with me nonstop. But lets be real. Your all walking on eggshells around me. I know your always afraid I will lose lose my shit-”

“No swearing.” Regina states firmly. “You can do better.”

Ruby rolls her eyes and whispers _“_ control freak,” under her breath.

“Sorry.” Emma exhales and starts again. “I should take responsibility for my meltdowns. I have broken things, been disrespectful.” Emma pauses gravely and sways, dizzy.

“ _I have hit you Blue.....”_ She bows her head down in guilt. “That is _really_ bad.”

Its emotional for Blue to hear her acknowledge everything. She knows how serious Emma’s behavior has been. But she is just filled with so much love for her, she can’t help herself. Emma is her daughter now. Emma is as much in her heart as the rest of her makeshift family, all assembled together in this trial of faith.

“Why Blue?” Regina asks Emma firmly.

“ _Regina-”_ Emma resists. With a sharp, smoldering glance from her Mistress, Emma gulps. She sees the nonverbal threat in Regina’s eyes and gets ready to say the hard stuff. She starts to sweat. Oh god.

“Blue, this is so hard. _Fuck._ Your like the only good mother figure I have ever had. Its fucked up for me to say that, right? Its only been a year for me to-to, and I am 30. For me, _fuck-”_

“Emma stop swearing. Enough. Blue I am going to help Emma here. Emma responds to you like you are her mother. As you all know by now Emma grew up in the system. One horrible, broken foster family after another and eventually the group home. Emma had no normalcy in her life, let alone a loving family. And Blue, Emma has become attached to you. It might be the first time she has become attached to _anyone_ in her whole life. Because of this, she targets you when she is triggered.”

Blue’s eyes fill with tears. On some level she knew all this. But, in the scuffle of day to day crisis control, it is only clicking now. Boy does it make sense. As a clinician this is her area of expertise, of course this is happening!

Emma pushes Regina’s hand off her leg to crouch down on her elbows, her hands holding up her face. This is almost too much to bear and the meeting has just begun.

Regina leans in and whispers in Emma’s ear. “ _Your teetering._ I have told you many times what will happen if you have a tantrum in this meeting. But, have I told you what will happen if you do a good job?” Regina baits and Emma takes it.

“What?” She whispers back innocently.

“I will be proud of you. Very proud.” Emma’s heart swells. To have her cold Mistress coax her to success with the promise of warmth, well its better then sex or gold at this point. “Emma, you can do this. Lets pull the band aid off quickly. Lets get this meeting over with. Then we can all start to move on. Follow my lead, ok?” Emma nods, _oh she will._

Regina speaks up for the group to hear. “Emma, how about you share with us what your feeling when you have a full blown PTSD trigger? Why do you let it get so bad?” Regina offers softly, speaking to the floor. She squeezes Emma’s knee again. “Tell them about the tally system.”

“Ok... uhm. This is hard for me to talk about. I feel stupid admitting all this.” Emma sits up and folds her arms over her chest protectively. She leans back in her chair.

“Its ok. Your doing good.” Regina says with firm approval.

“Ok. this is embarrassing.......ok. I really wish you all were my family. Maybe at 30 I am too old to still need that. I should have let that go. Maybe, I dunno.”

Emma pauses and sorts her words out in her mind. She hates thinking about her past but Regina has really pushed her to do this. And, she kinda trusts her.

“When I was a kid and put in a new family, I was filled with hope it could be my forever home. I made up a system to try and prevent them from getting rid of me. I kept a tally. I used to tally all the things I did wrong. If I could keep the tally down they would stay. But I always failed. My teacher speaks to my foster parent, my foster sibling and I fight, I break or spill something, I get angry or cry..... When the tally got too high they brought me back to the group home. Thats how it made sense to me as a kid. _It always felt like my fault-”_

Emma breaks off, overwhelmed. Regina rubs her back, just for a minute. It gives Emma a burst of courage and heat.

“The tally is ingrained in me now. When I feel I have made too many mistakes with people I move on before they can leave me. I never get close to anyone. It was working fine until I got close to all of you. Now I have something to lose, you guys. _And I hate this!_ Its stupid for me to put myself in this position. I know better. Its smarter not to need anyone.”

Emma exhales with emotion. “After I had a few episodes here my tally was off the charts. I did the real bad things, and as an adult! The point is, no matter what you tell me, I know how this ends. I have a lifetime of proof. You are going to kick me out. I can’t be part of your family anymore. I know this but I haven’t been able to leave. So when these feelings overwhelm me and my PTSD from Zelena kicks in, I lose my shit. I feel totally unsafe. I get so filled with rage and hate. If I can’t let go and I can’t just _wait_ for it to happen, I try to make you leave me right then and there. I would rather just get it over with. Its the only thing I have control over.”

“ _Good girl.”_ Regina whispers.

A hush of understanding wafts through as Emma's words land. They each take a couple of minutes in their own thoughts. Now they have a basic explanation to the heartache of Emma's episodes.

Granny is the first to respond. “Wow kid, I am proud of you. you are getting to the bottom of this. This is brave work. You know, Ruby put me through hell and I can’t live without her. You, Ruby, Regina and Blue are my family. I want you to feel at home here. Like I always say to the rest of them, _‘blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker then blood.’_ A higher power brings us together. We are your family now. We can’t live without you.”

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus Granny!” Ruby scowls but softens for Emma. “Look Emma, you know I am not good at this deep stuff. _Your my best friend girl._ And, its not like you are just acting crazy to be an a-s-s-h-o-l-e.” Ruby sounds out her cuss words to provoke Regina. “We know some serious s-h-i-t happened to you.”

“Emma your my daughter now. I have three of you!” Blue winks and gives acknowledging looks to Regina and Ruby before focusing wholeheartedly on Emma.

“I always wanted kids, and I mean it when I say you belong to me. I really think this was all meant to be. This family is heaven sent-”

Emma gets defensive and closed off. _“Heaven wouldn’t bring you this hell-”_

“Stop baby. You are not a sum of your mistakes. How many times am I going to tell you that? Your tally gave you some semblance of control when you where little. But what a horrible way to live. What a big weight for a little girl. There are no tallies in a real family Emma. lets heal those beliefs that caused you so much pain. Even if I couldn’t get to you until your all grown up,” Blue sighs emotionally, “your mine now. I am not going anywhere. The real truth is you didn’t have adults that were worthy enough to take care of you before-”

“I don’t know Blue-” Emma argues, walling up from Blue’s love, tears in her eyes.

“I know it will take time to believe all this. Its like the gym you love so much. Your building new muscles in your mind. Its a new way and the true way to look at things. You are learning how to let go of those old beliefs that your unlovable and better off alone. Its a load of crap. Part of your new plan should be to talk to us more. You need to tell us how your feeling when these old thoughts start to take over. We can help you feel safe again.”

“Yeah, Regina has been saying that a lot. We have been practicing. She makes me talk.” Emma puts her hands on her forehead in regret. “Blue, I am _so sorry.”_

“I know baby.” Blue smiles reassuringly.

The love between Emma and her makeshift family is amplifying. It has become a palpable force in the living room, emanating like a glow between each of them. But Regina knows Emma needs _more_ then tender loving care. That is the whole point. So she rises to the occasion to deliver. Its time to address the elephant in the living room.

“This brings me to the next, more serious part of our meeting.” Regina sits up sternly. She makes sure she has everyone’s utmost attention before continuing. She can preside over them with her body posture alone. Emma gets a chill from Regina’s shift in energy. “Its about the new plan for Emma. There will be no more misbehavior from this point forward. _Emma is a grown woman and it is time she acts that way._ We will now refer to her previous meltdowns as “tantrums.” The plan is that if Emma does act up, even in the slightest, I want you to call me immediately. I will put an end to it. I am in charge of her discipline from now on.

Ruby snaps. Thats it. Her glaring resentment at her absentee big sister collides with her protection of her new best friend. Its a big fat mess. She is enraged. _“What the hell does that mean?_ Emma is an adult! This isn’t Chessfield Regina. You can’t just come in here and try and dominatrix us. Do I have to remind you Emma is healing from _abuse,?_ You big fucking re- tar-” Ruby leans forward in her chair. “Your so twisted. Your such a freak. Really, you are a ...” Ruby reigns back but still seethes like a beast. _“What the hell do you mean by discipline?”_

Emma’s heart starts to beat out of chest. She goes pale and starts to sweat again. She checks on Regina. Where is her Mistress? Regina looks like she is sinking into herself, shutting down. This is _not_ the woman she knows.

“ _Thats enough.”_ Granny clips, delivering a strong look to her granddaughter.

“Ruby stop being hurtful. That is not how we raised you. Regina deserves your respect. Share your concerns in a loving way.” Blue inserts.

Ruby stands up and and walks over to Regina for the kill. “I think you are the last thing Emma needs. I think _you_ need therapy.”

Regina does not look up at Ruby. She retorts coolly but is clearly upset. “Ruby you are still angry with me for disappearing-”

“Wait.” Emma gets up too. She uses her body to create a buffer between them.

“Ruby can we sit back down for a minute? I know you are protecting me right now. Your my best friend too. I want a chance to tell you how _I_ feel about all this. I really need you by my side.”

Ruby’s hostility melts away as she hears Emma’s request. “Of course I will. The only reason I am at this stupid meeting is for you. Only if it helps you.” Ruby sits back down glaring at Regina. She refocuses on supporting Emma.

“Nobody wanted to skip this meeting more than me.” Emma laughs uncomfortably as she sits back down too. Ruby laughs back in solidarity. The two of them will laugh at _anything_ when they are together. It is such a relief for both of them.

“And, nobody is more uncomfortable about this whole 'plan' than me. I get that Regina’s methods may be hard to swallow, shocking even, if it comes to me needing discipline-”

“Emma, baby I have to say something here.” Blue doesn’t even know where to begin. It feels like the weight of the world on her shoulders, how stuck Emma is in her recovery and the road Regina wants to take her down. She is between a rock and a hard place. And, how on earth does she talk about this in a room full of explosive feelings? Its like she can hear ticking countdowns of composure before everyone just blows up.

“Emma do you understand what Regina means by _discipline?”_

Emma flushes completely and wrings her clammy hands. She is desperate to deflect everyone looking at her. _“Yes.”_ She hisses under her breath.

“Well baby, I am not comfortable with this. I am afraid you don’t know anything besides abuse. Maybe you think we will leave you if you don’t agree to this. I am afraid you are agreeing to this from the same damaged place you belonged to Zelena-”

Emma surprises the group by becoming upset at Blue. “Its not the same!” Emma yells. She throws up her hands in exasperation.

“ _I knew you wouldn’t get it.”_ Emma snarls, caving back into herself.

“Help me understand.” Blue entreats earnestly.

“Fine.” Emma looks up at Blue. “I need Regina. Its different. _I need her.”_ Emma aggressively clutches at her chest, arms folded tightly, like Blue forced the disclosure out of her.

Blue has never seen her like this. Emma does want this. She is attached to Regina. She is attached to Regina _dominating her._ It is written all over her. This is unbelievable. In fact, everyone can see it. The room goes into a strange silence of surprise.

Regina is taken aback by Emma’s bold stand. She looks up from her own wounded and retracted state. She is still reeling after Ruby’s attack. It was the last straw. The relentless questioning and judgment of her ways has taken a toll. Her conviction is weighted down in pain. Her shoulders slump. She is only human after all. _But Emma’s words,_ they touch something hollow and alone, in the deepest part of her.

Emma starts to lighten up because her _‘_ family’ is really trying to get it. Emma can feel them. They are open and waiting for Emma to help them understand. She takes a deep breathe and starts to smolder in a surge of fire. The wounded warrior shows her teeth and Regina does a double take at the broken angel stretching her wings. Everyone feels the shift in Emma and draws back to let her speak. It heats Regina up, this is the Emma she _knows_ is in there. Flashes, surges, glimpses now, when the walls come down, Regina will be eye to eye with her match.

Emma speaks with the authority they are used to Regina having. “You guys want me to tell you how I am feeling right? Ok. I really need this meeting to be over. Its too much. Can we just keep it simple.? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Regina gets me. Nothing else works and I don’t have anything left. I am so empty. If it wasn’t for her stepping in two weeks ago I would have thrown in the towel. _Ok? Do you hear me? Capisce?”_

Regina's heart stirs in the seriousness of Emma's disclosure. Emma is at the end of her rope. She also can't help but smirk and covers her mouth to hide it. _Emma just emulated her._

Emma is brazen. Her true self flashes brightly through. She turns to Regina, puts her hand on her shoulder, and looks deep into brown eyes. “You get me. I am sorry I made you feel like it was just _your world._ It wasn’t honest of me. I am being honest now. I want you to take control when I can’t. I am in. Just don’t leave me. I need your _medicine.”_

The heavy weight on Regina’s conviction is lifted with Emma’s proclamation. She becomes tall again. Lighter and stronger, she is refueled by Emma, the woman Regina _would do anything for._ Her sharp authority comes back in a blaze.“Thank you Emma. Well ok then. Its settled. And, you are not allowed to keep thinking I might leave you. That is just ridiculous. _Do you hear me?”_

Emma blushes and becomes soft in Regina’s hard look. “Yes Mis-M , I mean, yes Regina.”

 

 

 


	15. Tequila

Emma and Ruby's POV

 

“Hurry up! I can’t spend another minute sober, _today has sucked!”_ Ruby laughs holding the door open at The Rabbit Hole.

“I can’t find my wallet. Ok, here it is.” Emma rushes to catch up with Ruby. It feels so great to be out tonight. Late August, the last hurrah before summer gives. They are decked out to the nines. Her blonde hair has a bounce. Her tight, black tank top shows off her guns, girls and abs. Emma is just happy to be the one wearing jeans and not a tight ass, tiny skirt. She will certainly have to be watching out for her friend tonight. Two steps into the building and a guy has already offered to buy Ruby a drink.

“She is with me, maybe we will see you later.” Emma grabs Ruby by the arm and leads her to the upstairs bar.

“Hey, whats up with that?” Ruby says grinning like the cheshire cat. “He was kinda cute.”

“Lets pace ourselves.” Emma laughs getting them a seat at the bar.

“Don’t be a cock block. Your just mad because your not getting any.”

Emma jerks back, hurt a little.

“Sorry. You know I have a problem putting my foot in my mouth. _That was a low blow, I-”_

“I hear tequila can cure all problems. Want to find out?”

“Thats my girl. Yes please!”

“Well hello ladies. Emma. we have missed you. _I have missed you._ What are you drinking?” A man their age with black hair and a leather coat joins them. He motions for the bartender to come over like he owns the place.

“Who is he?” Ruby says intrigued, with a big juicy smile. “Doesn’t he know your a-”

“Shh. He is a pain in my ass, don’t encourage him.” Emma whispers back, to which the man leans in, unfazed.

“Oh I just love it when you talk dirty, Emma.”

“Really Killian. Your lines are going to be that bad tonight?”

“She loves me.” He grins, quite sure of himself.

“Well I am Ruby. Its nice to meet you. Patron, if your buying.” Ruby hums in a flirt.

“Going right to the shots then? Well this is off to a fantastic evening.” He grins.

Killian orders them a round of shots. Nothing has gone down easier then it does tonight. When Killian is not paying attention, Emma warns Ruby _again,_ to pace herself with boys and booze. She definitely feels like her big sister in moments like these. And, Ruby is only a year younger then her! Somethings just aren’t about age. She tells Ruby she wants to go look for Robin and will be back soon. Ruby is fine with this, basking in that thing she does. Its like she is honeycomb and the boys are bees, all starting to buzz around her.

Emma finds a spot near an open window in the corner of the room. She tries to catch her breath. It is busy in here tonight. It is strange to be back after what she has been through. She has worked here for the last 7 months or more. It was starting to feel like a second home to her. Now she is hanging out after a two week involuntary sabbatical. Its a small town. Granny and Robin are close. He has lunch at her diner everyday. He knows about Zelena and the horrible night she put Emma in the hospital. Granny told him she needed some time to heal. What he never has to know is what it has looked like, under the training of a Mistress. She misses Robin, being here and just being _normal._ Suddenly, as if he got a psychic call, he is in front of her.

Robin is all lit up to see Emma. “I heard you were here. I have been looking for you. I got your favorite.” He hands her a tequila shot. Robin doesn’t drink. He has been sober for awhile and is open about his addiction. He isn’t the first bar owner Emma has worked for who doesn’t drink. It must come with the territory.

“Oh, I just had one-”

“Aww come on cutie, I know you need it. Lets celebrate you being back.” The shot goes down even easier then the first. She warms right up and feels herself aglow. It is _awesome_ before it even hits her.

Emma muses that the term liquid courage is so damn true. Here goes. “I am sorry. I left you hanging.”

“Emma, don’t be silly. You needed to take care of yourself.” He gets very serious. He leans towards her in secret. “Listen. This Zelena person, I know people. You just say the word. _She is not going to mess with you anymore.”_

“Robin,” Emma puts her hand on his shoulder, “you are the best boss I have ever had. I have missed you guys!”

“We have missed you too! Will is just not as cute as you Emma.” He jokes. “But he had a really big tab, so he has been working it off the last two weeks. He owed me big time, I mean really, you see how he drinks.” They both laugh. “But the moment your ready, he will be happy to cut back to his usual ‘works when he feels like it’ schedule. We are getting really busy in here you know, ever since we increased our hours. I could use a Bar Manager soon. interested?”

“Really? Did Granny put you up to this?” Emma tries to play it cool, but can’t hide how excited she is by his offer.

“No, I would never make a bad business decision as a favor. Your good. Real good. I can trust you. And, you know how to work a slam and make bad boys behave. Speaking of which, I better go check on my employees who don’t know how to do that. We can talk. Come back in as soon as your ready. You look good.” Robin hugs Emma and she can feel how worried he was about her. Her heart fills with gratitude to have him and The Rabbit Hole in her life. Oh these little things, threads of gold, they sew up the ruins.

Emma stands in revelry and a nice buzz for a few more minutes. She can feel the booze when she stumbles going back to the bar. Ruby is where she left her. Will, speak of the devil, apparently is the biggest bee. He is whispering in Ruby’s ear, and she is playing with his necklace, enthralled. Oh god. Oh well, there could be worse things. It least he is fun listening to with his Scottish accent. ‘Maybe they will make a happy couple,’ Emma jokes in her mind. She feels her phone vibrate. Its a text from Regina.

“It feels empty in this house without you.”

Her epic day comes flooding back. Emma is completely turned on by Regina’s text. Its all happening so fast. In one day she got back home, found out Regina had feelings for her, told Regina she basically wanted to be her submissive, _oh and that happened in front of her whole family,_ and now Regina is........flirting? Another text comes through.

“I look forward to welcoming you back under different circumstances.” Yup, definitely flirting. Emma’s head spins. there is so much to process. But more than anything, like a wild animal let out of a cage, her feelings for Regina are unleashed. Emma is startled by a margarita being offered to her. Who is going to drive if she drinks this now?

“Have you met Will? He got us these drinks. They are so yummy, not as good as yours, but still.” Ruby laughs.

Will walks up right on cue. “Emma! we missed you!” He gives her a bear hug almost spilling her drink. “So, ah, can you work for me tomorrow night?” He wiggles his eyebrows humorously.

“You jerk.” Emma laughs.

“Is that a yes?” He gives her a funny pleading look. “Merida is working too, and you know she has the hots for you. Heh?” Her nudges her playfully. “Thinking about you two together-”

“Will, don’t be a dick. Your drunk. And anyways Emma is taken. Sort of. On second thought, Emma I would say, _go with Merida.”_ Ruby blabbers.

“Both of you can shut up now. Yes, I will work for you. Go tell Robin and give us a minute.”

Will happily obliges because his cup is empty. “I will be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” He whispers in Ruby’s ears.

Emma is relieved to have him out of her hair, and god only knows what else Ruby might say in her state. Emma’s phone vibrates.

“If that is the evil witch- let me see, let me see.” Ruby drunkenly tries to take Emma’s phone out of her hands.

“Ruby c’mon. Why do you hate Regina so much?”

“I don’t hate her. she should be like a god damn sister by now. But she disappeared on me, _bitch._ And I think she is mean. Everybody acts all nervous around her. I think someone should knock her down a size or two. Thats all. I will fucking kill her if she hurts you.”

For someone drunk, Ruby smartly waits for Emma to put her guard down and then easily jerks her phone away.

“Ha ha.” Ruby laughs loudly, proud of herself. “Lets see. What did the cunt say-”

“Ruby your drunk. Give me my phone-”

“It says ‘you better not be smoking.’ See, she is a control freak. I mean what the hell?”

What Ruby doesn’t realize is its a little more complicated than that. Regina’s text makes Emma hot.

 

 


	16. News

More Emma's POV

 

Ah, its Saturday morning. The Diner is closed on the weekends. Everyone is home at the Shepherd’s house and gets up earlier than Emma does. Well except for Ruby, that all depends on how much fun she had the night before. The sights and sounds of her makeshift family, living life by her side, is comforting. It makes Emma feel warm and fuzzy. _She could get used to this._

The last month has been a fresh start. Emma is bartending at The Rabbit Hole like she never left. Robin started training her as a manager. Her and Ruby have been hanging out, laughing constantly and starting to feel like real sisters. She even convinced Ruby to join her and Granny in the garden. Granny tells them stories about her life. Ruby rolls her eyes and makes digs, but Emma knows she loves it. Its just like Granny says, _“there is nothing mother nature can’t fix.”_ Maybe that is true. Granny is the most calm person Emma has ever met. Anyways, it has been good to play in the dirt.

Emma has not seen Regina since the family meeting. Strange since Regina told Emma how she really felt. But honestly, they were both too raw by the way Regina had to intervene with Emma. Regina suggested a break and Emma was nothing but relieved! She has way too much pride to recover easily, after telling Regina _all those things._ They have been flirting a little, over text. But Emma’s feelings for Regina? Boy are they ripe. Its like Granny’s garden in Mid-September.

Most importantly, Emma has been trigger free. But Blue warns her not to let her guard down. She hasn’t been tested since Zelena came back. Its hard to live on some kind of super alert. Its like a soldier that wants to just take a goddam nap after a 24 hour watch! Exhausting. Fight or flight. Its sucks to hold her whole self in attention, like she always has, in case the other shoe drops. Only this time it won’t be the people in her life betraying her, it will be her own mind and emotions! _All that aside,_ Emma is starting to feel like a normal human being again. She has a strange sensation, what is it? She thinks she might actually be happy.

“C’mon! you didn’t make me get up early to wait for you.” Ruby barks.

“You can come in.” Emma finishes buttoning up her plaid shirt and hastily throws her blond locks in a ponytail.

“You look great. The cucumbers, tomatoes, weeds, and let me see, bugs, dirt, and disgusting rotting, compost will _really_ appreciate it.” Ruby mocks her.

“Ha, ha, ha. We can’t keep Granny waiting. You wouldn’t want to deprive her of your green thumb. Everything might actually survive if we don’t get you down there.” Emma says sarcastically. Ruby rolls her eyes. Its her favorite response.

Emma yells to Blue as they run down the stairs. “Are you still cooking breakfast? Want some help? We will get you some fresh veggies-”

Emma’s smile vanishes as she enters the kitchen. _“Regina,”_ she gasps.

Regina and Blue are sitting in their pajamas at the table. “Did you sleep here? Whats going on?” Emma sits down next to them in shock. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Whatever it is, I can’t handle another family meeting. Talk later Emma? I will come visit you at work tonight.” Ruby bows out the back door to find Granny in the garden.

“ _Somethings are more important than work.”_ Regina grunts. Emma obviously interrupted something. The silence can be cut with a knife. Regina looks absolutely beautiful. Her face is pale without a touch of makeup. Her creamy tan skin is all lit up by the morning sun. Her brown eyes glint with intense brooding.

“Aw honey, I am sorry you have to wake up this way. I need you to be strong, ok?” Blue reaches out her hand for Emma to hold.

“And, don't you even think about checking out. _Oh, What I will do to you.”_ Regina leans back reconsidering her harshness. “Please be strong Emma.” Regina appeals under her breath. Blue raises her eyebrows, surprised at Regina’s change of tone.

Emma starts to feel panicked. This could only mean one thing, some kind of earth shattering bad news, _something about Zelena._ Her fragile new ground drops beneath her in one blow.

“Did she call here? Did you see her? What?!” Emma yells, quickly unraveling the way they all fear.

“Emma!” Regina snaps, back to her stern self in an instant. _“What did I just say?”_

Emma is startled by Regina’s shape-shift back into her Mistress. Emma just took her first step off the deep end and Regina is not happy. “Oh yeah. I am sorry. _Sorry.”_

Regina is struggling between her feelings for Emma and her need to discipline her. This is the fist time they are even seeing each other again after the family meeting. Its horrible. She can see how embarrassed Emma is. Blue gets up to put the tea on. Regina can’t help herself. She tentatively reaches for Emma’s free hand. Emma takes it and feels a chill run up her spine. She sees Regina’s lips part. The tension between them is palpable. Regina has to look away, aroused by their contact.

“Ok girls. Everything is going to be fine.” Blue nervously eyes them both. She can see what is happening. Fighting their feelings for each other is a losing battle. Since the moment they met, Emma and Regina have been connected like nothing Blue has ever witnessed. But, the conflict of interest with the ‘plan’ is a clinician’s nightmare! Then again, nothing about either of her girl’s paths have been normal. And oddly enough, their _feelings_ seem to be their source of strength. She can’t keep trying to shut it down. Its wrong. So Blue shocks herself in her next words. “Just remember what a connection you have. It will help you both get through this. You have things to look forward to. Like maybe, Emma, you should ask Regina on a proper date before she has a heart attack in my kitchen!” Blue smiles softly and sits back down with them.

“ _Blue!”_ They both protest in unison. Regina jerks her hand away and uses it to lean her beat red face on. Now she is the embarrassed one. Emma, on the other hand, loves it. She feels more herself and gets daring. She pushes on Regina’s calf with her foot. “I think I should, Blue.” She teases.

“Stop it.” Regina snaps, not looking up.

Wow, Blue is surprised just how effective encouraging them is. It totally distracted Emma. Emma’s feelings for Regina help her _stay here_ . She chooses her next words carefully. “We have something very important to discuss. Emma, I know you can get us through this. We need you right now. _Regina needs you.”_

“Ok Blue.” Emma perks up protectively.

“Ok baby. Regina has another plan-”

“ _Another plan?”_ Emma grumbles, now she is the one blushing.

 “ _Not like that.”_ Blue says reassuringly. “Yes, I saw Zelena. This plan is about getting her out of our lives forever. Last night when you were at work she broke in. She obviously doesn’t care she has been arrested and we have a restraining order against her. She was going to try to take you back _again._ I found her in your bedroom.” Blue pauses, overwhelmed, and forces herself to stay cool. “She said some _horrible_ things. She is so dangerous baby. She needs to be locked up or she won’t stop. I have a better idea of where your triggers come from. _She is such a scary person._ She climbed out the window and down the trellis. I called the police and they put a warrant out for her arrest. Regina came over after you fell asleep, to make sure she didn’t come back-”

“Why didn’t you tell me last night? Where did you sleep?” Emma delivers a look of panic to Blue and then Regina. Her brain is on overload and those are the first two things she can think to ask! Zelena is not going to let her go. She is not going to stop _until-_

“Baby you know why. It would have been too traumatic for you in the heat of the moment. Plus, me and Regina needed time to discuss it.”

“No, I was not hiding in your room somewhere. But if a cop was not on watch through the night, I would have been. I slept on the couch.” Regina states matter-of-factly.

“ _I-I have to get ready for work.”_ Emma feels dizzy and off center. She is trying to keep herself together when she just wants to fall apart. Her panicked thoughts about Zelena are secretly getting darker and darker. But, there is nothing secret about Emma’s desperate expression.

“Baby its ok to be upset. You can cry, yell even, you can tell us how you feel. Its all very upsetting and unfair. You just can’t check out-”

“Blue means have a tantrum. You just can’t have a tantrum or you _know_ what will happen.” Regina flashes Emma a rock hard look.

“I know. Just tell me what to do and then I want to get ready for work.” Emma says quickly. The best thing to do is retreat from the conversation. She needs to be alone.

“Ok then.” Regina looks sharply at Emma until she has her reluctant eye contact in return. “You will do exactly as I say. _Do you understand?”_

“Yes, yes.” Emma teeters. She shakes her leg under the table restlessly.

Regina glances at Blue. Blue nods her support for Regina to dominate Emma through this.

“I am going to tell you the plan. Then you are going to take whatever alone time you need and get ready for work. Today Blue is having an alarm guy come in who will secure all the windows and doors. She is also having the trellis taken down. I spoke with a lawyer over a month ago. She is very good. Its time to take Zelena to court. If you open up about everything that has happened, _and you will,_ she will be locked away for a long time. Then you can really start to heal.”

Emma starts to rock back and forth. Regina can tell just how upset she is. She is clamping her jaw shut in protest. _Taking Zelena to court is the last thing she wants._ She speaks to the resistance she can hear in her submissive’s head.

“Yes, Emma, you are taking Zelena to court. We are. You do not have a choice. She is dangerous but she is no match for me. You belong to me, not her. You will do as I say. I should have forced this issue a month ago.”

Emma is ready to burst. She inhales sharply, about to argue, not able to hold it in anymore.

Regina can see Emma’s reaction and intervenes. She slaps both of her hands down on the table, _hard,_ startling her and Blue both. She gives Emma a sharp look.

Emma capitulates to the warning, frozen and wide eyed.

Her voice is equally calm and threatening. _“Emma,_ we are not going to discuss this right now. The lawyer will be here next weekend to talk about the process. Not tomorrow but next Sunday. When Blue and I are 100% confident that we are talking to the real Emma, that you are completely here and trigger free, you can get support from either of us. No talking now because you are on the edge. Go upstairs and do your thing. You so much as whine in protest or kick the door and _you know what is coming to you.”_ Regina glares at Emma to land her point.

Emma’s thoughts about Zelena have all but disappeared. She has been transfixed on Regina since she, _she,_ Emma just watches her hands in mental stutter. Her face burns under Regina’s glare.

Regina allows Emma’s awkward pause before following orders. She can see it written all over her girl, how effective Regina has just been. She lets Emma process.

A new feeling comes upon Emma. It is so strong and surprising. She feels _safe_ in Regina’s control. She forgets about how it may look or sound, and clings to Regina’s orders like the only thing that makes sense. Its a lifeline. If it was not for Regina, Emma would be off the deep end from the news Zelena broke in again and Emma has to take her to court. She would be in a full-blown, violent, deranged, Complex PTSD trigger. Emma starts to get up in quiet obedience.

“I will be up in an hour to check on you. You better be fully here when I come up, _or I will make you late for work myself.”_

Emma gasps, embarrassed. “I-I, am here, honest. _I will stay here.”_

“Ok then. Go upstairs and be a good girl.”

 


	17. 'The Boys'

More Emma's POV

 

“Just order.” Emma barks, on her last thread with Killian laying it on strong.

“Johnny black, straight up.” He grins.

“Uh huh.” Emma pours his drink, while assessing the dinner crowd rolling in. She makes some space and drops menus for her new arrivals.

“Hey sexy.” One of her regulars, Neal, sits at the bar. Killian looks like he is going to break something. Oh god, her two biggest admirers at the same time. Its way too early in the evening for this. But, she is relieved to be at work. Starting her day off with shocking news and the dark beauty in pjs, _scolding her no less,_ was too much. A Saturday night won’t leave her any time to be in her head! She catches Robin at the corner of the bar between taking an order and making a few new drinks.

“Whats up?”

“Merida is late.” Robin says regretfully.

“I noticed.” Emma motions to the activity around her. “This is nothing I haven’t deal with before.” she laughs.

“Your the best. You are the only one who can handle the upstairs bar on your own. Still, no heart attacks on my watch. I will have the busser stay up here until Merida gets here. Put him to work Emma. No showing off.” He chuckles and winks at her knowingly. “Hey, maybe one of your first duties as my newest manager can be to fire Merida?” Robin laughs.

“ _Too bad I love the bitch.”_ Emma whispers and they both get back to work.

20 more minutes tick by. Emma has entered the zone. Its like a dance- making conversation, loving up her regulars, while flipping the bar to make room for new guests. Before she knows it, two more hours go by and the dinner rush ends. Talk about being a machine. The lull before the party crowd hits. It blankets through the bar, a temporary calm. She slips into the server station, pouring herself a coffee and revels in the slow moment. She peeks at the bar and can see the hostility between Neal and Killian as if there was a dark chord between them. At least they have been ignoring each other tonight. She should just come out, Neal would back off. Killian would try harder, _asshole,_ she laughs to herself. Emma likes keeping that she is gay private. Her staff and family know. Thats enough. she paws her hands through her blond locks tightening up her bun, checks herself in the little staff mirror, and jumps back into the fire.

“So when are you going to let me take you out? You can’t keep denying the chemistry we have.” Killian leans in towards her motioning for another drink. Emma ignores him and hunches over looking for another Johnny Black bottle.

“I don’t think she is interested in you.” Emma’s whole body shudders with _that voice._

She looks up at her beautiful crush, who just sat right next to Killian. Oh god. “Regina. You keep doing this to me today.” Emma says flustered.

“Doing what to you?” Killian pipes in, intrigued. “Actually you see, Emma is smitten over me. she is just too ....... _shy_ to admit it. But with a few more libations- ”

“Killian, can I talk to you?” Emma spits. She walks over to the corner of the bar and eyes him to do the same.

Killian cocks his head back in a grin watching Emma wait for him. He strolls over as if she just asked him to go out.

“Cut the shit Killian. Enough. I have had it up to here with you. Its never going to happen, and I have had a really bad day, so if you don’t want to be the first one kicked out tonight when security gets here, you will shut the fuck up.” Killian falls back on his heels in shock. He is hurt. His dejected look exposes his very real feelings for Emma. She has never seen him like this and suddenly feels horrible. Her gut twists in regret.

“I am sorry. Like I said, I had a bad day. _I shouldn’t have taken it out on you-”_

Killian puts up his hand for her to be quiet. “I get it, ok?” He goes and takes a seat further away from Emma in defeat.

Neal chuckles and speaks under his breath. “He needs a man, _not a peacock.”_ It had to be just loud enough for Killian and Regina to both hear. Ehh. She does not need this spectacle right now. She is going to pretend she didn’t hear him. She busies herself finding her best red while feeling Regina’s eyes burning holes in her back. She turns to face her and pours the red.

 “What are you doing here?” Emma says, trying to sound as casual as she can.

“I came to check on you. That was a lot at once today.” Regina looks over to Neal and Killian and then back to Emma. “Is this what you deal with everyday? _I don’t know if I approve.”_ She whispers in a forbidding tone.

“This is my work. Its not up to you. Blue already warned me that you get jealous.” Emma eyebrows Regina.

Regina scoffs and tries not to hug her elbows, arms folded on the bar.

“Anyways, these knuckle heads are nothing to be jealous of. Its not always like this. They rub off each other, its annoying.”

“ _Emma-”_ Regina says intensely, obviously not ok with Emma’s rebuttal. She is interrupted by Merida entering the bar like a bat out of hell.

“I am so sorry Emma! I had to take one of my brothers to the hospital, he got into a fight with his landlord, I think he is using again. He is ok though.”

“Merida shush, people can hear you!” Emma snaps under her breath. Merida starts clearing away plates and Emma drops checks and pours new drinks.

Emma and Merida quietly catch up and reset the bar for the next wave to surface. They whisper and giggle, their friendship is apparent. Merida leans in close as they talk, obviously smitten with Emma. she is too obvious, but there is nothing subtle about Merida.

Emma looks over to Regina, motioning that she will be right over. Regina is starting to look angry and it makes Emma nervous. How is she going to deal with this right now?

Merida makes a twisting expression as she tries to close a check on the computer. Emma comes over to help. They laugh at Emma’s ‘moving too fast’ mistakes from earlier. Nobody drank 22 Funky Bows in one hour or paid with 1 million dollars. Emma shows Merida how to split a check on the touch screen. Merida makes sure to grace Emma’s fingers with her own and presses up against her side. The moment she does Emma’s heart drops to her feet. _Regina sees all._ Merida has to choose now to be all up in her grill? She hears a bar stool scrape back in a loud thud. Shit. Shit fuck.

She turns to see Regina on her feet. She is _beyond_ upset. She doesn’t look at Emma before storming downstairs.

“Shit!” Emma curses. She throws her hands up in stress.

“What? Do you know her?” Merida pretends to sound concerned, but the damn bitch is jealous. Its not flattering. Its annoying as hell! _She needs her friends to look out for her._

“Never mind. Look, I covered for you. I have a lot lately.” She shoots Merida quite the look. “Everything is ready. We won’t start getting busy again for a half hour. Can you cover for me?” Merida nods soberly. “Yes, I will.”

Merida, Neal and Killian all gawk at Emma’s undone state as she runs down the stairs. She is going after the angry, beautiful stranger. Nobody has seen Emma look ruffled like _that_ before. Envy fills the bar like a poisonous gas.

\----

“Regina wait.” Emma catches Regina just outside The Rabbit Hole about to get in the Benz. _“Please.”_

“So this is where you work? What I should _do to you-”_ Regina’s eyes burn and nostrils flare in a dangerous display of spite.

Emma yells in response. _“Regina enough._ You don’t have the right to say that. I am not triggered. I haven’t done anything wrong. _Don’t think for a second I am going to submit to you when its your crap coming up, not mine-_ ”

“How dare you!” Regina shouts, almost looking as though she will slap Emma. Her pupils dilate in rage. But then slowly, she seems to consider Emma’s words. Her tone softens. “Emma, please watch your tone with me.” She folds her arms over her chest, angry, dejected, maybe even sheepish.

Holy fucking shit. What a nerve. Regina drives Emma crazy! ‘I should watch my tone? What a hippocrate!’ Emma spits in her head. ‘Breathe Emma, breathe.’ She lets up realizing Regina is falling into herself in pain. Emma can see how hard this is for her. Between watching those idiots vie for Emma, and Emma chastising _her,_ Regina is way out of her comfort zone. Emma’s frustration is drowned out by the _care_ she has for this woman. It comes through in her words. “Listen. I swear you just came at the worst possible time. You just happened to stop by when the three stooges were all here. Its not usually like this.” Emma rubs her forehead. Now all she wants is to make Regina feel better.

“So you said.” Regina snaps distrustfully. _“Do you like her?”_ she says under her breath, still consumed by fire and venom.

“What? Merida? Oh my god, no! First of all she is a train wreck-”

“She is beautiful.” Regina whispers, bowing her head toward her chest.

“Regina, I am such a hopeless romantic. I don’t have flings. Your the only I think about.... _like that_.” Emma blushes. “Nobody understands me like you do.” Emma takes a deep breath getting ready to let it all hang out. She stares into brown eyes, gaining boldness. “Regina, its all about you. I only have feelings for you.”

Emma grabs hold of Regina’s arms and steps closer towards her.

“ _I get jealous-”_

“Its ok. Its actually a relief.”

“What?” Regina looks up self-consciously. She lets Emma keep a tight hold of her. Her breathing quickens in Emma’s proximity and care.

“I want to start taking care of you too, _you know._ You have had my number from the start. It is a relief to know I am not the only one with problems.” Emma smiles.

“Believe me, _your not.”_

They are interrupted by someone banging on the window. Will is inside giving Emma the thumbs up. Emma flips him off.

 _“That is not how you behave.”_ Regina turns on a dime, smiting Emma with her voice.

“Sorry.” Emma blushes, lets go of Regina and steps back. “Talk about two worlds colliding, or three, or four ...... _this is intense.”_ Emma takes another deep breath for courage. “Regina, I know you have Sundays off. Let me take you out tomorrow. Its long overdo. How about a day where we can just be us, away from this crazy chapter in our lives, away from........ _well you know..._..” Emma’s cheeks turn a rosy glow.

“From me dominating you.” Regina smiles smugly. She is reading Emma like a book and loving every second of it.

“Not that I don’t-”

Regina steps in seductively. “I know Emma. I know,” she whispers into Emma’s ear. “I would really like it if you take me out tomorrow,” she husks. “Just vanilla, I promise. Pick me up at 2pm. Huh?”

“Yeah, you promise. Uh huh.” Emma razzes. She pulls her shoulders back and raises her voice. “I am serious Regina. I know what is good for you too. It will be good for you, _to not be in control for once.”_

“What do you think I have been waiting for? Emma, _you dumb fool.”_ Regina says softly and kisses her on the cheek.

 


	18. Boots

More Emma's POV

 

“I am so confused.” Ruby sits on Emma’s bed playing with the rejected outfits for Emma’s date.

“Ruby, I need your support on this. I know its weird. But I have always had feelings for her, you know that. You used to encourage me!”

“That was before she started bossing you around and threatening to beat you!”

“ _Its not like that.”_ Emma sits next to her best friend. “You know that. I get its a lot to wrap your head around. But, you heard me at the meeting. I am a lot like Regina.” Emma admits vulnerably.

“I can’t believe that. So you think your a little kinky. So what? Kinky stuff is supposed to be hot. Its supposed to by fun. You know?” Ruby’s wide eyes are filled with doubt and concern.

“Who says it can’t be that way? Right now, when she takes control she keeps me from being a fuck up. It works. Its comforting to me.” Emma is frustrated but tries to loosen up, Ruby is only trying to protect her. “Look, I will get there. I will get the reigns back from my PTSD. Today is a good start, just two _normal_ people on a date. I want it to be as boring as possible.” Emma shrugs and gives Ruby a funny, entreating grin.

Ruby can’t help but laugh at Emma in response. She falls back on top of Emma clothes in mocked defeat. “Whatever you say.”

“Thanks. love you.” Emma jets up and finishes primping herself in the mirror.

“love you too.”

Emma runs downstairs grabbing her red jacket and Blue’s keys. She kisses Blue on the cheek. “Thank you again for letting me use your new Jetta. I can't believe Ruby made you get a blue one." Emma laughs affectionately. "And _yes,_ I will be careful!”

“Its my namesake. Anyways, you know I let Ruby be in charge of all things related to my coolness factor. I still think I am hopeless in that regard. Yes, be careful, _mind reader.”_ Blue chuckles.

“What? You define cool. And, It doesn’t take much to know what your thinking, _mom.”_ Emma chimes as she runs out the door.

Blue loves to see her this happy, but it makes her nervous as hell. She is partly to blame. She practically told Emma to take Regina out! But how are they going to navigate two very different relationships with each other, at the same time? She is scared it will complicate starting the court process. And what happens if Emma has another episode, now that _they are dating?_ How will either of them be able to handle that? Her thoughts weigh heavy on her heart as she watches Emma skip out to her car, like a ray of sunshine, blasting through it all.

\--

“Ok Emma. You can do this. Just be yourself. You look good, _anyways.”_ She says to her reflection in the car mirror above the steering wheel. The stereo is blasting something hot, Emma doesn’t know the song, who cares, good beats. She touches up her red lipstick. Her blond locks flow freely down her back. Her smokey eye shadow, black eyeliner and mascara make her eyes more blue. Her white collared shirt pops out of her jacket. Nobody has to know she irons too, they would never guess. Emma reflects on her look out loud. “It says hey. _Hey._ I am casual, I am cute.” Oh, and don’t forget her tight skinny jeans, toned ass inside of them and dare she say most important- her fucking coveted black boots. “She is getting the whole me this time.”

A knock on her car window startles her. “Are you talking to yourself?” Regina smiles coyly.

A string of curses blasts through Emma’s mind. She recovers quickly and smiles at Regina before opening her door, ignoring the question. Regina is in uhm, a casual but sexy, grey _dress_ and _heels._ Oops, she may not have prepared Regina for their destination. Dammit. She stands tall in front of this total bombshell. Maybe she is shaking in her boots ...... _a little._ “You look great.”

Emma has the audacity to look Regina up and down slowly. Oh, the bold and clearly _intentional_ move fires Regina up. Regina licks her lips, _who is this?_

“And,” Emma drawls, “go get your hiking boots.”

 _“What?_ What kind of date is that?” Regina snarls. She steps in, turning the heat on. “What kind of _gentleman_ are you? Don’t you know how to take care of a lady?”

“Ha ha.” Emma chuckles. “I am glad you know who is really packing. But not today dear.” Emma winks, and stares into brown eyes until Regina blushes and becomes unsteady on her feet. “In fact, save that dress because I want to date it after you. Go back in and toss on some jeans and a warm layer, just in case.”

“ _Why you little_ .....” Regina shakes her head, almost at a loss for words. “So crass, Emma.” She is now completely fired up. Her eyes dance as she takes it all in. _“I like this side of you.”_

“Then turn around and go.”

As Regina turns to follow her instructions, she makes a show of her body twisting around in her dress. The moment her eyes are on her front door Emma slaps her hard across her ass.

“Owe.” Regina catches herself on wobbly heels, before arching back up like a cat. “You didn’t just-” Regina turns back around to penetrate into blue green eyes. _“Well,_ breaking your own rule I see. On our next date, you will pay smartly for that.”

Emma folds her arms across her chest and leans back against the Jetta. She is covered in a cocky grin, feeling pretty damn sure of herself, proud even. Emma knows what she can do to her dark beauty and its time to show her. She raises her eyebrows to challenge Regina.

Regina was not expecting that kind of reaction. The moment she so chooses to snap her fingers, she expects nothing less then full submission. And she always gets it, until now. She falls back on Emma’s burgeoning confidence, turns on her heel and hurries inside. She knew it. She is seeing it again. _Its her match._

“hurry up.” Emma says firmly. Regina smiles as she runs up her stairs.

 


	19. Closet

More Regina's POV

 

Regina tosses through her wardrobe looking for the hardest to find commodity- casual clothing. She must still have a few pair of jeans. She feels herself starting to blush all over. How can she be this nervous? She has _never_ felt this way. If she was to even consider giving up control, even for a minute, it would be to Emma. She just knows Emma is going to disarm her. Its in her bones. And, her secret dream is to let go. Now that it might happen she is terrified. She doesn’t know _how_ to let go.

She kicks off her heels in stress. Collapsing onto bed, Regina curls up in the middle of it. She covers her face like a school girl in her first crush, _and groans._ What is happening to her?!

Minutes must have gone by, she is lost in her nauseating thoughts. Butterflies fill her stomach like they talk about in storybooks. She feels paralyzed by the new sensations. She is not ok with any of this!

She jumps up to a seated position when she hears a knock on her open bedroom door.

“Whats going on in here?” Emma ducks in, still proud and tall.

“ _Nothing.”_ Regina clips, looking down and trying to appear like her usual cool self. Emma can see clothes strewn around her room, and that Regina is completely unnerved.

“I bet you are not used to someone taking care of you.”

“What?” Regina asks in surprise.

“Well not from somebody who knows what you need .......... _Like I do.”_

Regina stares into her lap. She tempers her urge to react to Emma. She whispers in a low husk instead. _“The jury is out.”_ She draws her legs up closer by her side, feeling exposed on every level.

“Come here.” Emma stands at the edge of the bed. She looks gorgeous, and her confidence breaks down Regina’s last defense. She waits motioning for Regina to come towards her.

Regina slowly crawls over, catlike _again,_ and still in that damn grey dress. Uh oh. ‘Regina is on her hands and knees coming my way.’ If Emma was a boy she would have an e- ‘shut up Emma!’ Emma rubs her forehead and refocuses.

Regina sits inches apart from Emma. She keeps her legs pressed together and to her side, settled on the bed, tilting her chest so that she is looking up at her. Emma bends down onto her knees and lock eyes with Regina. She places her hands on Regina’s waist. Regina’s skin burns under Emma’s hands. Her temperature rises. Emma leans in so their breath falls on the other. Regina is unearthed by her body’s reaction. She starts to breathe rapidly. Emma presses her lips against Regina’s. Its been over a year of waiting for this wet plunge. She kisses Regina softly. The damn kiss is not quenching at all! It awakens nothing short of _tortured need._ Regina is relieved when Emma pulls away. She would not have been able to stop. And, lack of will power is unacceptable.

“Get up you sexy thing.” Emma growls. Emma stands first and lifts Regina up to her feet. “Now go be a good girl. Go get dressed so _daddy_ can take you out and show you off on my arm.”

Regina jolts back and frowns. “That is so fresh Emma. How rude. _I can’t believe you just said that.”_

Emma, unfazed, leans back against Regina’s bureau. “If you don’t listen to me the first time I will _make you_ change in front of me.”

“Enough Emma.” Regina snaps, flashing a sudden, hard warning through her yielded state. She sits back down to get her bearings. Now she is sick and angry. “I get what your trying to do." She can't help but become chastising. _"Way too fast Emma, way too crass.”_ It is unbearable to try and talk through this the way vanilla people must do. She hates _processing._ She just wants to hunch over and tell Emma to fuck off. Or better, seriously make her pay.

“Regina I am sorry, I came on too strong. Dammit. I just ...... I wanted to show you a different side of me.” Emma gently sits besides her.

“Well, you succeeded, _grandly.”_ she bites with sarcasm. Then in exposure, “don’t take for granted what it is like for me to be vanilla, let alone letting you ..... well ..... _top or_ _dominate me.”_ Her last words are almost inaudible but Emma hears them loud and clear. Regina looks down, yielded again. She trembles at taking this new action, _sharing,_ in the wake of making heads roll over ever exposing herself. Emma can feel her quivering up against her side. She leans in and tilts Regina’s chin to face her.

“I am sorry baby.” Emma’s eyes are filled with such understanding and appreciation for her, it arouses and distractions Regina from her anguish.

Emma kisses her tenderly.

“Its ok.” Regina smiles softly into their kiss. Emma strokes her black hair, running the silk through her fingers and curling it behind Regina’s ears. Regina wraps her arms around Emma’s neck, and releases faint moans into her kiss and touch. They slip into each other, loosing minutes in the rapture of ignition. Its heat like neither has ever felt, heat and something deeper. Everything else whisks away in their lip and tongue embrace.

Regina is the first to break apart. _“Emma.”_ She gasps for air and pushes Emma back. She holds Emma’s shoulders until Emma gets it and relents. They both catch their breath. Regina turns away and primps herself. She tries to pretend her lover wasn’t just pouring into her mouth and melting her down to a pool of wax.

They both awkwardly stare in front of them, still breathing heavy. Regina has all the cards while Emma is reduced to a single drive- _pounce._ Regina starts to get uncomfortable and wrings her wrists before playing with her silver bracelet. Emma can feel it and its a dope slap. ‘Don’t be an idiot!’ Emma berates herself, ‘she needs to be treated like a queen. Take care of her, dumbass!’

“You are so beautiful Regina ...... well you shared some secrets, so I will too.” Emma presses her lips against Regina’s ear. _“I want you so bad.”_ she strokes Regina’s lower thigh.

“That is a secret?” Regina coos sarcastically. “Emma, you are such a _boy.”_ Regina teases, brilliantly masking her own yearning to go further.

“I know I am. Hopefully, you will learn to love that side of me.” Emma chuckles, unabashed.

“And, I owe you a date. My queen deserves a proper date.” Emma stands offering her hand in a knightly manner. Regina sighs in relief that Emma is slowing things down. She smirks and allows this ‘knight’ to help her to her feet. Inside she still feels far more vulnerable then she shows. Regina has never moved fast when it comes to _intimacy._ Throw her feelings for Emma into the mix, she is fighting the drive to run the other way completely!

Emma starts to lighten the mood. She becomes a pure goof. Its another side of Emma she has heard about through their family, but had yet to see. She mockingly goes on a hunt for jeans and a T-shirt in the large, formal walk-in closet. She grins like a dork every time she gets Regina to laugh. Regina does not remember the last time she _just let herself laugh._ This is strange and new. Emma is being silly for no reason. Well, maybe the way it feels is a reason. Regina feels lighter. Nothing feels as serious as it was before. What a relief. And, she is _touched_ Emma is working so hard to draw her out.

Finally, Emma finds just the thing for Regina to wear. She sweetly takes Regina’s hand and leads her to the master bathroom. She hands the outfit over. Regina feels strangely nurtured and taken cared of by all of this. She closes the door to change in private, hearing her heart pound in her ears the whole time.

 


	20. Ocean

More Regina's POV

 

“Our first date is to a state park? Really, you have outdone yourself.” Regina says sarcastically.

“Well you said you already ate, right?”

“Emma your sense of romance is....... _something_.” Regina says harshly. She sinks in disappointment. Her doubts about what she is doing with Emma, flood in at the first crack.

“Sit tight.” Emma hops out of the car and walks around to Regina’s side. She opens her door and kneels down. She takes Regina’s hands. “You need to trust me. At least give me a chance. _I have good instincts._ And you know Regina, you get mean sometimes.”

Emma lifts Regina’s hands and kisses her knuckles slowly.

Regina feels simultaneously turned on and put in her place. Good instincts? That phrase sends a chill up her spine. It is how she described her own gift and she is not one to praise herself. And, she does lash out at Emma, more then she cares to admit. Emma is right. She looks down sheepishly. “I am sorry.”

“Its ok. I still think your hot.” Emma winks. “C’mon, my queen.”

Regina relaxes finally and smiles back. “Ok. Lead the way.” She locks arms with Emma and allows her to guide them.

“First stop, the shack.” Emma walks them up to a concession stand.

“Hi girls. Whats your pleasure?” An older guy smiles from the counter, happy to have the end of season business.

‘Two soft serves in a cone, with crunch coat.” Emma says like it goes without saying.

“Ice cream? isn’t it a little cold-” Regina hesitates.

“Never!”

Something dawns on Emma and a new moment breaks. Her innocent pleasure transforms into something more cunning. She becomes a force of seduction, turning and boring into Regina. “Regina, I have important questions for you. _Chocolate or vanilla_ ? _Soft-_ serve or _hard-_ packed? Should _you take whip_ ped, or hmmm, should _I take whip_ ped? Oh and a cherry ......”

Regina cocks an eyebrow, and folds her arms. She can’t believe Emma right now.

"Never mind, I know exactly what to order.” Emma licks her lips. She says to the man while still baring down on Regina, _“two switches please.”_

“Excuse me young lady?” The attendant asks innocently.

“Two twists with crunch coat. Thats two chocolate and vanilla _t-w-i-s-t-s. We will save the whipped for later.”_ Emma smiles at the man.

“Not as late as you think. _You are going to get it-”_ She cuts off her whispered threat. She wasn’t supposed to dominate. Oh, but she should! Emma is instigating far too much. She deserves to be punished. Regina is fueled by the angry promise she just delivered.

Emma stops in her tracks and balks at the dark beauty. This is her Mistress now. Regina is a looming and fierce glow of command. She is serious, _her threat lands hard._

Anger edges her smirk back to Emma, before Regina looks away in a mock sigh. She spares her _submissive_ any more pride in the public moment.

“Excuse me Miss. Your change? Your Ice cream.”

Emma doesn’t even remember paying the guy. “Sorry.” She offers a feigned smile, awkwardly takes her change and the two ice cream cones. Emma gruffly hands Regina her cone and walks ahead. She benches them under a fall colored tree that jets off from the walking trail in privacy.

They eat ice cream in a weighted silence. Regina really starts to regret upsetting Emma. She craved control, not this. “Sorry.” She says tenderly.

“I was just playing. _You meant it._ You broke our rule-” Emma frowns, finally willing to look at her.

“And who started it? You were _testing_ me-” Regina’s voice is intense until she remembers her goal. She wants to be on a happy-go-lucky date with this girl. Only Emma knows how to be playful, but she is trying to teach Regina. She has to let Emma lead! She can’t ruin it. “No, _your right._ I am sorry.” Regina vulnerably presses her side up against Emma. “Its just what you said back there Ms. Swan.” Regina lightens her tone. “Now, don’t you think you are being presumptuous?”

“ _About you being a-,”_ Emma chuckles and resumes her seductive flare.“You tell me Regina? I think you have made yourself very clear _that you are.”_

“Stop it.” Regina blushes and looks away. Her softness gives her away. The ice cream is tasting better and better, and the next round of silence is thick.

“Its ok, I certainly know which role you prefer.”

“Oh do you? Yes, apparently you know everything. I still can’t believe how fresh you were back there, _Em-ma._ ” Regina looks her up and down and smiles. “I have my hands full with you, don’t I?”

“Definitely.”

They watch each other affectionately and laugh. Regina starts to feel like a girl, its uncomfortable. She quietly finishes her treat. Her side tingles where she is pressed up against Emma.

She distracts herself by taking in their surroundings. It is beautiful out here. The afternoon sun traces the trees with it’s autumn light . At 60 or so degrees Regina is glad she brought her sweater. She can’t remember the last time she went outside or ate a treat, just for fun. She wants to learn how to be happy-go-lucky from Emma. She aches and her heart swells. To Regina’s great surprise, Emma has done it again already. She has made her feel taken cared of.

“What do you think of the crunch coat?”

“What is it? Its very _naughty,_ all sugar.”

“Aww don’t be wasting that word on sugar, I will get jealous.” Emma drawls. Then on second thought she slaps her forehead, only half in jest. “Dammit, I broke my own rule again.”

Regina laughs but her eyes burn right through Emma. “You just wait until I say it to you.”

“Uh hum.” Emma makes a mockery of coughing and clearing her throat. She pretends to shake herself off. “Ok then, yup. So far we get a ‘not even close’ on our vanilla date. Its ok, now we are _both_ equally failing.”

Regina chuckles sarcastically. “Yeah, ok.” She smiles. Emma makes her feel _happy._ “You are funny. There are all these sides of you I have never .....” Regina coos and then looks away, suddenly uneasy.

Emma can see Regina waiver in sensitivity. Her heart thuds out her intention to take care of Regina. It is like the steady beat of a hand drum, her focus is singular. ‘I will get Regina to let me in, I will make Regina mine. ‘Emma, start with simple stuff! Make her comfortable again! Get her off this goddamn bench!’ She snaps in her own mind.

“Thank you.” Emma says restlessly. “So the crunch coat is buttered toffee peanuts and jimmies. So yes, all sugar. What it really is, is pure genius. So now part two, time to show you another favorite of mine.”

Emma hops up onto her feet and extends her hand to Regina. Regina gladly accepts, and they walk through the trails towards the ocean, arm in arm.

“You should know my other love Regina.” Emma outstretches her arm over the rocky cliffs to the wide expanse of the ocean before them. The salty sea air is strong and cleansing.

“Its beautiful. I can’t believe I live thirty minutes away from this park and have never even been here. Look at the rocks. Its just breathtaking.”

“Follow me.” Emma slowly steps down onto the first rock before them. They are long and flat, easy to descend a level at a time. She hold’s Regina’s hand and supports her as they go. “Here is a good spot.”

Regina takes in the view. They stand on a huge level rock in the sun, close enough to see the foamy waves crashing at the rocky shore, far enough to stay dry, and not a person in site. “Its perfect.” She says breathlessly. She is in awe. Being out here with Emma is like nothing else exists. Isn’t that another love cliche? Oh god, what is happening to her?

Regina sits with her legs to her side. Emma sits in front of her, legs folded together. She rests her hand on Regina’s knee.

“You were right. This was a very good instinct Emma.” Regina whispers as she watches the waves hypnotically. It is so soothing. She feels her concerns about letting Emma really see her, roll out with the waves before them. Maybe Granny is right, ‘there is nothing mother nature can’t fix.’ The last time she felt this relaxed she was gardening with Granny or cooking with Blue. Maybe she can add going to the ocean with Emma as part of her new life? ‘Oh Regina don’t get ahead of yourself’ she worries. She rubs her forehead and frowns.

“Whats wrong?” Emma squeezes her knee.

“I am actually going to tell you.” Regina says hesitantly and fidgets with the silver bracelet around her wrist. She waits for Emma to make a catty response and glances up at her when she doesn’t. What she sees instead are blue green eyes filled with love and patience. Emma wants Regina to let her in, _she is waiting for her._ Regina takes a deep breath.

“I told myself I have to open up to you. Well, because I really like you. But, this is all new for me. I am not very good at being vulnerable. I mean, not at all. Its a struggle because I want you to know me, not just the part I show everyone else.” Regina feels like the scared little girl she used to be. She scowls at herself for it. That child should be dead by now.

Emma must be able to see her inner conflict. She takes Regina’s hands and stops her from fidgeting. She holds them with her own, leaning on Regina’s thigh. It is comforting. “You can do this Regina. Its your turn now. How many times have you made me open up?”

“Yes, but that was about your trauma.....” Regina whines uncharacteristically.

“Open up to me.” Emma’s penetrating look makes Regina tremble.

“Ok.” she relents softly. “So you think I am some big dominatrix? Everybody does now. That is all they see. I was very successful not long after I launched Chessfield. I wanted to make a safe, nonjudgmental place for people wired like me. I had repressed and judged my desire to _dominate_ for so long. I opened the school as part of my healing process.” Regina sighs. She pulls away her hands and hugs her shoulders. “ I see now, I should be more forgiving towards you when I make you talk,” she shivers.

“Are you getting cold? Do you want to go back?”

“No. I mean, yes I am cold, but if we go back now I will lose my nerve.” Regina hesitates.

“Come here.” Emma takes her jacket off and puts it over Regina’s shoulders, she swoops in at her side tucking her tightly under her arm.

Regina feels tense and wants to pull away. She holds her breath. Emma can feel it.

“Its ok Regina. Its ok to feel me you know.”

‘I have never ...... _let myself._ I have never really had that.” She exhales emotionally.

Emma strokes her hair lovingly between keeping a tight arm around her.

“Sooo.....” Regina pauses, gathering her thoughts. She feels overwhelmed in Emma’s embrace. And it is starting to get dark. She just wants to nuzzle her face in Emma’s neck and melt. _Absolutely not._

“After awhile I got a reputation as the ‘Headmistress of Chessfield.’ People fly in from all over world to train with me. My students are scared of me. everyone thinks I am as tough as nails. And since I don’t do intimacy of any kind, it is a perfect way to keep them at bay.”

Regina, despite her best efforts and a complete railing against herself, leans her head onto Emma’s shoulder and tucks her arm around Emma’s back. They both shudder in the touch.

“Emma, what I really want is to just be me. I am not a domme, that is just one part of me. So I prefer it as a _sexual_ role. So what? I also want to be submissive ... occasionally. And, well, things I can’t say. I am vanilla, boring, old fashioned even! I want to stay home and make dinner. To just curl up and read my book. To be married and adopt kids. I want my wife to take me out to the movies and pick up our kid at little league-” Regina cuts off, reigning herself in. “I guess what I am trying to say is simple really. My idea of happiness is taking my wife to my cottage a couple times a month for a weekend of ‘play’ and then spending the rest of our time just ...... _just.....”_

“Being normal?” Emma asks innocently.

“Well yes, exactly.” Regina sighs. She starts to panic as she comes to a crashing halt with her ability to share. Why on earth did she say so much, so soon? What is wrong with her? She doesn’t know how to fix it. Her voice shakes. “I hope this is not too disappointing for you. But at the same time, _I am sure you would like less of a beast-”_

“Shush.” Emma swiftly turns to face her, first sitting on her knees, then crawling in towards her. Regina leans back on impulse. Emma grabs the back of her head to support her and pushes her onto her back, straddling her.

Regina gasps, “Your not taking me now.” Even though every inch of her aches to shut up and be consumed.

Emma repositions herself so she is laying at Regina’s side propped up on her elbow. She takes hold of Regina’s waist with her free arm. “You know what I think Regina?”

“What?” Regina says looking up at the sky, feeling way too exposed and excited.

“I think your exactly what I have been looking for.”

“I have to get up, let go of me.” Emma feels stunned and collapses onto her back. Regina gets onto her feet in a hurry.

“Emma I am sorry. This is what I do. I lash out, no thats not true. _I never let anyone this close to begin with!”_ She shrieks. A single tear streams down her face before she can catch it and turn off any more water works. On top of everything else, she won’t have tears!

“Its ok.” Emma jumps up onto her feet and hugs Regina. She takes her in a strong hold and gently rocks her, soothing her. “You did let me in Regina. You are so brave. I want this. I am right here.” Regina buries her face in Emma’s shoulder. She wraps her arms underneath Emma’s and tightly grips around her waist. She starts to let go. She will not cry but she will let herself breathe. She breathes Emma in, her sunny smell, her feeling, her touch, the night that has finally won over the day. And here in the darkness, at 38 years old, she experiences something revolutionary. Its her first time. _A lover is tenderly holding her._

 


	21. Fuck Chessfield

Regina's POV

 

“Where is my 9 o’clock Belle?” Regina says, not looking up from sorting her mail.

“They had to fly out early Mistress. They won’t be able to come back until later this week.”

Regina can tell her secretary, and her ex, is anxiously holding in more to say.

“How many times have I told you, when it comes to day to day business, you do not need my permission to speak?” Regina states impatiently. She slaps her junk mail on Belle’s desk to which she startles and bows her head.

It pangs Regina that Belle can’t move on, it has been _twelve years_ since they escaped Maleficent. She has always tried to protect Belle. It all started back when they were prisoners of their insane keeper. With Belle’s fragile psyche, Maleficent would have destroyed her if Regina did not take the brunt of it. And for some reason Regina took Belle under her wing. Well, Its the first time she ever felt _good._ She truly cared for Belle. She did not want to see Belle’s innocence destroyed, _like Regina’s was._ She has tried everything to help Belle find her own way since then. She even tried, for both their sakes, taking Belle as _her own._ Thats when Regina realized it wasn’t a submissive she was looking for, it was love. Belle on the other hand wants to be owned. Regina struggled with letting her stay on staff at Chessfield after she ended their relationship. Belle begged Regina to stay. Honestly, Belle is content as her secretary. And, Regina is a _professional_ at setting boundaries. So it works. Besides, Regina is the only family Belle has. And Belle is family to Regina too.

“Belle, you don’t have to get this nervous with me. The whole point of me reminding you to talk more freely is to get you to loosen up.” Regina smiles compassionately.

“Yes Mistress,” Belle says timidly. “Graham has asked if he can see you at noon. He wants to go over the curriculum for his next ropes class.”

“Oh, I am sure he does.” Regina chuckles, knowing that Graham is suffering from teacher envy, desperately vying to be her _pet._ “I will remind him, again, that he is supposed to be a dominant, like me.” Regina leans in and waits for Belle to look up at her. “I mean really Belle, where are his balls?”

“Mistress?” Belle goes pink and is aghast.

“What is it going to take to make you laugh? Have you thought anymore about my proposal to let Graham take you out, I think he is well suited for you-”

They are both startled by a loud rap on the door to the Headmistress Suite. Who would dare knock like that and not fear losing their head?

Regina straightens up and folds her arms. She is filled with disdain as she waits to tower over her intruder. Her perfectly pressed white collared shirt, tightly fitted black blazer, matching slacks, and thick leather belt, looks the part of the _Headmistress_ she is about to unleash. As expected, the intruder lets _herself_ in.

“Emma-” Regina gasps out of character, goes pale, and falls back on her heels. Belle looks back and forth between her Mistress’s reaction and the angry stranger in the doorway. “What are you doing here? Is everything ok?”

“ _We need to talk.”_ She growls.

Regina points Emma to her office. “Belle go take your break early and leave us some privacy.”

“yes Mistress.” Belle can’t leave fast enough.

Emma storms into Regina’s office to which she follows and closes her door.

“Belle?! As in your ex girlfriend Belle? Blue told me you used to have a submissive..... _she works here?_ This just keeps getting better and better-” Emma bellows, _incensed._

“Emma I am sure you have a few questions-”

“You know what I have Regina? Do you want to know? A fucking nightmare. I am such an idiot. I had such a fucking crush on you. I have been too trusting, _again_. What is wrong with me? Am I really this stupid?”

“Emma what are you talking about?” Regina says as calmly as she can. Her heart is wrenching. Was it not just two days ago, despite her every known defense, she was melting into this woman’s arms? It was something before their embrace that seemed _impossible for Regina._ How can Emma be talking to her like this, where did she go?

“This guy sat at my bar last night. Said he flew in from Texas to train with the best dominatrix on the east coast, _you.”_

Emma glares in a blue green fury, laying into Regina with pure detest. “Thats when it hits me over a year too late. I have feelings for some kinky headmistress that has like a million slaves, or submissives, whatever you call them. So what does that make me? Am I your newest bitch? This week’s flavor? _We are a fucking joke._ What does all this make you?” Emma motions around to Regina’s office with scowling and mocking hatred. “What the fuck does all this make you? A predator? A fucking BDSM hooker?  _A  s-l-u-t- ”_

Regina loses it. She rushes Emma with a raised hand, about to slap her hard across the face. When Emma flinches, and cowers in fear, Regina realizes in horror what she is about to do. Emma collapses to her knees in an instant PTSD trance, shaking and mumbling apologies.

Regina buries her face in her hands and takes a deep breath. She can’t calm down. She talks some sense to herself, in her own frazzled mind. ‘Emma doesn’t mean it. She is lashing out. She is scared and confused about what I do. _I can never lose control._ Regina, what is wrong with you! How could you let this happen? Zelena used to slap her in the face!’ Regina has a disturbing flash back. It was the first few days Emma stayed with her in the two week ‘bootcamp’ after the hospital. Every time Regina raised her hand or went to reach for something near Emma, she thought Regina was going to hit her. Regina would then have to bring Emma back from the trigger. _“Oh god.”_ Regina mutters. This time she _was_ going to hit her! What has she done? She kneels down in remorse and sits next to Emma.

“I am sorry, I am so sorry Emma.” Regina gently touches Emma’s face to which she grabs Regina’s wrists in terror.

“ _Don’t hit me!”_ she screams, her eyes in a wild trance. Regina wants to cry and beg her to come back, her heart breaks at watching Emma reduced to this. The fight doesn’t matter, everything else stops. Emma in this state is _devastating._ She must be strong right now. They are on a slippery slope. If she is soft Emma will have a tantrum, and then Regina will be forced to make even tougher decisions.

Regina jerks her wrists from Emma’s wild claws. She leans back and then rises onto her feet, calling in all the will power she can muster.

“ _Emma,”_ she says sternly, “get yourself together, this instant. Sit up. Sit up, _right now.”_

Emma stops shaking and mumbling to listen to Regina.

“My couch is behind you. By the count of ten you will get up and sit on that couch or you will be punished. 10- 9-8-”

Emma pops up to her feet and does as she told. She then waits like a paralyzed animal. She listens to Regina, but does not look up at her. Regina lets out a quiet sigh of relief. Thank god that worked. She takes her office chair and wheels it over to sit directly across from Emma.

“Do you realize you are in trouble? You should do everything you can to be good now.”

“ _Oh no.”_ Emma starts to panic clutching her knees and hunching over. “I am sorry Mistress, I am sorry!” She shouts at the floor.

“Do you need to be punished today?” Regina says as coldly and sternly as she can, feeling quite the opposite.

“ _No!”_ Emma shrieks.

“Then you will do as I say. I will give you one more chance. First you will sit back up. Then you will look into my eyes. _Do not look away.”_

Emma is quick to obey.

“Emma you went into a trance. You will come back to me right now.”

Emma starts to drift and her eyes become hazy. “Emma! _10-9-8-”_

“Stop counting, I will be good! I don’t know what you want me to do!” Emma starts to cry, she is beside herself.

“I want you to remember who I am, _Em-ma.”_

“My Mistress.”

“Think harder!” Regina yells. _“Look at me!”_

She holds Emma’s stare with her ferocious will. Emma starts to look like she is coming off drugs. Regina can see it, as if a fog is lifted in front of her eyes.

Emma seems to slump back into her body. Its like she was released from above by a possessed spirit. Her voice is low and sober. “Regina? ............. _oh god_ .......... I left again, fuck, oh geez. What just happened?” Emma rubs her forehead, confused.

She is back. Regina did it. Its delicate, but right now it feels like a miracle.

 

 


	22. Coffee

Mostly Regina's POV

 

“Thank you.” Emma takes the coffee from Regina, and clutches it close to her. Regina can see she is shaken up, but still here. Regina sits down at their table in the corner of the coffee house, with her own coffee in hand.

“You didn’t have to cancel your day and drive us all the way out here.” Emma says with regret.

“Its ok. And, its good to get out of Storybrooke. We don’t need anyone in our business right now. I only had one meeting today anyways, he can meet with me tomorrow.” Regina tries to sound lighthearted when clearly neither of them are.

Sometimes Regina drives out here just to get work done away from everything else. She glances around, after the morning rush hour its quiet at her favorite little hideout. A few people on the other side of the room are lost in their laptops. Regina leans into Emma and whispers, “don’t think for a second, just because we are here, _what I won’t do to you if-”_

“God Regina. _I can’t wait for this to be done-”_

“You think I like being in this position? I am just doing it to-”

“I know.”

“It will be an entire _universe_ away from when I ‘play’ with you. That is, if I can ever dominate you again without bad memories coming up ......” Regina rubs her forehead and her eyes glass over.

“I am sorry. Don’t think like that. You have been my lifeline. We will get there.”

Regina stares into her coffee blankly. They have a lot more to talk about and she is not looking forward to it. But, its time to address the elephant in the living room. She takes a deep breath. “Do you remember what happened?”

“Mostly.” Emma sighs.

“Well then, you must think I am a monster.” Regina blurts out emotionally. “I am so sorry.”

“Regina I was horrible to you. I deserved a slap in the face. Its not your fault I have baggage. You have the right to be human too.”

Regina lifts her elbows onto the table and rests her head in her hands. “What I almost did ....... it wasn’t right Emma. But, I can’t believe the things you said to me. Nobody speaks to me that way. And you never gave me a chance. I knew the day would come when you would freak out about what I do. _But never in a million years .......”_ Regina’s voice trails off in pain.

“Look ......... there is no excuse for how I treated you. I just freaked out. After that guy at the bar I had a nightmare about what you do. I woke up this morning in a cold sweat, feeling like the biggest idiot. How have I never asked you about what goes on at Chessfield? I am too trusting. Then its too late and I get fucked over. Zelena cheated on me ...... a lot. And, I have read about BDSM .... Maybe I should give you a chance to explain what goes on there, but I feel like I already know. I am so _angry_ ...... I mean, it- it has been looking like we are gonna be together. but I don’t share. I can’t get involved in some crazy sex thing, _jesus christ.”_

Regina is insulted that Emma thinks BDSM is equated with promiscuity. Doesn’t she know her at all? A cloud of anger descends upon her. She wants to punish Emma for being so offensive. She has to shift her focus, its not the right time for _that._ Emma needs help understanding, she is not trying to be so insulting. Regina rubs her temples and then folds her arms on the table. She looks into Emma’s eyes, intent on constructively leading the conversation.

“Emma let me help you understand what I do, and what Chessfield really is.”

“ _I really just have one question.”_ Emma stings. She is becoming enraged again.

Regina blanches from Emma’s tone. It really hurts. Nothing in her life has prepared her for the pain only Emma seems to be able to deliver. Its horrible to try and open up, as it is. Right now Emma feels like a one woman firing squad! But Regina _wants_ Emma, despite herself. She hesitates and inwardly curses her new fragility. She finally looks up with caution and masked strength. _“What is it?”_

“Do people have orgasms at Chessfield?”

“Jesus, Emma!”

“ _Answer me.”_

“Well ...... yes.”

“You know Regina, thats all I needed to hear. I am sorry I wasted your time.” Emma jets up almost spilling over both of their cups. She had tucked herself in a corner seat and has to walk by Regina to leave.

“ _Listen.”_ Regina grabs her sleeve as she tries to walk by. She holds tight and is desperate. “I don’t. I don’t Emma.” She is now officially making a scene. A few wandering glances humiliates her further.

Emma does not seem to care they now have an audience. She narrows her eyes and frowns at Regina. It is obvious she is not sure she can trust her.

Regina, still clinging to her wrist, implores her. “Please sit back down, _please._ Emma you know how I feel about begging.”

Emma jerks her hand back and pauses to take it all in. She has never seen Regina this a mess. It pulls at her angry heart strings. She lifts up her arms in resignation. “I am an idiot! its official. 5 minutes.” she sits back down and crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at Regina.

“Thank you.” Regina whispers sheepishly. “Look. everybody has their own thing at Chessfield, just give give me a chance to tell you mine.”

Regina feels herself trembling inside. She has never felt like she had something to lose before. She never wanted anything like she wants to be with Emma. Now it is painful beyond words. She doesn’t even recognize herself. But no matter how she feels, it won’t stop her from telling the truth. And, _she will not sugar coat what she does._

“Look, I know you hate me right now ....... But, its not just your heart on the line.”

Emma sighs coldly. “I am listening.”

Regina realizes she has a small window before Emma completely blows her off. This is horrific! She forces her anxiety aside and takes a deep breath in. Her voice shakes. “I am going to get right to the bad stuff then, because I can’t handle this. You are about to walk out on me. But, I will always be honest with you....”

Emma starts to soften at Regina’s vulnerability. She sways her head, feeling bad. “Look. I don’t want you to feel that way. I am sorry. I won’t die from hearing what goes on there, I owe you a chance to fully explain.”

Regina lets herself breathe, relieved.

“As you know where I work, the school I founded 8 years ago, is called The Chessfield Adult Academy of BDSM. It is _not_ an underground home of 24/7 consensual orgies, masters and slaves, and any of the other sensational ideas that you might have. But, it is not a normal adult ed class either-”

“ _Oh god.”_ Emma huffs, going pale and becoming nauseous. “ And fine, I will admit it. I know this is probably fucking hard for you too.”

“Yes, it is.” Regina gathers herself. “Most of what I do is just boring administration you know, the paperwork I have to go through to keep us from being shut down-”

“ _Regina-”_

“Ok. Ok. So we offer classes. Many different kinds, each with there own rules and boundaries. Every student writes up a thorough contract of what they want to experience ahead of time. And every teacher, including myself, also has a contract. We each have our own unique kinks, desires, and most certainly limits. Each class is on the stop light system, red- just learning, strictly platonic, nothing BDSM and/or sexual will happen in that class. Well, I think you can get the color system from there-”

“ _What color are you?”_ Emma interrupts her anxiously.

“Please Emma. Don’t leave me over this. Hear me out.” Regina looks down and wants to come undone.

“Its not fair when you talk like that. Its my weakness Regina. Right now I hate you for that! And, I hate that your obviously not in the red class. _Fuck......”_

“Well, I better pull the bandaid off quickly for both our sakes.” Regina grabs Emma’s hand, surprising her in the uncharacteristic move. Emma lets her. She feels as hopeless and defensive as all hell, but aches to feel good about them again.

“There is a hierarchy to the school that we find very _effective_. All my teachers are dominants. My students are in training to be dominants, switches or submissives. As the Headmistress I oversee the daily activities of the school. My teachers are submissive only to me, and my Dean Graham. He answers only to me. I oversee much of the scenes and the discipline. I also am responsible for ordering much of it to happen, navigating the edge of what my students can handle and what they cannot. In terms of my color, I am yellow. I witness a lot of nudity and BDSM. And, yes I even get turned on by what I see and order to happen. But I am not green. I do not touch anyone myself. I do not discipline anyone through my own hands. I do not expose myself or my arousal to anyone, and to make it very clear what yellow means, no orgasms. I don’t witness sex, or have sex, ever. I don’t want that Emma.”

“How the hell can you witness BDSM, nudity and people getting hot, but not sex?”

“BDSM is the epitome of control, restraint and discipline. By no means do I run a _debauchery._ Chessfield is a place of learning and healing, pushing limits and achieving personal growth. I take great pride in what I do. I prepare my students to enter the lifestyle in their own empowered way.”

“I still don’t feel like you are answering my question.”

“Well I don’t feel like your _listening_ to me.”

Dark brown eyes flash Emma in anger, before Regina composes herself. She resumes coolly. “I simply am never present in any of the green classes. Graham is in charge and consults me outside of class. I can lead without ever having to attend, or even know certain details. Emma you have to understand something. This is where my job as a Headmistress, and my dream of a life with a partner are two completely different things. My life’s work is Chessfield. I put everything into it. And at work I am everybody’s _Headmistress._ Its my job. And yes, I love it. Does that make me a criminal? But something is missing. At home, I am so much more than that. I have needs that only a partner could fill .......”

_“But at work you get turned on ........”_

“Have you ever watched something truly erotic?”

“Like porn?”

“Oh Emma, only you would reduce what I am saying to that.” Regina scoffs and pulls her arms in by her elbows. “Porn is a public sex display void of any real emotion or substance. And, its not classy at all. Two things I am am very against. Consider me a director of a highly erotic and respectful independent movie. I wouldn’t be a good director if I couldn’t see the value in it, now would I?”

 _“Thats code for you getting wet.”_ Emma says with an insulting sting.

“What I wouldn’t give to take you over my lap, right this instant!” Regina lets slip, on her last nerve. _“Oh, do you have it coming.”_

Emma leans back in shock and starts to breathe heavy. She goes beat red and can’t look at Regina.

“Would you like that Emma?” Regina says, turning on the heat. She has had it with trying to talk Emma’s way. A few people glance over, sensing the energy shift in the room.

Emma looks up at her gaping.

“I asked you a question. Do I need to count?” Regina says coyly, touching Emma’s boot with the point of her black heel.

“Regina, n-not n-now......” Emma stutters.

“Hmm ...... No. I think _right now._ You want to put me on trial? To burn me at the stake? Well then, at least be honest about who you are too. _Hmm?_ 10- 9-”

“Ok......yes.” Emma admits, mortified. “I want that.”

“Such a good girl, I never have to get past 8.” Regina feels like she can breathe again having shifted the power back to herself. She can’t resist but to go deeper into her own agenda, now that Emma is so hot and bothered. “As you know Emma I hate being your therapy mistress. However, there is also a time and a place for _real_ discipline in some D/s relationships. Certainly, there will be if you are ever mine. I do not tolerate the kind of disrespect you have shown me today. The way you keep speaking to me-”

Emma looks regretful. “I Know, I get that, I am sorry-”

“ _It will hurt,_ Emma.”

“What?”

Regina is smoldering now. She is agitated, firm and scolding. This is the Headmistress of Chessfield sitting across from Emma. This is the one who wants to be Emma’s _real_ Mistress.

“I know your little head is filled with fantasy BDSM ‘play’ time. Fluffy thoughts of me taking control over you, I bet. My good girl may get some play time. Oh, but for you dear, be prepared, you need _discipline._ Your are not going to like it. And when it is over, believe me, you will understand what it means to be mine. You will never speak to me the way you have again. You will listen to and trust me, the first time I tell you something, _like I deserve.”_

Regina’s threats stun Emma. She leans back against the wall and hunches down like she wants to slip under the table. Has she _ever_ felt this embarrassed or confused? And, why do Regina’s words excite her and make her feel safe, along with her wanting to sink down into the pattern on the floor and disappear? Holy shit. What the fuck just came out of Regina’s mouth?

Regina is pleased at the dramatic effect she has on Emma. Nothing could be more apparent. But it would be wrong to stay here. Now that she has corrected Emma’s _tone_ she must address her very fair and real concerns. Regina takes a breath and decides to take it down a notch. She will do what she hates most, be damn vulnerable again. Her voice becomes tender. “You know I want you to be mine Emma. I want you to belong to me. And, don’t let my dominant side erase everything else that has been happening. _I still just want to be your girl,_ you dumb fool. Did you forget about what I told you at the ocean? All of those things ....... did you not see how hard it was for me to share them?”

“I did-”

“Well then, see me for who I am, god damn it. Am I sexually deviant? Yes. And, I am also the most private and reclusive person you will ever meet. I don’t date. I am not casual. The only thing I want to ‘share’ at Chessfield is that you belong to me and how much I adore you. And, I have some _thoughts_ about how to do that .........”

Emma looks down, hiding her face. This is a lot to take in. _A lot._ She stews over all of Regina’s words. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Emma was a royal bitch to her. Yeah, she did seriously freak out, but Chessfield is a trip and a half! She had every right to be mad, but not to be so hurtful. So where are they now? Lets see. Regina wants many things- to be her girl, Emma to _belong_ to her, to show Emma off at school, WTF!?!? _,_ and, maybe beat the shit out of her?!? Yup, that about covers it! Ehhhh.

Regina watches Emma’s furrowed brow as she stares downward deep in thought. She suddenly feels like the scared little girl she loathes inside of her. She doesn’t know how her disclosures are landing. She wishes she could take back opening up, _why on earth did she say so much?_

“Emma.” she whispers softly. “I got angry. Maybe I shared too much ....” Regina is breathless and overwhelmed. She starts to panic. “Look, I am not saying we have to be any way, or do anything. Certainly, I don’t _have_ to discipline you. Its really just _you_ I want, please-”

“I just have one question for you.” Emma says slowly looking up and catching Regina’s eyes.

“Oh no. Not again!” Regina gasps preparing for the worst. She buries her face in her hands. She wants to burst into tears, and there is nothing she hates more then weakness.

“Regina. come on baby, look at me......I think you need to give _me_ another chance.”

“ _What?”_ Regina snaps rudely, uncovering her face, feeling naked as the dawn.

“Will you go out with me?” Emma smiles smugly.

Regina nods her head incredulously. “Oh Emma what you just put me through. Well its about time, isn’t it?” She sighs relieved. _“Yes.”_

 


	23. The Rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNING*** 
> 
> As mentioned in the beginning of the book, there will be intense scenes of many kinds. This will be the last warning. Many of the remaining chapters delve deeper into BDSM, darkness, graphic intimacy and violence. Refer again to the tags if you're unsure about continuing. Turn back now if any of this could trigger you.

More Emma's POV

 

Emma must have dozed off on the ride home. She wakes up when the Benz comes to a slow halt. She finds herself in Regina’s driveway. This was not the plan.

“So to recap, you _belong_ to me now. Hmm?”

“ _Yes....”_ Emma gulps, trying to come too faster.

“As I said,” Regina is breathless and punitive, “nobody would ever dare speak to me the way you did today, Emma. Do you know who is the last person to ever mistreat me?”

“Who?” Emma asks, blushing, head spinning, and headed right for Regina’s trap.

“The one who belongs to me, thats who. You are about to find out why. Get out and follow me. Don’t say a word.”

Emma has a flurry of thoughts and emotions, but more than anything she is completely turned on. She is glad Regina has a reason to take control of her. _She needs it so bad._ She knows the things she said were horrible. She didn’t mean the insults, and would normally feel guilty. But in the heat of this moment, she is secretly glad she provoked Regina.

They enter Regina’s home and Emma takes it all in again. It feels like a beautiful mansion. A large modern kitchen is to the left and up a few steps. The foyer spills out to an enormous light filled living room. Its all whites, grays and light tones. A glass chandelier above them sparkles off mirrors and white marble floors. A huge white couch sprawls out under the living room bay windows. The windows overlook a field sized yard lined with trees. The leaves are turning, but pretty little nature is the last thing Emma could care about right now.

Regina takes off her fall leather gloves and drops her keys in a bowl. She motions for Emma to hand over her red jacket and hangs up her own long black coat. She adjusts her collar and smooths her hands over her blazer and leather belt, clicking her heels in a slight tease for Emma. Her eyes are threatening and seductive as she takes Emma apart piece by piece. Emma becomes self conscious under the hot gaze. She is feeling _slightly_ less refined in her white V-neck tee, faded black jeans and tall brown leather boots. Add this to the backdrop of Regina’s home and dominating stance, Emma feels vulnerable. She shifts awkwardly before holding her own.

“Do you need some water or to use the bathroom?”

“No-”

Regina takes Emma by the wrist and pulls her into the kitchen. She pushes Emma back against the counter and steps in, briefly presses their hips together, before pulling away. They are still inches apart. The heat between them makes a display of their chest's rise and fall, and hot breaths on each others skin.

“My, my, you have been very _naughty.”_

“Stop-”

“You don’t get to say that to me, now that your mine. I think something is _very_ overdo, hmm?” Emma’s breathing is now completely erratic. Regina is turned on at how quickly she is undoing her.

“ _Regina-”_ Emma protests, embarrassed.

“You _will_ call me Mistress. Its time for you to be punished.”

She opens a drawer next to Emma. She takes out a smooth wooden spoon.

Emma gasps.

“Why, your blushing Emma. You’re trembling too, now aren’t you? Are you scared?"

“Yes Mistress.”

“You should be. You have been bad. And _have I ever_ warned you.” Regina is stern and then smirks at her melting girl.

“Follow me.” she says in a teasing, sing song way.

She sits in the middle of the couch, placing the wooden spoon next to her, with a seductive and perverted expression on her face. “Emma come kneel here and put your arms over my lap. Right now, hurry up.” she points to the floor on her side.

Emma scurries at the command, finding herself on her knees. She looks up into Regina’s burning brown eyes. She curses herself for how easily she submits, its annoying. Just kneeling and she is already so hot. She is letting herself be topped, dominated and feels girlish and gushy _._ Oh god, she can’t even help it. She is loving every second of it. How fucking forbidden for her inner stud, _the Emma who used to be in charge,_ before Zelena destroyed her. Now, everything else is gone. She is turned on by giving her power to Regina. And, the dark beauty is a queen looking down at her. She is in all her glory having Emma submit. Emma’s mouth, breasts, cunt and bottom all feel swollen and aching with desire as she watches her _Mistress._

“Have you ever been spanked before ...... ” Regina bows her head down sadly for a moment, knowing more then Emma has ever told her. “Well, I mean as a consenting adult, baby?”

“No. You know that Zelena knocked me around a lot. That was different.”

“Yes it was. It was wrong, baby girl.” Regina pauses to acknowledge sadly.

“And is it _really_ something you have always fantasized about?” Regina presses, with a deep and penetrating look.

“Yes.” Emma blushes immensely and suddenly feels sick.

“Stop it. You don’t have to be embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with your fantasies. Now, when we enter a scene I know you _do_ want to be embarrassed and humiliated. You have made that quite clear already. Thats different. It is ok in our scene. But you will not walk around feeling embarrassed or ashamed of who you are, or what you want. Not my girl. _Do you hear me?”_

“Yes Mistress.”

“You have been trying to provoke me since we met. _Now haven’t you?_ I know the kind of release you need tonight.”

Emma tilts away from Regina’s _home hitting assessment._ Her heart speeds up. Damn, she is so turned on. She loses her ability to hide it and squirms awkwardly.

“Stay still.” Regina warns, which makes Emma even more hot!

“Do your fantasies involve a lot of pain-”

“Yes!” Emma blurts out emotionally. “I know that is fucked up, but they do.”

“Your talking to a dominatrix dear. Don’t pull away, lean in towards me. And, don’t you swear again.”

Emma leans in, quivering, and Regina cups her face. “I get turned on because you are. Thats all that matters. Trust how much I want to be here with you. _Ok?”_

Regina leans down and kisses her lips, lightly romancing and soothing her. Regina feels, smells and tastes so good. Her black hair falls briefly around Emma’s face. Emma uses all of her will to not kiss her back. She is a fast learner, that would not go over well.

“Does it involve me being angry and yelling at you?” Regina asks her as easily as if they were choosing dinner.

“Yes ..... it does. I want it to feel like a _real_ punishment. I want to be punished. I want you to, to....” Emma tries to hide her face and Regina catches her chin, bringing their eyes together before letting go.

“Tell me.”

“I want you to make me _cry.”_ Emma states intensely. She worries this will concern Regina and watches her carefully. She does not seem put off by it. Emma is the one put off by what she wants.

“You want me to make you cry.” She nods and gives Emma a look. It is like she knows Emma better than she knows herself.

Emma shudders. She suddenly feels mortified by whatever door to Emma’s psyche Regina just entered. “Please don’t judge me. _I know its too much-”_ Emma folds her arms on Regina’s lap and buries her face in them.

“Emma.” Regina says sternly. “I am not judging you. You are an adult. You know exactly what you are asking for and I am taking you _very_ seriously. Do the same. Stop giving _yourself_ such a hard time about it. _Do you hear me?”_

“Yes Mistress.”

“Emma its all coming together for me now. I get it. You have some healing to do. That is what tonight is really about. Another night it will be more playful, k? Not tonight dear. Tonight you need to be punished. And, I know how much you need me to take control. So enough talking.” Regina drops her voice to a low strict husk. “Do you know what a safe word is? You will use it the moment you feel triggered or you want our scene to stop, for _any_ reason. It is very serious-”

“Yesssssss, I knowwwww.” Emma groans into her arms like a bratty child, on purpose, feeling bolder and testy.

“Emma.” Regina snaps. she grabs Emma hard by her ear and forces her to lift her head back up.

“Ahh-”

“Don’t test me. Don’t you think your in enough trouble already?” Regina’s severe tone surprises Emma. She realizes the niceties have run their course.

“Your safe word is simply ‘safeword.’ I don’t do cutesy words. I like to get right to the point. _What is your safe word?”_ Regina snaps.

“Safeword.” Emma whispers.

“Are you ready to begin?” Her eyes narrow firmly.

“Yes.” Emma whispers again.

“You are about to learn the golden rule of being a submissive. One _never_ provokes her Mistress on purpose, Emma. Oh, but you have been trying to get me to spank you for a long time, _now haven’t you?_ Shame on you. That is very naughty. You will never like the result of being bad on purpose. No matter what fantasies you think you have, a punishment is going to be exactly that, _a_ _punishment._ Your going to hate every minute of it. Your going to wish I was playing with you because you were my good girl. But I have to discipline you instead, _now don’t I?”_

Emma is terrified, remorseful and completely aroused. Regina never says anything she doesn’t mean. It doesn’t matter that they are in their first scene. She knows Regina _is_ mad at all the disrespect, triggered or not. Even though Regina understands Emma’s PTSD, Emma’s behavior has been a fucking nightmare for both of them. Now she can hand it all over to her Mistress. She kneels on the precipice of the only redemption that will make her _feel_ absolved. She could keep fighting how she works. She has already done a lifetime of cursing her desire to submit. Emma is a fucking willful, fiery spirit! She is a fucking top for god’s sake! But, _she is also this_ . Its just how she is wired. So, _she submits._ Her breathing becomes shallow and fast as she feels herself melting into Regina’s threats.

Regina senses Emma responding to her and raises the intensity. She leans in closely to Emma’s face. “I am going to teach you a lesson you will never forget. Tonight I am going to correct your behavior once and for all. You are going to regret how bad you’ve been. You will be sorry. After I am through with you Miss Swan, believe me, you will be very _well_ behaved. Put your arms around the back of my neck, you can hold onto me.”

Emma is so hot by Regina’s words and ashamed at the same time. She lifts up onto her knees and wraps her arms around Regina’s neck. Regina reaches for Emma’s pants. She unbuckles her belt, unbuttons and unzips her jeans, and pulls them down to her thighs, leaving just her panties on. Emma gasps into Regina’s neck.

“Oh my god-”

“Hush, _you know what is coming to you.”_ Emma clings more tightly to Regina’s neck, the reality of her fantasy coming true leaves her terrified and wet all at once. “ _I am going to make you cry.”_

Emma gasps. “No please! I will be good!” Emma grovels in heat and shock. Regina is embodying exactly what she asked for. Its almost too much.

“Oh, it is far too late for that. Bend over my lap. _Now.”_

Emma hesitates, suddenly afraid.

“10-9-”

Emma quickly obeys. She dangles herself over Regina’s lap awkwardly. Her hands and feet touch the carpet and blood rushes to her face as she tries to balance herself.

“No silly, further up.” Regina pats her upper thighs and the couch cushions on either side of her. “Your too big to be hanging off my knees. We will save _that_ position for another time. This spanking will be much too long. I don’t want you to pull a muscle.” Regina chuckles out of character.

Before Emma can think of adjusting her precarious position she loses her temper and reacts to Regina. _“Its not funny!”_ she snaps.

Suddenly Regina’s open hand delivers three hard slaps on her ass in quick succession.

“Owe!” Emma exclaims, feeling more pain than she thought she would.

“Get back on you knees Emma, _right now.”_

Emma does begrudgingly, knowing she is now in trouble on top of being in trouble. She folds her arms around her chest and bows her head down, sulking. With the first few slaps smarting her ass, everything feels different. She is totally embarrassed.

“Emma Swan you will stop sulking, _so help me.”_

Emma starts to feel emotional and triggered, but she doesn’t want to stop the scene.

“Mistress?” she looks up to Regina vulnerably from her kneeling position.

“what is it?”

“I feel like I ruined this already. Now you are so mad at me, I can’t even take my punishment right.....I fe- feel like _freaking out.”_ Emma stammers.

Regina raises her eyebrows and softens. “Good job using your words, Emma. That was a big step for you. Put your arms over my lap. I want you nearer to me.” Emma does so immediately, reveling in Regina’s softer tone.

“You are my girl and you belong to me. When you are bad of course I don’t like it. But, I will make everything ok again by punishing you. I will fix it, its ok. You will pay for your behavior but then you will let it go, like I do. You will not carry it around. And, _you will not doubt how I feel about you,_ not for one second. Its not allowed. Do you hear me?”

Emma sighs in pure relief. She feels her trigger melt away in the care of her Mistress. Hugging her lap and hearing her comfort is a moment Emma will always look forward to.

“Yes Mistress.”

“On a more serious note I am telling you why I took you off my lap. Emma, you will watch your tone with me. _Do you hear me?”_ Regina shoots her a look of death. “You are on thin ice. If you are rude to me again, if you try to block my hands when I am spanking you, or get up without using a safe word, then you are being very bad. Do you know what will happen?”

“What?” Emma gapes at Regina, getting anxious again.

“You see the love seat across from us? I will take you around the back and bend you over it. I will use my belt Emma. You will not sit for days. _Do you hear me?”_

“Yes!” Emma whimpers in disbelief.

“No more chances. I bet you already feel a little sore, _now don’t you?”_ Regina’s knowing look makes Emma want to disappear. “Ok then, see how I am sitting all the way back on the couch? You will bend over my lap again. I want the rest of your whole body laying safely on the couch and your arms resting above your head the whole time. Ok?”

“Yes Mistress.” Emma mutters, bowing and turning a shameful red.

“Your just learning baby. Although you are a very bad girl, Miss Swan, I think your adorable. I think your ready to do a good job taking whats coming to you. Its time now. Come bend over my lap.” Regina pats her thighs.

Emma does as she is told, sinking into the couch with her bottom lifted over Regina’s lap. She had no idea how humiliating and exposed this position would feel. But even after the rocky start she is still so turned on. She _belongs_ to Regina right now. She can feel the heat of Regina’s thigh through her panties. She aches to press her hips into her. Regina seems to be reading her mind when she gently places her hand on Emma’s bottom. Emma starts to breathe heavy, sandwiched between Regina’s hand and thigh. She floods with longing. Regina rubs her bottom sexually and Emma is undone. Regina traces under her panties to her cunt.

“My, my, what have we here? _That_ is very naughty Emma.” Regina grazes her fingers over Emma’s sopping wetness. Instead of withdrawing her hand Regina rubs over Emma’s panties. She strokes Emma's cunt lightly and starts to tease her relentlessly. _It unleashes a wild need._ Emma tries so hard to be still. She knows she should be. But she just fucking can’t! She loses it and desperately grinds her hips on Regina’s thighs and pushes into her fingers. Regina pulls her hand away in a flash. Emma feels Regina’s left arm firmly hold her lower back down, a shuffle and a pause.

“Oh no-” right as Emma registers what is happening she feels the wooden spoon land hard across her ass! Before she can even react, Regina swiftly and methodically spanks her several more times.

“Owe, owe!” Emma yells wiggling and flinching from the pain.

“How dare you, on top of everything else, try to pleasure yourself when your being _punished._ I should use my belt!”

“Nooooo! Not that! _You were touching me!”_ Emma whines, obviously confused.

“Stop whining, right this instant. _It is part of your punishment Emma._ When you are bad you will _desperately_ want me, and oh, how you will want to come. But you don’t deserve it at all. I will tease you and give you no relief. I will put you to bed sorry, sore and _unrelieved._ This is what happens to bad girls. This is yet another reason why you will wish you were my good girl, instead. I better not see your hips move that way again or you _know_ what will happen.”

Emma lays frozen in shock and stimulation. She feels herself breaking out in a sweat as she tries to hold her desire in. Her bottom burns already and that excites her more. It blows her mind how equally scared, humiliated and aroused she is!

Regina places her hand on Emma’s bottom. “And to think my bad girl, _we haven’t even really started._ It’s time for me to bare you and give you what you deserve.” Regina pulls Emma’s panties down to her pants at her knees. “You are about to be _very_ sorry.”

Regina starts to spank Emma as soundly as she promised she would. She uses the back of the wooden spoon. The smacks hit loudly across her bare ass, scaring Emma with each smite. Emma does not realize that Regina is carefully monitoring how hard she is hitting Emma, or that she is holding back as to not really hurt her. To Emma it feels really hard! What the hell did she get herself into? _She wanted this?_ She asked for this!?!? It feels like her world is ending as she gets lost in the spanking. Emma can’t believe this is _really_ happening. The wooden spoon comes down again, and again, loud and stinging her bare skin. And, not only is her huge crush actually spanking her, Regina is watching it all from above her! Now Emma really _does_ feel like a bad little girl. Her pants and panties are down to her knees, and her ass must be getting red. What a show, its horrible! _How is she ever going to look at Regina again?_ Emma is getting all worked up in panicked thoughts. Dark emotions pour in and take over. She starts to wiggle, kick her feet, and whine.

“Owe! It hurts, it really hurts!”

“What did you expect? I warned you, this is what you get when your bad. I should have done this a long time ago!’ Regina yells. She carefully uses acting angry to make it seem like she is hitting Emma harder. It works. _Regina’s tone sends Emma into a meltdown._

“ _I am sorry. I will be good. It hurts.... owe!”_ Emma starts to move too much.

“ _Stay still. Do you want the belt?”_

“Nooooooooo!” Emma shrieks. Now she wants to cry.

“Please Mistress. I am sorry.” Emma whimpers. She is painfully aware of how pathetic she feels, blundering into her first adult spanking. She sinks into a deep shame. She still can’t believe it. She is over Regina’s goddam lap! Is she a fucking child or what?

Regina puts the spoon down and uses her hand to continue, Emma is too worked up to notice that the blows are even softer. “Emma Swan I told you, you wouldn’t like this didn’t I? _It is a real punishment._ Did you think I would stop just because you finally realize it hurts? Oh no. You have had this coming for far too long.”

Regina spanks Emma’s bottom vigorously with her bare hand while tightly holding her down with her other arm. She starts to hit her faster. “You are a very bad girl! This will teach you. You are mine. This is what happens when your bad. You will be shamed and punished. You will be taken over my lap, bared and spanked, and you will hate every minute of it!” Regina aims low on Emma’s bottom to right above her sex. She spanks her in that sweet tender spot over and over.

“ _Who do you belong to?”_

“You!” Emma gasps in pain and arousal.

“Are you ready to be my good girl?”

“Yes, yes! I am begging you. I will be good now, please stop, please!” Emma sniffles and writhes over Regina’s thighs, now shamelessly trying to escape the blows.

“ _Emma.”_ Regina snaps in fury. _“I will teach you to stay still.”_

Regina has to get Emma to _let go._ Oh, her damn stubborn girl. She is not surprised at all, the tolerance Emma has to pain and amount she requires before she _can_ let go. Emma needs the release of true surrender. Regina will be done when she feels Emma’s body melt into limpness and emotion. Right now Emma is still in her damn head! She understands her submissive, and the essence of Emma’s deepest longing, better then Emma does. Too bad she is too damn stubborn! Regina does not like continuing and potentially marking Emma’s bottom. But, _it is exactly what Emma needs._ She rallies and uses the wooden spoon to finish her off. “This will teach you.”

Emma shrieks when she feels it again. “No! No! not the paddle! _Please Mistress!”_

Regina ignores her. She spanks her methodically, sternly, in complete control and domination over Emma.

Suddenly, Emma can’t fight anymore. She doesn’t even want to. She starts to let go into the punishment. The strangest feeling comes over her. She actually _relaxes._ Its surrender. She feels like a wet noodle draped over Regina’s lap. She is being mercilessly paddled. The wooden spoon stings, humiliates, and her ass is on fire. She doesn’t know how much longer she can take it. Thats when it comes up from the deep. Its the real pain, _all her pent up emotions._ They well up in her chest. Fits of tears and sniffles break free. She starts to cry.

Regina is relieved, but if she stops too soon Emma will go right back into her willful resistance. She has to break Emma wide open. Thats when the rush comes in. The elusive gratification Emma has always longed for and Regina knows well _._ She takes a deep breath and wills in the highest level of her punitive edge _._ She raises the paddle and smites in a fury. “Oh Emma, _I will give you something to cry about,_ you naughty, naughty girl. You will never disrespect me again when I am through with you. _You have been a bad, bad, girl.”_

Regina sends Emma over the edge with her next burst of condemnations and heavy swats. Emma dissolves into the unending scolding and paddling. Her cries become broken and helpless. Regina is showing no mercy.

Minutes go by. Regina holds her breath in the final stretch to deliver her submissive.

In a deep uncontrollable wail, _Emma breaks down completely._ Thank god, Its unmistakable, Emma is wide open now. The rush came. Regina rests her hand on Emma’s beat red bottom. Emma flinches to the touch, not being able to distinguish it from a smack. Regina leaves her hand there and gently rubs Emma’s back with her other hand.

“There, there Emma. You needed this. Cry for me. Let all those tears out baby.” Emma gets louder and she shakes in deep and buried anguish. Its like her body has become a machine. Every last burden her cells carried- every hurt, failure, betrayal- is being squeezed out and released. Her chest heaves. She wails in pure release.

“Cry for me baby. Let it go, let it all go. I am right here.”

Regina pats her hair lovingly and makes soothing coos while Emma cries. She doesn’t dare move yet and risk Emma being cut off. Twenty or so minutes later Emma’s catharsis has given way to soft whimpering and hiccups. Emma wipes her eyes and curls her arms vulnerably under her chest. Regina briefly lifts Emma’s hips and pulls her panties and pants back up. She softly places her hand back on Emma’s bottom.

“I Know what I told you. That sometimes I _want_ to discipline you when you misbehave. And their will be plenty of time for me to explain that, and tell you exactly what my kinks are. Just like a spanking is your favorite. Well, I know right now it doesn’t feel like your favorite. But it is something you always longed for. _And my, my, did you just get one._ But perhaps, it wasn’t what you thought it would be like? I know it brought up a lot-”

Emma sheds a fresh batch of sobs at Regina’s words. She tries to crawl off Regina’s lap stiffly. Regina helps her shift position and pulls Emma into her arms. She leans back against the couch and Emma melts onto her, chest to chest. Emma curls her legs up at Regina’s side.

“But Baby, tonight wasn’t _really_ about you needing discipline. You are not bad Emma. And you do not deserve to be hit. This is simply a form of release that you crave right now. You have needed this for a long time. I told you there are many kinds of release. And for my poor girl who has shed way too many tears in fear, see how different these tears were? _These were healing tears.”_

Emma buries her face in Regina’s neck. She tries to get it, but is way too emotional. All she knows is Regina stripped her bare and now holds her in a tight embrace. She clings to Regina’s tone and her comfort. Now she can _feel_ love in a way she never could, before what just happened, _happened._ For the first moment in her adult life, she holds onto another. _She holds on tight._

“We will work on this baby. I will help you understand why you want to be spanked. _And believe me, I will spank you again._ But, I will also help you realize how good you are. I know in your mind you get it, you have done a lot of work on yourself. But your cellular memories carry a different story. And for those of us wired a certain way, we heal and receive pleasure by going back to those places. Its a lot to take in. I know it all feels contradicting right now. BDSM can make your head spin. I will help you. And don’t you worry, you are my key too, _you will see.”_ Regina hugs Emma and nuzzles her. Her tone empties into a sweet drawl. “As your Mistress, I must say, you took your spanking very well. You were brave. I am proud of you.”

 


	24. 5 AM

More Emma's POV

 

The cold water feels good on Emma’s face. Regina lent her pajamas. They are collared and pale blue, smelling of crisp linen and Regina’s musky rose perfume. She inhales her sleeves and takes Regina’s scent in like an aphrodisiac, it makes her _ache._ It must be close to sunrise. Emma adjusts to the bright bathroom light. She gawks at herself in the mirror. What the fuck just happened? Her eyes are all red. It feels like a lifetime of tears poured through her in one hour. She kinda looks like it too, ehh. She smells like cypress, and other comforting hippy oils Emma was surprised Regina knows so much about. Whatever Regina rubbed over her sorry ass is cooling and soothing. Should she look? Its intimidating. Emma turns to see the damage in the mirror. She drops her pants just enough, her ass is blanketed in an even, thin bruise, black, blue, and grainy. It is a lot to take in, but still, she thought it would be much worse. _It felt like an eternal punishment._

She sits on the side of the tub processing everything. It doesn’t hurt to sit, uhm, that is a _slight understatement._ It throbs and burns. The real surprise is how she feels emotionally. Its like being a different person. For one thing there is no shame left, it all poured out in the open floodgates. Emma feels .... wait....... thats weird, she feels _good._ A weight is lifted. She is lighter. She is grateful that Regina stayed by her side every minute since their scene, soothing her, holding her and putting them to bed early. Emma has felt so secure in Regina’s aftercare. In fact, _nothing in the world has ever felt better._ Nothing, than to be taken apart so completely and then put back together, by her lover. It feels profound, like an epiphany. She can’t believe that Regina would do this for her. She still can’t tell if spankings are even a _kink_ for her!

Emma sits musing in Regina’s master bathroom. Hues of morning light breaks through the darkness. She rubs her face. Her heart swells with a force of gratitude and awe. _Regina has fought for her on every level imaginable._ Emma resolves to do better by her. ‘I have to stay fucking here. I can’t leave her and become psycho anymore. I have to beat my fucking demons!’ She yells in her mind. She feels the will of her intention firing her up, and grounding her down to her feet.

She squints in the darkness finding her way back to bed. Emma slips through the covers as quietly as she can. Intoxication hits as she pulls near Regina, in her little lavender silk nighty. Its like the air around the dark beauty is electrically charged! Regina surprises Emma by being awake. She scoots closer in and places her hand on Emma’s side. Emma feels a shiver under her feather touch.

“Are you ok?” Regina whispers, her voice cracking after having been asleep. Emma can feel her concern.

“Yeah-”

“Are you sure?” Regina questions her vulnerably.

“Yes. Regina, what you did for me .... I don’t know how to say it.” Emma hesitates. “I am barely even sore-”

“Oh Emma, _don’t you lie to me._ Thats impossible.” She scoffs.

Emma blushes from Regina’s rebuke. She is grateful the early morning light allows for only silhouettes and shadows. She doesn’t know how to explain how good she feels. “I am sorry, I am sore. _thats not what I meant._ You brought me to a higher place ....... you _know_ that.”

“I understand.” Regina whispers. “Its alright Emma, you don’t have to say anything more.”

Thats a fucking relief. Emma relaxes. Its hard to even _acknowledge_ what happened between them. But the deep thoughts are getting fuzzy anyways. She is becoming distracted as her huge crush is laying right in front of her, hand still on Emma’s side. The electricity builds between them at once. It is the first night they have ever shared a bed. Regina’s proximity galvanizes Emma. She can’t _not_ act. She puts her hand on Regina’s waist and feels her lover’s breathing change. Pulling in closer, their bodies are inches a part. They tremble and exhale in ragged breaths. Their chemistry has escalated to a raging tension. It has been fed from the moment they met. Now, only a few inches of space hold back the damn’s first break.

“ _Emma...”_ Regina is breathless and overcome. She is softer and sweeter then ever before.

Emma touches the side of her face, combing through silky black hair. She traces over Regina’s face and lips, pressing against lips until they part..

Regina kisses her finger, and then sucks on the tip. She swells with longing.

She feels like a ripe fruit to Emma. So that is where all those silly cliches come from. Just look at her, _ripe, aching and delicious._ Emma can’t take it. She grabs Regina by her thighs and pulls her flesh against her. She reaches for the bottom of her nighty and lifts it up forcefully. Regina gasps and helps her by sitting up briefly. She lies back down, now on her stomach, smiling, completely naked. The first morning light shapes her curves and should make Emma jealous, consuming Regina in it’s luminous glow. Emma is completely transfixed at the beauty before her. Her still muse, innocent, milky, voluptuous, _feminine,_ waits for Emma to make the next move. While still on her side, Emma leans into Regina. She props her head on her elbow and runs her fingertips down Regina’s back. Regina arches just a bit, enticing Emma for more.

“Em-ma.” Regina whispers in her ear. Her soft wet lips graze Emma as she speaks. “I need to feel you too .............. _please_.”

Emma feels ready to explode to hear Regina talk like that. She tucks her face into Regina’s neck and breathes her scent in. Hot skin rubs against hot skin. Emma can see Regina breathing heavily and it arouses her more. Regina bows her head down onto her elbows. _She_ _wants Emma to lead._

Emma decides to make her wait. She drapes her leg over the back of Regina’s thighs. She rubs her hand more firmly down the curve of Regina’s back, her ass and gently flicking over her wet pussy. Its a dance already. Regina tenses in need and moans. She tries to shift to face Emma, but is held in place. Emma strips off her pajamas while keeping Regina pinned. The charge between them becomes so full, _it is unbearable._ Emma kneels between her mare’s legs and splays them open with her own. Regina gasps in heat. Emma reaches down and claws over Regina’s pussy. She teases her clit with the tips of her fingers. Regina’s gyrating hips and soft moans douses Emma’s cunt as much as the cunt in her hands. Oh dear. _Look at the dark beauty now._

Regina feels swollen and vulnerable on her stomach. Her breasts are hard against the mattress and her sex is fondled in her girl’s hand above her. She has never let herself be topped before, _ever,_ well except for Maleficent. She has blocked those memories out completely. This is different. She needs Emma to top her. She aches to be disarmed and consumed by this woman. _What she needs,_ is Emma inside of her. Her eyes mist in the shock of her desperate yearning. Who is she right now? What has gone to abandon in the wake of all that dominance, distance and control? “Emma!” She yells, physically tortured, overwhelmed by her thoughts, unnerved by her desire.

Emma is in tune with her queen. She just _knows_ what Regina needs. She is made to break and deliver her. She is made to strike down the wall Regina denies her moonlit fragility behind. Be it soft or hard, the wall is coming the fuck down. Regina is going to be hers. ‘Lets show her what I am made of. It is my turn now.’ Her cocky thoughts buzz in an erection of pride. She wedges her strong hands between Regina’s hips and the mattress. Pulling back and up she has Regina on her hands and knees in one swift moment. She presses her wet cunt into Regina’s ass, spreading her cheeks and pulling the back of Regina’s thighs hard against hers. She bends down and rests her weight on Regina’s arching back. She claws and grabs Regina’s breasts forcefully. She rubs and squeezes, then circles soft thumbs over the tips of hard nipples.

 _“Please!”_ Regina is losing control. When Emma reaches down over her abdomen and back to her wet cunt, Regina drips into her hands.

Emma circles and presses on her clit with one hand and teases up and down her wet folds with the other. Regina wants to scream. Her need is so great it hurts. She furrows and sweats, arms and legs trembling under Emma’s weight.

“ _Who do you belong to?”_ Emma says with the cockiness she has already earned.

“You! Emma, _you.”_

Regina’s confession is as gold as her tender voice when she ushers it. Emma’s heart swells to hear it. Emma is transcended into waves of lust and something much deeper, something that wants to break down walls and knock away planets, to exalt this woman underneath her. And if that was not enough, Regina starts to _whimper_ in frustration and vulnerability! Emma comes in quick jerks at the very sound. Her girl is about to discover the stamina she has.

“ _Did you?”_ Regina questions, in shaking heaves.

Emma forcibly grabs Regina, pushes her onto her side and then flips her onto her back.

Regina smiles, winded. She laughs in unbroken heat. _“You are something .....”_

Emma wastes no time straddling her and making sure that the friction of her pussy presses into Regina’s.

“Yes I did, and thats just the beginning baby....” Emma smirks above her in between heavy sighs.

It occurs to Regina to tease Emma about how full of herself she is being. But all she can do is blush under Emma’s hot gaze. She squirms and melts. Its agonizing the damn woman is not inside of her yet! Emma’s strength and confidence, the way Emma touches her, mixed with Regina’s _feelings_ for her is, well, _the greatest aphrodisiac she has ever had._ The warmth in her heart, gut and sex is way more then _good sex._ What is coming over her? Something is happening ........ _Oh no._ Regina frowns in a wave of panic, suddenly aware of her unwonted state.

“Hey.” Emma presses her thigh between Regina’s leg and her other to Regina’s side. She rests her full weight on her mare and on her elbows, to penetrate dark down eyes with blue. _“I know. I know.”_

A single tear lines the side of Regina’s face. How does Emma know her so well? It is like she is already inside of her. Emma’s care has penetrated, long before her fingers will. Fingers that run themselves through Regina’s hair before holding her firmly behind her head. Regina holds onto Emma with pure emotion and need. She hugs and scratches Emma’s back, _hard._

Emma presses her lips against Regina’s, asking to be let in. Regina opens her mouth and Emma’s tongue enters and consumes her. Emma kisses _slow and deep._ Regina melts, her fingers become soft on Emma’s shoulders. Her legs part as much as her lips do, neither in her control anymore. Her chest heaves and back arches off the mattress into her top. Minutes tick by as Emma rests on her naked queen, devouring her in hunger.

Their bodies are heating up and sweating, the _need_ is becoming aggressive. Movements are faster, breathing is panting and moaning between locking lips. Emma wedges her hands down Regina’s back and grabs her ass. She squeezes her legs together and presses her clit onto Regina’s hipbone and pulses _, she is pleasuring herself._ And she is doing it to tease her! Well its working. Regina breaks the kiss to gasp. Thats it. _She can’t take it anymore._

Emma reads her. She will not have her mare beg, _not tonight anyways._ She thrusts two fingers hard, deep inside of Regina. Regina yelps and bucks up her thighs, taking Emma up with her. Emma shifts all her weight onto her leg between Regina’s. She pressing her thigh into her penetrating hand and hammers into Regina. Regina yells. Emma inserts a third finger into Regina’s sopping pussy and uses her thumb to knob at Regina’s clit. She thrusts her thigh and torches her fingers deep into Regina. The olive skinned beauty _glistens in sex_ underneath Emma. Her groin gyrates in hunger. Her pussy pulls Emma in and clamps tightly around long fingers, sucking on the relief of the hard, hard fuck.

Their bodies thrust as one, in line with Emma’s command. The pressure building between them is a violent ecstasy. It beads sweat, mats hair and sticks them to the hot sheets underneath.

Emma is getting enough friction from Regina’s thigh. Its the _friction_ of her bottom’s undone state- the tender sticky swelling around her fingers, the heavy breathing in her ear, the tightly clinging hands on her back- that is peaking her the most.

Emma takes Regina in. The dark beauty is bucking in a froth, Emma’s mare is in a full insatiable heat. Regina quivers and trembles underneath Emma like the _woman_ she is. Nothing, even wild uncontrollable sex, is done without grace. That is Regina. Regina is Emma’s grace. Emma knows her mare is actually shy, _she is the only one who knows._ Regina needs to hear some words right now.

“Come for me.”

“ _what?”_ Regina heaves.

“Come for me, _now.”_

“Oh Emma I will..”

And it is happening, the elevation, the crescendo, the finale. Regina starts to yell and presses against the head board above her, back arching fully as she rides Emma’s drenched fingers to the base. She arches to sit into them.

“ _Yes baby, yes. Thats it.”_ Emma nurtures through her own heaves, heaves of glory and empathy. Her passion emanates outward, like colors, light, music and dripping wetness, pooling on her lover’s bucking thigh.

They string together in a final heat, humping wildly and coming finally. They both yell and want to cry. It is scary to come back down where crazy human drama means anything, and their new union isn’t just _everything._ They grunt, climax and revel in pure orgasm. They revel in their naked puddle of relief. Its now, when Emma took Regina for the very first time, they can each finally understand a term that was elusive before, _making love._

 


	25. Dragon

Emma and Regina's POV

 

“Don’t struggle, you will make it worse for yourself.” Emma says in a seductive hiss.

One of Regina’s biggest gifts wakes her up in a heart attack, her ability to sleep through anything. She had fallen asleep with her arms wrapped around Emma’s neck, a position she never dreamed she could fall asleep in. Now, her hands are bound in one of her own lace scarves through the beams in the head board. She is naked and uncovered.

Emma is in one of Regina’s silk blouses, grey, open, and nothing else but Regina’s riding crop under her arm. She purrs to see Regina awake and twisting naked under her gaze. She takes the crop and teases its tip over Regina’s neck, softly over her nipple, down her abdomen and about to plunge.

“Emma!” Regina yells in panic.

“Watch your tone,” to which Emma lightly swats Regina over her stomach.

“Safeword! Untie me!”

Emma starts to register the distress her dark beauty is actually in. It jilts her. She rushes to untie her knots. Regina is panicking and struggling which makes it almost impossible.

Regina rages on Emma with fiery eyes and spitting words. “Emma. This is not a game! You have to know what your doing! _How dare you-_ ” And no sooner does she start to let Emma have it, then feels sick in regret. Their delicate new love-nest is in flinders. Emma was just playing and now Regina probably terrified her. Regina grunts, twisting her arms and silently cursing herself, as she desperately tries to calm down.

Emma mutters that she is sorry, gruffly holding back tears and pretending she is fine. She is probably dead meat and hates her life right now. She finally succeeds at getting her amateur double knots out. Regina springs up, throws on her thin light blue satin robe and offers one to Emma. It is off-white, with a dark blue trim and a dragon wrapping around the back. Emma tares off Regina’s shirt and buries herself in the robe meekly.

Regina paces and wrings her wrists before disappearing behind a slammed door, into her master bathroom. A few minutes tick by. She soothes her raw skin and nerves, using her well worn tools to keep the old demons at bay. Demons that Emma is still learning how to identify, let alone defeat. She calmly comes back into her bedroom when she is ready. Looking up at Emma finally, Regina can see Emma is expecting she is in trouble and is near triggered in fear. _This is the last thing either of them wanted._

Regina gets back into bed resting her shoulders and head on some puffed up pillows on the headboard. Emma tentatively faces her on her side. Regina firmly pulls Emma into her arms, giving her no choice. Emma is relieved as she rests her face in the crook of Regina’s neck, still holding her breath. Regina husks in a loving tone, “Don’t leave me right now. I am sorry I became so angry, you scared me. I know you didn’t mean to. I need you right now as much as you need me.”

Emma listens but does not trust it yet. Her fists are still clenched tightly and her muscles are taught in anger. “I am such a fucking idiot. I am sorry. Its just, you know my kinks .... You know _everything_ about me. More than I ever wanted anyone to know. I hate it. I wanted to make you talk about you. I want to know you and find out how _you are wired.”_

Regina pats Emma’s hair lovingly and chuckles before she can stop herself. “Well, that was one way to do it.”

“Are you going to punish me?”

Regina looks at Emma, disappointed but not surprised. “No Emma. Of course not. We have to clear some things up. I don’t consider you my submissive. But, I was afraid that is what you thought. I want to consider you _my girlfriend._ Like I said at the ocean, being a dominant is a sexual _role_ I like to play. And, yes I am hoping to include a healthy dose of _discipline_ in that but-” she hums and graces over Emma’s arm with her finger tips.

Emma responds by nuzzling her face in Regina’s neck and hugging her more tightly.

“-I don’t want it to be our only dynamic. And honestly, I don’t think a 24/7 D/s lifestyle would work for _you,_ at all. Then there is your trauma. There is no real term for my role in your healing. Calling it your ‘therapy mistress’ is the best I can come up with. What I do know is I am fulfilling a promise I made to you. When you can’t do it for yourself, _I will step in and make you_ beat your demons. I am not losing you to the darkness. I know its all complicated right now, but underneath I just want to be your girl, remember? Regina turns to face Emma and presses against her seductively.

Emma starts to relax, breathing fully and rubbing the stress off her face. But she is not completely satisfied. “Regina, I want you to be able to let go of control and rest into me too. I want to take control. And you know what? _I feel like I am made to.”_

“Well, isn’t that _exactly_ what happened a few hours ago?” Regina looks playfully into Emma’s troubled eyes. She presses her groin into Emma’s. A moan escapes Emma’s lips before she pulls back, still in thought.

Regina can see her pride is wounded. Emma is proud in her own way. Regina bets she is used to being way more commanding then the circumstances of the last year, and Zelena before that, allowed. Regina gets it, they are a lot alike. Being exposed is an equal threat to both of them. Poor Emma has had nothing _but that_ since she was dropped at Regina’s feet, at Chessfield.

Underneath the insanity of Zelena and PTSD, Regina sees the warrior in Emma. A warrior that continues to fight for control and loses in Emma’s internal battle for freedom. But regardless, Emma’s strength has been visible to Regina since she first laid eyes on her. And eventually the warriors, knights, heroes, saviors, (whatever you want to call them,) _they win._ Right now, Emma is afraid Regina does not see her strength. Regina aches to soothe the one who feels like her knight. ‘ _Oh Regina don’t get carried away.’_ She is unnerved by such longing and hope to rest in her. Emma still has so far to go. But, Regina _knows_ Emma will fight to win, and maybe _even fight for her._ Regina whispers hotly in Emma’s ear “When I am ready to tell you certain things I will, your the only one I have ever wanted to tell my secrets to.”

Emma feels more satisfied with that. She can feel a hint of the fragility, that Regina so desperately tries to hide, behind her seductive tone. She pulls Regina into her arms, sitting up on her side so that Regina is tucked under her chin.

Mixed with her unnerving realization she wants Emma to be her _knight,_ and now tucked tightly into Emma’s arms, Regina suddenly feels like the girl in this equation. She becomes nervous, _this is too vulnerable._ Yuck. She hears the very words she has said to Emma. They make a hypocrite out of her resistance. ‘You may not _want_ it, but it may be exactly what you _need.’_ She thought she wanted to be soft, to be passive and let Emma lead. But this is all too much. Her thoughts have now completely agitated her.

“Hey, whats wrong?”

Emma’s perceptions are as sharp as Regina’s. That is unnerving too. If they can survive past their ability to expose the unwilling other, it could be a great gift. Right now it is positively dreadful for Regina.

“Nothing.” She huffs rudely, shutting down.

“Regina, I think you hate being vulnerable more then me. I think you need to talk to me.”

“ _That is the last thing I need.”_ Regina cuts deep.

Emma is mortified, what happened? Talk about one extreme to the fucking other! Its like a goddamn light went off and a stranger found Emma in her bed.

Regina sits up regally. She pulls herself away in detest like an unwanted child was wrapped around her. “Its time to get up and start the day like grown ups, _enough of this nonsense.”_ Regina sits on the edge of the bed, her back to Emma. She is trying to hide her turmoil and is miserably failing. Emma pierces through her in awareness.

Emma feels all heated up in anger. Regina can bite like a snake, she is obnoxious that way. It is so unfair. “You told me yesterday that you were taking the morning off. Regina we have plenty of time, thats not what this is about.” Emma holds back wanting to snap at her. Imagine if she acted this way to Regina? No matter how vanilla Regina claims to be, oh, _she wouldn’t have it._ Emma breathes through the impulse to react. Regina is dying in there right now. Her heart hurts for her queen. She doesn’t know what works for her yet. Oh, but she will learn Regina if it is the last thing she does.

Emma tightens her robe and climbs out of bed. She stands in front of her hunched over, stewing mare. She runs thin fingers through the thick black mane, rubs the back of Regina's neck and her shoulders. “Its ok.” Emma offers softly and feels shoulders tense under her kneading.

Emma kneels down eye to eye. Regina looks annoyed. Emma thinks its because her words hit home, she certainly knows how it appears when someone feels unduly exposed.

Emma makes Regina look at her. “Hey. Don’t you leave me either, right now. We have to be strong baby. We opened something, something big. Don’t run away.”

Regina scoffs rudely and turns away with a lowered head. Now she just feels mean, and pulled too far in. She is suffocating in her own crap. She blushes sheepishly. “Sorry,” she clips. Then she eyebrows Emma like she is about to take her apology back.

Emma’s blue green gaze just adores her back, seeing right through her. She waits, patiently believing, Regina will unfold again.

Regina is effectively disarmed. “Emma I surprised myself, ok? This is me being triggered, _I guess._ What you did to me was not ok. I didn’t expect to feel so off guard, and when you pushed me to talk...... Just don’t. Don’t push me. And,” Regina’s voice drops to a whisper, “the feelings I have for you, _its just too fast.”_

Emma cups Regina’s face. Regina pulls them off of her but holds Emma’s hands in her lap. They both take slow steady breaths. They pause together and let everything clam down.

Finally, Regina squeezes Emma’s hands and pushes herself to speak. “At the same time, _I suppose its only fair._ I have literally forced you to open up to me. And how you have bared yourself to me, in all the ways you have, ....... your so strong Emma. I could never do that. I am just different.”

Emma kisses Regina’s knuckles to reassure her.

“Well, I will tell you one thing. Being struck in any way, is _not_ a kink for me. Don’t you ever hit me again, not even playing. Do you hear-” Regina realizing she is starting to domme Emma and drops the tone in a huff. “Sorry, but I didn’t lie to you about being a switch ...... _there are other ways.”_

Regina groans miserably, and pulls her hands away to clutch at her knees. “Oh Emma, opening up to you like this, letting you, _well,_ take me last night, ahh-”

“Shhh. Its enough. _Its more than enough.”_ Emma’s words and energy rush in like Regina’s ferocious protector. She firmly grabs Regina’s upper arms, lifts her up to her feet and tucks her into a bear hug. Regina gasps and nestles inside of Emma’s arms.

“Emma, _I love how strong you are.”_ Regina discloses in a blast of bravery. She starts to breathe heavy in the crook of Emma’s neck. She plays with tendrils of blonde hair over Emma's breast. “I bought this robe for you, the dragon, it reminds me of you.” Regina now trembles having gone from tightly withholding to blazing effusion. “Emma, you remind me of Archangel Michael. He was my favorite saint in school. He slayed the dragon and stood above it. He transmuted the dragon of darkness into light. You will too.”

“Like you did?”

Emma can hear the weariness in her lover’s response. “Well yes, like I did. But everyday, on some level, I have to do it again. _Its exhausting.”_

Emma braces Regina around her back with a strong arm, and cups the back of her head with her other hand. She pushes Regina’s lips into hers forcefully. Emma kisses Regina deeply, leaving the dark beauty in a shudder. Regina pulls away to catch her breath in emotion. She pulls her head back to look at Emma with a loving, naked gaze.

Emma has mischief dancing in her sexy stare back at Regina. “I can be your good dragon. I can be your archangel, baby. Isn’t Michael the one with the sword? I am good with that. ”

“ _I am sure you are._ Very funny. That reminds me of some things you said last night. You really can be quite full of yourself Miss Swan.”

“I bet you didn’t see _that_ coming, Emma postures, proud chin, tall shoulders and a smile.

Regina tucks the lose strands of hair behind Emma’s ears. She draws her soft fingers down Emma’s neck like a cat, turning each to a fist and resting right above Emma’s hard nipples.

“ _Don’t you know my gift Emma?”_ Regina hooks in a sex laced drawl.

Emma gets nervous and wet. She coolly lifts her eyebrows.

“Its Perception. I have always seen you. I did in fact see your cocky, _hmm_ , your confidence and strength inside of you. I always saw you in there. I was lost once too, baby. I know how to see through it.” Regina rubs over Emma’s nipples and cups her breasts. She grabs Emma’s hips and yanks them forward, pressing into hers. “I see your fire, _Em-ma._ And, I see your big cock.”

Emma groans against Regina’s groin and bold statement. Regina gets her so much it makes her hot. Regina unties Emma’s robe and gently guides it off her. “Lets see my knight, _hm?”_ Emma breathes fast, turned on, elevating.

Regina pushes Emma back and up against her blank gray bedroom wall. She grabs a pillow to kneel and lands on her knees. She breathes heavy, inhaling Emma’s sex, ready to lunge. If this is not an act of letting Emma be alpha, well then, nothing is. She is on her knees for this woman. _‘Regina don’t think about it.’_ Luckily her desire is so strong that coherent thoughts burst apart. She leans in to kiss Emma’s wetness. Her lips softly, wetly plunge.

Emma flinches and catches Regina under her chin, looking down at brown eyes in a silent appeal. “Regina get up.”

Regina is insulted, mortified and angry. “Is this how you show your appreciation? Do you know how hard it is for me too-” Regina stands and realizes there are tears in Emma’s eyes, and it hits her like she slapped herself in the face. Her tone changes in a single heart beat. “Whats wrong baby? _You were so turned on-”_

“Regina-” Emma is flustered and quickly grabs her robe off the carpet and ties it around her like armor. _“Nothing.”_ She lies. “Its just been a lot. Lets slow down.”

Regina sees a very different story, _written all over Emma,_ then the words falling out of her mouth. She already can guess her stud will not turn down sex. So what happened? Suddenly, she remembers something. Now she knows it was important. _Oh god._ Last night, she was close to having the greatest orgasm of her life. She plunged her hand down to take Emma with her. No sooner did she touch Emma’s sex then Emma swatted her hand away. Then it happened again, it happened three times. Emma would not let Regina touch her there. Regina thought it was just Emma’s way of dominating her. _But now her heart sinks._ Her fear fits the expression Emma is trying to hide. Regina thinks the worst. Why did Emma have to get hurt so badly and in so many different ways? _Why?_ Its so wrong. Well, she doesn’t know for sure. She curses the heavens anyways.

“What are you thinking? your really starting to freak me out.” Emma folds her arms over her chest, frowning and nervous.

Regina takes a deep breath and decides to mask her concerns. Poor Emma, exposed again and again and again. Whats worse, Emma possibly needs to feel like the strong one even more than Regina does! That is saying _a lot._ Regina is not going to take Emma’s strength away from her right now. There will be plenty of time for healing, haven’t they both done enough work already, for god’s sake? She pulls in her strong will. She pretends to know less then she does. Regina has always excelled at being a master of disguise. She pulls Emma towards her. She gushes and coos into Emma’s neck. She melts back into Emma’s arms, _clinging._ She means everything she is about to say, but says it to puff out Emma’s chest in pride.

“I love what you do to me, _baby._ And, if you ever tell anyone _I was on my knees for you ...”_

It works. Emma grows a foot in self appreciation. There is Regina’s cocky little bitch- ‘Regina, Get a hold of yourself!’ she inwardly chastises herself. _Emma makes her want to be so damn f-r-e-s-h._

Emma grabs Regina firmly by her upper arms. She pushes Regina back to penetrate her with a sharp seductive glare. She warns her hard and lustfully, “ Oh, _you better believe me,_ you will be spending a lot of time on your knees.”

Regina blushes as a shiver runs through and through her. Emma has struck the chord of one of _her_ deepest longings, to be made to, well, uhm, _perform._ Her knees are weak as she stares into the eyes of her _dragon._ Every cell in her body bursts in the knowing of what Emma will do to her. She is ravished already. Her core splits and soaks. Her mind goes blank of everything else that happened before now. She can only hear Emma’s words repeating back to her and feel Emma’s tight grip and tone.

She speaks in all seriousness back to her knight. Her eyes widen. _“I do.”_

 


	26. Lawyer

Multiple POVS

 

“Emma, is it really you?” A pale woman in her early 50’s, short jet black hair and kind blue eyes, stands in the doorway of the Shepherd’s House.

“Mrs. Charming?” Emma holds the front door open at a loss. She looks like she has seen a ghost. She reels back with a gaping mouth before she can compose herself.

Blue and Regina look between the lawyer and Emma in confusion.

“Emma your beautiful! I always knew you would grow to be a beautiful woman. Look at you now!” The lawyer steps towards Emma maternally.

Emma tenses and nervously glances between the three woman. She tries to offer a polite smile as she backs away from Mrs. Charming. “Thank you Mrs. Charming. I am sorry. This is just a lot to wrap my head around. I need to take a walk.”

Regina is concerned and steps close beside Emma. She runs her finger tips down Emma’s arm to get her attention, and then delivers a stern look. ‘Please don’t leave,’ she vulnerably pleads in her mind. She looks anything _but_ vulnerable, as she grills into Emma’s dodgy eyes.

Blue is also worried Emma is triggered. She needs to distract their guest so Regina can quietly take over with Emma. She intervenes by offering tea and guiding the lawyer into the kitchen. As they chat about what a beautiful October week it has been, the guest can’t take her eyes off Emma. She stares transfixed over her shoulder. Blue leads her away and vies for her attention.

Regina watches Blue finally succeed as they disappear out of view. She turns and faces her unglued girl, completely puzzled and ready for answers.

“You said the lawyers name was Snow!” Emma yells in desperation.

“Emma, first of all you better be managing your trigger ....... or, _I will manage it for you._ Her name _is_ Snow, Snow Charming.”

Emma’s brain is on overdrive, the wheels spin so fast her agonized shock is visible. She looks down and mutters to the floor. “It makes sense, why would I have known her first name back then?”

“Emma who is she? And, why are you not nearly as happy to see her as she is to see you?”

“I am happy!” Emma yells, looking anything but.

“ _Lower your voice-”_

“Look, I don’t want to get into it. I need to have a, uhm, I mean I need to take a walk.”

“She is the best lawyer for domestic abuse cases in Maine. She is from Boston-” Regina steps back in a sigh as she starts to see the connection. _“Oh.”_ Regina is too smart for her own good as she put the clues together. She pauses sadly, and makes a grave mistake. She feels pity for Emma.

Emma is _enraged_ by the look on Regina’s face. Everything is spinning out of control. She feels like she is stark naked for everyone to fucking see! And, It is infuriating Regina can figure things out before Emma is ready to share them. _Its not fair._ Emma frowns and sends a sharp non-verbal cue to not be asked any more questions.

“Emma, remember you and I are so much alike. We both hate sharing anything private. I know its unfair how exposing this all is. We can get another lawyer if we need to, _hm?”_ Regina’s soft tone shifts into a breathless threat. “But Emma you are almost in a trigger. Don’t make me have to punish you today. Stay with me. If it is too much working with Snow you can just tell me that.”

“I will be back in 10.” Emma retorts in anger. Her tone declares this is not up for debate. But she looks up from a furrowed brow, clenched jaw, folded arms and waits. Emma is waiting for _permission._

“10 minutes Emma.” Regina gives her a firm look. “Then we are going to figure this out.”

Emma leaves in a huff, but she is careful not to slam the door behind her. She is going to try her damnedest to keep _Regina_ here, instead of her goddam mother fucking _therapy mistress_. Right now it is as hard as fuck to not just lose her fucking shit.

Regina sighs as she walks away from the closed front door. She joins Snow and Blue in the kitchen. Blue has poured tea for her and Regina sits with them at the table.

“Regina I was just thanking Snow for meeting with us on a Sunday. We have a very busy home between Emma’s bar hours, and me getting acclimated at Portland Medical. I was telling Snow a little about our family and that we asked Ruby and Granny to not be here for this. Emma doesn’t do well as the center of attention. It is already hard enough. And everything about Emma’s situation has been one big spotlight on the poor girl.” Blue feigns a polite smile showing her weariness behind it.

“You have a beautiful home Blue. Regina, I am really glad you found me. I can’t believe, well ....” Snow looks down sadly. “Actually, given Emma’s history, I can believe Emma is going through this.” Snow hugs her shoulders like there is a sudden chill in the toasty warm kitchen.

Regina cocks her eyebrow and studies her guest for more information. “Snow, as I shared a little on the phone Emma is suffering from severe PTSD right now. Complex PTSD. She is prone to these horrible episodes and _violence._ She will do fine for months and then something about Zelena or her past comes up and she is gone. Well, she took one look at you and I am concerned she will come back in a rage. Can you please tell me what is happening?”

“Lets see. As Emma’s lawyer I really should talk to her first,” Snow thinks out loud, absently staring at her paperwork. “You already faxed me all her consent and release forms, given the circumstances-” She looks up in a start at Regina. “Sorry, lawyer brain.”

Blue and Regina can see the information Snow holds is heavy, it visibly weighs her down. The pale women hugs at her fall woolen blazer and combs through her shiny black hair. She looks so sad as emotions pass over her sweet face.

Finally she shakes herself off and looks intently at Regina. “When I was a new lawyer, just passed the bar, I was like many young professionals. I wanted to change the world. Me and David moved to Boston’s inner city and I worked for social services. My specialty was representing kids in the foster system. I wanted to fight for the ones nobody fights for. And, if the state presses charges against a foster parent, believe me, _it’s bad.”_

Regina knows where this is going, _oh god._ Her throat catches in emotion and she coughs. What is wrong with her? She is _not_ an emotional woman.

Blue sees the sudden impact on Regina and feels helpless. If she dare tries to comfort her daughter, it will only agitate her more.

“I met Emma when she was 9. What a character. She was funny, bright and a bundle of sunshine. What a strong spirit considering the hell of her daily life. But something was off, _way off,_ it was creepy. Turns out her foster mother Ingrid, whom she had been with since she was 3, was trying to adopt her. Emma was very attached to her, called her mommy, really actually loved her. But Ingrid, oh dear. Ingrid used corporal punishment excessively on Emma, she spanked her. It seemed like some sick obsession for the woman, maybe even bordering on sexual abuse as well as obvious physical abuse. _The severity, the frequency-_ ”

Snow lowers her eyes in disgust and grief. “I think it really skewed Emma’s whole experience of what love is. When we won, she burned through a few more families before going to the group home. She was confused and traumatized. She mourned Ingrid deeply. The child was unreachable. She called out for her _‘mommy.’_ There are even a few reports she asked for spankings so she could be good. By time she was 10 or 11 a light went out. Emma was tough and distant. I don’t think she ever got close with anyone again. She aged out of the system in that damn group home-”

“ _Oh my god.”_ Regina stands up and looks briefly like she is going to pass out. This puzzle piece is like a 2 by 4 up side her head. She has been feeding into this? Playing this out with Emma? What has she done? She leans back against the counter, facing her guest, lost in her emotion.

Snow figures the intensity of Regina’s response is simply hearing Emma’s history, that alone is shocking. She has no idea what the adult Emma has gotten herself into with Regina, and the Shepherd family has no plan on telling her.

Snow stares into space and muses sadly. “I always wanted to adopt Emma. It was something in my bones. I can’t really explain it. I just adored her. But me and David were _way_ too young. We couldn’t offer a kid anything, let alone the kind of family Emma needed to recover in. We had to give Emma her best chance. That was not with us. Maybe I was wrong ....... _Anyways-,”_ Snow’s eyes are filled with remorse as she tries to move the story along, “David got so stressed with the Boston Police force. When he was offered the gig to be sheriff here-”

“Sheriff Charming? Oh yes, what a small world.” Blue shakes her head incredulously.

“I always thought about Emma. I felt guilty for leaving, not that it was appropriate for her lawyer to be inquiring about her, let alone trying to see her. I always wondered how she would find herself after _Ingrid-”_

In the worst possible timing, Emma appears in the doorway of the kitchen.

“You’re talking about _Ingrid.”_ Emma accuses in complete shock. She staggers back.

Regina is the first to be truly triggered. It is too much. She feels her hands burn in shame, how on earth could she have _added_ to this horrible abuse? Why didn’t she ask more questions? Now Regina’s past comes back to haunt her too. It has been many years since the voices stopped. But here they are. It is just like they say, ‘she is evil. She brings out the darkness in everyone. She is cursed.’ Regina feels so guilty. What has she done to Emma? “I have to go.” She clips, covering her mouth and brushing past Emma.

“Regina!” Emma yells in a panic. Though Emma would never admit it, she was counting on her _Mistress_ to get her through this. She feels it now as her lifeline unravels out the door. Regina is abandoning her! She starts to tremble and frown. A dark cloud descends upon her as she plummets into a heavy trance. _“R-e-g-i-n-a!”_

They all hear the Benz speed out of the driveway.

“Emma baby, its ok. Regina just needs to process. Come sit with us.”

Emma’s eyes are wild and crazy. She looks at Blue and Snow like two dangerous strangers. She falls on her heels and steps backwards away from them. She turns and runs out the door herself.

 

\---

 


	27. The Tantrum

Mostly Blue and Granny's POV

 

“Are you ok?” Granny quietly opens Blue’s bedroom door.

“what time is it?” Blue squints and sits up in bed.

“After 2 in the morning.” Granny whispers back.

“I couldn’t sleep anyways. I have been worried sick.” Blue rubs her eyes. She focuses on her friend in the doorway. “At least we know she is home now.”

They both wince at the sounds of things being banged and slammed downstairs.

“Here we go again.” Blue grimaces. “Thank god Ruby is with her new boyfriend. They are in New Hampshire until Tuesday.”

“Good.”

Blue follows Granny downstairs.

“Emma?” Blue utters tentatively. They slowly absorb the scene before them. The Emma they know and love is unrecognizable. But, both Granny and Blue have witnessed a heavy trance before. She is pacing in the living room, somewhere between a schizophrenic episode and a heavy drug user in withdrawal.

Granny and Blue keep their distance and Emma does not acknowledge them. It is uncanny, like Emma does not even see them. She mutters to herself, tugged between terror and rage. Covered in dirt stains, leaves, sticks, Emma must have been hiding in the woods the last 12 hours or more. It is damp and cold for the first week of October. She is shivering.

“Emma-” Blue steps towards their lost girl.

Granny grabs Blue’s arm and whispers to her best friend.

“Maybe its better if we just let her tire herself out?”

“She needs Regina-”

“Well Emma is not the only one with a past full of demons. You know what got triggered. We don’t know _what_ Regina is capable of-”

“Well, it’s her turn now.” Blue snaps. She is at her wits end. Her words are spitting and sharp. “God knows how much I have done for Regina. Then for her to just walk out on all of us, the way she did today? After getting Emma to trust her? She convinced all of us to let her take the lead and then she just bails. _Court was her insistence-”_

“Yes.” Granny sighs gravely. “I Know. But you also know why Regina became so upset. Now that we are aware of Emma’s ........ _past-”_

“I hate to admit it, _I hate it,_ but sometimes the only way to get to the other side is to go through it.”

Granny raises her eyebrows in skepticism. _“What are you suggesting?”_

“If we hospitalize Emma in this state they will dope her up, I mean _heavily_ sedate her. They will contain her. But they won't be able to bring her back ..... not like Regina can. There is something to be said for why Regina’s therapeutic approach is the _only thing_ that has ever reached Emma. I am not saying it is right. Nothing about what happened to Emma was right. But, now we know how she was programed as a little girl. Healing for Emma might only come if Regina, if, _you know what I am saying.”_ Blue says in a fluster.

“You are full of surprises.” Granny shakes her head. She pauses to consider Blue’s rather shocking assessment. Granny does have to give her friend some credit first. Blue has a way of seeing the diamond in the rough, the victory in a lost cause, just look at their family. Ruby turned out ok because Blue moved in when she did. Years ago, Granny was about to lose her teenage granddaughter to self-destruction and rebellion. And, now they have Regina and Emma too. Their makeshift family, the Shepherd family, exists all because of her best friend’s big heart. It is Blue’s steadfast determination to help a lost woman be found again. But what she is suggesting now, going further into Regina’s corporal punishment plan, after learning about Emma’s childhood abuse, is surreal. As reserved as Granny feels about it all, she usually does trust Blue’s hunches. Blue can see an answer when everyone else is stumped. But _this_ hunch makes Granny downright uncomfortable.

Granny sighs and rubs her temples, smoothing over her concerns. She resolves to let Blue lead. She has to support her. It’s the right thing to do. If it starts to feel wrong Granny will say so. She places a hand on Blue’s shoulder and tries to get her attention. Blue’s eyes look like glass, misted in the storm of watching Emma so deranged. Their poor girl. Blue finally turns around after another nudge.

“Ok Blue, I hear you. And it sounds like you should be telling somebody _else_ this.”

“I will call her, not in the middle of the night.”

Meanwhile Emma’s tiredness shows. She crawls onto the couch, turns and lays on her back. She covers her face with a cushion and screams into it repeatedly, thrashing her back up like she is possessed. Most of her words are inaudible but ‘Regina!’ is very, very clear.

Blue and Granny tip toe to the two arm chairs in the other corner of the living room. Emma’s screams blend with softer muttering. She is exhausting herself. Thank god.

Blue, Granny and Emma find themselves dozing off in spurts for the next two or so, hours. Alternating from sleep to fright in Emma’s random screams.

 

\-----

 

“Blue.” Granny whispers.

“Are we there yet?” Blue opens her eyes and looks up at her oldest friend. She smiles sadly.

Granny chuckles at Blue’s resilience to make a joke. “Almost Blue. I have to open the diner, and you have to get ready for work.”

“What time is it?”

“5am.” Granny hands Blue a hot mug of coffee. Her coat is on. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No. Go open the diner. Don’t call Ruby. She is a few hours away and she needs a break from all this. Who would think that _Ruby_ would be our most sensitive girl?” Blue chuckles through the tension and Granny tries to join her.

“Who would have thought? And I agree, we should keep her out of this as long as we can. Ok my dear friend. I am taking the cell Ruby got me. I don’t really know how to use it but I will try. And, I will turn the phone at the diner all the way up. Call me.”

“I will.”

Granny nods and leaves. The sound of the front door closing triggers Emma. She is on her feet like a soldier in an ambush. She was sound asleep a second before! Blue hears Granny drive away and watches Emma in distress. Emma is still in a full blown trance. Only this time she is fixated on Blue and ready to attack. _Not this again._

“Get away from me! Fuck you!”

Blue cautiously gets up to her feet. “Emma its Blue. You are safe, you at home in the Shepherd’s house.”

Emma lunges at Blue and slams her back against the wall. Blue gets the wind knocked out of her and hunches forward in pain. She yells some sense into her mind- _‘think Blue, think.’_ She has to use Regina’s wisdom somehow. Her vision is blurry. Emma is screaming and back to pacing on the other side of the room, thank god.

Blue takes a deep breath in resolve. She straightens up on her feet. She yells with all the sternness she can muster. “Emma go to your room and sit on your bed. _I am calling Regina!”_

Emma stops in her tracks. She turns to face Blue, halfway processing Blue’s words. Her attention is still fiercely competed for by delusional thoughts. She mutters back inaudibly.

“Emma you heard me. You are in trouble now. Go sit on your bed and wait for Regina to get here. You know the plan when you have a _tantrum.”_

“What?” Emma yells in surprise. “You’re lying. Regina left. Fuck you.” Emma swears, but her tone is meek. It's like Emma is returning to her body. Her presence is a profound shift. She is now quietly taking Blue in. She is chewing on Blue’s threat and actually able to consider her predicament.

Blue aggressive walks over to the landline by the tv. She grabs the phone and dials Regina’s number. “Go to your room or you will make it worse for yourself. I don’t want to hear anymore banging or yelling. _Control yourself.”_

Emma grows fearful. She whispers back, “don’t call her.”

“Regina?”

“No!!!! I am listening! I am going. _Tell her she doesn’t have to come over!”_ Emma yells in a plea. She races up the stairs like the regressed 9 year old she is trapped inside of.

“Blue? Are you ok? It's 5 in the morning.” Regina husks.

“No, I am not ok! I need you Regina. Emma needs you. Look, I know you are still upset-”

“Whats going on?”

Blue starts to cry into the phone in anger. “After you ran out on us Emma bolted! She disappeared until 2 in the morning, for all I knew _she was back with Zelena._ It turns out, from the looks of it, she was at her hideout, the woods at the end of our road. I should have gone looking for her there last night-”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I knew _you_ were triggered. But you know what? I am at my wits end. Emma-”

Blue pauses in humiliation over the whole situation. “Emma, put her hands on me again.”

“What?!”

“I can’t do this anymore. There is no other way to put this. Regina, if you don’t get your ass back over here, and get Emma under control, I am calling the hospital. You left yesterday afternoon and she has been triggered the whole time since then, _can you imagine?_ She is completely out of her mind.”

“Blue you heard what Snow said-”

“Listen Gina. Nobody hated your little ‘plan’ more than me. But, now that we know about Ingrid it actually makes _more_ sense to me. It is how she was _conditioned._ It won’t be forever baby. But for god’s sake, if it is between her going over your knee or off the deep end, and taking all of us with her, then I say give her a spanking.”

Blue is clearly on her last nerve. Regina has never heard her this desperate. Her heart bleeds for her mentor and mother figure, she must help. The problem is _Regina_ is still triggered. Unlike Emma, she can hide it, even to herself. Dormant serpents that to the outside world Regina killed, she just learned to repress. They are all awake now- her past, warped beliefs and a very skewed picture of who she is at heart, an evil, _evil woman._ One who is no different from Ingrid, or Zelena, in her ability and desire to inflict severe humiliation, torture and pain. What’s more dangerous, she blames Emma for the tragic, sudden loss of her recovery and sanity. She _wants_ to hurt her.

“Tell her I am on my way.”

 

\-----


	28. Belt

Emma and Regina's POV

 

“ _What the hell are you doing?”_ Regina towers in Emma’s doorway like she magically appeared there.

“ _Leaving.”_ Emma cuts darkly. She is out of her body, practically frothing at the mouth in adrenaline and madness. She tares apart her bedroom, throwing clothes in a suitcase, muttering back to a cascade of dangerous thoughts.

“Emma stop.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re not leaving.” Regina says sternly.

“What, like you left me?”

“Emma sit on the bed right now.” Regina zings in a threat. She closes Emma’s door, locks it and steps into the room.

“ _Make me.”_ Emma spits fearlessly, not stopping to look at Regina while she ransacks through her things.

Regina is afraid. Emma is too far gone to respond to the mere intonation of her voice or the threat of a consequence. Emma doesn’t care about anything anymore. It's like she doesn’t remember who Regina even is. Regina knew all of this before. The whole ‘plan’ was made for an episode like this, but nothing could prepare her for _how it feels._ Especially now, with her tender and exposed feelings for Emma. She has laid on her back for this woman. For the first time in her life, Regina feels utterly disarmed because of _love._ She curses her stupidity. She just knew love was weakness.

 _What's worse,_ after Snow told Regina about Emma’s foster mother, Regina’s biggest fear is back with a fury. The all consuming dark abyss, that Regina spent her whole life running from, _has got her._ The desire to cause hurt, channeled over time into a healthy and safe expression of BDSM, now mock Regina in her own triggered state. Her thoughts get darker and darker. She _is_ sick, she _is_ abusive, she can’t stop it. She is no different then Ingrid or Zelena. _Regina is evil._ The ‘plan’ was nothing but her wickedness to hurt the one she pretended to love, because she is not capable of love. How stupid to think she _loved_ Emma. Regina has spiraled into her own hell. She has been spinning out of control for as long as Emma has, yesterday afternoon when she learned about Ingrid and left.

Regina’s presence is a dark and ominous cloud. She stands tortured in the center of the room, the new _center_ of Emma’s storm.

Emma has never seen Regina like this. Her Mistress feels like a menacing _danger._ Emma is not safe! Her shaky ground gives fully way underneath her. She freaks out inside and is ready to attack. She takes a warlike stance in front of the undone stranger. She glares into Regina with pure steel hate.

“I don’t have to answer to you. You are a crazy lunatic just like Zelena. Your plan is sick and I have had it with you. Your just a fucked up, glorified whore who likes to have bitches on their knees. Let me tell you something, _I am not your fucking bitch-”_

Regina falls back on her heels in the smite of Emma’s words. She rallies with the last little dregs of light in her. “I know you thought I left you- I just needed to clear my head. You’re _triggered._ Court, seeing Snow again-”

Emma grabs Regina by the collar of her sweater and runs her back against the wall. She shoves her into it. She repeatedly slams Regina against the wall so hard the back of her head hits against it in thumps.

“Fuck you!” Emma slaps Regina hard across the face, again, and again, causing her nose to shed a tear of blood and her eyes to flood in tears of shock. Regina sinks inward unable to fight back, crying in her mind, ‘what’s happening?’ Her fragile self takes over from her evil thoughts. She is heartbroken. Her knight is _hurting_ her.

When the same long fingers that have newly adored Regina now wrap around her throat in violence, Regina snaps. The fragility shatters. The soft delicate princess that only comes out for Emma, is gone. Instead her worst image of herself takes over, a very _evil_ woman. She feels like an evil queen, totally in command now, but with darkness at the helm.

Regina has her hands around Emma’s wrists and restrains her instantly. Her eyes fill with a dangerous loathing for Emma.

Regina’s hateful look wakes Emma up from her trance. Wide eyed and frozen, Emma is stunned in place by her unrecognizable captor. This is _not_ her Mistress.

“ _That’s it.”_ Regina flips Emma around by twisting her arms behind her back, and gets flesh behind her in one swift motion. She pushes forward so fast Emma has to obey just to stay on her feet. Regina runs her into the corner of the room where a sturdy green arm chair faces the window. She bends Emma over the back of it. Emma’s feet barely touch the ground. Regina lets go of her wrists and Emma flails before holding on to the armrests to balance herself.

“ _Oh my god. Regina please-”_ Emma starts to grasp what is about to happen to her. Her voice is lucid, she is back. Its too late. Regina is gone.

“How dare you Emma. _How dare you!_ Were you trying to kill me? Huh? There are no words for how much you will regret this day. I am going to strap you within an inch of your life! Do you hear me?!” Regina’s voice thunders as if god himself has just banished her to hell.

Emma can hear her undoing her belt. She pulls it off in a fast swish. “Don’t you dare move.” Regina steps to Emma’s side and places a forceful hand over her lower back, keeping her pinned, bottom in the air. Emma hears Regina raise her arm and then is stunned by the first hard strike across her ass. She shrieks out in pain and disbelief. Regina is using her full might! Imagine if she wasn’t wearing jeans, it doesn’t feel like any protection at all. Before she can wrap her head around what’s happening the blows come down hard and fast. They leave loud thrashes that echo through the entire house.

“Owwweee!” Emma screams, and tears stream down her face. Regina pins her more tightly in response. Emma hears the sound of the leather belt singing through the air as loudly as she feels it. Regina delivers full hard swings. Emma starts to cry, way too terrified to dare fight back. She uses all her might _not_ to beg, plead, or try to escape. She is unwilling to risk one more ounce of wrath.

“This will teach you to ever hurt me or this family again!” Regina yells, winded from how hard she is beating Emma. “When I am through with you, you will not be able to sit for weeks!”

Regina strikes her again, again, and again. Emma sobs inconsolably. Minutes tick by like hours as Regina belts her. It is eternal hell. _Regina is beating the shit out of her_ ........ Is this really happening?

Emma must be balling like a little kid by the end, but it starts to feel like a dream. She is leaving her body. The sound of Regina’s belt gets further and further way. The exploding welts feel like someone else’s nightmare. She starts to tremble and shake from the pain. She can’t even cry anymore. Emma is going to pass out.

Regina sees Emma splayed out against her limit. She throws the belt on the floor in anger. She does not want to stop! Then the shock of how far she went sets in. Her girl ............. _her girl._ Emma is silent and lifeless. _What has she done?_ It first registers as Regina loses her stomach. She collapses onto the floor and vomits. She registers the banging on the door and Blue’s hysterical voice, screaming to be let in. She shakes and heaves, trying not to hyperventilate.

“What have I done?” Regina clutches her chest and gasps for air on her hands and knees.

If she says anything else Emma cannot hear her.

 

\-----


	29. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***I know the last chapter was upsetting. The thing is my characters still have a lot to work out. Plus my writing style, at least for Cry, is meant to be suspenseful and even unnerving, because where Emma and Regina are, is completely unnerving for them. The conclusions they draw in their darkest hours aren't always good ones, like the last chapter for instance. Not often is a deep healing process just finished with one decision, one breaking point or one epiphany. Sometimes, but not on this journey. So keep reading only if it is good for you and you want to continue this journey with them. Opinions and comments are always welcomed but don't ask me to change my story. This story means a lot to me and I believe in it.***

Multiple POVS

 

“Ah. Owe, owe!” Emma is startled awake by the throbbing, burning, stinging pain of her welts, and an ice pack being placed on her ass. _“Mother of god!”_ She yells before she has even come to. She blinks and tries to focus. She is laying on her stomach in bed with only a pajama top on. Her little bedside lamp dimly lights the night. She feels so ashamed, what’s going on? Is it the middle of the night? Blue is sitting in a chair beside her adjusting the ice, doting on her. She feels a cool face cloth on her forehead.

“I was so worried about you. You were in a world of pain when I,” Blue solemnly lowers her eyes in shame, “when I woke you up and got you down from the back of the armchair ...... Baby, I gave you a heavy narcotic. It felt like the right thing to do. You have been sleeping for hours, it’s nighttime now.” Blue whispers through teary eyes, leaving the ice pack in place and rubbing Emma’s back.

Emma feels clammy and sick. Everything starts to come back to her in a flash of horror.

“Oh my god!” Emma yells fully awake and inside a real life nightmare. “What did I do?! Blue I am so sorry, _oh my god!”_

“Shush, it’s going to be ok baby. It’s ok Emma.” Blue says, not able to believe her own words.

“You don’t understand. I hurt Regina, I messed up! Where is she? She left again? _She left!”_ Emma gets up onto her hands and knees in agony and distress, wincing in pain. She tries to slide out of bed but is unable to move well.

“ _Emma._ Lay back down, your hurting yourself more!” Blue tries to hold her in bed.

“What is going on in here?” Regina’s commanding tone causes Emma and Blue to freeze in unison. “Get back into bed and on your stomach before you hurt yourself. 10, 9-”

Regina didn’t have to count, Emma is back in her waking position in a heart beat, still and quiet as a mouse.

Blue sighs, disturbed. She is a witness to how effective Regina is with her _now,_ but at what cost? They almost killed each other! The Shepherd’s House has been filled with terror, violence and destruction. Blue is resigned she will have to separate her two girls. Emma should be hospitalized again. And now, _Regina needs serious help again_ , too.

Regina pulls at her elbows standing in front of them. She tries to sound more confident then she is. “Blue do you mind leaving us alone for a little bit?”

Blue hesitates. That is the _last_ thing she wants to do.

“ _Blue please.”_ Regina begs, uncharacteristically bare. She graces over the bruises on her neck.

“Regina I know how remorseful you are. And, I know you are really back now. But I didn’t think you were capable of _this_ in the first place. _What happened_.....” Blue rubs her forehead in stress.

Regina, usually able to hide almost everything she is feeling, _looks like she could die._

“I don’t know if you two being alone is a good idea.”

Despite _everything,_ something gnaws at Blue to give them one more chance to work it out. She prays her hunch is more than complete desperation. She resists. She rocks in place lamenting over her beaten, immobilized Emma. But her gut barks at her to listen. It hurts in her stomach.

Emma and Regina both hold their breath and wait, staring at their mentor.

Finally Blue relents.“Only if, Emma is it ok with you-”

“ _Yes.”_ Emma answers before Blue can even finish.

Blue stands up slowly, a heart full of fear and grief. She knows Emma attacked Regina first. Blue spent just as much medical attention checking over Regina for a possible concussion as she did caring for Emma’s welts. But, she can’t help it, she holds Regina responsible. Regina has had _years_ of recovery. Regina knew exactly what she was entering into when they enacted the ‘plan’ early this morning. She _knew_ Emma was in a deranged state. She was supposed to administer a therapeutic punishment, _not a criminal offense._ ‘I should have never let them date, I knew it would be their downfall!’ Blue laments in her mind. She bends down and kisses the side of Emma’s head. “I am right in the next room. Call me if you need anything.”

Blue gives Regina a serious look. _“The door stays open.”_

Regina bows her head and cringes in embarrassment.

They quietly watch Blue leave.

Regina sits in Blue’s place and locks eyes with Emma.

Emma starts to breathe heavily. _“I thought you left....”_ Her voice trails off. She watches Regina with vulnerability and swollen eyes. Regina is wearing Blue’s pin striped pajamas and an old pair of her slippers.

Regina sighs. Her dark brown eyes soften. Emma can tell Regina must have been crying too, something Emma has never seen her do.

“Emma, that is your trauma talking. You are stuck with me. You know I am not going to leave you. On the contrary, I have been waiting for you. _I love you,_ Emma.” Regina blushes and looks down quickly. She is _livid_ with herself by another poorly timed disclosure.

“What?” Emma gasps. “You are better off without me. I should be in jail. I will never deserve you-”

“What happened today is not who you are. You do deserve me. _And_ , I should not have struck you in anger like that. _I am not perfect either.”_

Regina clenches her jaw and tries to swallow her emotions. She is all over the map. It scares her. She fingers through her hair and tilts up her chin, desperate to look like the one in charge. Anger escapes in her words like a poisonous gas. “But you did deserve a beating. And _oh_ did you have one coming ........... "

Emma's eyes grow wide in shock.

Regina regrets what she just said. She wrings her hands, abashed. How dare she make anything worse then it already is? Her voice shakes and stutters, "you needed to le-arn a les, lesson.” Damn-it. She is still making it worse. Her lecture feels wrong. Her care for Emma takes over and points her in a better direction, thank God. “But just because you had another tantrum doesn’t mean you’re disposable.”

“Tantrum? _I started to choke you! I could have, what if I-”_

“ _Don’t._ What you did is scare the living daylights out of me.” Regina speaks into her lap, hunching her shoulders over in grief. The same remorse that poured through her every thought and feeling since Emma passed out, takes over again. She confides in a breathless gasp, "I lost it. I went _way too far._ If you should be in jail so should I.”

Emma’s heart swells and breaks at the same time. She gets all of it. Regina did go too far, she can’t even fucking move without searing pain. Maybe Emma should be angry. But, Regina is her _lifeline._ Her lifeline is back. And, Emma could have killed her! She strangled Regina...... Holy fucking shit. Anyways, all the coherent thoughts Emma can have now are because Regina stood by her. Nobody has gone further then Regina to help Emma heal. The beating was fucked up, but it was a world away from Zelena. Zelena was _trying to destroy_ her. Regina has been trying to rescue her. This morning her lifeline snapped all over Emma. Regina has fucking issues too. _‘Emma, get it together,’_ she bites in her mind. She is angry at herself! She has to stop being the patient and meet this poor woman half way.

Regina is lost in her own thoughts. She is rocking back and forth tensely. she cups her hand over her forehead and frowns. “Emma you were _so_ close. I was going to give you a spanking. That’s all. That has been our family plan. As angry as I am at your tantrum, your punishment was supposed to be part of your healing process. Why on earth did you take it so far? I felt like I had no choice!” Regina implores her rhetorically, fighting back tears from her eyes.

“I understand. I am sorry.” Emma reaches her hand out. Regina takes her hand in both of hers tenderly.

Regina shakes her head incredulously. She looks tortured and confused. Emma has never seen her look confused before. “No, I can’t accept that. Truly, It doesn’t matter what you did. It is still my fault. I was supposed to be the one in charge. _This is my fault.”_ She bows her head down and becomes painfully silent for a minute. Her voice turns into a low and grave whisper. “You forgive too easily. I beat you in anger. I lost control. That is wrong. I am no better than Ingrid or Zelena.” She withdraws from Emma’s hand to clutch her stomach and hunch over in shame.

Regina is more undone than Emma has ever witnessed. She is imploding into agony. Emma won’t let the woman she loves hate herself. _“It’s not the same.”_

Regina barks back. “It is the same! _I_ was triggered! You should be mad at me Emma, what is wrong with you?”

“Listen to me.” Emma gets stern in her words. It is stunning in her current state for the force of clarity to thunder through. “It is _not_ the same. It was an accident. We were both triggered. We both fucked up, majorly. _But I love you too,_ Regina. Love is the difference. Zelena and Ingrid don’t know what love is. Don’t you ever compare yourself to them again, or think those thoughts about yourself. I pushed you to your breaking point. _We both just made a big mistake.”_

Regina blushes at Emma’s authoritative comfort. She feels the broken wisps of her fragile moonlit self, wanting to come back through her wall and lean into Emma.

“I need you to fight harder. I have _never_ left marks on a sub like I bruised you today. You have open wounds, there are places the skin bro-ke ....” Regina’s voice cuts off in her throat before she can continue. “I feel sick over how I have hurt you. I have lost my stomach all day. I will never lose control again. _I will not let myself._ I will never discipline you from a triggered place, or truly harm you ever again. I won’t ever.” Regina pauses. Slowly her ghostly face returns to color and somber brown eyes lift into Emma’s. Her nostrils flare and her determination flashes through her features. “But punishing you? Oh Emma, let me _promise_ you something. If it is between my belt and you going off the deep end, so help me, I will take my belt to you again.”

Emma trembles at hearing the promise. It is a little scary, but thank god. It tethers Emma to safety. The demon’s of her PTSD can’t take her away. Regina won’t let them. Regina is still her Mistress. And despite _everything,_ Emma trusts her. Because it is _Regina_ saying this to her, not the evil snakes of her past. The promise makes Emma feel safe.

Regina’s energy shifts. It’s like she just expelled the last stern sentiment she is capable of. Her secret softness towards Emma seems to spring free and take over. Her rigid posture relents in a shrug. Her voice turns into a faint whine, unexpected and rousing for Emma. “Please don’t ever leave me Emma, and please don’t ever hurt me again.” Her voice becomes even more delicate, it’s a whisper. “And, don’t you _ever_ put your hands on me like that again.”

“ _I won’t.”_ Emma utters in the worst pain she has ever experienced in her life. This is way worse then the welts on her ass. It’s the pain of hurting Regina.

The wall breaks. Regina is crying.

 

 


	30. Get Out

 Multiple POVS

 

“Get out!” Ruby yells at the top of her lungs.

Emma flutters her eyes awake. Her pain floods back in an instant and she groans. She painfully tries to adjust her position and fails. She is stuck on her stomach, under the covers in bed, next to the wall. Regina was sound asleep, curled up facing Emma. She turns onto her back to look at Ruby, startled awake. Ruby is looming over them in rage, but she is talking to Regina.

“Blue told me what happened. Get out of our house and don’t ever come back, _you fucking monster.”_ Ruby tares the covers off of them, not realizing she would expose Emma in the process. Angry, red, crisscrossed welts over Emma’s ass, thighs, hips and lower back stare back at her. There are places the skin broke.

“Oh my fucking god!” Ruby exclaims, tears springing from her eyes. _“How could you do this to her? What is wrong with you?”_

Emma is humiliated. She is lucky she had Blue leave her old, loose boxers up to her thighs during the midnight round of aftercare. It helped her feel a little less exposed. She struggles to pull her boxers up now. It isn’t easy and hurts like hell!

Emma’s next thoughts are for Regina. Regina has just frozen. She turned back on her side facing Emma, with her legs pulled up and eyes tightly closed. She has gone away. how the hec can Emma fix this? Shit-

“ _Did you hear me!? Get out-”_

Blue careens into Emma’s room out of nowhere. “Ruby stop!”

“I should stop?! Blue you’re just as bad! How did _you_ not stop this? Why don’t you see how sick Regina is? How could you let this happen?”

“ _Ruby-”_

Ruby steps back, something dawning on her. “I have to call the police. Regina should be arrested, nobody else sees how wrong this is. Emma is not safe. Regina is no better than Zelena. You just wait until Granny sees what Regina did to her!”

Emma watches faint tears slip through closed eyes and stream down Regina’s face. The pain that Ruby’s words are causing Regina is infinitely worse for Emma than Regina’s belt could ever be. _She_ has to stop this. Emma lifts herself up onto her hands and knees and forces herself to start climbing out of bed, despite her body screaming at her.

“Emma lay back down, baby. You will hurt yourself.” Blue starts to panic, unable to manage Ruby, Emma and Regina all at once.

Emma climbs over Regina and off the bed, grimacing in pain, but determined on her feet. She manages to stand tall. She is suddenly filled with clarity. She stares at Blue and Ruby intensely. “I see how this looks. Ruby I know how much you want to protect me. I am ok. please don’t call the police, Regina needs you as much as I do. When are you going to start being her sister like you are for me?”

“what?!” Ruby is baffled. She doesn’t get Emma’s response at all! _“What are you talking about?”_

Emma only grows stronger in response. She has to protect Regina, it’s the source of her new strength.

Blue and Ruby are both taken aback by Emma’s presence. It doesn’t fit with the welts on her backside and the deranged violence of last night.

“We need to be a family right now. I have been really fucked up, and Regina was trying to bring me back. We both made mistakes last night. _It was an accident.”_

“Do you hear yourself Emma? You are protecting your abuser! Do you get how crazy that is? She seriously _abused_ you!” Ruby cries out, dumbfounded.

“Ruby, I attacked Regina first. I was out of my skull.”

“ _Blue told me-”_

“Did Blue tell you everything? Did she tell you I started to choke your big sister and who knows how far I would have gone? She couldn’t fucking breathe Ruby, _I fucking lost my shit-”_

“You what? You choked her?” Ruby clutches her stomach in trauma. What the fuck? She feels so sick, this is a nightmare of epic proportions. She doesn’t want to call these crazy fucks family anymore. Her voice bellows in hysteria,“then get out too you crazy fuck! I am done sticking up for you. You both deserve each other. _I don’t want you in my life anymore-”_

“Ruby-” Emma approaches tentatively like Ruby is a wild animal, ready to attack.

Ruby shakes her head, her whole body quaking in adrenaline. “I mean it. Stay away from me. I hate you! _You and Regina ruined all of our lives! I never want to see either of you again!”_

Ruby brushes past Blue and tares out of Emma’s room. A few seconds later the slammed front door shakes the whole house. Then the muffler from Ruby’s old mustang screams a dramatic goodbye.

Emma hugs at her sides in shock. She turns to see Regina has not stirred and looks imploringly at Blue. Blue is trembling herself, rubbing her forehead and looking more lost than Emma can stand. For Blue to not jump in with reassurance is a really bad sign. Fuck.

Silence fills the room like all three of them turned to stone. Stressed out breaths are all that breaks it. It feels like a long time passes, or maybe none. It is the dreamlike still after something important falls apart. Everything is different now, unknown.

Something that started when Emma sprung up from her wounds to defend Regina, solidifies now in the darkness of everyone’s defeat. _Its her ferocious will._ It’s finally back. She keeps the beckoning triggers under her feet, like Regina told her- Michael defeats the dragon. She can think clearly again. So, on some level Ruby was right. This has all gone way too far. It is not all Emma’s fault. But, Emma does have to meet her family half way. She is sick of being everybody’s patient. _Her family needs her too._

Emma confidently steps in and places her hand on Blue’s shoulder. “Ruby was just lashing out. She has a right to be upset. We are going to get through this.”

The end of the world playing in Blue’s head, shifts into surprise. She was bracing herself, waiting for Emma’s trigger to take flame in Ruby’s wrath. She was playing out Emma’s trip to the ER and forcibly having to get her admitted to psych. She was preparing for Regina to disappear inside herself again for years. She was dreading the unsalvageable breakup of the Shepherd family. She treads into a sturdy sea of blue green light and questions in a shaky whisper, “Emma, are you really _still here?”_

“Yes Blue. I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. _I will try harder-”_

Blue starts to come back from her thoughts of pure doom. It is like a lantern in the dark. Emma’s presence allows her to see concrete steps again. She doesn’t skip a beat, if there is still a horse left to ride, Blue is back up on it. “Thank god you are still here.”

Emma nods, waiting for Blue to reveal the rest of her thoughts.

“What Regina did to you was wrong. Ruby does have every right to be upset.” Blue pierces Emma with an intense look. _“So do you Emma._ I should ask Regina to leave. You need to heal, some time away. You shouldn't be empathizing with the one who hurt-"

"That is not the answer-"

_"Regina needs help.”_

“I know. We both need help.”

Blue’s reassuring expression returns in the bolster of Emma’s strength and certainty.

Emma fills her chest in confidence. _“I_ am going to help Regina. I am going to fix this somehow.”

“What Ruby said to Regina, combined with her past and what she did to you last night, these are her demons, baby. Do you understand? These are _her worst fears._ There is a lot you don’t know about Regina-”

“Let me handle it Blue. I will get Regina to tell me, _herself._ I will take care of her.”

“I bet you will.” Blue slips in a whisper, impacted by how Emma is being. Emma is in her power. She looks like a hero or something. Blue is comforted by Emma’s bold statement, and the tremendous care for Regina emanating right off her. Its like she is haloed. Blue was wrong to conclude she had to separate them. It’s not the hospital, discipline, the plan, court or anything else that will save Emma, _it’s - Emma’s - love - for - Regina._

“I know how delicate she is.” Emma looks lovingly into Blue’s eyes. “We are the only ones who really get that.”

“Yes baby, _she really is.”_

 

 


	31. Evil

 Emma and Regina's POV

 

“Hi sleepy head.” Emma softly chimes.

Regina squints at Emma, on her stomach next to Regina in bed. As Regina comes to, she feels the devastation of everything that happened, everything _she did._ It plummets her into a fiery hell of self-damnation. Disturbed, she jumps out of bed and stops with her hand on the door. “I just need to go to the bathroom.” She turns to face Emma and says breathlessly, “I am not leaving you.”

Twenty minutes later Regina returns looking worse off then when she left. She teeters in the doorway, still in Blue’s pajamas, its 3 or 4pm by now on the rainy Tuesday. “I missed two days in a row of work. Do you know how unacceptable that is? I was just getting up yesterday when Blue called me-”

“Come back into bed.”

“ _Emma,_ I can’t just lay in bed all day-”

“It wasn’t a request.” Emma flashes fire through her barely mobile state of pain.

Regina feels Emma’s strength in a jilt of relief. She relinquishes the rabbit hole of misery for the pull in her lover’s tone. She dreads being left to her own devices, that is, now that her demons roam free again. She crawls back in bed and watches Emma wince as the mattress shifts. With a concerned and uncontainable sigh, Regina starts to push the covers off Emma to check on her. She hides her face in morbid guilt.

“Don’t-” Emma warns.

Regina is taken aback.

“Lay on your side and face me.”

Regina can’t believe what she does next- she listens! Why on earth would she let anyone order her to do something? Well, because it is not just _anyone._ She lays on her side facing Emma. She pulls the covers around her neck tensely and peers into penetrating blue green eyes.

“Right now is about you. You haven’t moved or spoken since Ruby walked out. That was early this morning. _Where have you been?”_

“ _Emma-”_ Regina chastises and frowns. “I told you, don’t push me.”

“Nope. That’s not good enough. There is a time and a place for everything.”

Now Regina is agitated. She scowls at Emma. “Like you have the right to call me on _anything._ Oh, _please.”_ She huffs with all the sarcastic cruelty she can dredge.

Emma is starting to get Regina. Cruelty is the last line of defense before Emma can break her. She will pull the demons right out of her, if she has to. Emma is grateful for painkillers. She flips on her side fast enough that Regina can’t stop her. She sweeps her stone lover into her arms before Regina can see Emma wince again.

“ _Emma you shouldn’t be mo-”_

Emma has one arm under Regina’s neck and pulls her in by her lower back. Regina gasps. She is a plank board of stiff resistance.

Regina lets out a shocking childlike whine. _“Emma don’t-”_

“I love you.”

Regina aggressively buries her face in her hands. Tucked in the crook of Emma’s neck, Regina leans in and rests up against her. She groans in agitation. And then it happens, her body becomes soft and shakes. She is crying again. She is weeping. _“What I did to you...”_ she laments between her sobs, “and now I am broken, the old Regina is back. I tricked you. You thought I was good, nothing about me is good-”

“I don’t believe that.” Emma says with authority.

“ _You should.”_ Regina spits like it is a dangerous threat, but then further crumbles in Emma’s tight grip. Emma just lets her cry. This is a breakthrough. Regina is letting Emma hold her. Regina is _letting Emma in._ Regina can’t hear reason when emotions need to pour out, _oh but she will._ Emma will not lose Regina to darkness any more then Regina would lose Emma. The picture may look different, but the fight is the same.

Emma rubs her back. She feels the wet heat of Regina’s tears pooling down in the crook of her neck and shoulder. She listens to her dark beauty’s release, as Regina emotes through the rise and fall of her heavy chest. Outside, the rain is sounding out now, too. It hits the shingles above them in a fast patter. The dark October view, out the water smudged windows, mirrors Regina’s outpouring of pain.

“Thank you-” Regina breathes through tears. She tentatively lowers her hands from her face like she is putting weapons down, the last of her weapons, before wrapping around Emma tightly. This huge concession causes her to cry more, albeit softly, as she feels the heat of her lover against her. “Wait, don’t say anything yet. _Please.”_ Her naked tone arouses Emma. This is not the first time that when Regina finally lets Emma in, she steps deeper into bravery. But now? _It’s a whole new fuckin’ frontier._

Regina’s voice quivers and she trembles in the wake of her tears. “I bet you think I am an orphan too, right? I mean, the way Blue talks about me-” Regina waivers and Emma can tell how nervous she is to share. Emma pulls back to look at her. She gruffly wipes Regina’s face off with both of her sleeves.

 _“Nice._ There are tissues right behind me.”

Emma softly smirks back and reaches over Regina for the tissues on the night stand. She doesn’t break her intense listening for a second, or take her eyes off Regina, in case Regina loses her nerve to keep talking.

Regina cleans herself up briefly and hesitantly looks into Emma’s eyes. Here is something she has never done before, cried like a basket case in front of someone and then talked through it! _Well._

“My mother lives in Portland. She is twenty minutes away.” Regina falls onto her back and groans, she doesn’t know if she can do this.

Emma is up on her elbow in a heartbeat, draping her free arm over Regina’s stomach.

“She wasn’t an _easy_ woman to live with....” Regina squeezes her eyes closed in the torrent of doubt she is still talking. She shouldn’t be talking about any of this. Somethings are best left in the past. She rails against her better half within, who boldly shines light in the dark.

“Regina you can do this. This is how it is done. This is how we heal. Think of how you made me talk-”

“Shut up Emma, _I know all of that.”_ Regina snaps rudely.

“ _Be nice.”_ Emma commands intensely.

“Sorry. I hate when, when, you’re _right._ It makes me so angry at you!”

“Tell me about your mother-”

“ _Do I have to?”_ Regina whines breathlessly.

“Yes.” Emma says sternly.

Emma’s sternness is arousing. It distracts Regina from feeling like she is walking off a ledge she can’t return from- _talking about her mother._

“No more stalling Regina. No more picking fights, talk to me, _right now.”_

“Fine! _Fine._ Her name is Cora and I think she might be evil. Evil isn’t born, it’s made. So I must be too. After all, her number one goal was to raise me _just like her._ ”

Emma bites her lip at _that_ conclusion, she can’t risk interrupting now.

"She raised me in Greenwich Connecticut. We were well off.” Regina clears her throat and closes her eyes for a minute, her cheeks burn in discomfort. _“So._ She sent me to a catholic girls boarding school from the time I was in third grade as a punishment for ‘acting better than her.’ I was simply trying to be good. To my sick mother that was defying her. _We weren’t even religious._ School was strict, but I was happiest there. It was really my only safe place. My mother is a social climber. She is whatever you want her to be. She uses people to get ahead, befriends them, has an affair with them, betrays them, inadvertently _kills them-”_ Regina pauses to wipe away a spring of fresh tears. “Never mind, _this is unnecessary.”_ She snarks and sits up like she is about to leave the room.

Emma sits up to stop her. When her body weight comes down on her ass she shrieks in pain. The injuries she had almost forgotten, scream at her. She surrenders onto her stomach and buries a few angry sobs into the pillow. She needs to regain her composure to _make her goddam queen speak!_

“Oh Emma, _I am sorry.”_ Regina lays back down on her side and runs her fingers through messy blonde locks. Emma’s pain, and the reminder of how she beat her, makes Regina feel more culpable than she can handle. She softly kisses Emma’s lips repeatedly in penitence. She looks imploringly into her girl’s eyes.

Emma turns back onto her side with effort, fully facing her disconcerted mare. She smiles through the stinging pangs. “Regina, if anybody knows about how long the road to freedom is, _we do._ You are always telling me to fight harder. I need you to fight harder too. It’s now Regina, _it’s this moment.”_

“You’re right.” She concedes in an remorseful sigh. She gazes deeply into blue eyes and finds strength to continue. “My mother is rich and powerful, all from destroying other people. She thinks _nothing of it,_ nothing. It drives her to be at the top, to be worshipped. She doesn’t care what the cost is. But Emma there is always a price. I don’t even understand it, but it is like she is not human. I have watched her do the most unspeakable things. But it was _me_ who killed my father.”

Regina jerks Emma’s hands up between them and timidly hides her own inside. It’s a dramatic gesture from the queen of coldness, _to seek comfort._

Emma grasps over Regina’s hands with loving bear claws, pouring love through her eyes. _“Tell me baby.”_

Regina huffs. She starts to sound removed from her story as her words land in an empty, matter-of-fact tone. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Emma, no matter what you say. It wasn’t long before I was delighting in other people’s pain, and feeling more powerful by making them weak. _Believe me,_ I developed the kink of humiliating others very early in my life.”

Regina’s breathing grows labored and heavy, “and, the fact that there was corporal punishment at school, _well-”_ Regina looks darkly at Emma and her nostrils flare. “I was an expert at getting my enemies and my followers under the teacher’s paddle. I myself was never struck. And it excited me Emma, to watch their very real pain. It felt like the power was in my hands, that I owned them. They would do my bidding. That kind of power is addictive, and exactly as my mother raised me to be.”

Emma realizes in a wave of fear that Regina is _turned on._ Woa. She swallows hard and frowns. A restless pause pushes hard between them. But ....... so what? Emma is turned on by what started as abuse in her childhood. She reigns her fear of Regina back in. She just knows, _the real Regina is good._ Still, Emma had no idea the level of darkness Regina was fighting. Fuck her mother, Fuck that fucking bitch. If Emma could only destroy _her!_

“ _Emma-”_ Regina reacts to her girl’s twisted face. She feels utterly frozen until she hears Emma’s strong tone. Those intense blue eyes still love her and force her to continue. Thank God and well, damn those eyes.

“What happened to your father?”

Regina’s smoldering edge is drowned out by a childlike look of complete terror and remorse. “I killed him. Mother said.”

“Oh did she?” Emma says sarcastically, knowing painfully too well the smoke and mirror blame game true villains play. She gets firm to guide Regina through this. “Regina, _what happened?”_

"Fine, I will tell you." Regina relents under Emma's force. She is going to rip right through this, it is the only way she could ever tell, _tell it fast._ "My mother was in New York, having an affair, capturing another conquest. So when I got expelled for, _for-”_ Regina starts to cry again and inwardly berates herself for it. ‘Stupid tears, get a hold of yourself. You are being pathetic.’ She exhales in stress. She has to get this horrid admission over with! Secretly, she is quivering in front of the moment her soul died _twice,_ and the first time she will ever tell the whole story to anyone.

“There was this girl, Violet. I hated her because she was all the things I couldn’t be. She was soft and emotive, vulnerable, tender, close with the other kids and teachers, good. She was so damn good Emma. There was not an insincere bone in her body. Everyone adored her. I was jealous. So I tortured her. I got her set up. I pit the other girls against her. I pit the teachers against her. I didn’t mean to go as far as I did, at 15 I was playing out what my mother did to me my whole life. I was bullying Violet. _I was destroying her._ But honestly, it was an accident. Underneath it all I wished we could be friends. I wished I could be like her!”

“What happened baby? I am here.”

“She killed herself. They found her suicide note describing my actions. They expelled me. And when my father, the only one who loved me and saw good in me, came to pick me up, he learned about it all for the first time. He said one sentence to me. ‘You’re just like your mother.’ And his heart broke in front of my eyes. It is like I tore it out with my own evil hand. He had a heart attack at my feet and died 24 hours later in the ER. _I killed Violet and my father.”_

Regina sits up coldly like it was a different person laying bare her deepest wound.

“Emma, that’s enough. I have had enough of this _sharing._ It is not negotiable. I am going home for the night. I am sending Blue up here because you are overdo for your next round of aftercare.”

Regina sizes Emma up and down in a threatening glare. She delivers in a punitive tone, “you better listen to me. Don’t you try and move off this bed, and hurt yourself in the process. You will not disobey me. Capisce?” Regina’s voice lowers to a stinging hiss. “And, _don’t you dare push me more._ Do you hear me?”

Emma feels hurt and wicked pissed at the same time. First of all, they are not in a full time D/s lifestyle so Regina has no right to be dominating her. Emma is not triggered so the official ‘plan’ cannot be enacted. Regina is out of line. More importantly, Emma’s heart cracks under her pride. It bleeds out her concern for the woman she _loves._ How can Regina share a story like that and not let Emma help her? What a mind blowing burden she has carried all this time, _alone._ She truly believes she is a murderer. No wonder she thinks she is evil! And, it’s totally clear Regina never got past all this. She just stuffed it. Poor Regina. This epically sucks.

Regina is smoldering in anger, directing a cutting glare through and through Emma. It’s not fair. But Emma sighs and capitulates. Fair or not, Regina will snap at the smallest sign of resistance. This is Regina’s sad way of saying, _‘If I get anymore vulnerable I will just die.’_ The most loving thing Emma can do is give her total control. Emma will let her think she is somehow saving face. Regina needs to go lick her wounds and have distance. So Emma will say _the - one - thing - that - will - put - Regina - at - ease._

“Yes Mistress. I will be good.”

 

 

 


	32. Motivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: 
> 
> The tags have been updated. Please re-read them and don't proceed if it is potentially too upsetting for you. Thank you.

Mostly Regina and Emma's POV

 

“Your sister needs you.” Blue frowns into the phone and exchanges glances with Granny and Regina. Snow taps her foot on a nearby bench lost in her paperwork. “Yes. Right now. The case is being presented in thirty minutes.”

“Tell her to get her ass down here.” Granny interrupts, enraged. “Blue, give me the phone.”

Blue tosses the phone to Granny like a hot potato. She and Regina are equally taken aback by seeing Granny so angry.

Granny growls into the phone.“Ruby, the Shepard family doesn’t give up on each other-” She pauses in a scowl. “Don’t say that again. You love Emma. You have been at Will’s ever since-” Granny cuts off in sadness and lowers her voice. “That was almost three weeks ago. Emma is all healed. It was a big mistake. It will never happen again. You know what they have been through. We will never understand what it is like to recover from those kind of traumas-” Granny listens. “Get over yourself. Emma _needs_ you.”

Regina folds her arms and tries to look distant and uninterested. But her heart thuds in her chest. Ruby hates her and will never forgive her. It just feels so, _so_ _horrible._ Stupid makeshift family, she can’t stand needing anyone. It is an almost relieving distraction that a certain someone needs _her_ right now. But the thought of Emma suffering is anything but relieving. She just hopes dragging her to court was the right call. Emma needs to be free from Zelena or she will always be at ground zero. Wait a minute...... “What time is it? How long has Emma been in there?”

Blue and Granny look from Regina to the court bathroom door. Granny offers, “perhaps 10 minutes?”

“Jesus, that is not good.” She knocks hard on the door and yells, “Are you ok? Let me in-”

“Five more minutes. I am ok.”

 

\---

 

They don’t have to know she just threw up for the third time since six in the morning. Emma gets mints out of her bag with shaking hands. She stares like a mess into the mirror, her eyes blurring in fear and tiny pores of sweat breaking out over her temples. Is the room spinning? She is terrified. She is going to be in the same room as Zelena. Her heart beats loudly in her ears. Her stomach wrenches. Maybe it fell out of her body and is on the floor somewhere, honestly she couldn’t tell. This is an impossible task. Why didn’t her family believe that Zelena is just too dangerous? It would have been better to leave it alone. She can’t breathe. _No really, she fuckin can’t-_

The next knock makes her jump. It’s louder then the last. Her mints spill into the sink. Shit. Emma is sure it is her _Mistress_ now. She unlocks the door in a knee jerk reaction of obedience.

Regina prowls in, hugged by a black dress and purse under her arm. She closes and locks the door behind her.

Emma is busy trying to pull tic tacs out of the sink.

“Leave them. We have more.” Regina husks and stills Emma’s hands.

Emma jerks away like she is afraid of Regina, then defers with an apologetic look. She folds her hands awkwardly, keeping a few feet between them.

Regina chooses to ignore Emma pulling away. Her girl clearly regrets it. She studies Emma instead, with a stern glint in her eyes. She hides her alarm behind a waft of chilling authority. Emma is _triggered and undone_.

“I can’t breathe-” Emma claws at her neck like a panicked child.

“Hush. You’re fine. Come here.”

Emma tentatively steps in. By the tone she is not in trouble, so she starts to feel comforted in Regina’s aid.

Regina loosens Emma’s thin black tie and adjusts the white collar of her blouse. She takes a moment to appreciate the soft, feminine black suit she bought for Emma. It fits her form perfectly and emphasizes Emma’s slender curves.

“ _It’s still too tight-”_

“Let me fix it.” Regina pulls the tie off her and unbuttons her collar twice to reveal angry hives clutching around Emma’s throat. Jesus christ, it is so obvious to Regina what is happening. She is having a physical reaction to seeing Zelena again. After all, Zelena almost _killed_ _Emma_ by choking her. The hospital said she could have died the fateful weekend Emma was dumped at Chessfield and Blue took her to Portland Medical. ‘Regina, god knows you are tough, but now you have to be nothing short of Emma’s champion. Don’t let her see you upset! Take control and do what you know works, _dominate her.’_ Regina takes a sharp breath and keeps her eyes locked on Emma in firmness.

“You don’t need your tie. Your outfit looks better without it.” She lies. “Breathe Emma.” Her voice is firm as she takes a tissue from her purse, wipes Emma’s brow, and touches up her makeup. “Now I have an idea.”Why don’t we go over our morning together, _to get you in the mood_ , hm?”

“Regina-” Emma gasps in shock. “Uhm, I mean Mistress, _please.”_ Her dread the world is ending in the court bathroom is suddenly eclipsed by Regina! She doesn’t even notice she can breathe again. Regina’s hard stare and threatening voice is all there is, _thank god._

“Allow me.” Regina yanks Emma into her, undoes Emma’s belt and pulls her black slacks and thong down to her knees. “You can look over your shoulder. What do you see?”

Emma blushes miserably as she turns to face her demeaned state in the bathroom mirror. It beholds Regina clasping tightly around Emma’s upper back and Regina’s eyes burning into where - _uhm-_

“I asked you a question. _What do you see?”_

Emma whispers shamefully in Regina’s ears and prays it will be enough. Her voice croaks. “Three m-ar-ks...”

“That’s right. That’s why you will be sleeping at my house during court, now isn’t it? I wanted to make it absolutely clear- it is me you should be afraid of, not Zelena. It stings doesn’t it? Well, I should bet it hurts, seeing as I spared you no mercy in those three lashes. Did I?”

Emma flushes completely and starts to tremble. Up until this morning Regina has never punished Emma _proactively._ In fact she has not disciplined her at all, save threats and scoldings, after the night Emma passed out, three weeks ago. Emma had started _aching_ for Regina to punish her. She wanted that medicine, it makes everything else go away. It was becoming infuriating Regina felt too guilty to uhm, ‘take her in hand,’ after the night they both went nuts. She had to use all of her willpower to not just fucking provoke Regina on purpose! Turns out she didn’t have to. Emma woke up to her Mistress _back in tune._ And boy did Emma get a taste of it.

Regina can feel her lover’s heartbeat quickening hard against her, and soft hands clinging tightly to her back. Emma is enthralled by being dominated right now, it is working. Not to mention, Regina’s own heart and sex swells in controlling her girl. It heats them both up from the inside out. She is tempted to purr and get sexy, but must save that for another day. Her baby needs to be nothing short of _delivered_ through this hellish moment, the last few minutes before court starts. The moment Emma didn’t believe she could ever face.

Emma buries herself into her Mistress’s tight embrace. She feels soft, cared for, turned on and deeply embarrassed, bared with her pants down in her lover’s arms. Regina’s perfume, tone, warmth pressed up against her and _dominance_ , makes everything else stop. Regina puts her hand over Emma’s ass and rubs softly.

“Whats in my purse, _Em-ma?”_

The touch makes Emma totally hot. She melts wholly into Regina. The air between them is taut. Emma can feel the unbearable tension of her Mistress testing her and the threat under Regina’s hand. She is not in a courthouse about to take on her life’s worst nemesis. She _is_ in danger of being spanked. That is all that exists in her tingling ass, rapid breathing and newly wet cunt. She is on a slippery slope but can’t seem to speak through her wave of shame. ‘Answer her! Quick! Have the courage to say it!’ But instead Emma mumbles inaudibly in Regina’s neck and regrets it instantly-

Regina delivers a hard and loud, open handed smack over her sore ass. The swat jerks Emma into Regina. She grits in the sting, desperate to not sound out another clue to what just happened in the public bathroom. _Their family is right outside._

“Don’t you dare test me. You will answer and obey me, _right now.”_

“Your favorite riding crop.”

“The one I used this morning?”

“Yes Mistress.”

“Yes it is, _and don’t you forget it.”_ Regina feels a pang of guilt she is being so tough on Emma. She is fired up by the determination to make her girl succeed. Court is a test of tests for her broken angel. She gruffly pulls Emma’s panties and pants up and buckles her belt, to which she hears Emma sigh out in relief. Regina grabs her upper arms again to lock into blue green eyes. She takes her girl in. Emma is intently anticipating and lost in Regina’s next move. Emma is hers again, she is salvaged from the train wreck Regina walked into just 5 minutes before. Emma is still shaken, but she is not triggered. Regina did it, _for now._

“Emma, you can do this. You will do this. You will be punished if you go away, do you understand me? I whipped you this morning for a reason. Let me remind you. It was just a tiny preview of what will happen if you _check out._ Do you want the crop when they call a recess? Or how about crying over my lap tonight?”

Emma gasps. The slap and the threat is more then enough ‘medicine.’ _Regina means business._ Emma wants to be good!

Regina eyes her, well aware of her submissive’s intention to do well. It is written all over that beautiful wide eyed face. “Listen.You are wearing my marks. You belong to me, not Zelena. But only you can fight for your freedom. You can do this. You have done well meeting with Snow over the last few weeks. We managed your triggers together. You will _keep fighting_ your triggers. You will tell the judge what happened, and you will not let Zelena get into your head. If you waiver then look at me. My gaze will bring you back in a _snap_ , do you hear me?”

Emma sucks Regina’s pep talk in like oxygen. She wills in as much determination as her nerve riddled body can.

“What are you going to do if you waiver, _hm?”_

“Look at you.”

“That's right. I will be right behind you. And you will feel my presence, it will burn you from behind, just like your sore little bottom burns now, hm? Let it be a reminder you belong to me. Rest in that. And be Michael, be the _good_ dragon, _all that fire you are._ Fight for your freedom, Emma. Don’t let Zelena keep taking it from you. Fight back. The power is inside of you.”

Another rap on the door startles Emma. Blue’s voice is shaky. “Girls, we are being called in.”

 

\---

 

 


	33. In Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: 
> 
> The tags have been updated. Please re-read them and don't proceed if it is potentially too upsetting for you. Thank you.

Mostly Emma's POV

 

Emma’s ass hurts. She tries not to squirm in the chair next to Mrs. Charming. The predicament is a comforting distraction from the hell she is sitting inside of, _court._ She can feel Regina’s eyes on her back. Mrs. Charming points her through notes. They quietly discuss what is about to happen. Emma drums her fingers on the wooden surface of the table in front of them.

Snow pauses and tilts her head, in a nostalgic and maternal reaction. She places her hands softly over Emma’s and muses, “you did that last time.”

Emma smirks and eyebrows her lawyer. “Oh really?”

“Yes. When you were 9. You used to always drum on the table.” She smiles sadly. “Emma when are you going to start calling me Snow?”

“I know, you keep telling me that. It’s just weird.”

 “I understand.”

Emma looks into Mrs. Charming’s, uhm _Snow’s_ eyes, like a portal through time. It is a surreal deja vu. Her inner child feels better it is Snow with her now. She remembers wishing Snow was her mother. It is when she gave up on Ingrid. She finally believed the adults telling her Ingrid was abusive. Now, who would have thought? 21 years later reunited with the same lawyer? Snow is the first good person who ever cared about Emma. If her world was not a disaster she could appreciate Snow back in her life. _But like this?_ Her life is a big humiliating nightmare. Snow is so loving, peaceful and wise. Emma must be a big fat disappointment to her.

Tension is pouring into the small, oak paneled court room. There is anticipation for the judge and defense to arrive. Emma’s head actually feels clear. Sure, she is trembling from adrenaline, but the bad dragon is back under foot. Determination courses through her in the trigger's wake. Regina always knows what to say, and uhm, do. She feels awake. Emma _is_ a fiery and powerful woman. She just lost it all when she lost herself in Zelena. She yells in her mind like a battle-cry before war. ‘I can end all of this now. I just have to say what happened. I can do this.’ Emma’s resolve builds. And, the motivation is not just for her sake. The first people Emma has loved since childhood are depending on her. _Their lives_ will be a nightmare for as long as Zelena rips Emma apart.

 _She_ enters. Her red locks sprawl down her back in a spider tease. Her dark blue blazer is cut long, ending over her hips to reveal a short matching skirt, long legs, and shiny heels. Zelena looks beautiful. She is as confident and professional as she always was. She captivates the room like a presiding politician, not the woman on trial, dammit. She has always been able to win over an audience. That bitch can convince anyone of anything! What is Emma thinking taking her to court?..... And, look, _fuck,_ she knows people here. That was bound to happen, she is a lawyer in the city, shit. Portland is small. Fuck Maine and it’s small town feel, she should never have let Zelena take her out here to begin with. Her life in Boston may have been fucked up, but it was hers.

Emma is breaking out into a cold sweat. Oh she is ruing this all over. They should have never pressed charges, what a mistake! Court _isn’t_ the right tactic. Her thoughts are quickly caving into fear. But it is more than fear. A cancer of doom spreads in her stomach. Her gut is speaking. It is a little fucking late for this. But it is telling her to get out before it all goes to shit. She hears a warning from deep inside, like a ghost, or her future self, ‘there will be a consequence.’ She rails against her bones in a shunt. She argues back to her intuition, leaning on her elbows with fistfuls of hair and a scowl. Regina is in charge .... Her whole family guided her here..... Fuck, then why does it feel like volunteering to get on a pirate ship, find the plank and walk right off of it!?!? It’s just too late to go back now. _It’s too late...._

Zelena turns on her heel suddenly. She lodges an evil blue stare deep inside Emma. It’s like she can see Emma’s soul, or so she always had Emma believe. Emma can’t listen to her own gut, remember what Regina said and deflect Zelena at the same fucking time! Those are three separate directions! So she caves back into her pattern, she acquiesces to this beast in front of her. It is like Emma is a machine and Zelena hit reset. All her own thoughts and feelings disappear. In the well worn pathways of Zelena’s conditioning, Emma slumps forward and looks down. She is startled by a loud thump directly behind her. She turns. Her Mistress’s eyes are ablaze. Emma tries to nod back as the commotion builds around them.

Regina slightly, proudly tilts her chin. She gestures, by lifting her pointer finger under her chin, for Emma to do the same. She nods at Emma intently.

Dammit, Regina is right! Emma remembers. _This is a fight._ She has to fight! She straightens back up, lifts her chin, and glares at Zelena.

Zelena laughs at Emma’s new tough look. But Emma does not back down. For the first time, she aims towards the _right_ person and lets herself get really - fucking - angry.

“All Rise.”

Much to Emma’s dismay the sorcery Zelena commands over a crowd is child’s play next to the judge that enters. Snow takes one look at him and utters “shit,” under her breath. And she seems less likely to swear then Blue or Regina. Emma can actually hear a chorus of ominous murmurs behind her as the crowd beholds him. He takes stalk of his courtroom and circles his chair like a calculating predator. Emma hisses,“what is going on? Do you know him?”

“Hush. Keep your voice low Emma.” Snow eyes her and then mutters, “he is not known as the most _sympathetic_ judge. Don’t worry just stay focused.”

“Court is now in session. Judge Gold presiding. Please be seated.”

Their is no light in his eyes. He is hollow just like Zelena, mechanical. _Oh no. Where do these kind of people come from?_

Judge Gold speaks callously, if not completely void of feeling. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I am calling the case of Emma Swan and the State of Maine, versus Zelena West. Are both sides ready?”

Mrs. Charming responds quickly. “Ready for the People, your Honor.”

“Ready for the defense your Honor.” Zelena smiles.

“Attorney West, where is your council?” Judge Gold asks amused, taking in the vixen before him with a devious smirk.

“Judge Gold, due to the unique nature of this case, and my relationship with Ms. Swan, I am simply the most qualified lawyer to represent myself.” She coyly replies, making a show of stretching out one leg and folding it over the other as she leans back, aloof and comfortable.

“Attorney West I am well aware of your legal conquests in Portland. I don’t see why not.”

The Judge’s next words are laden with phony pity and concern. He exaggerates his statement, making a case of his own. “In fact Attorney West, to even have to be answering to these sensational and outlandish charges, why you poor thing. I am sure we can put this to rest quickly. Nobody should be in the business of wasting our court’s precious time and resources. There would be very serious consequences, _indeed.”_ He looks right through Emma in disgust.

What the fuck? How is this happening? It’s like he has already decided _Emma_ is guilty. Emma gulps and starts to feel dizzy. Maybe it _is_ all her fault, like Zelena always said. Maybe it is karma getting back at her. There is so much Snow, Regina and the Shepherd family don’t know about Emma’s past. The truth would ruin everything. She would lose them, so she will never tell. But, shit man, she might not have a choice, Zelena knows _everything._

“Will the clerk please swear in the jury?” He waves his hand like he can’t be bothered.

“Emma” Snow whispers, “don’t be disheartened. You will be speaking to the jury, not him. He has a reputation for saying inappropriate things. His bark is worse then his bite. He has to answer to the law just like the rest of us. Don’t give up, _we will find a way.”_

Emma grumbles. She puts her elbows on the table to rest her head in her hands. She watches in a haze as they move though the official procession of court in order. Her jury looks diverse, surely some of them will believe her.

How surprising, Zelena pleads not guilty...... Emma hears the opening statements strained over her loud heart, sweating palms, and mental racing. She would rather die then hear the worst parts of her life publicly discussed and judged. Snow sounds good. She is a great lawyer. Who wouldn’t root for her no-nonsense speech of right and wrong, and how wrong Zelena was? She is claiming Zelena took Emma’s life away ...... Maybe that is true. She hasn’t recognized herself for a very long time.

When the _defense_ launches into her opening argument it is a circus act and Zelena is the ringmaster. Even with her commanding display of power and ability to tell a story, Zelena is holding back. Emma can just tell. Zelena has not started to fire the poisonous arrows Emma is cringing in fear of. She holds her breath. Why isn't Zelena using the damning information she has on Emma? She is up to something. Even without Emma’s worst secrets revealed, her nemesis is cool, calm and collected. She systematically charms the jury and audience with the assurance of her good nature _and innocence._ Bull shit.

Snow calls Dr. Wale on the stand first and then her husband, Sheriff Charming.  Judge Gold allows the prosecution to question her husband. It is a legal concession Storybrooke has made for a long time, in the small town where everyone knows everyone. Between the vivid account of Emma’s arrival on the psych ward after the ER, the hospital’s proof that her choking wounds brought her near death, her tortured, deranged affect suggesting severe long term abuse, mind control, and PTSD, and the account of Sheriff Charming intervening when Zelena attacked and attempted to kidnap Emma a year later, _the energy in the room has changed._ The jury is visibly shocked, sympathetic, and deeply concerned. Zelena could even be called nervous as she shifts coolly in her chair.

Emma feels taller as the new compassionate energy engulfs her. She feels some relief, and ability to breathe again. And, hearing her story through her witnesses is oddly validating. What Zelena did _was_ fucked up, no matter Emma’s past. These guys are professionals, the psychiatric head of Portland Medical and the Sheriff of their town. People like this don’t lie .... It’s just ..... _They don’t know everything._

“Well Attorney West, as much as I hate to believe you could be capable of any of this, I am not one to dismiss our local police force or doctors.” Judge Gold glowers at Zelena in disappointment. “I certainly hope you have something better for me dearie.”

Dearie?! The judge sounds like he is flirting with Zelena. Fuck her, and her prowess to turn anything, probably her own damn funeral, into a sexual invitation!

“Permission to approach the bench, Judge Gold?” She responds coyly.

“Attorneys approach the bench.”

Zelena casually saunters over. She ponders like she is deciding what to do with her lunch hour, instead of her fate being on the line. She leans into Gold like he is an old personal friend.

Snow rolls her eyes, aware of the game playing dynamic herself.

Emma watches Zelena and Snow speak to Gold. Zelena is skillfully animated. She keeps eying and gesturing towards Emma in mock sympathy. Snow is getting agitated at whatever is being suggested. The judge is speaking sternly. Then, Zelena looks smug and crosses her arms in satisfaction. Judge Gold is angry at Snow. They are exchanging heated words before he raises his finger in a warning. Now, they are headed back to their seats.

Emma starts kicking her knee under the table restlessly. Is she wavering? _fuck._ She turns to look for Regina. Ruby is here now. Thank God. She hasn’t seen her since that terrible fight. She doesn’t look mad. Neither of them are one to hold a grudge. She is rooting for Emma. Blue smiles and Granny nods. She then beholds her Mistress like the _true_ presiding force at court. She is nothing less then Emma’s queen. Her regal presence helps Emma feel distance from the spectacle. Regina’s eyes are filled with light, glowing, and sharp as a tac.

Regina places her hand over her heart and takes a deep breath. She exaggerates tall shoulders and flares her nostrils and eyes in a picture of strength, nodding for Emma to do the same. It is also her way of warning Emma to _stay here._ Emma can practically hear what must be in Regina’s mind. ‘Be the good dragon.... _or else.’_

Emma feels a surge of fire course through her as she pictures herself fighting again. She does not have to be at the mercy of blow by blow reactions. She can rise above it. She can fight through her triggers and be committed to winning. Her conclusion sounds good until Judge Gold opens his damn mouth in a decision that confirms Emma’s worst fear.

“In light of new _‘evidence,’_ and the defense’s legal right to have the time it takes to access it, this court will reconvene in two weeks. At that time, Ms. Swan, if I were you dearie, I would be ready to take the stand.” He then chuckles softly like a deranged maniac.

This is it. This is her end, nobody will stay by Emma’s side when the whole truth comes out.

 

 

 


	34. The Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: 
> 
> The tags have been updated. Please re-read them and don't proceed if it is potentially too upsetting for you. Thank you.

Mostly Emma's POV

 

Nicotine courses through Emma in the first relief of the long ass day.

Since the case was delayed, Regina let Emma go back to the Shepherd’s house after court yesterday. Today Emma has _tried_ to create normalcy. They met with Snow after Regina was done at Chessfield. More then once Regina threatened her to stay here, it was awkward as fuck. Could Regina cut her a little slack? Did Emma not just go up against her worst nightmare? And, _it wasn’t even her idea._ It was the worst idea Regina ever had! Fuck her life right now.

Thank god Ruby got her a pack and she can leave it all behind for a few hours. She realizes the irony of smoking before entering the gym. But there are much bigger issues threatening her health right now. She rolls her eyes through the parking lot and downtown. She hugs her shoulders and can see a fog from her long exhale. The leaves are falling. Late October is unseasonably cold, it has been all month. Or maybe this is just Maine? Whatever, Boston is only two hours south. Its near 9pm, Tuesday night. The commuters have gone home, she will have the gym to herself .... Except, oh dammit. _How could she forget?_ Elsa has to close on Tuesdays. Elsa is one of those weird morning people. She used to complain about it having to close Tuesday nights all the time.  Dammit, Emma doesn’t need this right now. But, she doesn’t have a better place to escape, oh well.

 

\----

 

“Emma?”

Emma runs her pass through the sensor at the desk. Elsa has her long blonde hair back in a braid, looking like a super model for World Fitness. It is like the gym pays to have her wear their emblem on her blue, tight fleece and stand behind the desk. Emma feels herself getting flushed. Elsa looks really beautiful, a hot distraction, and Emma is nothing but tongue tied.

“Hey. _You look good.”_ Emma frowns in awkwardness. Did Emma just tell Elsa she looks good? What an asssss.

Elsa giggles, amused. “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.”

Emma rubs her forehead through a grin back. “Sorry.” She chuckles. “You know I am a big idiot.”

“Yup. That about covers it.” Elsa says coyly, but with a deep innocence behind it. Her smile turns to concern. “I heard about court-”

Emma frowns, defensive.

“Sorry, Storybrooke is only twenty minutes away. You know what a small town we live in. We don’t have to talk about it. I just want you to know I am rooting for you.”

Emma is so uncomfortable. She doesn’t want anyone to know her business, let alone Elsa. She attempts to turn it into a joke. “Thanks. I am rooting for you too Elsa.” Ehhh. That didn’t work, it made no sense! “Uhm, I am going to go beat up some weights now.”

“Don’t lift too much. You’ll pull a muscle again.”

Emma rolls her eyes and smiles back. “I don’t know what your talking about.”

 

\----

 

Emma starts to feel her spirit come back in sweat and strength, hitting rep after rep, after rep. She pictures herself stomping over Zelena, like a towering superhero, as her body gets puffed out again. Angry rap music drowns her stress out, go figure. Yeah, she’d like to pop a cap in Zelena. ‘Ok Emma, you have never even seen a gun, white girl. But good thought.’

Ok, shoulders next. The first couple exercises are great. She feels a twinge in her right shoulder during the anti gravity press. It’s where an old gym injury hides at bay. Fuck that. She is not moving on until she sits back for the barbell press. She is not done with her shoulders, her body will have to handle it. She adjusts the weight and seat. The first set rocks. Then, all her relentless, stupid, misplaced _stubbornness_ turns into a single sharp pain. It’s like she was stabbed up and under her right shoulder blade.

“ _Ahhhhh, fuck me.”_ The pain is all consuming, she grimaces and curls into it, at a complete loss. She glances up with a heavy, stiff neck and relieved nobody is in this side of the gym, except, oh fuck. Now is def a time for ‘why me?’ She commiserates, feeling pity for herself as Elsa approaches her with folded arms. At least Elsa is sensitive enough to not say what they both can hear, ‘I told you so.’

“It happens to the best of us Emma. That’s why I am such an annoying nag.” Elsa sweetly tries to buffer some of her friend’s pride. “I can’t tell you how many times I have pulled something.”

Emma feigns a smile, gripping her shoulder like that is going to do something.

“Can you get upstairs?”

“Of course.” Emma grits, failing to sound fine like she wanted to.

“I am finishing up with Anna, she is done at 10. Right now I am working her to death on the elliptical.” She winks, trying to distract Emma from her pain, “not everybody loves weights like we do.”

“ _I might be changing my mind.”_ Emma tries to chuckle through a clenched jaw.

“I will come up and leave you an ice pack in front of your locker when I am done. If you do what you’re supposed to with an ice routine, you will bounce back quickly.”

Emma smiles that Elsa refers to lucky 77 as her locker. Maybe Emma is just predictable, but it means a lot when someone takes the time to remember the little things. She wishes they could still be friends.

 

\----

 

Emma practically crunches on 4 ibuprofen and gulps down her water in the locker room. She strips pretty unabashed and distracted, in hopes that a hot shower will start creating some relief.

It is kind of eerie being in such a big, city gym when it’s empty. They used to be open 24/7 but nobody used it late. There was a big debate about safety if key cards could let members in with no live attendants to watch over things. Now they close at 11pm on weeknights.

Under a blast of hot water Emma tries to relax into the pain. Her shoulder aches, but it is not that big a deal, god knows she has dealt with more severe pain in her life. She leans into the wall, letting the shower patter down her back like a massage. Ok, ‘save some water for the planet,’ she muses, full minutes and all soaped out later. She turns off the water, upper body still collapsed onto the wall next to the gauge. That’s when she feels what is all too sad _she knows._ It is the cold blade of Zelena’s knife under her chin, pressing against her throat.

“Turn around my pumpkin.”

Fuck her and her twisted pet names. Emma is clutched in fear as she turns and presses her back against the shower wall. She leans back as far as she can. Ahh, it’s no use. The blade catches in her turn, ouch! It gives way to a small stinging cut on the side of her neck.

“ _Drop the charges Emma.”_ Zelena presses her body into Emma’s, not moving the blade from her throat. “It’s like you forgot everything we have been through. Everything you put me through. Did you really forget how I saved you? What I did for you? Who you were _before I found you?”_ Zelena smiles through oozing, fake, mechanical love. She gazes deep and evil eyed into Emma’s distrustful glare. She twists her body, her free hand climbs up Emma’s wet and naked thigh. “Well,” she huffs in pride and contempt, “it's time you come back home and pick up the pieces. Fix all the pain you caused. You have quite the nerve to come out as the victim. We both know who has been hurting who, for a very long time. _Emma you hurt me._ And now you are telling the world I hurt you? How low. How unthinkable. And how could you risk ruining my reputation like this? You know more than anyone how hard I worked for it. Enough of these silly games. I made you. You belong to me. It’s time to come home. I would hate to have the world know your big secret, when I worked so hard to _fix_ _you_ , and make a wife outta you.”

Zelena has controlled Emma for years with the threat of exposing her. It is her Achilles heel. It causes an instant and _desperate_ submission.

Zelena doesn’t waste any time rubbing Emma’s clit to further whittle away her sanity. Emma is ashamed she is turned on. This is her ex’s mind game. She tries to remember that. But Zelena’s expert touch and words wear her down. Emma moans through a helpless scowl under the quickening, jerking fingers. Why does she get turned on when she is defenseless? she is such a fuck up. Tears bead down her cheeks as she braces her head back against the tile. Any movement pushes her throat up against the offending blade.

Zelena presses into the fur and flirts, “ _you know this is mine.”_ She takes two fingers and penetrates Emma like a stabbing wound.

“No Zelena, it hurts.” Emma’s whole body revolts and grimaces in pain, her pussy collapses around searing screams over the intrusion.

“Emma,” Zelena teases callously, “we both know that nothing _hurts_ about your wife fucking you.” Zelena is hot from Emma’s pain. Her breathing gets heavy and her expression is malicious. She thrusts her fingers deeper in an attack.

Emma yells out in pain!

Zelena withdraws in anger. She looks around quickly to make sure they are still alone. Then, she backhands Emma so hard she is thrown to the corner of the shower and her lip cracks from the hit. Emma hunches down in tears, holding the side of her face.

Zelena follows her, sitting on her heels, slipping the knife back in her purse. She hums, content her Emma is a lost puppy again. She has trained her so well. She admires her handy-work as Emma cowers just like a puppy dog.

Emma trembles and listens intently for Zelena’s next words.

“If you continue this charade I will contact the authorities and open the sealed documents, Emma. You will be the one locked up for a very long time.” She hisses. “ _You - know - I - never - lose.”_

Zelena places her hand on Emma’s inner thigh again, pushing open her legs and humming at the sight. “Do you think my _life’s work_ will just walk away unscathed? I put everything into you. You owe me. Come home and fix this or I will expose you. Everyone will hate you. You will be alone forever. you won’t be able to live with yourself.”

Neither can hear heavy footsteps approaching through Zelena’s threats and maniacal laugh. All Emma is conscious of is the heavy drugs of adrenaline, spinning her reality on its axis in a swinging defeat. She always did belong to Zelena, the last year was just some weird trip. Regina feels like a foggy memory, _maybe a fantasy?_ Zelena’s clutch is all she has ever known.

“Oh my god! I am calling the police!” Elsa hysterically appears on the heels of her shock. Emma snaps her legs closed and covers her breasts under her arms. Trying to hide her exposure is pointless. She shivers, collapsed in the shower puddle over the drain.

“Now, now, silly girl.” Zelena slowly stands up like what Elsa sees is perfectly natural. “Lets not rush to conclusions. I am sure Emma will be very upset if she has to tell a police officer what she just did to me tonight. I mean, they will throw out her case completely.”

“Elsa, _relax.”_ Emma grumbles, head spinning, terrified of her wife. But, she is not as scared as she was. She finally remembers who she really belongs to. If she just starts listening again to her poor wife, everything will get better. It’s settled. The game is over. Emma was wrong to play games. Poor Zelena. Emma really did hurt her. She needs to come home. It’s why she pulled her shoulder. She was too damn stubborn, Zelena always used to tell her that. Its time to listen-

“Seriously? Oh my God, look at you!”

Zelena addresses Emma like they are alone in the room. “You really should get a few less dramatic friends. This girl, Blue ....... _R-e-g-i-n-a.”_

Emma looks up at Zelena in horror. She hears the threat. It is inside of her wife sounding out Regina’s name in pure menace.

“It will be better for _them,_ if you leave it all well enough alone.” She warns dangerously. Then her voice turns into a mocking whine. “Really, they are so tiring.”

Zelena delivers one last hard, evil glare and smiles through it. “Remember the documents. If I were you, I wouldn’t let it come to that.” She turns on her heel in a mocking air of lightness. “I will be in touch to make final plans. _Ta ta.”_

 

 

 


	35. Gift

Multiple POVS

 

“Do you want me to have a heart attack Blue?” Regina huffs in anger as she closes the front door behind her. She stands balking in the Shepherd’s house living room. “What on earth could be ‘too serious’ to not be able to tell me over the phone. I mean, _really?_ With lives like ours ....... And where is Emma?”

Blue tugs at her wool sweater and leans on the doorway to the kitchen. “Did you bring it?” Her voice quakes, embarrassed to even bring it up.

“Yes I brought it. It was my idea. We agreed I was coming over to talk with Emma today, that’s why I left early. _You didn’t answer my questions-”_

Regina can see how undone her ‘mother’ is. Usually so put together, Blue’s hair is frayed and makeup smudged, she looks like she slept in her clothes from yesterday, or worse, didn’t sleep at all. Blue struggles to keep eye contact. Now Regina really knows something is awry. She regrets her frustrated tone. She was just so perturbed by how Blue left a cryptic message earlier. Belle relayed Blue had important news that could only be shared in person. Regina could hardly finish her half day. Graham caught her numerous times in a disciplinarian stutter and had to take over for her. It was embarrassing.

“I am sorry.” Blue mutters. “We need to be together, so, so I-I can _take care of you.”_ She blurts out and falters into the kitchen. Granny hugs her and waits for Regina.

Regina takes off her long black coat and hangs it in the closet. She follows Blue and is not surprised to find a mug of her favorite tea already steeped for her. But nobody can sit right now.

Blue finally answers one of Regina’s questions. “Emma is upstairs, playing a video game. She is the closer tonight. She has to be at work in a few hours.”

“ _A video game-”_ Regina feels herself heating up in anger, not even sure why anymore.

“Yes after, uhm, I just feel so bad. She was up at 6am this morning in pure stress. She didn’t get home until 1 or 2 per usual weekend closer routine. The poor girl hasn’t been sleeping all week. So we went for a drive-”

“Emma needs to sleep. What she needed was a sleeping pill. Or, _a good hard kick in the ass-”_ Regina’s anger flares.

“Girls,” Granny intervenes, “we are all overtired. We are all maxed out. Regina don’t get rude with your _mother.”_

Regina relents, embarrassed. “No, you’re right.” Her voice breaks in subdued shame. “I am so-rry. I just want to know what is going on.”

“I understand.” Blue feigns a smile. “We had a good morning. We drove around and were being silly, what a welcomed relief for both of us. She confessed she always loved video games because you can forget everything that is going wrong in your life. It’s an escape. That is the first moment I felt like I could do something meaningful for Emma, something that could actually make a difference, in a long time!” Blue rubs her eyes in emotion.

Granny pats Blue’s shoulder. “Blue took Emma to get a video game machine thing. Emma was so excited. You know Emma actually paid for it, she wouldn’t let Blue spend any money on her, _Blue just gave her permission to get it.”_ Granny says with such pride for the character of her family.

“I am sorry Blue. That was a very _good_ idea. Emma needs a way to turn off safely.” In an uncharacteristic show of empathy, Regina moves in and hugs her ailing mother.

Blue squeezes her most distant daughter in the rousing awe of Regina’s affection. “Yes, baby. We all do right now. Especially with blow after blow. _Just when you think it can’t get any worse-”_

Blue’s voices trails off, igniting Regina’s dread in a fury. “Ok, what the hell happened?”

Granny insists they each take their tea, sit at the table and face each other. Blue is actually trembling. What the hell is going on? Regina feels like vomiting.

Granny is the only one strong enough to move them forward. She pinches her nose under her glasses and then folds her arms on the table. “Regina, you have sat Emma down and warned her what will happen if she flies off the handle. I guess it is your turn kid. I am warning you, you have to stay here. Only, there are no other dominatrixes in this house to hold you to it.” She chuckles before resuming all seriousness.

Regina hugs at her elbows on the table, and looks deeply into Granny’s eyes. What could be so serious Granny feels the need to say that?

“We need you to be stronger then you ever thought you could be, or Emma is going to collapse like a house of cards. I know that is not fair. But you are her only hope. You are the only one who can possibly get through to her, about this.” Granny sighs gravely, sad at mounting more pressure on Regina. Her daughter always carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Now she carries Emma too.

Regina is perfectly composed. She is _relieved_ to finally be addressing whatever the hell is a matter. Her strength rises out of her like a cool breeze, calming Blue and Granny down.

“I understand Granny. Now, what is going on?”

Blue interjects. “You already know why we agreed a second ‘family meeting’ is necessary. Emma is not the same girl.”

“Yes. You told me how awfully secretive and despondent she has been. _Meek.”_ Regina tisks and shakes her head in detest. “She has been hiding her phone. It seems clear she is back in contact with Zelena. The menace is clearly back under her skin-”

“Yes baby. And you intervening always helps when we think we are out of options. Now we know a little more then before-” Blue gets choked up and Granny intervenes while lovingly placing her hand on Blue’s.

“Last night, when Emma was at work, that girl from the gym showed up.”

“What girl?”

“ _A nice girl-”_ Granny honestly can’t remember the girl’s name. She looks to her dear friend.

“Elsa.” Blue offers innocently.

“That’s right, her name is Elsa. She and Emma used to work out together a lot, back when Emma first moved in. It was great timing for the kid. Her life was upside down and Elsa started to train her at the gym.” Granny sighs.

“Elsa knew Emma would be at work. So she came to talk to us in private. She heard about Emma’s court case. She was terrified that Emma didn’t tell us ......”

Now the filter is off. She is mad. She can’t help herself. _“Tell us what?”_ Regina bellows.

Blue hisses her best version of a chastisement back. “Hush. Emma will hear you. She doesn’t know about any of this. _Regina-”_

Regina apologizes in a breathless huff, but, she is unable to stop the charging armies of emotion at wherever this is going.

“Stay here.” Granny eyes her sternly. “Just like you tell Emma.” Granny is unrelenting. She waits and watches her daughter start to come back. She makes her presence good and hard, impossible for her daughter to bowl over.

Regina feels it. “Yes Ma’am.” She bows her head in a deference she has only ever offered to Granny, and only ever in moments like this. It is the rare moments Granny uses a stinging firmness to cut through Regina’s control. Moments Granny really does feel like her parent.

“Not only do we have a lot of hard ground to cover, we also have to be ready to guide Emma through it. We are counting on you Gina. _Don’t interrupt me again.”_ Granny warns.

“Yes Ma’am.” Regina blushes hotly, chastised into unbearable submission.

Granny continues. “Elsa was closing the gym Tuesday night when Emma went to work out. We don’t know everything. We just know what Elsa saw when she broke it up. Zelena threatened Emma and attacked her in the shower. Elsa found her naked, _in a physically humiliated state._ Zelena referred to making final plans and something about documents.

No wonder these two were acting like the world ended. Her baby, not again! Regina hunches forward and presses her arms together. She hugs at her elbows in the imploding impact of emotion. She drops her head in the ruin. _Her Emma,_ she anguishes. If Regina can't even stand to hear it, how on earth has Emma survived all of this? And, Regina told Emma she was going to keep her safe. Regina failed her, she let her down. Oh, not again. Emma hasn't found a way to protect herself from all the scars, let alone continual, fresh and bleeding wounds!  Again and again and again, Emma is knocked down before she can get back on her feet. Why? _Why?_

A free tear falls from Blue's eyes as she and Granny watch the impact this news has on Regina. They wait until she finally lifts her head.

Granny lowers her voice in seriousness. “Emma refused to let Elsa call us or the police. She insisted she was fine, and then got mad at Elsa for being ‘so dramatic.’ Elsa said it was like Emma was another person. She told Elsa she should never have left Zelena, but she was going to fix it. Blue and I saw Emma on Wednesday. She coined a clever story about how she cracked her lip and pulled her shoulder by pushing herself too hard at the gym, and falling off a machine. Knowing Emma, that is believable. I am constantly telling her to stop pushing too hard. She could find a way to hurt herself in my compost pile for heaven’s sake.”

They sit together in a tense pause. Blue’s sniffling seems to echo in the silent kitchen.

Regina rubs her temples and loses herself in thought as minutes tick by. They don’t have time to anguish over this. Emma is in grave danger now. Regina goes deep inside of herself, skimming over the wailing walls, to action.

“So,” Regina huffs. “It sounds like Emma is resolved to go back to Zelena.”

“Yup.” Granny sighs.

Blue grimaces. _“We have to stop Emma._ She is not in her right mind. It is Zelena’s mind control. What a true psychopath Zelena is! It is sick how she can terrorize and deceive such a strong, capable woman. We can’t let Emma leave-”

“Oh I will stop her, believe me. The one thing stronger than Zelena’s authority over Emma, is _mine.”_

“I hope your right. God knows I have seen it work before.” Blue muses sadly.

Regina is the first to stand up. She speaks through her teeth in a tense frown. “Well, we don’t have much time before Emma has to get ready. Lets get this show on the road, shall we? The plan we agreed on only makes more sense, in light of this _new information.”_

Regina walks into the foyer by the front door. She stands at the base of the stairs. Her family follows suit. “Where is Ruby?” She whispers.

“Out for the night with Will. She will be back for our Sunday family dinner, tomorrow.” Blue responds into a group sigh of relief. Thank God Ruby is not at home to create a reactive scene of her own.

Regina looks up the stairs and prepares herself. If she gets soft now, Emma will become triggered. As much as she wishes she could embrace Emma over what happened, it will only make things worse. That is not how her girl is wired. Emma needs her 'Therapy Mistress', now more then ever. So here goes. She breathes in the most unrelenting, firm, commanding version of herself she can muster. She becomes taller. She lets herself _feel_ angry Emma has been lying. She should be. The anger will only help her now.

Granny and Blue behold Regina’s shape shift. It is like their daughter is rising before them. This is the woman for the job.

“Emma,” Regina yells, “get down here, _right now.”_

The blasting tv is off in the very next heart beat. And the one after that, Emma is squirming nervously in front of her Mistress. She curls in her slippers at the base of the stairs in front of them. She is in sweats and an old beer logo teeshirt. What the?

“Regina, I didn’t know you were coming over-”

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” Regina asks, in a catlike warning. She tousles her hair and clicks her nails together. She is not looking at Emma but is laying a trap _anyone_ could feel.

Emma starts to sweat. Blue and Granny also look like they know something. What the fuck? She has been so careful. There isn’t any possible way .... Fuck this shit. ‘Oh my god, Regina is so hot right now. _She is sooo mad. It is steaming right off her. She is in her work clothes, this is the Headmistress.’_ Emma is split between an electrical charge of unbearable arousal and major fucking fear. Please, let Emma bury the burgeoning secrets she is trying to hide. Please, for everyone’s sake.

“No.” She whispers anxiously under her breath.

“We know what happened at the gym. Normally I would comfort you, it’s horrible what happened. You deserve comfort Emma. But, you never gave me the chance to take care of you. Instead, you hid it from me. _What a bad choice_ Emma. And, that’s not all your hiding, is it? I don’t know what it is, but I will find out.”

“I don’t know what your talking about-”

“ _I should teach you a lesson._ You are lying to my face. I can’t believe you hid what happened from me. That was five days ago. And, you foolishly believe I can’t tell you are keeping more secrets? I have half a mind to take you over my lap and spank it out of you, _right now-”_

Emma is shocked. She desperately looks between Granny and Blue, wishing against all odds they did not just hear what Regina said. They did. She can see they are embarrassed for her. Ugh, that is even worse. Emma presses a hateful glare onto Regina. How could she say that in front of them?

“I also know you are still talking to Zelena.”

“No I am not-”

“Don’t you keep lying to me Emma. _How dare you!”_

Emma quickly realizes she is in _way_ over her head. Regina has already spun a tight web of control. She starts to get the impact of the conversation. She is bound by the spider silk of wherever Regina is taking her. Its calculated, like an intervention or ........ _another plan._ Oh shit, Emma might already be in trouble. Fuck.

“I am sorry.” Emma concedes, knowing her apology admits she has been hiding contact from Zelena. She is screwed either way. she desperately clings to the fact her Mistress hates lies more than anything else. So, Emma lets Regina have _one_ of her secrets.

“Emma, we have agreed on something that is going to be very hard for you-”

Blue cuts Regina off. “You just admitted what we all feared. You are hiding Zelena’s texts and phone calls. This is beyond alarming, _it scares us half to death._ She attacked you again and you didn’t tell us-” Blue tears up and Regina takes over.

“You’re believing whatever that monster is feeding you, or your trying to protect us. Whichever, _it will not continue.”_

Blue gathers herself and sighs sadly. “Regina has our family blessing to continue the ‘plan.’ None of us condone the incident with ..... _well you know,_ when Regina went too far. But, lets be honest baby. You trust Regina. You respond to her, and nothing else is getting through to you.”

“I don’t understand. I know the rules if I .......... _tantrum.”_

“Yes you do.” Regina says firmly and bares into Emma’s eyes with a new intensity.

“Emma what you don’t know, still, is you belong to _me,_ not Zelena. If I catch you hiding contact from Zelena again you will regret it. This is no longer a private affair. I know nothing terrifies you more then being publicly humiliated. Blue and Granny support me-”

“ _Ruby doesn’t.”_ Emma scowls in a burst of brazen defiance.

Regina tilts back and coolly purses her lips. She looks at Blue and Granny. “Did she just talk back to me?”

Regina is so effective that Blue and Granny look nervous. She calmly steps over to her purse and lifts it up into both arms. She returns to the group and squares off with Emma. She doesn’t even need to, her girl is shaking like a leaf.

“I have a gift for you Emma. You will put it in your nightstand. Now you will remember you have received your _last_ warning.” Regina pulls out a smooth wooden hairbrush and casually hands it over to her now deeply regretful, humiliated and trembling charge.

“As I was saying, Em-ma, if you disobey me again, I will pull you over my lap so fast you will not know what hit you. As you know well, I am not afraid to give you a _sound spanking_. Now, Blue and Granny will witness your consequence. I will spank you in front of them. It will be the most humiliating punishment of your life. You know better then to speak to Zelena. You know better than to keep secrets from me. Once again, you are lucky I am not spanking it out of you now. You don’t deserve a final warning. I am being too soft, perhaps. But believe me, I will find out every last thing you are hiding from me and you will pay for each one, _sorely.”_

Regina grabs Emma’s shaking wrist and lifts up her hand holding the gift. “Let me repeat myself, you bad girl. This goes in your bedside drawer, Emma. _This_ is your last warning. Regina releases Emma’s wrist and becomes briefly soft in pain. Her voice drops into a grave and sad husk. “This behavior has got to stop. I honestly don’t know how else to get through to you.”

Emma is so red. She covers her free hand over her face in horror. She can’t believe what she is holding in her other hand. She can’t believe what Regina just threatened to do in front of Blue and Granny! If embarrassment could kill, _Emma would be dead._

“Judging by your reaction, I have made myself very clear. Go to your room to compose yourself. None of us want it to come to this. Don’t forget who I am underneath this role, I am waiting for you to beat your demons, so we can be happy together. All of this can be over if you simply come to me and tell me what is going on. If you would just trust your family, _instead of that monster.”_

Emma takes one last look at her Mistress like she is going to war. Her heart twists in the agony she can’t fall apart in Regina’s arms, tell her everything and beg for help! Damn Regina. Her dark beauty thinks of herself as so tough. Regina thinks she loves Emma. But she would leave in a heartbeat if she knew the _real_ Emma. Emma would rather leave first and have them all still love her, then the pain of them learning the truth. Not to mention Zelena could hurt them! Emma has seen her cross _that_ line before, and almost paid with her own life too. _She has no choice._ She has to leave them. She runs up the stairs, tears streaming down her face at the insanity her life has become!

 

 


	36. Sunday Dinner

Multiple POVs

 

“Regina it has been too long since you had Sunday dinner with us. Good to have you back at our table.” Granny smiles.

Emma watches Granny hand Regina a huge bowl of mashed potatoes. Emma and Ruby made the potatoes. They mock complained about it the whole time. The two hours it took preparing dinner, being silly with her sister while drinking Ruby’s damned Ultra Light’s, was the most fun she has had in a long time. Things were looking up before court was forced upon her. It turned fragile new growth into shards of glass. Everything cuts to the bone, like it used to, like it always fucking has. The fairy tale she could be happy is gone.

Blue smiles enthusiastically. “The gang is all here!”

Regina smiles graciously, if not uncomfortably, in the attention. “It _has_ been too long.”

Emma is sitting at her dark beauty’s side. This is the first time they are ‘casually’ hanging out with their family as a couple. It should be fun and exciting, scary in a good way. But yesterday having a conversation centered around a fucking hairbrush ruined any semblance of family normalcy. The normalcy Emma worked so hard to build is gone. Is this hell? Is Regina another Zelena? Resentment burns her up. She blames Regina. She wants to yell at her. She wants to push back and fight her, and the stupid fucking _‘plans.’_ They are crazy making, maybe Regina is the one who should be on trial here! This can’t be healthy.......... It doesn’t matter anyways, Emma knows who she _really_ belongs too.

Regina offers faint smiles in the family chatter. Really, she is assessing her girl. Emma is fidgety and anxious. Her heart aches for them both. She sighs and puts her fork down. She doesn’t have an appetite. And, neither does Emma. But Emma is forking at her food like a restless child. Perhaps she should have tried talking with Emma before they sat down in company. Her girl is clearly upset at her. It hurts. She puts her hand on Emma’s thigh. Emma jerks her leg back in a huff. Regina sharply turns and glares at her.

“ _Sorry.”_ Emma mutters, feeling herself retreat under blackened eyes. Her desire to provoke Regina drops like her sinking stomach, in fear of her Mistress.

Blue can see something is off between all her girls. She sees the conflicted tension between the lovers. Ruby is getting uncomfortable as well. She will lash out at Regina if she feels the need to protect Emma. Blue tries to intervene by bringing up old funny stories of when she first met Granny and their time at the Hospital together.

It works for everyone, everyone but Emma. As 10 or 15 surreal minutes go by, her family is able to enjoy the Sunday roast, sip on red wine, and revel in the humorous story telling. But Emma sinks into herself. She has been talking to Zelena even after yesterday’s ‘gift.’ Not to mention the information Zelena has about Emma that will destroy her, they don’t understand _how dangerous Zelena is._ Zelena has started to threaten each one of them. She has texted Emma off the address of the Diner, Chessfield, Portland Medical, even Regina’s favorite cafe and Ruby’s boyfriend’s house. She is stalking everyone! She texts Emma when Ruby and Granny get in for work, when Regina gets back to Chessfield after lunch, and Blue the most loving and unsuspecting of them all, Zelena slashed her tires! Blue called AAA. Emma hid that Zelena did it. She has been erasing every text message to protect Zelena. Blue’s tires were the final breaking point. That was when she decided to drop the charges and go home. Blue is like her Mom, Emma has hurt her enough. She can’t live with anything getting worse for Blue because of Emma. Tonight is the night she will leave. It’s _her_ plan. These loving people are better off without Emma, her crazy episodes, and the insane wife that won’t let her go. She heard once if you love someone you let them go. She doesn’t remember the rest of that quote. But she does love the Shepherd family, and she _does_ love Regina, more then anything. So it’s for the best.

Emma’s phone vibrates in her pocket. It startles her and she tries to cover it up by forking at her food with new vigor. She plays it cool, looking as casual as she can.

“Who was that?” Regina says without looking up from her own dinner.

‘Dammit’ Emma curses in her mind and starts to sweat. “I don’t know.”

“Well, check.”

Emma plays it calmly, no big deal, dreading the ensuing cover up as she reads Zelena’s last text. 'Meet me at midnight.' Emma texts her back 'yes,' as she mentally comes up with a decoy that should work. She picks something sure to set Regina off. Regina will be too pissed to think about Zelena. “Merida,” she says provocatively, “it was Merida, _she wants to take me out tonight.”_

Ruby takes the bait in fear. Her only thought is helping Emma out of Regina’s legendary jealousy. “Merida?! Regina, _d_ _on’t be upset._ You know Emma told her she is not interested. You know how Emma feels about you. Merida just has huge fucking boundary issues and can’t take a hint-”

Regina does not react at all. She looks up at Emma. “Let me see your phone.”

“No!” Emma blurts out, instantly regretting that approach.

“ _Right now!”_ Regina’s tone is so severe everyone straightens up nervously, unaware of what the panther senses.

“I am not a child!” Emma yells, intent on another desperate decoy. “I am sick of everyone treating me like a child, like this fucked up ‘plan’ is ok.”

Regina ignores her words in a wave of chilling coolness. “10, 9, 8 ....... _7-”_

She has never had to reach 7, until now. Regina's eyes widen in a flash of warning. She knows Emma is lying and is furious.

Steel black eyes tell Emma just how much trouble she is headed for. Emma is loosing it. She slams her phone on the table and starts to get up.

“ _You will stay seated.”_

Emma crosses her arms and scowls as she sits, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her heart is a hurricane in her chest. Tendrils of sweat form in her doomed state. She is fucked!

Regina hides her horror at a cryptic text exchange between Emma and Zelena culminating in tonight’s plans. This can’t be all of it. Emma has obviously been erasing texts and covering up a longer conversation. But ‘meet me tonight at midnight,' and 'it can all be over,’ is very clear. ‘Time to come home Pumpkin’ and Emma’s response, ‘yes’.... _She said yes._ Regina's heart stops.

“What is it?” Blue gasps, watching Regina go pale.

Regina rallies quickly. All eyes are on her. She has to lead her family now more then ever. This is the whole reason they had yesterday’s talk. She _knew_ Emma was caving. Oh, but she won’t have it. She needs to keep her edge for Emma’s sake. And will she _ever._ Her anger heats her back up like her heart never skipped a beat. _Her_ girl is going to get it. She is going to wake Emma up from this nightmare if it is the last thing she does!

“I will tell you what it is.” Emma stands up in a burst of adrenaline, triggered and undone. “Zelena is dangerous! I won’t let her hurt any of you. I am just a fuck up. All I will ever be is a fuck up, and I am not letting any of you live like this anymore! I am leaving, and there isn’t anything you can do to stop-”

“ _Go to your room.”_ Regina commands in a regal and final word.

“What?”

“You heard me. Go to your room and wait for me on your bed.”

Emma falters in place. She studies Regina and can see how angry she is. Uh oh. She can’t even help herself. Her mind goes blank. Her ass starts to burn in fear. As scared as she is of Zelena, Regina is the one _steaming_ in front of her. She backs away and scurries up the stairs in obedience.

Blue says uncertainly, “Regina, I though you would have to-”

“Emma is fighting a full blown trigger. She was going to leave us tonight. Her plan was to go back to Zelena at midnight."

"Are you serious?" Blue asks in shock. "She says all kinds of things when she is triggered. I knew Zelena was getting to her, but for her to actually leave..."

"Yes, she really was. She thinks her world has ended. There are no words for how scared she must be. So making what I have to do next, well, _public,_ is far over her limit right now.” Regina pulls back her tears and collapses her shoulders in the brief respite before she has to punish her girlfriend. _‘This is horrible.’_ She cries out in her mind. She tries to avoid eye contact from Ruby, sure her little sister is holding back scathing words and judgement.

Blue puts her hand over Regina’s. “She listens to you Regina. Nobody was more against you bringing the lifestyle into Emma’s recovery than me. But nothing else has worked. And I know you will never lose control of yourself like you did the night Emma attacked you. _We are about to lose her._ We are behind you.”

“ _Speak for yourself.”_ Ruby hisses.

Regina looks at Ruby in a fragile sadness only her little sister can evoke. “Ruby I am sorry. I know you don’t approve.”

“No I don’t. I fucking hate it. Look, I know you love Emma. But I think this is so wrong. Geez. _I don’t want to get into it.”_ Ruby gulps down her wine and slaps her hands onto her knees, looking more conflicted then she would ever admit.

Regina looks down and slowly folds her napkin over her plate. “Well, then I suggest if any of you have someplace you would rather be ......... It is going to be difficult to be downstairs. “Blue, I suspect she will ask for you tonight.”

“Me too baby, I will be here.”

“Granny, Will has my car. Can I borrow yours?” Ruby whispers. “I will come pick you up tomorrow for work.”

“5 am, you can’t be late.”

“I know.” Ruby clips.

Granny nods her approval.

Ruby grabs Granny’s keys in a whirlwind. She leaves the kitchen in glaring discomfort.

Regina sadly watches her sister storm out. Her heart hurts, this whole situation is heartbreaking. Doesn’t Ruby know by now Regina needs her too? She used to think it was a good thing everyone perceives Regina as stronger than she is. Maybe it’s _not_. She wants to collapse in herself and quit, like she used to do. Emma is damn lucky Regina knows how to rise above all her old devices.

Granny takes Regina’s hand and the three of them sit in silence for a couple minutes, holding the pain for each other.

Finally, Regina sits up and gathers herself. She attacks Emma’s phone in an apparent text response to Zelena. She looks like a mother panther tearing the throat out of an intruder that threatened her cub.

“There.” She says. “We won’t be hearing from Zelena again tonight. Just to be safe, will one of you call Sheriff Charming and let him know what has been going on, while I attend to Emma? The police should be aware of the monster's plan to take Emma tonight. I will discuss everything at length with Snow, tomorrow. First, _someone needs me.”_

 

 


	37. Upper Hand

Mostly Regina and Emma's POV

 

Regina gently pushes the door open to find Emma obedient and still, folded arms sitting rather properly on her bed. Her gritted teeth and hate filled eyes flash her fire underneath. Regina enters her room and closes the door behind her. She approaches Emma, so she is hovering above her.

Emma keeps her head straight ahead, refusing to look up and give eye contact.

“Emma you have a choice, it is not an easy one, but it is a choice. I can step down as your Mistress right now, I won’t leave you no matter what you choose. I am still your girlfriend.” Regina gets briefly choked up and fights it back in a huff. “Being your girlfriend and having to use real corporal punishment on you is horrible. It is not how I define being a dominant in love, or the scene and play time we both want.”

“Then why would you go through with this?” _It’s not even your kink.”_ Emma’s words are filled with such sarcastic loathing it hurts Regina. She hides it well.

“It’s not about what turns me on right now. I know being spanked _turns you on-”_

“Are you crazy! Not like this, you fuckin-”

“ _W-a-t-c-h  i-t.”_ Regina sounds out her threat, punitively. It makes Emma blush.

She sighs and gets back to guiding Emma. “I know, _‘not like this.’_ It’s two sides of a coin. Spankings are your Achille’s Heel. In the life I dream about we are a happy, boring, vanilla couple that occasionally get into some forbidden territory. BDSM on the weekends, so to speak. But when your back is against the wall, you are a submissive. It’s how you were hard wired. It’s what you respond to. And you know what Emma? It’s ok.”

Regina runs her fingers through Emma’s locks and grabs her hair in the back, pulling down, so Emma has to look up at her. “Like I told you once, I love you. And if you can’t go through with our family plan that is fine. But, you are on your own with court and Zelena. You will have to find your own way through. If you want my help, _we are doing it my way.”_

“Oh, you think you have me so figured out.” Emma feels like a bundle of knots. Her stomach, her heart, her throat, her fists. Why does Regina have to be right! How could the same thing that turns her on in one moment cause her to want to have a heart attack and die in the next, and why does the mere threat of it cause her to ........ _listen?_ But she is going to fight it! ‘Fuck Regina,’ she yells in her mind itching to lash out and unfurl completely. “I don’t know what to say to the ‘choice’ your giving me right now. I hate you right now. I hate this. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. This is not my definition of what my secret fantasy was. This is the most humiliating, horrible, fucked up ..... just, _f-u-c-k  y-o-u.”_

Emma looks hatefully at Regina.

Now Regina is upset. Did Emma just swear at her, _in her face?_ Emma is being horrible to her! Oh the nerve, nobody dares ever....... Regina steadies herself like a master, choosing to show composure instead. She covers up burning anger and her own surprising need. She actually _wants_ to take her girl in hand. She has had enough! Her own hard wires are kicking in, and she feels aroused by what she will do to Emma. Her hands twist in blonde locks, holding Emma’s stare up at her.

She takes a deep heavy breath, and decides to ignore Emma’s wild provocation, _for now._ Emma will be punished soon enough. She is being disrespectful on purpose, trying to instigate Regina. But, she is not actually in a trigger anymore. Although rude as all hell, Emma is here.

Regina lets go of Emma’s hair and speaks in a calm firm way. “That is not an answer. I asked you a question.”

“I do need your help!” Emma yells. She hates Regina the most now, after she admits this to herself.

Regina’s voice becomes almost kind. “As I said Emma, if you want my help we are doing it my way.”

“ _Fine!”_ She yells like a brat, feeling her world spinning out of control underneath.

“Ok then. Lets review what is wrong here. Zelena _could kill you._ You haven’t absorbed that. Do you really get _your life is at stake?_ You need to tell me when she contacts you. That was our deal. You broke it. And, I never want to hear again the ridiculous nonsense that came out of your mouth at dinner tonight, Emma. You are not a fuck up, you are in recovery. Complex PTSD is no joke, nor is what you have been through and are still living through. Also, you know this is your family and leaving is not an option.”

Regina sighs and kneels down to look into her submissive’s eyes at her level. “And most importantly, You do not belong to Zelena, _you belong to me.”_

“Zelena is dangerous. I belong to her!” Emma spits back at Regina with a secret impossible longing. She wants to be rescued from the nightmare she is still Zelena’s.

“Oh no Emma. You belong to me. This is why you need to be punished so soundly. It’s time you get less scared of Zelena and more scared of me. I keep telling you that. After I am through with you tonight, I won’t have to.”

Emma gasps.

“You disobeyed me. I told you what would happen if you hid Zelena contacting you again. Come to find out, you have been hiding an ongoing conversation and plan to leave! _You lied to my face._ You are about to learn just how bad you have been.”

“I will fight you.” Emma snarks in defiance.

Regina stands up. It frustrates Emma that she can’t get Regina to react, she is so damn calm about the whole disaster.

“I know. But you will let me. And once you’re mine Emma, once you stop fighting me and you belong to me again, your punishment will be over.”

Emma glares with tightly folded arms around her chest.

Regina opens Emma’s bedside table drawer and takes out the wooden hairbrush. The sight of it in Regina’s hands arouses her, and that is more than confusing right now. Regina reaches for something Emma did not know she had in the drawer. It looks like a leather rope.

“Emma you can refuse to bend over my lap. And then you will be spending your punishment under the lash of my belt. _Is that what you want?”_

Emma feels her first wave of fear. She knows Regina is not bluffing. “No Mistress.”

“Alright then. Stand up.”

Emma stands and turns around so when Regina sits in her place on the bed, they face each other.

“Pull you pants and underwear down to your ankles.”

Emma shifts from one leg to the other, embarrassed.

“Well I am also your girlfriend now, Emma. I will spare you no humility. You will bare yourself to me. You will squirm. You _should_ be ashamed that I make you pull your pants and underwear down and take you over my lap. You have been acting like a naughty child and now I am going to treat you like one.”

That’s it. Regina is saying the things that set Emma off. She feels mortified and aroused by her Mistress deliberately shaming her. Emma quickly drops her drawers and underwear feeling her breath hitch in her throat. What’s wrong with her? She is getting wet. _She wants this_ as much as she doesn’t.

"Come here."

Emma is horrified with her pants and panties locked by her boots, bunched above her ankles. Goosebumps blanket her exposed skin. She awkwardly inches forward, attempting to avoid the dark brown stare. Her heart and breath quicken as firm fingers latch tightly around her wrist.

Regina is stirred by Emma's vulnerability. Her mouthy girl has become flushed and helpless.

“Bend over.”

Emma obediently allows Regina to pull her in.

"Well then, at least you have enough sense to not make me use my belt." She swiftly takes Emma over her lap. She locks Emma in place by draping one leg over Emma’s thighs. Emma’s bottom, pale and exposed, is mercilessly pinned elevated over Regina’s other thigh.

“Put your hands behind you back so I can bind them.”

“what?” Emma gasps, already scared that Regina has pinned her in place, now with Regina’s last order in a full blast of terror.

Regina’s response of silence puts Emma’s hands in place immediately. Regina ties soft leather cuffs that lock Emma’s wrists behind her back. She restrains Emma further by holding Emma down with her free arm.

Holy shit, Emma can’t move. She panics and writhes about. The reality of real pain is starting to dawn on her, _this is a real punishment._ It’s not like the last spanking.

_"Stay still."_

Regina places her soft hand on Emma’s bottom mentally preparing for the long haul. She needs to _break_ Emma, break Emma of her refusal to submit to her, over Zelena. She has to spank her until she is sure she has the upper hand.

“Emma when you are fully mine I will know it and I will stop. I don’t care how long it takes. I will spank you until you give yourself to me.”

Emma's new submission is drained back out by her conviction. Her voice raises in a spiked resistance. “No Regina. Why don’t you understand? _I need to keep you safe._ I have to leave with Zelena tonight! Don't you see? All of this insanity can-”

Emma is cut off by the back of the brush struck hard against her ass. Shit. Regina is not messing around, _she is really going through with this._ And, she is spanking hard. Boy does it hurt! But Emma doesn't want to give Regina the satisfaction it hurts. She holds her breath and tries desperately to be still and quiet. Fuck her. _  
_

“You are not leaving. You are mine. I love you and need you. Come back to me!”

Regina reigns down on Emma’s bottom relentlessly, watching it go from pink to red as minutes tick by.

Emma’s insatiable tolerance for pain wears thin. Regina just won't let up! Emma's intention to hide her feelings collapses under the heavy paddle. She struggles in rage under Regina's thigh, arm and the leather cuffs. She is losing her shit now. “Fuck you, you crazy fucking bitch, pervert!” Emma screams as her first set of hot tears escapes her willful eyes. _“It’s too hard! Please Regina, no!”_

But Regina doesn’t stop. Her hand remains firm and her words filled with love. “Stop fighting. You belong to me. I will stop when you give yourself to me.”

Emma starts to cry, continuing to swear and struggle with all her might.

Regina gets frustrated as she holds Emma in place. _“You are too damn stubborn for your own good,"_ she snaps, and oh does she spank her.

"Owe, owwwwwe!"

Sadness takes over and Regina lowers her tone. "Stop fighting me, _please baby._ You’re only making it worse for yourself.”

Regina feels her own eyes sting. She doesn’t know if she can go through with this. She softens the blows to her wild submissive. Emma is so willful, fighting in every way she can. ‘Please listen to me.’ Regina begs in her own mind. She doesn't have the energy left to even be angry.

“I am not the enemy, Emma.”

“Blue!” Emma shrieks in a move that startles them both. “Blue help!”

Blue is up in a flash and swings open the bedroom door. She staggers back, hit like a ton of bricks at the sight before her.

Emma shrieks through tears, _“Blue make her stop! - It's too hard! - It won’t work!”_

Regina does stop and bows her head in shame. Now she feels like the one caught with her pants down.

Emma is helplessly pinned. Even though the punishment has stopped, _she can’t get up!_ She spouts angry, rude things at both of them to release her.

Blue leans over Emma as she struggles. She takes Regina’s face in her hands, kissing her on the forehead.

A single tear falls down Regina’s cheek.

“She is still fighting you Gina. You’re not done.” Blue speaks in a firm whisper, pretending to sound as convicted about this plan as she wishes she was. _“You must get the upper hand.”_

Get the upper hand, that is exactly what Regina told herself. Regina whispers back emotionally. “Look at her Blue. Look at how red she is. I don’t know if I can ........ _I will bruise her.”_

“Think about what is at stake. I will take over and tend to her the moment you’re done.”

Regina nods but waivers, upset.

Blue is upset too. There are no words. She feels sick inside. Still, she must give Regina the strength to continue. They will never know if their plan works unless they follow through. It is too late to stop now. She steps back so Emma can see Blue standing above her, folded arms, and looking very cross.

“Emma, you had this coming. Do as Regina says and it can all be over. I am very disappointed in you. To give up on your recovery and your family? You were going to leave us. I can’t believe it has come to this. I am going to sit in the corner chair and watch Regina spank you like a bad little girl. And it is all because you fight _us,_ instead of fighting for what you want. I never thought I would say it, _you deserve this.”_

Blue has never spoken to Emma like this! And, the fact she wants Regina to continue, and observe her punishment, pushes her to her first break. She starts to _really_ cry. Her forceful, cursing, defiant words turn into whimpering, begging, vulnerable pleas.

Regina feels Emma’s first shift into obedience. She takes a deep breath and wills in all the dominance she can. She continues the spanking. It is loud. It is hard. It  will bruise her soon.

“Noooooooo, please, no!” Emma cries out, jerking her head up in pain.

“Regina, _Regina........”_ Emma whines, reverting to a childlike tone.

“Are you ready to be my good girl? Are you ready to be mine?”

Emma cries. She goes limp, accepting the paddle with tears and new wails. Her body and mind are still, her surrender has begun.

“You’re mine Emma.” Regina rallies. She forces herself to paddle Emma faster and harder. _‘Please God let her break.’_ A single prayer, summoning Regina’s estranged sense of God, reveals just how desperate she is in her own mind.

A meek “ok,” escapes Emma’s lips as she rails against the sudden onslaught of increased pain.

“I can’t hear you!” Regina yells back.

Emma cries and yells, _“owe, owe! Please stop. Please. You’re hurting me!”  
_

Regina slows down and softens the blows, but stays unyielding in the delivery. “I will not stop until you are mine.”

Almost another minute goes by of Emma’s limp bottom being paddled and reverberated against Regina’s aching thigh. Emma and Regina are both equally spent, each on their last thread.

Regina is trying to hide how softly she now continues, refusing to make Emma’s skin any worse. There will be some bruising. Please let this end.

Emma is utterly relieved as the blows turn into small pats, only causing pain because of her sore, raw skin. She is starting to enter a transcended place. She is shocked her cunt is as soaked as her drowned out eyes. Her whole body is doused in sweat and transformation. The pain starts to feel like light. Emma’s dark determination to leave Regina has literally been spanked out of her! She starts to feel an exhilarated high that submitting to Zelena is simply not an option. Regina is far too powerful to let Emma leave. She feels freedom from the stubborn willfulness that was almost her _doom._

Amidst the pats, pain, and humiliation beyond her wildest dreams, her heart swells. She gets it, a great dawn. Regina was right to do this to her. It fuckin worked! She doesn’t have to march to her death tonight. She can be Regina’s instead. In fact, she is Regina’s! Just look at herself, she is a wet noodle over this woman’s lap. She belongs to Regina. She really, really _belongs to her!_

“I am sorry!” she screams out startling Blue and Regina with her loud, clear voice. “I was wrong. I want to be good! I want to be good!” Emma tries to lift her head up and wiggles awkwardly in pain. “I have more to say, please stop.”

Regina drops the brush immediately but does not loosen Emma’s pinned position.

“Regina I want to be yours, just yours! I mean it. You always know when I am telling the truth. Please. I was just scared. I need your help. I don’t know how to deal with Zelena. I don’t know how to say no to her, _but I want to_. Please help me, please keep making me yours. Please don’t give up on me! Please!”

Tears stream down Regina’s face in relief and exhaustion. Thank god. She snaps at herself that ‘she can’t get soft.’ As clear as it is- the miracle she prayed for just happened- it is far from over. Emma has given herself to Regina for now, but it is only because Regina disciplined her. She just wants to rock Emma in her arms. She wants to yell at Emma for almost leaving her and being so stupid! She wants to remind her how much _she_ needs Emma. But sadly, the only thing Regina can rely on is Emma’s response to being disciplined. She pushes aside her own wants and needs to firmly maintain Emma’s obedience.

“ _Blue...”_ Regina whispers. Blue rushes up to relieve Regina as promised. She is filled with emotion herself, running the gamut on her twisted face from despair to relief.

Regina holds her lost hands under her chin, and Blue takes them, feeling them tremble in her own.

“Hush.” Blue whispers to Regina. “You had to do it. I know you didn’t want to. Not like this. _We are on the other side, I just know it.”_

Regina inhales sharply lapping up the confidence in her mentor’s words. Blue was always supportive to Regina at Chessfield. But she never thought they would share a moment in Regina’s _personal_ alternative lifestyle. It's not even that, it’s a moment beyond both their reference points. Regina physically punished an adult woman, and her girlfriend no less, to _wake her up from darkness._

Blue quickly unbinds Emma’s hands and helps Regina take her stiff leg off of Emma’s pinned thighs. Blue helps lift Emma off of Regina and fully onto her bed.

Emma groans and trembles, laying on her stomach, still half exposed. It feels like hours since her Mistress has spoken to her. Her apology, declarations and requests hang unrequited in the air. It tortures her with a new insane need for _comfort,_ in the wake of fighting Regina so hard _._ She is beyond vulnerable and scared right now, naked on every level.

Blue helps Regina onto her feet, protective of how stiff and empty her daughter appears.

Regina is woozy before standing in place. She shakes her head incredulously, tears still streaming down her face. _“Take over for me.”_ She hurriedly storms out, hiding a muffled cry in her hand.

Blue’s first thought is to chase after Regina. For her to not stay and scold Emma, use the teaching moment post punishment to drive home the lesson, as Blue has watched her expertly deliver countless times at Chessfield, speaks of a breaking point Blue has never seen Regina reach. Emma is shaking now in naked fear, obviously terrified that Regina just left her here. If she could only divide herself in half! Blue will rely on Regina’s years of recovery and stronger state overall to be alone right now. And, Regina would be more upset knowing Emma was unattended.

Blue sits on the bed next to Emma. Emma immediately buries her face in the pillow and yells at Blue. “Cover me up!”

Blue pulls a sheet over Emma and places a hand on her other daughter’s trembling back. She knows what Emma needs to hear the way a mother does. It comes from the deep, spreading a healing balm over the raw pain.

“Baby, Regina is giving you a timeout because you where bad-”

Emma becomes edgy. “Why didn’t she tell me that? _She just left-”_

“Listen Emma. I know you feel scared right now. If you belong to Regina she would also expect you to listen to me. Right?”

“Yes Mistress!” Emma immediately shifts from starting to test Blue into complete submission, in fear of Regina.

“Baby, you only have one Mistress. But good girl. Call me Ms. Blue, I think that will help you remember how serious it is you defer to us right now.”

Its working, Regina was so right about what Emma needs. She was right all along. The same girl that has fought Blue tooth and nail and become violent in triggered episodes for the last year or more, now quietly turns to face her. She inches over to nuzzle her face on Blue’s side against the pillow, wrapping her arm desperately around Blue’s waist.

“Yes Ms. Blue. Please don’t leave me. Please believe me, I want to belong to Regina and stay here with you all. _Please don’t let her leave me.”_

Blue melts at the softness she has ached to find in Emma from the very beginning. Softness pours out of her Emma now. She is putty in Blue’s hands.

“We are not going anywhere. You know that, Emma. Why do you think Regina punished you? She hated every minute of it, baby. She did it to get through to you. We want you to stay with us. We will help you beat Zelena.”

“ _Where is she?”_ Even Emma’s voice trembles.

“Emma your punishment is far from over. Regina is upset with you for needing to be paddled like that. You fought her until the very end, making it much worse _for both of you._ She expects you to think long and hard on how bad you have been. You need to be ready to tell her what you learned, and show how you’re hers now. Regina is punishing you with a timeout. She is not leaving you, it is quite the opposite. You are more hers now then you have ever been. You know how strict she will be with you from this point forward. She will sleep at the Shepard’s House tonight, because you silly bad girl, nobody protects you like she does, no matter how mad she is.”

Emma gets it and cries, tucking her head and right arm onto Blue’s lap. Blue cups her head and pats her hair with one arm and hugs Emma’s shoulders with her other. She lets Emma decompress. Blue soothes her for a few extra minutes before taking the reigns back.

“There, there baby. Time to clean you up. You need water, ibuprofen, and a healing balm rubbed on your bottom-”

“No Ms. Blue, _please._ That's too embarrassing. It's hard enough you became involved at all-”

“Emma, listen to me. Do really want me to disturb your Mistress right now? Do you want me to go tell her you won’t let me clean you up and give you aftercare?”

Emma gasps at the thought. “No Ms. Blue, don’t tell her, I will be good.”

“Take the embarrassment as part of your punishment and lesson. You can believe it, I never want to be this involved again. Baby, I never want it to come to this again. But I love you Emma. We have to get you out of hell first, _no matter what it takes.”_

 

 

 


	38. Blister

Mostly Granny and Regina's POV

 

“You startled me.” Granny smiles with her hand on her chest. She squints to see Regina, sitting in the dark in the living room.

Regina does not respond, hunched over in an armchair. She is a million miles away.

Granny sighs and turns a corner lamp on. She sits on the love-seat next to her troubled daughter. “Well this is an unwelcome trip down memory lane...” She laments resting back in her seat. Granny has flashbacks of Regina’s recovery. How many years did she watch her daughter in that very armchair staring at the wall, no sign of life in the girl's catatonic states? _Too many...._

They are both relieved at the sound of Regina’s sudden, sharp inhale. Regina starts picking at the inside of her pointer finger. She turns and looks up at Granny with overwhelmed and sullen eyes.

“Welcome back.” Granny gently speaks as she holds space like angel wings around them.

Regina slightly nods and holds back tears before turning away. She attacks her finger with new aggression.

“Hey, stop. What is it?”

“Nothing. _I got rid of it.”_

“Gina you broke the skin." Granny gets up and disappears in the kitchen. She returns with bandaids and some ointment. She hovers over Regina with an outstretched free hand.

Regina folds her hands under her arms like a defiant child and grumbles.

"Let me see your hand."

Brown eyes lift under furrowed brows and slowly relent. She scowls as she rests her hand in Granny's.

"What happened to your finger?” Granny cleans up the cut in a flash, the years of ER training are now an automatic response. She holds Gina's wrist through the quick sting of the ointment. It's done.

Regina flexes her bandaged hand and quickly hides it again in folded arms.

Granny sits down expectantly. She will not let Regina get away with this brooding silence for long.

Finally, Regina folds and snaps. Her eyes well up and she raises her voice at Granny. “Well if you must know I got a _blister_ from being such a brute!”

Granny sighs. Her heart feels heavy. Regina’s ‘plan’ looks way too _heavy_ on Regina. Her daughter is buckling under Emma’s weight. She can’t carry this anymore. But she is not going to want to hear that. So Granny starts with something small. “You’re not a brute.”

“ _This is a nightmare.”_

“I know Regina, yes it is.”

“Granny ......”

“What is it? Talk to me.”

“I need help.”

Granny is shocked and tries not to show the trumpets and angels singing in her head. Regina is opening up. Did her most proud, stubborn and internal daughter _just ask for help?_ And on a night like tonight, when everything feels lost, another door opens. She tries to be very calm. She can’t show her thrill at the breakthrough this is. She can’t draw attention or Regina will retreat. “Ok. I am right here. Lets talk through it.”

Regina scoffs and tightens her grip around her chest. “You know I am no good at that.”

“You're better then you think.”

Granny watches her stoic Gina ponder over the encouragement. Heaven only knows what she is thinking. Intense eyes burn directly in front of her, very little movement is made. After a few minutes Granny gets the paternal nudge she will have to lead.

Granny clears her throat. “I will start, and if I am wrong about what is on your mind you can redirect me. Tonight was hard. The plan sounded good. The threat of it has been effective for months now. But the actual experience of it-”

Regina sharply inhales again and rubs her face in anguish. She brushes back her hair and tries not to cry at Granny’s words. Of course Granny spoke right to the heart of the matter, and it is bleeding out.

“It’s ok kid, I know. _Keep breathing._ Remember how I used to remind you? Stop holding your breath.” Granny puts her hand on Gina’s knee and she settles down, nodding for Granny to continue.

“Lets pull this bandaid off quickly. You will feel better after we talk. So we all made this choice together, including Emma. Maybe it’s time to make a new choice. I think my dear girl, you are at the end of your rope. You can’t do this anymore. I was wrong to push you to be Emma’s strength. I got too carried away in the vision you saw for helping her. I wanted to support your plan, but it is too _much_ for you Gina.”

Why does Granny need to be so damn intuitive? Regina frowns. Holding back is not working, she feels ready to explode. Rocking in place for a minute, she can't take one more ounce of pressure. All of her swallowed and stuffed woes are too much. She leans back. How many times has Emma demanded Regina open up when she is like this? Each time she thinks she will just die in misery until finally, almost unwillingly, _she vents._ Then another step appears where it all seemed hopeless. But Regina doesn't want to admit what is under the surface. She is afraid to say what she needs to say.

"You in there?" Granny prods.

Regina has been lost in her thoughts. Granny is tapping on her knee like she used to. Only now Regina is here, painfully so. It hurts to keep this silence up. Enough waffling, she needs to get it out. Here goes.

“I fell in love with Emma because I saw the woman I could let go in. I feel so guilty for saying it, but where she is in her recovery- letting go is the last thing I can do," Regina blurts out and reels back, like a stranger just outed her.

"Don't cut yourself off kid. Keep going."

Regina stares into knowing eyes, feeling briefly childlike inside of them. Granny and Blue taught Regina how to communicate. Before them, she never knew how to to do this _._ She is still learning as she studies Granny's encouraging expression, and looks for the strength to fully reveal herself.

"I wanted to be with her to be less of a machine." Admitting _this_ is earth shattering.

Granny nods back. Apparently this news is no surprise to her. Well fine then, now is no time for useless pride.

"Everything, even my thoughts and emotions are so mechanical. I have always been that way .... so ... _calculated._ With the real Emma I feel alive. But I get the real Emma in glimpses, barely at all. Now I am in the worst machine like state of all, being her ‘therapy’ mistress. I am not cut out for this."

Regina confesses in a low husk, "you know how much I love _control._ Using a little domination makes me right at home. But I am smart enough to know being totally in charge is not good for me."

Granny nods. “You have to do what is best for you. If you can’t transition out of a caretaker dynamic soon it will be unhealthy for both of you. You can’t be her mother figure. That’s not what love is. With Snow back in the picture, the 30 year old woman practically has 3! She has to find her own way.”

“I know. It’s just so unfair. I came up with the domestic discipline plan. I chose to take us there before we were even a couple. _I forced her to go to court._ How can I think about leaving now? Snow is back in her life out of nowhere, Zelena is at her worst and all of her nightmares are being publicly aired. All of this is my fault. I started this hell storm. Now I am going to abandon her in it? That is just cruel.”

“For starters, Emma would be in a messy healing process even if you were never in the picture. Lets be real here. Zelena started trying to get her back regardless of you. Emma would have been melting down and lashing out, Blue would have snapped and Emma would be living in a hospital by now. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a place she could work on her stuff safely. Me and Blue would still be by her side. We would be her anchor in the outside world, helping her to be independent again. Perhaps this should have been the plan all along, _professional help.”_

Regina sneers, "is that supposed to make me feel better? That Emma should just be in an institution somewhere?”

Granny stares and waits until bitter brown eyes meet her halfway. “Listen Gina. I never thought I would have to tell you this. But I did with Belle too. And you weren’t even in love with Belle. You can’t save another person. Only Emma can save herself. For you to even be opening up to me, let alone telling me you’re thinking about breaking it off, speaks to just how burnt out you must be. It might be time _to let go._ ”

Regina huffs in emotion and clamps down the arguments in her mind. she sees only red. How could Granny say that?

Granny raises her eyebrows knowingly. She patiently waits.

The rage is not strong enough to hide what screams for life underneath it. Regina releases her fists.

Finally, she allows herself to mull over Granny's words. Her anger breaks apart in the painful truth. Devastation opens in it's wake. She admits to her on dismay, “perhaps I am burnt out. I am struggling to keep my old demons at bay, stuff I took care of years ago. It’s been a long time since life felt this hard. To be honest it is devastating. I am going backwards. I thought being in love would make life _easier.”_

“It certainly is a conundrum. Love can do both. It can lift you up and slam you down. I think this is what Blue feared most of all, too. There is no question the connection you two have, but the timing ...... The timing is what was unfair, for both of you.”

“I love her Granny.” As the words fall off stone lips, there is nothing left to say. All those damned _feelings_ take over. Regina collapses back in her chair in surrender. She releases her arms in a shrug, letting the tears win and finally slip down her cheeks.

“I know. That’s a big deal Gina. And what you have done for her, and how she got our Gina to actually fall in love, well. No matter how hard it has been you will always have gifts from being together. It wasn’t all for nothing. You’re both better people.”

Granny watches as Regina gets up, takes a nearby box of tissues and sits back down on the love-seat next to her. She leans up against Granny and looks imploringly at her. Granny knows what Regina is asking, _Regina wants to be held._ Wow, her daughter is a different woman since falling in love with Emma. She has not even let Granny hug her in the last 12 years. Granny pulls her in and holds on tight, blown away that this is really happening.

Regina rests on Granny's shoulder and cries in her arms.  Time goes by. The old clock ticks. Evening shadows make orange patches from the street lights outside. Tears gently lift. Granny hums and Regina unwinds _just a little,_ a very big victory indeed.

 

\------

 

Blue appears in the living room doorway. She is touched by seeing Regina curled up in Granny’s arms. The moment is every bit as significant to her as it is to Granny. She gently approaches and Regina sits up.

Blue looks into the watery eyes of her daughter and asks, “are you ok?”

“Yes, better. You?”

“Better.”

“Emma?”

“She won’t stop asking for you ...... She is in a vulnerable place. I haven’t seen her like this before. Boy when that wall finally came down, did it ever. She is desperate for _your reassurance._ All she can talk about is wanting to be yours now.”

“Ok. I will be right up.”

Granny turns and eyebrows her. “Gina? Can you really go upstairs?”

“ _I know,_ after all I said. Look, I needed to vent. Honestly I don’t know anything right now. Except I do know this. It was my choice to punish her so I have to guide her through it. It’s the right thing to do. I am going to be there for Emma as long as I possibly can. Remember those dreadful meetings you used to insist I attend? Well maybe I was paying more attention then you think. 'One day at a time'?”

Granny is not convinced. _"Regina-"_

"No wait. I need to see this through. There is a reason Emma is still in the deep end. It is like something is controlling her, something she is hiding. I _feel_ it. I can't just let her drown, not without a fight, not without doing everything I can. _The real Emma is still in there._ I just know it, there is more I can do. I have to. I love her."

Granny beholds the change. After the breakdown and tears, Regina is in her strength. It can't be argued with. All her kids have to find their own way. She slowly nods. "Ok."

Blue is confused as she glances between them. What did she miss?

“Ok then. Granny can you fill Blue in? I know she won’t stop worrying otherwise. _There will be no more secrets in this family._ I won’t have it. And to play my part, I am finally learning how to ask for help.” Regina offers a slow smile.

“Yes you are.” Granny says proudly.

Blue and Granny both smile with such love for their Gina. This is a turning point for their dear girl. And, what a stark contrast. Here is this breakthrough of light, through wall after wall of darkness.

 

 

 


	39. Thorn

 Regina and Emma's POV

 

“Emma?” Regina peers into her girl’s dark bedroom. “Why are we insisting on sitting in the dark tonight? Hmmm, _pun intended....”_

Regina closes the door and turns on the bedside lamp. Emma is on her back, laying over the covers in an old beer logo tee-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. Her eyes are red. She stiffly holds her body and breath, searching for clues of her Mistress’s state.

Regina looks down at her. “Emma it’s ok. Your punishment is over.”

This brings a silent tear from each of Emma’s eyes as she lets her breath out and her body quakes in release.

“ _Hold me.”_ Emma blurts out miserably, not recognizing her request, herself, or how she feels one iota.

“Excuse me?” Regina folds her arms, agitated. “Well, you have quite the nerve. Bad girls don’t get-”

Emma covers her face with her elbows in anguish, not able to prevent more silent tears from streaming down the sides of her face. Her broken words interrupt Regina like a white flag raised in surrender. “I am sorry. I know. I don’t know what has gotten into me. _Sorry.”_

As Emma lays there emotionally disarmed and finally out of her god damn head, Regina is able to see past her anger. This is actually the state she has been working so hard to get Emma into, at least as her therapy mistress. The one where Emma stops being so stubborn and lets Regina in.

“Move over.” Regina says, more gruffly then she means to.

Emma wipes her eyes and peers up in surprise. _‘Oh, she is serious.’_ Emma kicks herself for the slow intake and rolls in toward the wall, still facing Regina.

Regina climbs into bed and pulls Emma to her.

Emma resists, “no you’re right, I don’t deserve it-”

“ _Emma-”_

Regina warns with enough of a tone it spills Emma into her arms. Emma nuzzles her face between the pillow and Regina’s neck.

Regina is taken aback by her girl’s softness, warmth and heat. She melts into Regina’s embrace with such _abandon._ Regina can feel Emma’s intense longing, it makes her own longing spike. It distracts her from the mission at hand. How she wishes she could just take Emma now, have their sex erase everything else. But she has a job to do.

“I told you to finally let go and be mine. I told you to come back to me. And now you are. I am giving you one chance to continue. if you are good and do as I say, I will keep you tucked in my loving arms all night. If you are bad, you will be punished, _again.”_

“But, _you wouldn’t-”_

“You’re sore. In fact you’re even bruised. I know that. Desperate times call for desperate measures. But I don’t want you to focus on the paddle. I want you to focus on being good.”

“Yes Mistress.” Emma clings more tightly and breathes harder.

If Regina didn’t know better Emma is completely aroused by the new threat, even after one harsh punishment already. Heavy exhales heat up Regina’s neck, lanky limbs twist in her hold and pull themselves in. Emma is on fire. What a true masochist her girl is proving to be. And judging by the damp smudge between Regina’s tight legs, Emma is keying into _her_ desire. There is something so erotic about Emma being undone, exposed, _s-u-b-m-i-s-s-i-v-e._ Well, now is not the time for this.

“One chance.” She snaps coldly, hiding her heat.

“Yes Mistress.”

“You were spanked because you were about to leave us to go back to Zelena. But that is not the only problem, is it? Emma I have had it with you. I can tell you have been keeping things from me, and it is more then your plan to leave tonight. Don’t you know by now, you can’t hide anything from me? I thought I made that very clear. Apparently not. The real problem is the _secrets_ you are keeping. I bet these secrets caused you to become so deluded to begin with. I bet they are driving you mad. You learned the hard way I do not tolerate lies. Do you need to learn the hard way I do not tolerate secrets? You think I won’t paddle you again? You think I will have mercy just because you already cried over my lap tonight, when your life is at stake? You will tell me everything you have been hiding. _Everything._ You will pull the bandaid off quickly. That is what we do in the Shepherd’s House. No delaying. You will start now.”

“But I can’t!”

“Why?”

Emma cries and Regina allows it for a minute.

“Why not Emma? Why can’t you?”

“Because you will leave me if you know the truth.”

Regina feels a pang of guilt she was thinking of leaving. What is she doing? How can she dig deeper into Emma’s psyche with one hand on the door? How cruel. She is human, and God knows she has always been flawed. But she simply can’t give up yet. And, she highly doubts anything Emma says would be the reason she left. It is Emma’s stubbornness and PTSD, Emma repressing and acting out all of her unresolved issues, that is exhausting Regina. Emma opening up and letting Regina in _is another chance for them._

“You have been afraid I will leave you? That’s why you’re keeping secrets? Oh Emma, nothing you could possibly say will make me want to leave you. It’s when you don’t let me in that I suffer. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Oh, _you have no idea.”_ Emma snarks back in anger. Her quick turn into stubbornness slaps Regina awake. She realizes Emma is slipping back into a defiant trigger. Emma gets tense and tries to pull away.

“I won’t tell you _anything.”_ Emma fires off.

There it is. The moment they dread. It’s when the switch goes off in Emma’s brain and the tantrum begins. Regina only has one choice left. Dammit. Her voice is cool and her action swift.

“Is that so?” Regina growls. She pulls away from Emma and sits up in a flash, grabbing the hairbrush back out of the night stand.

She glares into Emma’s instantly wide and pleading eyes.

“Turn over.”

“I am sorry!”

“ _Now-”_

Emma comes to in her Mistress's control. The triggered noise, that loud feedback in her head, stops. All she can hear now is her Dominant. The crystal clear command takes over everything. She lays on her stomach and buries her embarrassment in a pillow.

“Arms above you.”

Emma is quick to do as she is told. She is Regina's, she must have forgot again, _but now she remembers!_

Regina gruffly grabs the waist band of Emma’s pants and boxers and jerks them down to her calves in anger.

Emma shudders in humiliation. She feels like she is melting into the bed.

“What was your very clear instruction Emma?”

“To tell you everything.”

“How many chances did I say you would have?”

“One.”

“How many did you actually get? Lets see. Was your first response to follow instructions?”

“Well, no.”

“To be absolutely clear, _did you_ follow instructions?”

“No Mistress.”

“My, my, what did you say to me instead?”

Emma stutters into the pillow in dread.

“I can’t hear you!”

“That I won’t tell you anything... Regina I am sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Enough! Don’t you dare whine or beg. I have had it. You don’t get to act out and then apologize. I will have silence until I am done.”

Regina sits next to her girl, brush in hand. She has to pause as something stirs in her chest. Regina is surprised at herself. She had no idea things would shift like this. Her anger is mixed in with an undeniable desire. The thought of spanking Emma again is _exciting_ her.

“Well, you are lucky you are not over my lap. This will be quick. It’s just a warning really. If you do not push yourself to share all of your secrets, no more misbehaving, I am taking you back over my lap for your second spanking of the night. And, if I have to do that, oh Emma, you won’t sit for a week. It will be severe. _Capisce?”_

Emma is breathless in a fearful heat.

Regina waits for a _verbal_ response. She is well aware she achieved her desired effect. She allows Emma to process under her stare. Regina watches her helpless submissive, shamed, bared and flinching in anticipation. At the sight and sounds of it, well, she feels herself getting, _oh dear._

“Yes Mistress.”

“So, _this_ is your last warning.” Regina paddles Emma's bottom fast and hard. She scolds her and feels pure relief as her own emotions can finally come through. This has all been so difficult. And Emma has been impossible lately. _She deserves to be punished._

“Bad, bad girl Emma. This will teach you to behave!”

Emma writhes under the heavy blows, careful not to beg. Her eyes sting as she tries not to cry. Being hit on top of her last punishment hurts! She can’t help but let out a groan.

_“Owwwwwwwe!”_

“What did I tell you? Be quiet and stay still, _you bad girl.”_

Emma tries to obey when she is ready to come apart. It hurts, it hurts! Regina delivers an unending minute of fast, heavy smacks! What’s worse, they are _angry smacks._ It’s so different like this. And, Regina keeps chastising her like a misbehaving child! She keeps calling Emma a bad girl. She is f-u-r-i-o-u-s. Under her Mistress’s siege of anger, being spanked hurts more. It makes her face burn deeper in humiliation. It is the worst ..... and fuck, it is the best. _it’s the most exhilarating._ As much as Regina’s anger is undoing Emma, it is turning her on.

But It _really_ hurts! Emma is overwhelmed by it all. She breaks down and cries under the relentless paddle. Her voice is childlike and oozes with shame.

Regina feels satisfied and secretly aroused by her girl’s degraded state. She has spanked her well. Emma is kicking and crying like a baby under the hard swats. Good. She is still damn angry, but the paddling is more then enough for now. It's time to stop.

“What did I say? Emma you will stop moving and be quiet, or you will regret it.”

Emma freezes and tries desperately to stop crying. She muffles her voice in the pillow. It hurts so bad, she wishes she could rub it!

Regina slams the paddle back into the nightstand and paces a few times in anger. Over another minute or two she calms herself down. She trusts she can continue to be constructive. She has been constructive so far. That was the right amount of 'medicine.' But she is unsettled by how good spanking Emma felt this time. Her ability to keep her sadistic streak out of the picture is gone. And why should she? Emma can’t keep any of it separate. Emma deserved it and Regina has had enough lip from the girl for a very long time. She is sick of being a machine. She is moist _to say the least._ She is hot and bothered. Every cell in her tingles and her gut aches for more. Something has changed. It is coming into view. This isn't just about being her therapy mistress, it is about being her real Mistress. Why was that so forbidden? Because it is not just selfless therapy or sexy scene time, she is using real discipline on Emma and taking pleasure in it. It is what they call domestic discipline. And it _feels good._ Her kinked hard wires wrap around her altruistic call to deliver her girl. It is a confusing internal mess. Well, aren’t they both complicated indeed?

Regina sighs. She sits back down.

“Are you ready to be my good girl?”

“ _Y-yes, ”_ Emma hiccups through repressed tears.

Regina rubs her bottom sexually. She can’t help herself. Her fingers spread over the tender, red skin.

Emma gasps at the aroused touch. She restrains herself from lifting her sore ass up in need. She wants to lift her cunt right into Regina’s hand and, ehhh ..... Her tears dry up in heavy breaths.

“There, there.” Regina pats her bottom softly, low towards her sex, stimulating her on purpose. “Imagine what you will get when you stop being so naughty. _Hmm?_ Something to look forward to?”

Emma groans as Regina pulls her boxers and pants back up. She knows that was part of the punishment, the horrible, insanely hot, teasing. _Fuck her._ She wants to come all over Regina! In pure agony she swallows it down. Regina will whip her into her next life if she shows any pleasure right now. Anyways, her Mistress already knows how turned on Emma is. _The bitch knows exactly what she is doing!_

Regina’s voice grows almost tender, but Emma feels the trap.

“I wish I didn’t have to dominate you through this baby. I know it’s hard. I just don’t think there is any other way to get you to open up. Don’t you dare make me regret being nice to you. I am more then happy to take it back with a raised hand.”

Emma's ass burns so bad. She is overwhelmed and relieved at the same time. Everything is so simple now. All she has to do is follow instructions and that is all she wants to do!!! She longs for Regina so much it hurts _everywhere._ She nods like a puppy and risks in a vulnerable whisper, “can you lay b-back down with me?”

“Hmm, let me see. Are you quite sore?”

“ _Y-yes,”_ she mutters in misery.

“Good. You should be. The moment I lay back down you will open up immediately. You will tell me everything in one fell swoop, _or so help me-”_

“Yes Mistress, please. I promise. I learned my lesson.”

“Oh Emma, we will see. _As many times as it takes my dear,_ we will see.”

Emma gasps.

Regina lays next to her girl. She allows Emma to cling tightly in her arms. Emma is hers now. Their hearts beat in sync.There is nothing like this moment, how Emma pours herself into Regina. Emma's walls are down. It is intoxicating. But Regina still has a job to do. She allows her girl’s aroused state and chooses not to address it, as long as Emma doesn't try to make a move. Oh, she wouldn't dare. Anyways, tempering her own heat is hard enough. She tenses, fighting to stay firm and cold. She wills the soft shudder from her breath. It is a will of steel to stay on track. She focuses with the kind of discipline she wishes Emma had too. Well maybe she can _teach_ her. At least, she believes her pressed open charge will behave now.

Emma is breathy as she channels her words to do as she is told. “Yes - Mistress. I - understand. Here - goes.” She pushes through desire and lands in dread. She has to tell her fucking story............. _fuck._

She launches so fast, hoping the impact of sharing won’t catch up to her. “You all think I am just some saint that Zelena turned bad? Nope, I wish. I was a horrible person. And I was violent, I did some horrible things that will make you leave me.... That’s why I wasn’t going to tell you. Maybe uhm, you were right to ehh.. p-punish me. _Fuck._ It makes everything else disappear. I am only telling you my secrets because I am afraid _._ ”

“Afraid of what Emma? Don’t be vague with me, enough.”

“The paddle, ok?"

Emma can't believe what she just said out loud. She blushes in agony. Regina looks pleased by this. Her Mistress's expression makes her pissed and hot, all at the same time. Fucking shit, this is all a fucking mess. But if she doesn't continue it will be _way worse._ She snaps herself back into action under the burn of brown eyes. "I am afraid of you doing th-that again...”

“Good. You should be. Then tell me everything. Right now Emma.”

“Ok. All I want is to be yours again. I am trying so hard to trust you. I don’t want to go back to Zelena. She is dangerous. But you uhm, ehhh.... I don't know what else to do but listen to you! I know lying was wrong. Making a plan to leave was stupid. The choices I made before you ..... _stepped in,_ were bad. I uhm, shit. Am I making any sense?”

“Yes, but get to it Emma. Tell me what you have been hiding.”

“Fuck, where to start. I was burning through job after job bartending. I was using. Nothing serious....”

“What exactly? Remember, no hesitation with anything.”

“Cocaine. Drinking. Pot. A lot of speed mostly, like I needed speed. I was sleeping around. I just hated life. I kept sleeping with the wrong girls, a bar owner’s girlfriend, new bar. The bouncer's girlfriend, new bar, that one was scary. ... Shit. Getting fired was the easy part.” Emma sighs and lays on her back.

“I lost my apt. I was quickly losing couches to sleep on. So I found the V lounge, I turned a few tricks, I did for rich women what their man couldn’t do for them. I took them by the way, women don’t take me. _I am a top.”_

Regina has her work cut out for her only guessing what Emma means by that. But, she needs to get Emma to spill before she dare address anything else.

“I started getting a reputation. I had nice places to sleep. But I started using more. I mean selling my body? I was a cheap whore. I was ashamed of myself. I was drowning out the pain in drugs. I mean, I never really felt like much of an addict. I just had the money. I was alone most of the time in these luxury apartments and hotels. I was the dirty little secret. There was nothing else to do but feel like shit. I think I just wanted to die."

Emma squeezes her eyes closed. This sucks. Who wants to hear what trash she is? Doesn't this ruin everything? But she can feel how intently Regina is listening and it compels her to keep going. She timidly meets her eyes.

"Then Zelena found me. I know you can’t believe me but Zelena saved me. I mean, I was nothing. I was throwing my life away. She saw all my potential and rescued me. She said I was supposed to be her wife. She was kind to me. She said I was too good to be selling my body and working at cheap bars with cheap people. She took me to Maine and opened her home to me, Regina. She said it was my home too. Zelena bought me a whole new wardrobe and a new fucking car! Zelena wouldn’t let me use drugs, I cleaned up over night." Emma pauses, afraid she is not getting her point across.

Emma's voice climbs in conviction. "Do you get it? She made me her _wife._ Everything she did for me, I mean that deserves some loyalty and respect....”

Regina swallows biting words. Flashes of Emma's trauma over the last year tells a very different story. Zelena was manipulating prey into her den! Regina pretends to be open to Emma’s interpretation and is careful to sound neutral. “Then what happened? Tell me _all_ of your secrets.”

“Ok. Uhm, it was my job to make our home. I took care of things- dinner, dry cleaning, chores, hosting, wifely duties. Soon, she was going to send me to school. I mean, I never even finished _high school-”_ Emma cuts off, so ashamed of who she is. She grumbles as steel brown eyes warn her to keep going. "Ok, I am. Zelena wanted me to have time to heal from how the world hurt me. She didn't want me to start school until I was ready. She didn’t want me talking to my old friends. They were such a bad influence. She didn't want me to go into Portland or work at a bar. She didn't want me getting tempted to party again. So I stayed at home. I guess I was the housewife." 

So many alarms go off in Regina’s head she prays for the will power to stay quiet and let Emma continue.

Emma hesitates and starts to backtrack, this is all crazy. She panics. _What was she thinking?_ She can’t possibly go through with this and tell Regina what she did........ She will lose her!!!!

“W-why bother telling you the rest? You already know I was a loser, fucking prostitute, druggie, promiscuous shit head. I mean, why would you want to be with me now? I was just a fuck up all along Regina, that’s all I ever was.”

“That is it. No more swearing or self deprecating, you are stalling. You think I don’t know you are stalling? You think I can’t see you would rather provoke me then tell me the rest? What did I say would happen if you keep these secrets, huh? Ooh Emma, _be careful._ You will tell me the hard parts of your story right this instant!”

Emma’s eyes widen in her Mistress’s rage. Her budding trigger is gone. Her ass burns instead. She doesn't doubt for a second Regina means it. She can feel it in her lover's air, how quickly Regina will take her back in hand!!!

“Ok, ok, I promise I am telling you. I was an _asshole,_ oh no! Sorry! Oops. _Please don’t_ -”

Emma just swore after being told not to. She freezes. Her last cus word fell out of her mouth like the pin in a grenade. It was a total accident. Oh please not another punishment! She starts to toss around in anticipation.

Regina wants to turn her over. Her hands burn. Her glare turns into a threatening squint. Emma’s adorable new terror of being paddled is a greater kink then Regina could have imagined. Regina’s heart races. To think what she would do instead, if she did not have to rescue Emma from the prison of her damned secrets. But she can’t think of pleasure now, even with Emma hotly writhing in fear of the brush. Apparently, Regina has given _more_ then enough incentive to keep Emma on track.

"Stay still."

"Yes Mistress!"

“ _Continue-”_ Regina warns.

“Yes Mistress!”

Emma launches quickly into her second chance. She practically forgets how hard it is to share this stuff, at least in this moment! “I mean, I was abusive to Zelena, I started it. I started running my mouth, being ungrateful, a spoiled, selfish brat-”

“Is that your description or hers?”

Emma looks confused.

Regina knows those aren’t Emma’s words. But, Emma has been too heavily brainwashed for Regina to address that now.

“Continue. What did she do when you were ‘abusive’?”

“She tried to knock some sense into me.” Emma says like Zelena’s was a natural and loving response.

“Physically?”

“Well yeah. I was a complete- I was horrible to her, after everything she did for me. She was just trying to get me to be an adult, to grow up and take care of her like a wife.”

“Uh huh. Why are you afraid I will leave you?”

“Well I admitted half of it already. I thought if you knew I had a violent streak, and all the other things I said, that would be it.”

“I did not hear anything about you being violent.”

“Ok, so I guess two last things. I was violent and if you know I can’t perform my wifely duties, who would want me?”

‘Wifely duties,’ ‘grow up and take care of her,’ ‘spoiled selfish brat.’ _These are not Emma’s words._ However, by the way Emma speaks, they have been pounded in over time. Regina is nauseous by Emma’s shape-shift. Even her tone of voice is different. This isn’t how Emma talks, it is Zelena oozing right through her. Thank God Regina is making Emma open up. Her instinct was correct. She just knew Emma's secrets were the real problem. But as Emma reveals the damage it is shocking, worse then she even expected. But not for the reasons Emma would think, what is disturbing is how Emma relates to Zelena. It is like Emma has Stockholm Syndrome. Emma was really held captive by Zelena. But she doesn't see that. She views Zelena as the good guy and everyone else, especially Emma herself, as the bad guy. Blue used to refer to the Stockholm Syndrome when she got Regina out of the hospital. Blue had to remind her, Regina was the hostage not Maleficent. Now Regina has a taste of how Blue felt. It is obvious who was abusing who, but her poor girl doesn't even know she was the victim.

“Tell me about your wifely duties and when you were violent.”

Emma gets emotional through her obedience. “My duties go without saying, but I will tell you Mistress....."

Emma kicks her legs restlessly and starts to get tongue tied. _She is upset._

Regina leans in. She hushes Emma. The gesture works, her girl breaks through the agony and tells Regina.

"My job is to satisfy my wife. I make love to her. Uhm, you know, in like every way, my job is to please her.  But one night I didn’t let her do that one thing. I can do everything else!”

“What one thing?”

"I hate talking about this."

_"Emma-"_

“I didn’t let her inside of me.”

“But baby, you didn’t let me-”

“It was my job as her wife!” Emma snaps. “But it always hurt. I know it’s wrong, but it did. I wasn’t lying, honest Regina, it really did. But that made her angry. She claimed I was being dramatic and lying, just being difficult!”

“She was raping you!”

Emma is completely enraged by Regina's response. Her voice bellows. "What?! Are you crazy? No she wasn’t, _she was my wife._ And anyways women can’t rape each other. It didn’t hurt like a real rape would!"

Regina is alarmed at Emma’s reaction. But she quickly gets why. Regina just broke the fragile story Emma told herself to survive horrific abuse _._ Emma has become unglued by Regina calling it rape. Her girl is shaking violently in the cage of her chest. Regina can’t lose Emma to another trigger now. Emma still has not told her everything. She has to fix this. To her own dismay, Regina must act like _she_ overreacted.

“Sorry Emma, I interrupted.”

Fiery tears drop from Emma’s trembling face. Her tone bursts into a sarcastic confrontation, Emma’s slippery slope. “It’s fine. _I am just trying to follow my instructions-”_

Regina eyes her sharply when she would rather pull her in and cry for her. Her arousal at being firm with Emma is gone. She can’t take anymore, her heart breaks for her girl. No kink can soften the blow of what Emma is saying or what  Emma has been through. But Regina must stay in charge, her role as Emma's therapy mistress is the only answer left. She should win an Oscar for this damn performance! It was supposed to be Emma who saw the softie in Regina underneath it all.  Well right now her girl is in the pinnacle of distress, not capable of seeing Regina _at all._

Regina sits up to grill her harder with the inquisition. “Emma, you will continue, _or so help me.”_ She can feel that by hovering above her, she has intimidated her girl. Good.

Emma is scared. Fuck, she was rude, and God knows she has no chances left! Regina is not happy with her right now! ‘Speak Emma, no choice, _speak.’_ she yells in her mind.

“S-orr-y-y.” She stutters. “Like I was saying. One night I refused. _It was wrong._ She had a long day and I just lounged around having everything handed to me, like I do everyday. I was getting spoiled. She had a right to be upset. She was a little rough....”

Regina has a gut feeling this is it. This is the part of the story that has been controlling Emma and causing the secrets and lies. This is the thorn in Emma’s side. This is the thorn that has been driving her mad and driving them apart. And if there is one thing Regina is good at it, it is trusting her instincts.

“You will tell me exactly what happened,” she thunders. "Come here, tell me-"

Regina quickly lays on her side. She forcefully pulls Emma off her back to face her. She seizes Emma’s upper arms and holds her girl in a brace.

Emma waivers and Regina tightens her grip.

“Owe! You are hurting me. Ok, I will, I will.”

Emma looks miserably into steel brown eyes. Regina gives a slight nod, and that small gesture comforts Emma in a wave of peace. What a weird time to really get it, _Regina loves her._

“She grabbed me by my hair but I fucking deserved it.” Emma’s temper rises, the memories work her up like crazy. Problem is she still doesn’t know who to be mad at!

“She dragged me out of bed, naked, to the front door and said she was kicking me out. But that was my home Regina. She had my license and my records, I didn’t have any money or friends. I didn’t even have clothes on! I thought she was serious. She told me later that she would never really kick me out, just teach me a lesson, and I was way too dramatic.”

“What happened?”

“I lost it. I attacked her. I just lost my fucking shit. Her nose was bleeding. I kept punching her. She knocked me off her and called the police. She got us dressed and told me what to say.”

“What did she tell you to say?”

“She told me that if she saw me taking responsibility for myself she would forgive me. And, she wouldn’t press charges. We told them I was sorry I abused her. I was working on not being abusive. I had a terrible temper. I was wrong to not control it. She told the police officer I was willing to seek professional help, to go into a batterer’s program. She had the record of that night sealed.”

“Did you have a terrible temper?”

“Yes Regina! Just look at my tantrums.”

“I am talking about before your PTSD. _Don't you lie to me-”_

“I am not! Maybe the PTSD is just a load of crap-”

“How long have you been losing your temper like the night you attacked Zelena?”

“That was the first time.”

Uh Huh, that is what I thought. Did you go into a program-”

"Yes. But I think I am incurable, which is why I don’t deserve you either. I kept getting angry. I kept running my mouth and being an ungrateful brat. I kept questioning Zelena when she was the only one looking out for me. And sometimes after the night I attacked her... Sometimes I hurt her again."

“How? When?”

“When she was just trying to get through to me-”

“You mean _after_ she put her hands on you-”

“So! _I was the one out of control!_ I was the one running my mouth and being a spoiled ungrateful child. She was always in control, she was simply trying to knock some sense into me and get me to show some dignity. She was always very calm and sad by my horrible behavior.”

“You mean, when she hit you?!”

“ _Fuck you!”_ Emma yells in utter head splitting confusion.

Regina snaps. She can’t be stoic or stern anymore. _And,_ she just can’t be the awful therapy mistress. She collapses into what is most forbidden of all. She lets go. She falls into the simple woman she is underneath, who loves Emma very much, and needs her. She starts to cry.

“I am sorry, I am sorry! Oh shit, I made you cry, I am such an asshole. Please baby. It’s all my fault. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to trick you. I know you thought I was good and you could help me. But the right thing to do was tell you the truth. Nobody did more for me then Zelena. It was a lie to play the saint with what I put her through, after everything she did for me-”

“Emma, _she tricked you!_ She tricked you Emma! She was abusing you in the worst way of all. More then the sexual and physical abuse and your daily isolated slavery, she had you believing _the opposite of what is true._ That is the worst part, mind control. She destroyed your identity. She broke you Emma. I don’t even recognize you right now, but I know you’re in there.”

“But I hurt her more the once. And what about the night I really lost my shit?”

“She got you to snap on purpose! That is what people without a normal conscious do, like my mother. They torture, provoke, hurt and instigate until _you feel like the crazy one._ She got you to react and then you look like the bad guy- that was always her plan. It was all lies. You were always her prisoner. She has been using you and controlling you this whole time.”

Emma gets quiet and reads between the lines. Everything feels different. Woa. How can she not listen to Regina? She _never_ lies. Regina is the only woman she has ever trusted in _her bones._ Regina is the only woman who has ever understood her. And, Regina rarely cries, not like Emma has lately! She glimpses her story through her girlfriend’s weeping eyes. The most bad ass Dominatrix, who has had Emma quivering all night, is now blubbering in grief. Hello!?

Is this what a near death experience is like? Suddenly Emma is watching from above, slipped right out of her body. Surreal.

She has never shared the whole story before. She gave the psychiatric ward and Blue just enough to back them off. She is great at dodging questions, she has hid her shame since being a child. But her shame almost killed her. It suffocated any reality check- it might be the other people in her life who are wrong- not her. Now her whole story is out from the insanely effective threat of the paddle. Regina _made_ her tell. And now that she has, Emma’s story has anguished Regina. She is so upset! But Regina is not upset about what Emma did, oh no. She is not mad at Emma, _she is mad at Zelena!_

Emma falls on her back in the impact of her thoughts ...... what the fuck just happened? Why has she never thought of any of this?

Maybe it really is true. Maybe Zelena is what Regina, the Shepherd Family and Dr. Wale keep calling her. Maybe Zelena _is_ a psychopath. That would change everything...

 

 


	40. No

Mostly Regina's POV 

 

"Headmistress, does it look ok now?"  Belle timidly hands over the paperwork.

Regina sits on Belle’s desk and eyes over the changes in her schedule. It is a typical morning brief. “That is fine.”

She hears her phone from the lobby. It is Emma’s ring tone. Emma never calls at work. She runs into her office, not able to get to her cell fast enough.

“Emma, is everything ok?”

“ _Com-e ho-me-”_ Emma’s voice is garbled, and cuts off.

She is not on the line anymore. Emma is in trouble. Oh no. Regina’s gut sinks in a horrible dread. ‘Please God, we have come so far. Don’t take her away from me now,’ she begs in her mind. She promises that in this moment, like so many promise when it could be life or death, she will find God again.

Well, maybe it was God who got her home. She doesn’t even remember leaving Chessfield or the road back to the Shepherd’s house on that fateful Friday morning. She just remembers the terror of seeing the front door wide open.

“Emma!” She bursts in like the house is on flames.

Thank _God,_ Emma is ok. She is shaking in the kitchen doorway. Her body is heaving in wild adrenaline and stress. Her arms are out at her sides, sprawled hands like a beast. She is undone and staggering, looking up from a furrowed brow and an ocean of rage.

Zelena sits calmly on the couch in the living-room, legs folded, like she was invited over to tea.

“Ahhh, Regina darling. We were just leaving. Emma is coming home with me where she belongs.” Her coy smile turns into a menacing glare as she looks Regina up and down. It is an invitation to spar. “My dear Emma has already agreed, naturally. She was just about to pack. Sorry to have bothered you. You have done _quite enough already,”_ Zelena ends in a threat.

Regina’s blood boils, but she will not allow herself to be provoked by this pathetic snake. She looks to her Emma. Something unexpected sparkles in blue green eyes. Emma’s fiery strength stares back at her. And there is something else. It is deference. But it is not to Zelena, _it’s to her._ Emma is scared of _Regina_ right now!

“Emma, is this true?”

“No Mistress.” Emma bows her head slightly, torn between blushing under Regina’s stare and sheer fury at Zelena. She balls her hands into fists in rage.

“M-i-s-s-t-r-e-s-s, oh geez,” Zelena balks. “Emma darling, I know you think you have a crush on this boring brunette twit, but really darling. Mistress? _now isn't that interesting.”_ She eyes Regina provocatively as she speaks to Emma. “I warned you these people are sick. You don’t want to end up like these perverts. Now I know why you are giving me such a hard time. You think you have a little dominatrix? _Really._ I have had enough games.” Zelena’s light tone empties out as she rises to her feet. She grabs the empty backpack by her purse and throws it at Emma. “Get your things,” Zelena growls in anger. She rolls up her sleeves and runs her lips through her teeth. 

Regina feels the dark shift and can see Zelena’s insanity. Like a changing radio station picks up new frequencies, Zelena’s entire personality can turn on a dime. Right now Zelena wants to hit Emma. Oh, _it is looming in the air._ Regina’s mind blanks out in a bleeding red. Her reaction is primal. She wants to rip this woman’s throat out. She wants to watch her brain burst open against the wall. She wants to end the menace that has nearly destroyed the love of her life, _and her._ In a ragged sigh Regina focuses on being able to see again. Her eyes widen. ‘Tend to Emma’, she guides her tethered soul.

Regina approaches Emma and stands by her side. “Emma, what happened? Tell me what’s going on.”

Emma stares at the floor and shakes her head. “ _I told her to leave._ This is my home now. I keep telling her it’s over! She threatened to hurt you.”

Regina hums under her breath, just for Emma to hear. “I am not so easy to hurt baby. It’s ok, everything is going to be ok.”

Emma’s taut shoulders relax. She looks up from furrowed brows and a clenched jaw. She pulls her arms tightly around her. _“I am not going.”_

“That’s right, you’re not.” Regina’s heart swells under the armor of her command. Emma is finally _fighting back._

Like a wizard Zelena is next to them before they see her approach. “As much as I hate to break up this love fest-” She spits in disgust and aggressively reaches for Emma’s arm.

Regina turns and slaps Zelena’s face so hard it is surprising the evil witch doesn’t melt into the carpet. Zelena is thrown to the ground by the force of the blow. She lands on her side and sits up to catch blood from her mouth. Her teeth are red.

Regina squares off with the collapsed woman while staying at Emma’s side. She shouldn’t take over for Emma, but she sure as hell won’t let Zelena hurt her anymore!

Zelena seems stunned, unaccustomed to being the one on her knees.

Regina turns back to Emma, more calm then her last action would seem to make possible. “Is there anything else you want to tell Zelena?”

“Yes.” Emma steps towards Zelena, but not close enough to be ensnared by the psychopath.

“You’re a sick woman. You can’t _trick me anymore._ I hate you and I never want to see you again!”

Emma is shaking violently. Regina knows there is so much more Emma wants to say to the woman that destroyed her. But her poor girl is about to be triggered. Regina has to intervene. This was enough, this step was more then enough for now.

“Now go to your room-”

“I am not leaving you with her-”

Regina becomes punitive for Emma’s sake. She shoots a sharp look. “ _You will do as I say._ 10-9-”

Emma’s brain goes from the overdrive of fighting her life’s biggest demon to a simple solitary _ache._ Her ass hurts. The mere thought of delaying drowns everything else out. She doesn’t want to be spanked! She turns and bolts up the stairs.

Zelena chuckles with burning hatred in her eyes. She is comfortably sitting on the couch again like she wasn’t just struck to ground. She dabs at the side of her mouth with a fresh tissue from her purse. “We are not that different you and I, now are we? I believe she was completely terrified of you just now, was she not? Does it feel _g-o-o-d_ to have so much power? Well _sistah,_ she belongs to me.”

Regina wants to break her face in. She pictures the woman gasping between the tight clutch of her hands, wringing her neck until she is dead. Maybe this is why so much evil exists in the world. Because good people let the rare and truly evil ones, _live._ Then they are free to destroy everyone around them with such brilliance to deceive and no conscious to stop them. She feels the blood draw out of her skin as she wrestles with her desire to end Emma’s threat once and for all. Her _conscious_ holds her in place until her anguish breaks. ‘I guess they were wrong. I am not a murderer after all.’ Her ability to reason comes back to guide her. She needs to get this witch out of her home and call the Sheriff. What she needs is to wrap her arms around the only one who matters.

“Zelena the cops are on their way.” Regina lies and then states something very real. “We are moving forward with the charges. Emma is alerting us to your every _illegal_ contact with her. I suggest you leave now, but if you would like to stay be my guest. I would much rather see you in jail tonight and see you answer to this in court.”

Insulted, Zelena casually stands up and puts on her thin coat of fur. “you know Emma looks at you like a lost puppy. How does it feel to be her Mommy? You’re a sick and twisted woman, _R-e-g-i-n-a._ It reeks of incest in here. They always seem to put the wrong person on trial, don’t they?” She smiles tightly, proud of her handiwork. She is over confident her manipulation will work on Regina, the way it always has on Emma.

Regina laughs back in a dangerous tone. She has almost lost her temper, _for real._ “Zelena we both know what to make of accusations from a psychopath. We both know who those accusations are really about.”

Regina peers so knowingly into devil eyes that Zelena frowns. The evil witch is dejected and taken aback by Regina’s disarming look, words and confidence.

“This isn’t over,” Zelena retorts in escaped emotion. “You just wait until I have her on the stand.”

 

 


	41. Wits’ End

Emma and Regina's POV

 

“Emma?”

Regina breathlessly runs up the stairs. She is startled! Emma is leaning on her back at the top of the staircase. And, Emma must have heard _everything._ They are both still panting in the aftermath of the confrontation.

“I told you _to go to your room-”_

Emma glares at Regina. While strong, Emma is still on the edge, shaken and angry.

Regina reconsiders her tone. “Sorry. I can see you’re here right now. _I was so worried about you-”_ She tries to embrace her.

Emma shrugs Regina off and storms into her room.

Regina follows, now becoming angry herself. She reminds herself how easy it would be to attack each other when it is clearly Zelena they are upset with. This level of fight or flight is dangerous for both of them. Regina _must_ stay in control.

“Emma, look at me.”

Emma stands unmoving, back to Regina, eyes planted out her window.

Regina approaches her from behind and this time wraps her arms around Emma’s waist. “Are you upset with me? Because you’re acting that way.”

Emma whips around and pulls away, distancing herself from Regina in rage. “Mad at you? No! You just protected me. You just stood up for me in a way nobody has my whole life-”

Regina questions in a fluster, _“then why are you yelling at me?”_

“I heard what Zelena said. She is wrong about a lot of things. But she is right about us. It is fucked up. I am like your fucked up child, it’s disgusting. You punish me _like a mother would-”_

“Hey-”

“No! What do you get out of this? All you do is take care of me. This isn’t a relationship! I have to stand on my own two feet,” Emma heaves. She slams her fists on the wall next to the window. She rests her head on her fists in complete misery.

Regina tries to breathe through it and be the eye in Emma’s storm. It is exhausting. But, she understands why Emma is so upset. And, she is _relieved._ As surprised as Regina is at her new disposition towards domestic discipline and her own need to spank Emma, Emma’s overriding trauma has taken over everything. It has all become too skewed, too out of balance. And the simple women Regina aches to be, suffering underneath it all, can barely go on. Emma is saying what Regina herself has been feeling.

“Yes you do.” Regina responds gently.

Emma looks up, disarmed. “What?”

“Yes. Only you can win this fight baby. But there is nothing wrong with what we tried to do here. We are both wired a certain-”

“Oh, _save it.”_

“Emma you are being hurtful. Don’t talk to me that way. How many times am I going to have to tell you that? You don’t want me to dominate you right now, fine. Ok, but _don’t you push me._ I am not who you are angry at.”

Emma exhales emotionally. She throws herself on her back over the bed. She clutches at her forehead with both hands as if she can squeeze in clearer thinking. Her face scowls and twists, revealing the agony underneath. “I am sorry,” she squeaks up at the ceiling.

Regina lays down next to her on her side. “Ok then, that’s better.”

She plays with Emma’s hair. She inwardly soothes her raw nerves, hoping they can both just calm down. A few minutes go by, unraveling some of their wound up stress.

Emma suddenly reveals her haunted, self scorn. _“I don’t deserve you,_ Regina.”

“Eh-hm. There it is, again. That is what sent us into hell just now, _hm?_ Emma, you know that is not true. The only difference between you and me is when I found you. I found you in your crisis long after mine ended. I know that makes it harder for you. You and your pride. But, it doesn’t make you less worthy. Besides, I have something important to tell you. I believe it will help you get to the next step in your healing. First, I know you’re trying. You fought back today and I am proud of you. But, there is still something you don’t get about your plight, and why and how I am helping you.”

Regina’s effusive care, unwavering as usual, fills Emma with guilt. She treated her so badly just now. She turns and nuzzles into her, much to Regina’s great and utter relief. “No really, I am sorry. I am sorry I keep taking it out on you.”

Regina gathers her over her arm and squeezes her in. “I know you are. Let that go. I need you to listen.”

“Ok.”

“Do you really know what a psychopath is?”

“ _An abusive asshole,”_ Emma cuts in a poisonous tone.

“Well yes. But anyone can be an abusive asshole, and far more of them walk the planet then true psychopaths do. There are statistics about this. A psychopath is a real thing Emma, it’s not just an insulting word. It is someone who does not have a normal human conscious, no sense of right and wrong, no ability to empathize or love. It is someone who doesn’t have normal emotions. We hear about the serial killers. But far more perpetrate in an insidious way. And, It is hard for outsiders to detect what is happening. Your first hospitalization is a great example of that. The psychiatric ward actually let you- _the patient they were in charge of helping_ \- convince them _you_ were the abuser. Hospitals, police, schools, therapists, rarely identify the true predator because they often become victims of the psychopath’s web of lies and deceptions, themselves. The psychopath plays the entire system, pitting innocents against each other to further bolster their power.”

Emma sighs and listens. She wraps herself more tightly around Regina and tries to relax. Regina’s words strike a chord. What she is saying feels true in Emma’s gut. It _feels_ like another lifeline. It is time for her to understand what the fuck happened to her. It has all been a horrible blur, an impossible puzzle and an epic failure. Regina is right about Zelena. Finally understanding the truth is like a part of Emma’s soul being returned. This talk is just in the nick of time too. With Zelena’s latest visit and Emma’s growing ambivalent feelings about Regina punishing her, she is at her _wits’ end!_

Regina kisses Emma tenderly and brushes the hair from her girl’s face. Emma is actually taking this in. What a relief. They are being handed another delicate miracle. This one is capable of much. It can be a foundation Emma can actually stand on. Regina’s heart stirs. There it is again, hope. Hope for Emma, _hope for them._

“When you showed up at Chessfield’s door Emma, it took me all of ten minutes to know you were in the midst of psychopathic abuse. How? Because I have been through it too. The damage cuts so deep. It erodes your identity. _It destroys you Emma._ Most psychopaths move from victim to victim quickly, using them and then breaking them in a vicious cycle. They are usually charismatic, articulate and smart, just like Zelena. Their entire life is to manipulate for their own gain. They are hard to spot by someone who sees the best in people and doesn’t believe evil exists. I know you would  never hurt anyone on purpose Emma," Regina husks. "So, you weren't prepared for someone who would. They target pure hearts for this reason. And baby, they target people who are _wounded...._ When she found you, you were the perfect victim for Zelena.”

Regina exhales and feels her lover breathing in her words. Emma is right here, _this is working._

“The fact Zelena stayed with you as long as she did means she was grooming you to be her long term partner. A slave is a more appropriate term for being married to a psychopath. She must have had some further use in owning you. I know she is older then me. She was probably weary from moving around so much. That is what happens as psychopaths age. Baby, what I want you to understand is this- most people don’t come back from being groomed. _Ever._ If I didn’t have Blue for so many years-”

Regina chokes up and falls onto her back. She closes her eyes for a minute and gathers herself. She must succeed at landing her point. She is running out of options. Hope aside, she is running out of _strength._ She can’t be Emma’s rock much longer.

“Belle never really came back. Maleficent’s other two victims.........well. I wasn’t about to let that happen to you. I saw the predator’s marks all over you. You came to my door like a puppet controlled by demons. I _knew_ you were innocent, just lost, and deeply traumatized. You were screaming for help behind those damned curses and fists.”

Emma’s breathing is choppy. This is overwhelming. It is fucking intense to hear what _really_ happened. She has been under some sick spell all this time. And Regina’s reflection of the worst moment of Emma’s life, the day Zelena almost killed Emma and dropped her off at Chessfield, makes her dizzy. Her whole life has been an endless maze. But the worst part has been trying to come back from Zelena.

Emma’s head hurts. Oh, the noise. She fights her triggers with all her might. She scowls and stretches in agony.

Regina watches Emma squeeze her forehead again. She can feel the internal struggle happening inside Emma. She soothes Emma tenderly. “Stay here baby, you’re doing good.”

Emma rests her head on Regina’s shoulder and cuddles up closer. Getting _closer_ and actually taking in Regina’s words is the opposite of Emma’s instinct. Her fight or flight is screaming to book it the fuck out of here. This is _too close._ Her comfort zone isn’t even on the same block. But if Blue and Regina have taught her anything, running is an old instinct she shouldn’t listen to. Staying is such a weird blend of liberating and painful! It is as if her body was encased in stone and Regina, the sculptor, is chiseling off the wreckage piece by piece. It fucking hurts, it feels like Emma will literally die in the transformation. But at the same time, as the stones tumble down, Emma is spilling back out into the world, _a-l-i-v-e._

Regina is breathing through her own struggle to go this deep with Emma. But her gut compels her. She has no other choice left. “It has taken me months to get you to be angry at the _right_ person. I wasn’t going to let you be lost in that matrix forever. I was close to being lost forever. Nobody deserves that. None of this was your fault. I felt the deepest calling to get you out of there, _if it was the last thing I did.”_

Regina sighs and relaxes her position a bit. She tucks her arm behind Emma’s head. “And one last thought, then I think we will both be at our limit for today. It’s no surprise Zelena claims BDSM is evil, because _Zelena is evil._ BDSM, the lifestyle baby, was never the problem. The problem was you repressing your desires. When we repress these kinds of desires we are more susceptible to predators. It’s just a theory I have. I see it at Chessfield, in my own journey and yours. You were looking for an alpha woman. You wanted to submit without even knowing what that means. Zelena came in and took charge and you fell for her trap. You were an easy target for that monster. Then the Shepherds took you in but Blue couldn’t reach you. I made an executive decision when I took over your ‘therapy.’ I decided to be your alpha woman. I thought dominating you in a loving way could heal you from the woman who tried to enslave and destroy you. _I thought it was the missing key-”_

“It was,” Emma huffs. “But Regina, you can’t save me.”

Emma’s response escapes her almost unwillingly. She feels filled with sadness and regret like somebody else is pulling the plug and not her. Her honesty is a dope-slap. Secretly, she wishes Regina could save her. But it’s not Regina’s job, it’s Emma’s. Damn honesty. Damn psychopaths. Damn this never ending healing and fucking up. What a mess. _Damn all of this._

“I know baby. But I don’t regret any of it. Look at how far you have come. But .... _perhaps_ it is time for something new? I think this dynamic has become too much for us. We want an equal partnership, right?”

“ _Yes.”_

“You can do it Emma. You can get out of the matrix. You’re so close. I believe in you.”

Emma leans on her back and stares at the ceiling. There is something somber in the air, a shift. It is like being kicked out of one nest and invited into another. But getting to the new one involves flying with her crackling, barely healed wings. Ehhhh. There is a tinge of relief too. If for no more decent reason, her pride can’t take Regina using real discipline anymore. Emma has had enough. Hopefully there will be plenty of kink in their new nest, plenty of the S word that she struggles to say. But discipline has to be pseudo, not real! She does need the alpha side of Regina. But she doesn’t want to be owned anymore then Regina wants to own her! That was Zelena’s thing. What Emma needs most is to be her own fucking, alpha, top dog. And, while she is at it, top the fuck outta Regina too.

‘Oh my god’ Emma silently wails out in her mind. Their journey has been crazy! Emma groans, lost in her process. She lays caged in her frustration with Regina stoically beside her.

Tense minutes tick by.

Emma feels a surge of resolution replace her pain. Her blood is heating up. Yeah, yeah, she knows she needs to save herself. But lets be real. Her true motivation? She wants to be someone Regina can lean on and rest in too. She keeps coming back to this. It is time to not lose sight of it. ‘Emma, fight for her too,’ she chants in her head. It is the warrior she is desperate to grow into, her true self. So yeah, Emma owes it to herself to win once and for all. But what roars in her? Exalt her queen. She owes it to _Regina._ She owes this beautiful dark beauty beside her. She wants to be Regina’s hero like Regina has now saved her, _more fucking times then she can count._

 

 

 


	42. Evidence

Mostly Emma and Regina's POV

 

Flashing lights encircle and descend from all sides.

“Emma, Emma, is it true you put your wife in the hospital? Is it true you beat her unconscious and are now pressing charges against her” a reporter asks, shoving a mike up to her face. Cameras, phones and videos point and click, swallowing the entrance to the courthouse.

Emma can’t feel her legs. It is like her soul is carrying her along because her body has disappeared. Mrs. Charming holds her up and guides her through a sea of press. Regina is near her somewhere. Ruby, Blue and Granny can’t be far behind. This is what she was afraid of. Her worst fear is now happening. Zelena released the sealed documents. She spun the deadly web she promised she would. Emma, caught in the venom and spinnerets, is bound by the silk of her predator. She is right where Zelena wanted.

“Are you a wife beater? How long were you in a batterer’s program?” Another male reporter asks, aggressively stepping in front of them and blocking their path.

“No comment, _let us pass.”_ Snow hisses. She stretches out her arm to shield and move them along.

“Is it true you used Ms. West for her money and to buy drugs,” a female reporter asks callously.

“Ms. Swan, are you a prostitute?” The circling press has them surrounded. Emma is starting to panic and pull back against Snow’s lead. She is blacking out! She can’t keep her fucking shit together. She can’t breathe and clutches at her throat. They are pressing in like hungry wolves.

Snow is heating up as she forces them through. She is unaware of Emma’s trigger but is fighting reporter attacks that would leave anyone traumatized. They start climbing the twenty or so, steep, concrete steps to the door. Her angry voice barely cuts through the commotion. “Think about your accusations. My client has already been victimized by Ms. West. Do you want to victimize her too? _How will you sleep at night-”_

Suddenly Regina cuts through to lead them. Emma watches her place a firm hand on Mrs. Charming’s shoulder. She gestures for Snow to not say anything else. She leans in and states, “we all know what to do with this garbage.” She pierces into Emma with one sharp, hard look. Emma inhales. Everything else stops in this moment. The Brown eyes smoldering in protection lights her way. “Snow please, and Emma, you _will_ follow me.”

Regina turns on her heel and the sea parts. She captains their way inside.

 

\----

 

“In light of this new evidence Ms. Swan, I hardly believe you want to continue and risk landing yourself in jail ...... ” Judge Gold stretches his shoulders and his eyes flicker. His face twists in an awful display of mockery and disdain.

Snow is enraged! She crosses her arms to keep from bursting at the seams. She waits until she can respond like a soldier in an ambush.

Zelena, smug as ever, licks her lips with a small smile. She doesn’t hide she is looking directly at Emma.

Emma leans back in her chair. She is at a complete loss. She is dizzy. She could go to jail. She feels like she is dying, will this moment ever end? She is plummeting down in a failed attempt to go from one trapeze bar to another. Why did she jump? _Oh yeah._ It was before she was being her own boss. _Regina_ insisted she go to court. And now they have decided Emma has to lead herself. No more domestic discipline. She feels like she woke up in the Hunger Games. She has to get herself out of a fiery hell! But her life is not like that hot actress in the movie. Nobody could win this. When enough people want to wreck you, they fucking will!

Snow is shaking her arm-

“Ms. Swan, _Ms. Swan-”_ Judge Gold’s disdain has turned into menace. “Attorney Charming I have had quite enough. If you cannot get your client to respond I will put you both in contempt.”

Shit! Emma blacked out, oh no! _How long has it been?_ Where was she? Her face beads in sweat. Mrs. Charming is whispering to her. Snow is asking if she is ok. She keeps calling her name.

What? What was that?  All Emma knows now is what _aches._ She wishes she could look back at her Mistress, but that is over. _Regina_ is behind her, not her Mistress. Regina is expecting Emma to fight for herself. Emma hunches over and vomits.

Snow, unyielding towards the injustice the trial has become, breaks as Emma comes apart. It is like the daughter she never had is being tortured right in front of her. Instead of fighting, all Snow can do is ask the abusers for mercy _nicely._ She know she has to apologize to keep this trial alive. Begrudgingly, a curt "I am sorry your Honor," falls from her lips. It was the only way. And, against all her scathing hatred her tone must be a pleading one. “Your honor, _please,_ a recess-”

 _"Unbelievable._ One should not come to court if they are not prepared to defend their case.” He waves at them in dismissal. He calmly stands like a king shaking off peasants he can’t be bothered with. “Twenty minutes.”

Emma watches the black and white checkered floor spin as she rests her head between her knees. Sounds rub together in drones and white fuzz surrounds her vision. She sees dressy shoes scuffle around her. Then it cuts through. _That voice._

“Come with me, _now.”_

She looks up just enough to see Regina’s hand thrusting forcefully for her. She takes it and is lifted onto her feet. She listens to the sharp clicking heals leading her down the back hallway of the courthouse. Regina is tugging her along and she pans to see they are alone.

 _“Clean yourself up._ Hurry.” Regina thrusts Emma into a bathroom. Emma drowns her face in cold water and gargles a few times. She is barely able to spit it out as strong arms spin her around and towels her off, before jerking her back down the hallway and into an empty break room. Regina closes them in and locks it. Regina could make any door suddenly have a lock. Gawd, Emma swears Regina could just snap her fingers and magically there the lock would be.

“Sit down, right there.” Emma’s sweeping oblivion refocuses on the cutting, singular command. She follows the pointed finger to a cluster of wooden chairs and sits dutifully. She shifts awkwardly in her seat. Trying to get her bearings? Well yeah, from outer fucking space. She cringes as wooden legs screech over the tiles. Regina drags a chair over to face Emma and squares off from her seat. Oh fuck, she is fuming and it looks like her _Mistress._

“ _You left.”_

“What?”

“You left Emma. You checked out. Are you just going to roll over and let them win? Are you just going to let them drag you over the coals-”

 _“You don’t understand-”_ Emma yells back with a quivering lip and a spring of tears. She is about to really cry.

“Oh, _I will give you something to cry about-”_ Regina threatens and then steadies herself in regret. She rubs her forehead and looks down, using all her will power to not just _let Emma have it._ Oh the agony. It would relieve them both if she took her girl in hand. She wrings her wrists, fighting the impulse to spank Emma with all her might! It won’t help in the long run. If she keeps taking control Emma will never stand on her own two feet.

Emma has no idea Regina isn’t planning on backing up her threat. Her tears dry up in shock. She is scared sober. She looks around in fear, hearing the hustle and bustle around them and noticing how little privacy they actually have. She becomes pale as a ghost at the mere thought of being punished. _Oh god._ It is the day that will never end. Then something dawns on her. She hates to admit it. Maybe she never has, not fully, before now. Emma can’t imagine a safer place then being taken over Regina’s lap! But where does that road end? After the rush and the tears, then what? She can’t just collapse into Regina’s arms and have all of her problems disappear. She can’t crawl inside her lover’s womb and let Regina carry her from now on. _Gross._ ‘What the fuck Emma? Equal partners, hello?’ She curses inwardly.

Emma looks down at Regina, realizing she stood up. She keeps majorly disassociating! Her ability to stay centered in the moment is like a small lantern staying lit in the rain. It is like the last few hours of her life have been under techno lights, for every minute rendered, the one in between disappears. She sways on her feet, using everything she has inside her to just _stay_ _here._

Regina looks up from furrowed brows ready to react. Emma did not have permission to get out of her seat. Wait, ‘Regina, _no.’_ She anguishes internally, more torn then ever. She can’t take over! But she is not going back to that damn courtroom to sit idly by either! She won’t just watch her beloved’s flickering light be extinguished right in front of her eyes.

“I am sorry.” Emma says, really coming back now. Her voice is steady. She stares intently into desperate and mournful brown eyes. “We had a deal. I didn’t mean to put you in this position.”

Regina hunches forward and rests on her knees. She mutters to herself as much as to Emma. “I shouldn’t have made you go to court. _You were right._ Zelena is brilliant. She prepared all of this in advance- the records, the hospital, the batterer’s program, getting you to spell out explicitly that you were abusive _to her-”_

“I never would have seen it clearly if it wasn’t for you.”

“I am surprised she got so messy and let herself get arrested to begin with.”

Emma pulls her shoulders back. She is starting to feel more strong and clear. “That’s because she was so shocked I wouldn’t go with her. I wouldn’t leave the Shepherd’s house.”

Regina slowly stands, tripping slightly in a loose heel. Her toughness erodes in the wave of Emma’s strength. She dives into a sea of sparkling blue green as she gets herself together. Her words hitch in a whisper. _“Anyways,_ I was the one who broke our deal. It was my choice to start dominating you again. But, I know I shouldn’t.”

“Regina, you’re just trying to help me. As much as I wish you would-” Emma’s blush finishes her sentence. “Uhm, you know. But it will never end. Not until I fight.” Emma’s conviction builds and her words resound in the empty room. _“I can’t keep putting you in this position.”_

Regina’s eyes glass over and she clutches her arms. Emma’s declaration allows her to slip back into her forbidden longing- to be a simple, vulnerable woman in love. Her shoulders sag, desperate to shed the heavy weights of carrying them both. Her voice swells in a tender discourse. “They are ambushing you out there. It’s not fair. _It is awful._ You don’t deserve this-”

Emma steps towards Regina and the dark beauty trembles.

“Thank you. I mean, for standing by me. Nobody else could have been this strong. Gone to the places you went for me-”

“Oh Emma, I love you. _Dammit.”_ She is cross at herself for opening up. She huffs but then can’t even help but go deeper. “I love you more than I know what to do with. I love you more than I can stand.” She falls into outstretched arms despite every inch of herself! Tiny mascaraed tears wet Emma’s blazer in slits.

Emma holds her tight like they are in some distant land. One where Emma keeps her girl tucked tightly under angel wings. One where Emma’s girl never has to lead or guide her.

Regina melts in Emma’s grasp, recognizing in every cell this is her knight holding her. Regina's heart pours into the fold.

Their embrace is like another world, or the future, because the real Emma does make her queen buckle into a sweet, innocent princess. Right now the shift consumes them both. Emma lifts Regina’s quivering chin and kisses her. Regina tries hard not to cry into the wet, rosy elixir. She has to pull away, _flushed,_ and buries her face in Emma’s neck.

Their hearts beat as one in an ominous pause. They both feel the adrenaline of the recess near it’s end. It is like that moment a soldier passes a note to his comrade, “please make sure my wife gets this,” before he runs into enemy fire. _They are calling Emma to the stand._

 

 


	43. Ringmaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 needs to be edited. The police never found a knife.

Emma's POV

 

“I love you Emma," Zelena softly declares.  "I didn't want it to come to this. In fact, I repeatedly begged you _not_ to drag us into this courtroom. I believed in your recovery. I put my whole life into it.”

“ _Objection.”_ Snow’s face twists in anger. She jumps onto her feet like a soldier alerting danger.

“What grounds Attorney Charming?” Judge Gold breaks his slightly amused appreciation of Zelena to roll his eyes at Snow.

Snow is disturbed at the snake circling Emma like prey. She looks imploringly at Emma before letting out a restrained sigh. “Attorney West is using this as a soapbox. She is supposed to be interrogating the witness-”

Judge Gold Chuckles before shaking his head disapprovingly. “Attorney Charming you are on thin ice with me. This is not a classroom. We are not learning here. This is the Cumberland County Superior Court. If you are going to object you better have appropriate legal grounds.”

Fuck. Snow just got shot down, Emma’s last defense. And Zelena got the green light to do this her way! Everything freezes in time as Emma takes it all in. What a horrible, all consuming dread....

Alone on the witness seat, a raised target for a legal firing squad, Emma faces _her_ persecution. She feels out of her body as she watches the ringmaster. Emma is just her ex-wife’s latest circus act. The courtroom is Zelena’s all too willing audience. Zelena parades around in all her puffed out glory. The crowd leans in like she is a celebrity. Emma can feel it. Zelena’s confidence, charm and fake emotions has fooled them. They are wooed by the story! This beautiful, high powered woman fell in love with _and tried to save,_ this drugged out prostitute. Then Emma, the young criminal, abused Zelena. It is no secret the number the press has done. And the ringmaster wears it so well. They are rooting for _Zelena._

Emma wrings her sweaty hands and looks to her family. They all sit lovingly behind Snow. Even Sheriff Charming sits with them, that is kind of him. She doesn’t really remember him as a child, but they probably did meet. At least her family believes her.

Regina looks more vulnerable. She always gets like that after she lets Emma in. She really has been superhuman. Regina has been strong for both of them. Emma is relieved to see the tender woman underneath. She pines for Emma with doe brown eyes. It is Regina's most rare expression, and, one she reserves _only for her._

Emma feels Judge Gold on her left peering down. He is a ruthless and disgusting king. He damns the innocent and collects trophies of their pain. To top it all off, he keeps sending filthy, interested looks at Zelena! These two deserve each other. They would never know who trapped who. But Zelena doesn’t want competition, she wants total control. She wants something she can’t have, _the old Emma._

Zelena’s mock love and concern for Emma, as she holds her heart and struts around garnering sympathy, changes as she turns to face Emma. She locks eyes on her prey while continuing to mask she is anything but the true victim. She sharpens her weapons for a secret attack. Emma can feel it coming.

“Emma, why are we here?”

“Because. You have been r-raping me-” Emma stutters and blushes. Zelena cuts her off-

“ _Em-”_

“You asked me a question. _I wasn’t finished!”_ Emma yells back to a mix of boos and the hope, at least, her family must be proud of her.

Zelena is briefly caught off guard. Emma is usually so easy to knock off center. It was easy to get her groveling, stuttering and forgetting which way is up. _Not this fucking time._

Emma ignores Judge Gold’s cautioning glare and raises her voice. It comes out higher pitched and more strained then she would like, but she is fighting like hell just to have courage right now. “You were raping me every night. You had me believing that it was ok to hit, punch, shove, kick, even choke me for years. You called me horrible names- a disgusting, spoiled, worthless, trashy, lazy, sick criminal. You had me believing _I was the abuser!_ You claimed you were making a wife out of me-"

“ _Emma darling-”_ Zelena cuts her off only this time with calculated sympathy and pity. She shakes her head like Emma is lying and doesn’t even realize it! “Lets look at the facts here, things you can prove. Unfortunately, the whole world knows you have a hard time telling the truth-”

“ _That is not true!”_ Emma yells in rage.

The gravel hits repeatedly, startling Emma. It causes a glib smirk from Zelena, meant only for Emma to see. The predator leans in and masks her body language. She makes a show of comforting the woman she loves while whispering in Emma’s ear. “I warned you my love. I have already won pumpkin. You are lucky I will take you back after this. Everyone will feel so sorry for me. _How_ I have tried for you. And, this is how you pay me back.” She pats Emma’s hair like Emma is a poor, mental patient. She places her hand over Emma’s, making sure the audience can see it. The audience actually oohs and awes in response.

Emma grits her teeth as Zelena coos and holds her hand. Zelena really still believes Emma is hers. Emma’s gut flips, this is getting so twisted. Despite her strongest fight, she starts to feel confused as Zelena thumbs over the back of her hand. Back and forth, like an old couple would do....

“Ms. Swan. One more outburst like that and you are in contempt. I have had to warn you twice in one day to take my court seriously. Respect Attorney West and, _your wife.”_

Zelena sighs dramatically in a brilliant, pretend internal struggle. She slowly raises batting eyelashes to Judge Gold. “Your honor I would like the court to make a concession for Emma.”

Judge Gold raises his eyebrows. “I am listening, if you of all people want to be lenient.....”

“Objection!” Snow snaps. It's like her daughter up there, only when Emma was 9 Snow was able to save her with the wings of justice. Now they are at the mercy of  two powerful and corrupted souls. She jets up to her feet, the same soldier now ready to give her life to the cause. She powerfully states, “Emma is not the one on trial, _Zelena is!”_

The gravel hits again. Judge Gold looks smugly calm as he ushers his authority. He motions with his hand to cast her away like garbage. “Take her out. Attorney Charming you will be spending the night in jail. How dare you disrespect me and our court so continuously.”

Snow struggles against the officers with a fierce scowl only a mother would get. They practically have to drag her out. “Emma! This isn’t right!”

Blue drops a thin line of tears under each weighted eye. Ruby and Granny comfort Blue, Emma’s most sensitive family member, on either side. Sheriff Charming is up quietly arguing with the officers cuffing his wife.

Regina looks afraid. She is afraid Emma will check out and afraid Emma will be hurt. But Regina doesn’t get how successful she was. Regina dragged Emma out of the matrix. Emma can see everything around her. She can see how her girlfriend is feeling. She can see Zelena for the predator she is. So Emma wavered when Zelena touched her. So she wavered watching Snow get kicked out. She will probably fuck up and lose sight again. So what? Nobody said this would be easy. The point is- Emma is not _easy_ to manipulate anymore. If she can just grit and bear it, the truth wins. Right? She can still win this ...... _The good guys win, right?_

“It seems you are without representation Ms. Swan. _What are we to do?_ You don’t really have any evidence. Attorney West has quite a lot. So much in fact, I am not sure why this is not your trial. We have heard quite enough from you. I have extensive documentation you have a difficult time separating reality from fantasy. You are quite ill Ms. Swan. You are lucky Attorney West is forgiving. After everything you put your wife through she is putting in a good word in for you.”

Emma is getting scared now. She is not triggered scared, _she is sober scared._ Could she really go to jail!? Zelena used her hospital records - where Emma was too brainwashed and couldn’t articulate her traumatized state- to further discredit her. Zelena took advantage of the fact Emma refused to press charges, or even confirm who attacked her, that fateful weekend Zelena dumped her at Chessfield and Blue took her to the hospital. There is no way she can prove Zelena almost killed her. All they have are pages upon pages of _Emma’s_ deranged emotional state and PTSD. Despite Dr. Wale himself linking it to Zelena, it can’t be proven.

Zelena on the other hand is well prepared. She found Emma’s drug dealer, past clients, bosses that fired her, angry husbands that have vendettas against her, all eager to vouch against Emma. There are pages upon pages of bad character witnesses. They paint a condemning portrait of Emma. She is such a deranged, loser, druggie, she probably doesn’t even know how she got in the hospital! Emma came to believe the dark reflection staring back at her, until Regina stepped in. Regina shattered the evil mirror. But Zelena is melding it back together. Emma might not be controlled by it anymore. But it is the only reflection the world sees now.

Even the night Zelena was arrested at the Shepherd’s house, when Regina became Emma’s therapy mistress, doesn’t prove Zelena’s guilt. Zelena coined she covered for Emma attacking her first! With Emma’s record Zelena didn’t want to see her mentally ill wife in jail. The knife Zelena tormented Emma with was never found. _Emma_ got rid of it. Emma’s only true madness was protecting this woman. Now it is just Emma’s word against Zelena’s.

Judge Gold folds his arms. He is starting to look like he can’t be bothered with the case. His eyes dull in his waning interest over the cunning, redheaded lawyer. Zelena reels him back in with pouting lips. She looks for permission to continue her interrogation, swooning in his direction. What a fucking show. He grins at her. “Attorney West, _continue.”_

“Yes your Honor. Emma _wants to be good.”_ She mock pleads like she is the Defense in Emma’s trial! “She really does your honor. I know she tries in her own way. I see the goodness in her. Trouble is, she is quite a sick, young woman. The fact she would make these kind of public accusations and risk my career, not to mention my dignity, is hurtful beyond words. Especially after she was the one to ..... _abuse me._ I would never have released those documents about the night Emma put me in the ER. I wanted to give her a chance to be everything I saw in her. I forgave her and got her help, as you see in all of the evidence. But she pushed it too far taking me to court.”

Zelena’s tone becomes grave and grief stricken. “She tried to ruin me _after everything I did.”_ She turns to Emma in an award winning performance. “You really have hurt me Emma.” She places her hand back on her heart and pauses dramatically.

Emma scoffs and rolls her eyes before she can control herself.

The crowd boos and jeers her. One person yells out, _“you heartless monster!”_

Judge gold raises his hands in his own mock somberness. “Silence, I know, our witness’s lack of remorse is concerning. But we need to maintain order in the court.”

With the audience behind her, Zelena secretly tisks at Emma’s response. Just as always, Emma’s reaction has further bolstered the evil witch’s power! Zelena uses Emma’s defensive posture to prove her point. She gestures to highlight Emma's position- stewing, hunched forward in stifled rage.

“Trouble is your honor, _I really don’t think she knows any better._ She needs help. We were in the process of getting my Emma help. Then she went to stay with the Shepherd’s. Now my Emma has digressed. I forgive her your honor. I won’t press charges in one condition.”

After all the spiraling inward, capturing the court and slowly paralyzing her perfect target, Zelena becomes fierce. The mask of a pretend conscious is off, but the spell is too strong for the jury to see that now. In perfect execution, Zelena makes the final strike of death. “It is time for Emma to admit she _l- i - e -d.”_

Judge Gold is enraptured now, not aware he has become Zelena’s circus act too. He looks expectantly at Emma. _“Well young lady?”_

Emma’s head is about to explode. Is this an American court room? Zelena has got her good. Fuck her!!!!!! And, did he just say _young lady?_ Her shame is triggered from all sides. She feels herself start to blush and cave inward. ‘Fight, just f-i-g-h-t!’ She desperately tries to hold on. Her triggers beckon her to check out. The abyss of madness has always been better then being torn apart alive. She squeezes her temples and frowns. Don't let her triggers take over now, she made it this far! She tries to focus on her breathing and somehow nobody yells at her for 30 whole seconds. She starts to be able to see again, thank God.

Emma wants to scream. With the last threads of control she takes all of her rage and sends it into a resounding and throaty declaration. _“I didn’t lie your honor.”_

Judge Gold shows his first authentic emotion since they started. It is disbelief. He pauses to take Emma’s response in. He becomes almost amused in response. He can’t believe Emma has not caved under such a solid case. “You must be a masochist. You had every chance....... Well Ms. Swan, don’t say you didn’t have your chance.” Judge Gold retorts in callous disdain. He leans back in his chair like an old man bothered by all people.

Emma can see how inconvenienced the judge feels as he flashes Emma’s life in front of her like bait. What a nerve, Judge Gold thinks _he_ has had enough?!! _He_ has?! In a million years Emma did not think she could be betrayed at such an epic level............. again. Her heart bleeds out, it’s over. Her fucking fate is sealed.

“8am, tomorrow morning. You will have my final deliberation. Good day, Court dismissed.”

 

 

 


	44. Whole Package

Emma and Regina's POV

 

Emma squints her eyes awake. She is curled on her side facing the door. She transfixes on Regina’s bedroom clock. It is 2:33am. Wow, she actually slept the last three or four hours. The wine helped. Why did she wake up?

Wait...... Regina is crying. Emma listens to Regina trying to be silent, and the garbled results of her failed effort. Her poor girlfriend. Regina has been this fearless commander when, really, she just wants to be Emma’s girl. Shit, Emma knows this! She has been too absorbed in her own drama. She has been forgetting about her _girl._

Emma stays still so Regina does not know she is awake. She feels sick inside. It is the impact of how much Regina has been suffering. The middle of the night tears from her stoic queen, the one who never cried until Emma came into her life, is a distressing wake up call. So much so, she shrugs off court in the morning. In this moment she could care less. _It is not all about Emma._ Look at what it is doing to Regina?

The bed moves and the sound changes. Emma can tell Regina tucked herself on her side facing her huge dark windows. She is quieting down. Emma has an idea. She slowly stretches her legs down to which Regina becomes dead quiet. Just as Emma expected, Regina always inclined to hide her own vulnerability, will fake she is asleep if she thinks Emma is waking up!

Emma pretends she is starting to stir and lets Regina pretend she is asleep. She crawls out of bed, grabs her backpack near the bedroom door and disappears in the bathroom.

 

\---

 

“What are you d-doing?” Regina’ s quivering voice reveals the wake of her secret meltdown.

Regina feels the strap-on against her hip and looks over her shoulder. It's dark. She starts to make out her lover leaning over her. Emma pulls Regina firmly onto her back. The moonlight gives quite a view. The cock peeks through Emma’s open dragon robe. Emma’s hair is loosely pulled back. Regina hears her breathing heavy in determination. Regina eyes the peaks of Emma’s breasts and curves of her torso down to the leather straps _and..._

 _“Wait,”_ Regina huffs in emotion. How torn. She is instantly overwhelmed and moist by her fiery lover. Here is her knight appearing out of nowhere. Waiting for the real Emma has been eternal hell. Now she is hovering above Regina, the tip of the cock pushing up between Regina’s legs. It rubs against her panties. Oh, dear. But, but this isn’t right.

“Emma, _get off of me,”_ she snarks. She folds Emma onto her side harshly, and sits up on her knees.

Regina softens as Emma frowns at her, looking caught off guard. “Baby, thank you. But I need to take care of us. You have court in the morning.”

Emma jets up and sits on her knees too, emboldened by inner guidance. She folds her arms in a confident spar. She won’t let Regina put her off. Not this time.

Regina can’t help but look down at Emma’s black leather straps and dark green thick rubber cock. It is wider and longer then her girl’s fingers will ever be. She feels warm and tingly. Her mind goes blank before she can hide her arousal.

Emma smirks at breaking Regina’s commanding stride. It's like Emma can see in the dark. She watches the heat between them in smokey silhouettes. It smudges Regina’s intentions off of her like clothes.

Regina reacts to the building charge. She leans her full weight back against the headboard. Suddenly feeling naked, she is in a losing battle to keep her distance. She reaches for the straps of her thin lavender nightie, making sure she still in fact has clothes on!

“ _That ....._ is the whole problem.” Emma retorts, leaning in.

“ _Emma stop.”_ Regina whines. She is drowned out against her own wetted desire. It washes away every sensible thought. “What, w-hat are you talking about?”

Emma doesn’t stop. She grits her teeth in heat. She gets up on her knees and closes in on her girl. She takes Regina hard by her upper arms and lifts her onto her knees.

Regina is wide eyed as they face each other. She gasps as Emma spreads Regina’s legs open with her own, and sits between them. Regina loses her balance and feels strong hands pulling her thighs down. Regina is forced, wide open, onto Emma’s lap.

Emma slaps the wall on either side of Regina. She presses Regina hard against the wall with the weight of her body.

Regina struggles and resists the pinned position. Oh dear, she is pulsing in her core. Emma is so strong, how dare she! _Oh...._

Emma tilts her hips up to assert the cock. She uses her whole body to keep Regina in place. She breathes hotly in the crook of Regina’s neck. She looks up to land her lathered words. “It is what you just said. _‘I have to take care of us.’_ That is the whole problem. I heard you crying-”

Regina hits her head back in a thud by accident. “Ahh,” that hurt. She is emotional. But she can’t help it, Regina gathers her arms around her captor’s shoulders. “What is this a pity fuck? And, _It is not your fault I was crying-”_

“Regina your language!” Emma teases before getting very serious. She stares hard at her shadowed queen. Emma's body rivets with intensity. She closes in on Regina’s stubbornness. _“No._ This is _your_ medicine. You need your medicine.” Regina’s breath gets heavy in response. She finally stops resisting! Regina spills into Emma’s hold. What a fucking miracle.

Regina presses her hips down, sitting on the cock. She rubs her sex up and down the shaft in pure relief.... Emma is right god damn it. She _does_ need this. 

 _“Yes,”_ Emma huffs. She grabs Regina’s waist and squeezes. She pulls Regina down harder onto it. Regina moans and clings, tangled arms tight around Emma’s neck.

“I am sorry G. You got lost in the shuffle of all this. I am the only one who knows who you really are. I got selfish. Needy I guess. I let you stay locked in my Mistress. You have been alone dying in there .... I mean we haven’t even fucked since-”

“Stop. Don’t be s-o crass.” Regina’s broken retort gets lost in a fresh stream of tears. Emma’s words hit home. Emma still sees her. Regina understood it all, the state Emma has been in. But it doesn’t change how crushed Regina has become under the weight. Emma gets it. Here is her knight again. She doesn’t even have the willpower to question if it is smart or safe to trust Emma. She already has let go. In the rapture of Emma’s medicine her pain has sprung free. She has nothing left to think or lead with. Now she is a river of release. Her sadness and aroused state blend together in what she can no longer contain, _feeling again._ Her tears pool into a deep, full sob.

Through her sobbing, Regina lets Emma undress her and put her firmly back into bed. She feels the covers stripped and the cool air against her naked skin. She watches Emma disrobe and lean above her. Emma’s soft hums and coos fall gently on her ears. Emma’s firm hands and a tissue wipes away her tears. The pulsing in her groin turns blue to red. Her chest beats a molten lava through her blood. It dries her eyes. Emma hovers above her again, only this time Regina knows she will be Emma’s tonight.

“Stay there.” Emma whispers and then saunters over to her backpack. She shuffles through some things to get her lighter. She starts to light Regina’s candles on the bureau.

“You’re smoking,” Regina husks. “I know you have been. I am saving _that_ battle for a happier time. I warned you though, didn’t I?"

Emma ignores the threat. Regina can’t help herself. Emma is proud of the ambience she has created in the room. Her queen is now aglow with candle light. Emma can finally see the one she wants to ravish. Anyways Regina appreciates all romantic gestures, even if she is in no state to show it. She smiles proudly at her thoughts and gets back to her naked beauty.

“Do you think what I am saying is funny? Well maybe I shouldn’t wait to-”

“ _Hey.”_ Emma is firm and knowing.

“What?” Regina draws up her legs. She sits up to pull a sheet over herself in discomfort.

Emma swats the sheets and blankets right off the edge of the bed. Regina gasps as Emma firmly grabs her shoulders and leans her back down. She lays next to her, propped up on elbows with a disarming gaze.

“You were doing so good giving up control. You’re slipping.”

“Well I don’t see why you had to get up and leave me to light candles. I am a mess Emma, I quite preferred the dark abyss.” She snarks back.

Emma leans into Regina’s side and hugs her waist. “I am sorry baby. I didn’t leave you. I need to be able to see you right now-”

“All you have ever done is leave me!” Regina yells in despair. “I can’t take it if you keep leaving me!”

Regina’s pent up sentiment strikes Emma like an arrow in her heart. She falls onto her back next to Regina. Ouch. This sucks. What can she say to that? It is so true. And yet, mixing her recovery with being in love has been the hardest challenge of her life! She languishes in regret. Emma was about to ask Regina to let go _again._ But Emma can’t promise Regina she won’t slip. _Fuck._

“Please, _no.”_ Two lines of tears trace down the pathways of Regina’s emotional night. “Don’t pull away. I am sorry. I was just venting. It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. You know I do Emma-”

“But you’re right. I can’t promise I won’t fall into another trance. I can’t promise I won’t get lost in my PTSD-” Emma says somberly, still collapsed onto her back.

Regina folds her arms over her teary face and sniffles into them. _“look who is the baby now,”_ she mutters harshly to herself. “Emma, please don’t take it as an ultimatum. That would be evil of me, horrible, _wrong._ That is something Zelena would say to you-”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, please make me yours tonight. It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. I just needed to share my feelings, that’s all. I know you can’t just snap your fingers and be healed. Just keep fighting for me as hard as you can and please, _help me now-”_ Regina starts to squirm in agony over her emotive state. Every damaged voice saying love, feelings, crying and vulnerability is weakness screams loudly in her head. She thinks she might burst into insanity! _What on earth has she done?_ She is a disaster -wait- _'Oh’-_

Regina opens her eyes to let a blazing, blue green fury unseat her very soul. Emma’s full weight presses down onto her. The cock presses between Regina’s legs, rubbing up and near. Regina starts to heave in relief and arousal. She starts to sweat from her temperature spike. her eyes close as her primal nature takes over. _Thank heavens._ Emma’s hot face is against hers. Hard nipples tease her prickly skin. Emma’s soft, warm skin splays over hers. This is the only thing that could help her now. She runs her hands down Emma’s back and digs her nails in. Regina feels Emma smile on her cheek and press her hips in. Regina whimpers and loses her hands in blond locks. She feels for pink lips with her own.

Emma froths with everything she cannot say. She pours it all into her kiss. She gorges in, wetting Regina’s tongue and mouth with _all of her._ Everything she can’t put into words. Her tongue says the words, fills the empty space. Her kiss speaks all the desire she has. Emma would circle the earth to take away her dark beauty’s pain. Emma’s locked and fire lips makes the only promise she can offer- she would give her life before giving up on the battle to be free, and to free Regina. And as always, her all consuming love for her Mistress and her mare, is the best weapon she has.

Regina moans under the ravishing tongue. She feels her lover’s heart pouring through the kiss. _Oh Emma._ Regina can’t help but sound back into Emma’s mouth. Her body can’t hold all these sensations, not quiet and still. She has had quite enough of that! She lets Emma take her control. She lets herself _lose_ control.

Colors and sounds, touch and transcendence.... The candles dance and pulse on the wall like they melt together. Regina is so wet when the cock finally enters her. She moans through the brief pain of it's grand entrance. Emma is pressing fully into her chambered core ..... Oh she is heating up, _oh Emma...._

Emma and Regina rock slow in union like a consummated marriage of forty years. Regina starts to whimper. She spreads her legs, pulling Emma in.

Emma is getting too turned on! Look at Regina like this! She starts to buck her hard.

 _“Ahh,”_ Regina grits in the penetration. She feels Emma’s muscles are taught from head to toe. Oh, like the half man her lover is, she is about to devour Regina! Well absolutely not, not yet.

“Slow down, I don’t want this to end,” Regina orders breathlessly.

Emma nods in all the restraint she can possibly muster. Sweat is beading on her forehead. She can feel the friction. She has the empathy of sticky wetness as the cock moves in Regina. She could come just from knowing this. She grunts in Regina’s neck.

“Are you listening to me?” Regina can’t help but chastise..... “You were speeding up again. And, _talk to me,”_

“Ok baby,” Emma grunts in sweat. “I love you-

Not like that Emma,” Regina snaps. “Show me who is boss. Say what you really want to say, _take over!”_

Emma gets agitated but is too turned on to fight. She steadies her shuddering breaths and slowly thrusts, tuning back into Regina’s exact pace. Regina is taking her in. The dark beauty is actually relinquishing control. They give themselves to the beat of their sex. They get lost in the ride. It is like everything up until now was a cruel, unforgiving city. Now they are leaving, driving through it on the highway. They watch each sign, a painful chapter in their story, go miles and miles behind them. It all fades into black. They are arriving here and now with the encompassing thrusts of new union. That is, until her queen _becomes a bitch-_

“I said, _talk to me!”_

“I will.” Emma clips firmly, and thrusts hard on purpose.

Regina yells out in surprise and claws Emma's back.

It is time to assert the fucking king. She has had it with Regina trying to top from the bottom. She thrusts hard again and lets her controlled breaths spill down onto her prey. That is it, she has to consume her.

Regina feels the shift and every cell of her knows Emma is in charge now. Oh dear. She opens wider in sopping heat.

“I know you have been thinking about leaving me.”

Regina is so shocked her body almost freezes until blue green jilts her as forcefully as the cock does.

“You have been forgetting, _you belong to me too.”_

Emma has become ferocious in the truth. She is right! Regina can't even take it, _oh God._

"Wait - _eh_ \- for - _eh_ \- me,” Emma emphasizes each hard point with a grunting thrust to go along with it. She picks up an animal speed.

Oh, Emma has truly conquered her now. Damn it, damn it, damn it. She has Regina totally figured out! Oh no! Regina yells out in the triple threat of Emma’s heat, thrusts, and words. Regina is utterly open.

“You will wait for me to catch up to you - _eh_ \- you are the only one I have ever loved- _eh_ \- you are the only one I have ever wanted to take care of - _eh_ \- you don’t give up on me - _eh_ \- you belong to me too.” Emma is sweating and grunting in the sex laden delivery of her queen.

Emma's statements are golden keys. They unlock Regina's secret prison. She starts to cry and scream, _“yes!”_ and _“harder!”_ as her mounting pleasure and emotional release become one in the same. It is not up to Regina anymore. Emma won't have it. Regina is free! Emma’s words, damn her holy words, damn her holy word. Nobody has every known Regina like Emma, _and it is going to make her come!_

“You belong to me - _eh_ \- your pussy belongs to me - _eh_ \- your heart belongs to me - _eh_ \- you’re mine - eh - _do you hear me?”_

“Yes, Regina cries and repeats, “yes, yes!”

Their sex gets too hard to talk, think or hear anymore. It beats out fears and dries up the pain in it’s fiery clutch. They rise and rise and can’t even stand it. It breaks. They come at once together. The hunter and the hunted become one.

Regina bucks. She presses her hips up. Her flapping thighs shudders out her pleasure. The shudder spreads throughout her in release.

“Yes baby,” Emma huffs, as she pours the cock inside the hot, steamy stream. She shudders herself, right into Regina. So goes and _comes_ the knight, into the depth of her fucking hot queen!

The jerking orgasm folds into a trembling wake. They pant and stick together in sweat. They could be in a different life after this, only now exists. A couple of minutes trickle through. They stay wetted, released and naked together. Emma lays on and is still inside Regina. 

Emma stirs first in their entwined aftermath. She lifts her upper body up on her elbows. She looks into wet brown eyes and smirks into a grin. Her body is weak in the wake.

Regina slowly smiles back as she realizes how proud of herself Emma is. Tisk, that is so like her, she laughs in her mind. _This is her Emma._

Emma’s arms tremble. She is about to collapse off of Regina and fall asleep like a man would. Emma is happy to rest on her laurels and high. That is, until Regina rubs down Emma’s back like they didn’t just attack each other in sex. She holds onto Emma’s hips, keeping Emma locked inside of her. She coyly bats her eyes and licks her red, wet, sex swollen lips.... touching Emma's every last sleeping nerve awake. Emma is uhm, on guard! Standing at full attention?! Is It getting hot in here again?

“Lean into me baby. I want to tell you a secret,” Regina seduces in a husk.

Emma does, pressing her ear against _those_ lips. She feels Regina’s sweaty breasts pressed fully into hers. She inhales all of her dark beauty’s scents in an intoxicating grip. She doesn’t need a robber cock to know she is hard. And then Regina says it, one word.

_“Again.”_

 

 

 


	45. Jack Daniel's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT the end.

 Multiple POVs

 

“Can you believe it? How can this be possible?!” Blue laments in a family huddle with Snow. “How can they drop the charges against Zelena _and put Emma on probation?!_ How is that even legal-”

“We can get a retrial,” Snow interjects.

Blue shakes her head sadly.“Emma can’t handle that. Maybe she was right. Taking Zelena to court only made things worse. I couldn’t in a million years believe this.  How could our justice system could fail her this badly-”

 _“Where is Emma?”_ Regina looks frantic as she approaches her family.

“She needed to get cigarettes out of my car," Ruby blanches. Worrying about Emma is too much. She can't handle her angry big sister too. "Don’t be mad Gina. She could really use one-”

“And you believed her?! _Damn it.”_ Regina is incensed.

They all look at her in surprise.

“Emma was in a trigger when she left the courtroom. You couldn’t tell? She is probably half way to Canada by now in Ruby’s car!”

“Oh god,” Ruby smacks her forehead. “You’re probably right.”

They all run out to the parking lot to confirm Regina’s suspicion. Emma is gone.

“I will find her. I will call you when I do.” Regina books it into her car before anyone can even discuss a plan with her.

 

\---

 

Regina’s hands are shaking. She turns the engine off and hits the steering wheel in frustration. It has been hours and nothing. _She can’t find Emma!_ The gym, the woods, all of Emma’s hideouts, and now this. She has to deal with this. Well, Robin didn’t answer. The little tramp might know something.

A few people drunkenly exit The Rabbit Hole and she catches the door. That damned redhead is on the main bar. Lets get this over with. ‘Be civil Regina,’ she reminds herself as she tensely approaches.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Merida spits with only a quick glance up from reading through slips.

Now, only the bar itself separates her from the tramp. “Well you have quiet the nerve,” Regina snarks back.

“ _I have quite the nerve?_ Emma doesn’t need another crazy, old bitch telling her what to do-”

Regina reacts quickly. She leans in with a scowling threat. “Excuse me? What did you just.... _How dare you!”_ Now she is ready to rip the red curls right off this kid’s scalp.

Merida leans in too with a smirk on her face. Their faces are inches apart. “You wanna go? _I can take you-”_

“Regina, hey there.” Robin has his hand gently on Regina’s shoulder out of nowhere. “I heard what happened this morning. Let’s talk.”

Regina is seeing red and can only think of taring Merida in half. She stutters in anger. “This, th-is-” she motions to Merida and then becomes crystal clear. Darkness sinks into her features. Her old ability to be cruel comes back all to quickly. “I don’t think this _little girl_ realizes what I could do to her.” Regina glares hatefully at the enemy. “And believe me kid, taking you down would be too easy. I don’t have time to play in your pathetic, kiddy pool. You trashy, loose, messy-”

Merida laughs at her.

Robins glares at his bartender and gets between them, “Merida, back off. Regina you too.” His years of being an effective bouncer snaps him into the perfect position. He wedges himself between the bar and Regina. He ushers her away from Merida and into the foyer. “Come on my old friend. Just ignore her. Maybe I can help.”

Her fury bleeds out and with it all her color. She pales. She doesn’t have the energy. Regina is overcome with the gripping panic that has captured her all day. It is the dread taking over everything. It is consuming her. It is eating her alive! “She knows where Emma is! _I can’t find her!”_

Everything is going to be ok-”

_“Don’t give me that crap.”_

Regina looks like she wants to kill him. Robin reminds himself this is not about him at all...... His friend is at her breaking point. Robin Knows Regina all too well. He needs to talk some sense into her. “Hey, we go way back. _You_ are not ok Regina. You need to calm down. I will help you think this through. The last thing you need is a relapse-”

“Robin, enough. Mind your own damn business. _I just need you to get that whore to tell me where my girlfriend is!”_

Robin takes a deep breath and tries to deflect his old friend’s rage. Ok, so now was not the time to bring up her recovery. If he pushes Regina he will make things worse.

Regina folds her arms together to keep herself from busting out at the seams. She knows Robin is just trying to help. He has always been protective of her, too protective. It makes her uncomfortable. Everything is such a mess. It is all too much. She can’t handle any of this!

“I will find out what Merida knows-”

_“Like she will tell you!”_

“If she wants her job she will. Focus on finding Emma. Don’t let that instigator get under your skin. Take a seat, let me bring you some coffee-”

_“No!”_

Regina instantly regrets her harsh tone and her continued loss of composure. This is not like her. It is embarrassing to lose her cool. Not only has she snapped in front of Robin and a few stragglers at the bar, but in front of the god damn tramp. And it’s not just any whore. It is the whore with a major crush on _her_ girlfriend. She lowers her eyes and becomes sheepish. “I am sorry, just hurry up please.”

Regina waits for what feels like an hour by the front door. Robin and Merida are at the back of the bar. She can’t hear what they are saying but it is obviously heated.

Finally, Merida throws up her hands in exasperation. She exits out the back. Robin is coming over. Regina takes a deep breath and gets emotional. It feels like a surgeon about to report if her beloved made it or not. Damn all of this. _Damn it Emma....._

“Regina, it is dark out. It’s late. How about you let Emma blow off some steam. You know she will come home.”

Regina does _not_ know that. With Emma’s PTSD, God, anything is possible.... Her eyes tear up. She feels faint. She couldn’t stop to eat. She hasn’t even had a glass of water since before they left for court. She can barely go on. _She must find Emma._ “Robin, I have to find her. Just tell me what you know,” she implores him in a glimpse of vulnerability. “I have already been at your bar too long.”

Robin nods grimly. “Ok. Emma showed up at Merida’s house. She was really upset. Merida gave her bottle of whiskey, which she shouldn't have done. Emma said she was going to the last safe place there was.....”

“Zelena’s? Oh no! _In her twisted mind-”_

“No. That is not where she is. Merida asked the same thing. I bet she went to the ocean Regina. When Emma is upset that is what she does. I have heard her talking after hours, about how it is the only place that makes her feel better.”

Of course! Emma must have gone to the park she took Regina to on their first date. She can’t even afford to beat herself up about the ocean not occurring to her first. She can’t even say goodbye. Regina turns on her heel in the epiphany. She thunders out the door. _Every second counts._

 

\-----

 

It is past 10pm by time Regina pulls into the abandoned parking lot. The park is closed but there is no gate. It has turned into a haunted November night. There is Ruby’s Mustang. It is so damp and cold out. The salty, foggy air grabs her as she tumbles out of her car. She pounds on the Mustang. Emma is not in it. _It is so dark._ There are no other cars in sight.

Regina runs down the trail to the ocean. She uses her flashlight from her phone to see. She shrieks Emma’s name. All she gets back is the sound of waves in the distance and the frosty air from her screams. Terror has ripped her apart. The one who usually handles any emergency with poise and leadership, is now in utter hysterics.... She can’t help but feel Emma is not ok.

She must get to the rocks by the shoreline. She trips and cuts herself on a rock as she catches herself with her hands. She wipes her bloody palm on her pant leg and picks up the pace, scouring the shoreline until she thinks she sees her. Oh my god, that is Emma laying lifeless on the sandy beach.

“Emma!”

She runs over, afraid at first Emma is dead. She thinks she might die then and there. She shakes Emma violently to which Emma flutters her eyelids and moans. Emma is damp and cold, she must have been out here for hours! Regina sees an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's next to Emma’s bag and butts everywhere. _“Gawd Emma.”_

She is terrified Emma has alcohol poisoning. “Get up,” she yells, “wake up!”

She continues to shake her. It’s no use. Regina starts to think she should call 911 when Emma sits up, turns and throws up.

Emma starts laughing like a maniac. She is not really here. Regina instantly knows Emma is in a deep trigger. But, knowing that doesn’t help anymore.

 _“Emma what’s wrong with you?”_ Regina collapses onto her knees holding back tears. Something in her snaps. It severs completely. Regina’s own breaking point has arrived at the same time as Emma’s. She is devastated. She has nothing left to pick up Emma’s pieces. She is in pieces.

Emma lays on her back and closes her eyes. “It’s over Regina. You heard the Judge. I can’t be trusted. I have been and will always be a loser. I am a user. I use people. I am a liar. _I am on fucking probation-”_

“Emma get a hold of yourself. you are triggered!”

“Fuck you!”

“ _You have to fi-ght Emma-”_ Regina’s voice cracks in distress. There is nothing but fumes left.

“There is no hope for me. _Get lost-”_

Regina shocks herself in her next choice, one she was adamant about retiring.

“ _Turn over!”_ She yells in a fury.

Emma opens her eyes and gives Regina a sober and scared look up at her. The trigger is _gone_ in Regina’s choice to dominate her.

“Now!”

Emma rolls onto her stomach, burying her face in her elbows. Her ability to be submissive is the only sense left intact. It brings her back in a fucking heartbeat.

Regina takes off her leather belt in tears and folds it. “Stay still,” she husks.

“Emma you will be punished for what you put me through tonight. Last night you made love to me. Today you left me. You did not fight at all. You know better then to believe what the Judge said about you. You know the truth and so does your family. Only you can figure out how to free yourself from Zelena. But we are all here for you. Where there is a will there is a way. Where is your will Emma? _Where?”_

Regina’s emotions start to take over. Her voice cracks and rises in shrill desperation. “You are just going to keep tor-turing me like this. Aren’t you? _I can’t live like this!”_

“Please Regina, _I will be good.”_

Emma’s response makes Regina sick. She can’t continue to feed this dynamic. It doesn’t feel right anymore. “Now you will?” She huffs. “Because I am holding a belt in my hands and that is erotic for you, isn’t it? Will punishing you make it all ok after what you put me through? It will make you feel better, hm? Well not me. Not this time. I am taking you home. You will be nothing but fully here and apologetic. Do you hear me? _Get up-”_

“You’re not going to-”

“You want me to, don’t you?”

Emma grumbles, ashamed, confused and scared shitless at the change in Regina.

“ _Answer me!”_

“Yeah....”

“Get up, I am taking you home.”

 

\----

 

They leave Ruby’s car to deal with tomorrow. Emma can’t be driving now. Regina takes her back to the Shepherd’s in silence. Emma’s head is spinning. She is afraid. Regina is really angry but it is worse then that. It is hard to explain _._ The shift between them is awful.

 _“Stop the car,”_ Emma grunts, clutching her stomach and hunching forward in nausea. Regina pulls over on the quiet, tree lined back road. Emma bounds out, throwing up on her hands and knees. It is the only relief she has felt since she drank the Jack to begin with. She starts to cry before she can control it. She braces herself for Regina to yell to hurry up. But Regina doesn’t. The foggy, cold air and quiet of the night is all the response she gets. Maybe she is already dead.

She wipes her eyes and mouth on her sleeve, feeling like a huge shit. She is nothing. The dark tunnel of her PTSD is taking over again. This is the biggest failure of her life. She is on probation for spousal abuse. Maybe it is all true. Maybe she played everyone and Zelena _is_ the victim. But that would be nothing next to, _oh please not that._ Her suffering soul may still get the worst blow of all. Regina might be giving up.

Regina says nothing when Emma gets back in the car. This is not good. The last twenty minutes home feel like the longest torture chamber on earth. As they get close Emma panics. The stress of everything is too much. Yup, she has lost Regina, she just knows. It is not another crazy thought though, it’s her gut. _How is she going to survive this?_ If a soul can break twice in one life, the first time is when she was dropped off at Chessfield. The second time is now. She starts to sweat and fidget. Her breathing becomes choppy.

Regina knows Emma by now. She knows the signs. They are pulling into the driveway. _“You will stay here,”_ she clips coldly.

The coldness in Regina’s voice sends Emma over the edge. Sure her Mistress is firm, but it is always out of love. Her _Mistress_ is gone. Regina gets out of the car. Emma follows suit, slamming the door to the benz like she could break it. She squares off in front of her fading love. _“You are going to leave me,”_ Emma accuses, freaking out. She starts to scream, “you never loved me! Was I just your experiment? Now you are just going to give up? Fuck you, fuck you!”

Regina folds her arms, feeling guilty she has nothing left, feeling guilty she _is leaving._..

Emma gets in her face. “It was your idea to be my Mistress! It was you who told me to hurry up because you had fucking feelings for me. I never would have tried to be with you. Not when my life was a fucking disaster. What the fuck G! This was your idea. It’s your fault! _It’s not fair!”_

“I told you in the beginning I don’t want a submissive. I want a _wife.”_ Regina spits back dismissively, but her eyes look anything but. Her lip quivers in a brief fragility before darkness covers her face. Regina’s walls go up like she never disarmed for Emma to begin with. The fragile princess she has shown Emma, and only ever Emma, disappears.

_“Then wait for me!”_

Contempt eclipses Regina’s eyes in a callous glare. Her old defense of being hateful is now in full gear. She stomps on Emma’s heart cast at her feet. She goes for the kill.  “Emma you are nothing but a child. I am not going to be your _mommy_ anymore.”

Emma reels back in Regina’s cruelty. Regina just dug into her worst fear. No remark could hurt more. She folds her hands behind her head and hunches over, staring at the asphalt underneath them. The ground is blurry in drunken defeat.

Blue and Granny come out in robes. “Emma, thank god you are ok!” Blue looks nervously from Emma to Regina. “What is going on?”

Emma looks up at Blue with a scowling face not meant for her. “Regina is breaking up with me!” She turns to Regina and points inches from her face. “You fucking bitch, _you cunt-”_ Emma goes to shove her.

Regina blocks her, grabs her by the wrist and twists just enough to have complete control.

“Owe!” Emma is stunned and lets Regina drag her harshly into the house.

 _“Regina-”_ Blue panics. Granny warns Regina she better be in control. They rush to follow them upstairs.

Regina forces Emma into the bathroom. She gruffly grabs Emma by the shoulders of her jacket and slams her backwards into the shower. Emma just lets her. She is wide eyed, beyond all comprehension that her dark beauty hates her so much right now.

Regina turns the cold water on and Emma shrieks and struggles to get out. She yells, “what the fuck?! You psycho!”

Regina holds her under the water until Emma gives up, sliding down on her back to the floor.

“You need to wake up Emma. Wake up!” She takes off her belt and throws it at Emma’s feet. _“Is this what you want?”_ Regina yells at her. “You are on your own. You were right about one thing, _I am leaving_. You are just a child. You are a baby. Grow up Emma. I am through with you!”

Regina is taken aback by firm hands pulling her out of the bathroom. Oh my, It's Blue. She has never in her life received the kind of look she gets from Blue now. Blue’s tone is as condemning as her expression. “After all your hard work, you just break her spirit in one night? _How could you?”_ Just like Regina hit her wall with Emma, Blue has hit her wall with Regina.

Blue quickly nods to Granny and shuts them both out of the bathroom to tend to Emma.

Granny takes Regina down the hallway and leads her out of the house.

Regina panics suddenly. She looks vulnerably at Granny as they stand by the front door. _“I just couldn’t do it anymore-”_

Granny sighs. She pauses to consider her response. She tries to stay calm, especially because Blue has had it with Regina. She will always be their daughter. As angry as Granny is, she knows her Gina is no monster. She is just broken, _again._ Fragility has many different guises. Blowing up in cruelty is one of them. She knows Regina better then she knows herself. Granny must be careful to not send her over the edge. It took them 12 years to get Gina this far! 

Granny rubs the bridge of her nose as newly terror stricken eyes lock on her every movement. “There were other ways to say goodbye.” She slowly shakes her head in disapproval. “Regina, I am speechless. You went really low tonight. But, you need to focus on getting home safe and putting yourself back together. As disappointed as we are, it would _kill us_ if you go off the deep end. Got it?”

Regina nods like a lost puppy. Granny slowly nods back while assessing her daughter. She is making sure she can trust Regina is stable enough to go home.

“You will call me when you get home. We are not getting into it tonight, I just need to know you are alright.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Regina blushes and holds her breath. She is still shaking in anger, only now remorse is wasting no time taking over. She feels like a puddle of grief. She is being banished to her own island of crushing defeat. Granny opens the door for the endless day to finally _end._ She enters the abyss of the cruel November night, alone.

 

 

 


	46. Mom

Blue and Emma's POV

 

“Emma, Robin called again. This isn’t healthy. You have to get out of this pigsty and go back to work. You are not a _child-”_

Emma rolls over in bed facing the wall, hiding tears at Blue’s remark.

“Oh geez, I am sorry baby. I didn’t mean it like that. God, I know Regina said that to you too. I should have remembered.” Blue sits next to Emma who defensively grows tense when the bed sinks. “You are my child Emma, _remember?_ That is how I love you. So I can scold you. But I wasn’t putting you down angel. We know you are truly heartbroken. But baby, we need to break this funk-”

“Really?” a meek voice escapes from Emma’s collapsed pain, in spite of her stubborn shutdown.

“What are you asking me?”

“You still love me? After _all this?_ Regina doesn’t-”

Blue gasps at Emma’s innocent disbelief. She pulls on Emma’s shoulder trying to get her to turn around.

“Emma, _of course I do._ I have been waiting for you to finally talk about what happened. You think we are not aware you have been drinking up here every night? Going to get booze after we are asleep? And Ruby is no help. You usually keep _her_ drinking in check. It has been two weeks since the ruling. _Since Regina-,”_ Blue hesitates to choose her words carefully. “Thank god you are finally talking to me. You have been pretty rude.”

“ _I know.”_ Emma laments apologetically.

“Come here baby.”

Emma tentatively turns around and wipes her eyes off with the covers. She keeps her eyes closed, afraid to look at Blue in the already too intimate moment.

“Regina did not assess her own limitations properly. Then she blew up and that was wrong. She is as heartbroken as you. She does love you, but that doesn’t mean you should be together. But Emma, let me repeat myself. Of course I still love you. We all do. Just because Regina can’t be your girlfriend doesn’t stop us from being your family.”

_“I am just using you._ You heard Judge Gold.” Emma snarks and looks up at Blue.

Blue’s expression of hostility is jilting. She is obviously still reeling from the trial.

“Judge Gold is no better then Zelena. _You know that._ I know you do. Court failed you. I will not have you wasting your time believing otherwise. Ok?”

“Maybe. That doesn’t change how this will end. Everybody leaves Blue. What if I have another tantrum? I mean, I guess I don’t have to call it that anymore. What if I fuck up, my PTSD?”

“I know how scared you are of that. Lets put this to rest for good. If you can’t be safe I want you to go back into psychiatric care. _That is what we should have done to begin with.....”_ Blue’s voice wavers in remorse. She reigns herself back in. She becomes strong and comforting again. “If you need to go to the hospital we will deal with it, as a family. We will be there when you get out. We will be there for you the whole way through.”

Emma squints distrustfully. She tries to hold back. Her own words push her forward instead. “Promise? I want to believe you,” she reveals. Emma leans towards Blue but does not allow herself to touch her.

“Of course I do. Please let me in baby. That is all I ever wanted. Let me love you, silly. And Emma, you just had two _major_ setbacks and have not had one episode. Well, not after that horrible night. But Regina’s behavior was unacceptable. So yes, the hospital is the backup plan, but I don’t think it will come to that. You have been getting the upper hand of your PTSD. You don’t give yourself any credit-”

Before Blue can continue Emma sits up and buries herself in Blue’s arms. She doesn't have to be in the dark abyss anymore. It all feels more simple now, safe. She can stop hating herself for everything that happened. It is like plates resetting in the ground. From a foundation that can't hold to one that does, Emma quakes in the shift. The buried pain was too much and it all rumbles free. She lets go.

Blue is quiet as Emma releases in her arms. The same girl who has been fighting her, denying her and avoiding her now clings on. Emma holds Blue like a lifeline. Blue starts to hum and rock Emma a little.

Fuck. Here comes the tears. Emma buried them in pot, booze, video games, and endless middle of the night walks with Ruby and Will, talking about nothing, partying instead. Even Ruby has been trying to get Emma to open up. She couldn’t. Now it is happening, and of course it is with Blue. Blue really is like her mom. The floodgates are open. Hope this is the last time she will **cry** for a long, long time.

Finally, Emma can respond. She whispers, “ok.” It is a white flag of healing.

Emma’s simple ok is more profound then the deepest words in the human language. Blue feels Emma melting into her arms. What a relief. This is it, this is them turning the corner. This is another breakthrough. But, it is the first one not forced out of a plan too heavy to bear. This one is clean, safe and filled with light. This is the kind of healing Blue can really wrap her arms around.

 

 

 


	47. Santa

Multiple POVs

 

“I can’t believe you did it.” Ruby flirts as she looks Emma up and down. “Maybe I am kinky too, I think I have a thing for Santa-”

Emma tugs on her fake white beard and smirks. She is tempted to spin around in her ridiculous Santa outfit. She dope slaps herself. “Ruby, we are sisters. Enough flirting you super freak.”

“You like it.” Ruby winks.

Emma scoffs and can’t help but laugh at the instigator. “I already said you look sexy in your girly elf outfit. Cut it out.”

Ruby laughs, “I am just fucking with you. Lets split up. Whoever finds the best Christmas tree wins.”

Emma nods and jumps at the challenge. She has got this. She watches Ruby happily saunter off. She enjoys passerby’s amused looks at both of them. At least they can bring other people joy. She always did love Christmas. And it is her birthday tomorrow. It always feels like a fresh start, even if it never works out. _Oh well._

Emma walks through the jovial lot of Christmas trees, crunching on the first fallen snow of the season. The smell of pine all around her is nostalgic. How she wishes she could share this with...... _‘Emma don’t go there.’_ It is over, she kicks herself.

It has been over a month since she went back to work and broke her funk. She has been seeing Dr. Hopper every week. She tells the Shepherd’s when Zelena harasses her. It is usually everyday. It hasn’t been easy but she has been dealing with Zelena trigger free. That is a fucking miracle. All of Regina’s hard work really did pay off. No matter how Blue sees things now, (that bringing corporal punishment into the picture was a big mistake,) Emma sees it differently. While she would never go back, Emma needs to acknowledge the healing that occurred. Regina broke the spell Zelena had over Emma. Only through dominating her was Regina able to get Emma to see the truth. Emma can see Zelena for what she is. She can see she never deserved to be treated that way. And, Zelena can’t control her anymore. What might be most incredible? She finally _believes_ her family loves her. Emma is gonna find a way to win this for good.

Emma is sidetracked from her thoughts when Ruby returns and tugs her along to the perfect tree.

“This is it!” She exclaims, mesmerizing a few children whispering about Santa and the elf.

Emma’s phone beeps.

“Again?” Ruby frowns, _“give me your phone.”_ She wants to break Zelena's face in for torturing Emma like this. She is so angry!

“Relax. It might not be crazy. It could be Will wanting me to work tonight.”

“You can’t, we are starting the decorations. You promised.” Ruby pouts and bats her eyes. Concern takes over as she watches Emma reads her text. She looks upset. “What’s wrong?”

Emma feels dizzy as she reads the simple text. She hasn’t heard a single thing from _her_ since..... It says “I was wrong to treat you that way.”

Everything stops. There are no words for the pain of Regina disappearing. Nothing ever hurt like losing her. Fuck, her gut just takes over. She texts, “it’s ok.”

Emma can see the little dots on her phone, Regina is typing back. She looks up vulnerably and stares at Ruby. _“It’s Regina.”_

“Oh.” Ruby gets it. This is why Emma looks like she is a deer in headlights. She bites her tongue as Emma stares at her phone. She has a few things to say that she has sat on too long. Emma needs to hear it. But, she is not going to interrupt _this._ Ruby has been hoping they would finally talk again!

Emma, lost in a look with her sister, startles as her phone beeps. It reads, “it’s not ok Emma. You forgive too easily. How many times am I going to have to tell you that?”

She types back in a blaze. “Look, I get it. You saved my life Regina. I could have died on the beach.”

“Please accept my apology.”

“I do.”

“That’s it.”

“Ok,” Emma types and looks back up from outer space. _“Ok,”_ she repeats out loud, half talking to herself. She awkwardly slips her phone back in her big Santa pocket. She pulls the itchy beard off her face and it hangs down around her neck. Shaking herself, Emma needs to get the spotlight off of her shock. “So this is the tree?”

Ruby is not letting her off he hook that easy. “Emma, _what happened?”_

“Nothing. She apologized.” Emma is getting agitated and can’t hide it in her voice. “Can we move on please?”

“Listen. I have not seen you cry once since you two broke up. _You haven’t even brought her up-”_

“Stay out of it,” Emma huffs, flustered. She tries to calm down. “You know I love you. But you wouldn’t understand. I am sorry, I just can’t.”

Emma clenches her arms together in discomfort. The last thing she wanted to do was get into any of this right now. Today was supposed to be fun. That horrible ache, the grief underneath everything since Regina left, is all fucking stirred up again. It is bad enough she wakes up and goes to sleep as the grief’s bitch. Now grief has her by the collar in the middle of a Christmas tree farm. Can’t just five minutes feel lighter? Why can’t she have a goddamn break? Ehhhh, look at Ruby, she is just getting started. _Fuck._

“You don’t understand! Granny and Blue were so mad at her about how she treated you when you broke up. But they forgave her. And they are both so worried she will start drinking again. That is why they have dinner at her house every Sunday. You haven’t noticed?”

“It is not my business.” Emma shakes her head and steps back from Ruby. The topic is too fucking painful.

“It is your business. Wanna know why? Regina has not forgiven _herself_ Emma. She has been a wreck without you. We are all worried about her. Even Blue told me last week that Regina needs you.”

Emma bows her head down and puts up her hands for Ruby to stop. This is too much.

“I don’t know what to do with that Ruby. Anyways, Merida and I are having a drink next week.”

“What?!” Ruby is really upset by that. She looks like Emma just slapped her in the face. _“How can you do that?”_

Emma is taken aback. She is surprised by her sister’s reaction. Oh, _Ruby still has hope for them,_ like as a couple. “Ruby, I don’t think you get how done Regina was. I just need a distraction. I need to get over her.”

“Regina was being dramatic. She is snarky as fuck, but she doesn’t _really_ lose her temper often. When she does it seems like the end of the world! I know, I was the butt of that once. But it wasn’t the end of the world Emma. It was just her shit. It was just _her_ _tantrum._ I know I am a big fat hypocrite. I didn’t want her to hurt you. But I love you both. She needs you-”

“Stop, just stop.” Emma shakes her head in emotion. “And anyways, I let her down-”

“ _She let you down-”_

“Come on Ms. sexy elf. Lets get this tree home.” Emma feigns a smile. Please let her sister shut up! She is going to lose it.

Ruby feels Emma at her limit. She drops it. They all haven’t had fun in way too long and tomorrow is Emma’s birthday. Anyways she can _see_ she made her point. She can see her sister’s wheels turning. Emma looks like she is having an epiphany under the turbulence.

Emma lets Ruby guide them through paying for the tree. She lets Ruby push her away so the tree guys can do the work attaching it to the top of the mustang. Thank god, she is not able to focus. Instead there is rapid session replay of the conversation that just happened. Could what Ruby said be true? _Does Regina really still need Emma?_ Butterflies hatch where the loss was eating her whole. But wait, Emma can’t go there. She should know better! She will just fuck up again. She will just hurt Regina again. And worse, Emma would truly die if the love of her life walked out on her, _twice._

 

\-----

 

“It was an easy twenty.” Emma smirks, looking very proud of herself. She tugs her beard down and lets it snap back in place. “Ruby bet me I wouldn’t dress up and walk around all day as Santa. _Of course I would!”_

Ruby rolls her eyes in jest. Her ego is only a little wounded she lost the bet. It was worth it. Her Santa Claus sister is a sight to see. Emma is standing by the sink and gloating over the rest of them sitting at the kitchen table. Ruby chuckles. Yeah, she is equally proud of their game.

Granny and Blue are still laughing, having just come home from Granny’s appointment to quite the practical joke. Blue is wiping tears from her eyes. “And Ruby, you really worked at the Diner in _that?”_

Ruby grins. She responds by flicking her feet and wrists so little bells jingle.

“I should be more careful to ever take a personal day for a doctor’s appointment.”

“Yeah Granny, you know Ruby can never be left unattended....” Emma teases.

“Hey you are the one that got treated like a celebrity.”

“Yes if you’re 5,” Emma frowns in jest. She tilts her Santa hat. "Don't make me put you on the naughty list."

"Too late for that," Granny hums and Ruby mock scowls.

They all chuckle and enjoy the cocoa Emma had waiting for them. A comfortable silence turns the tides into an even more comfortable chat. It melts Emma’s heart. Nothing could be better then ending a day hashing it out with the Shepherd’s. She cozies up in the nightly routine of sharing feelings, happenings, and solving problems together. It was what she always dreamed of. And after the finale of the trial, and her healing work blowing up into a million tiny pieces, there is nothing left to be afraid of. The smoke cleared and they are still here. They really are. And in the wake of all that pain she does feel kinda like a Phoenix badass. _Emma_ is still here. It also feels tender, fragile, new and awkward as hell. She is letting people love her. And, they have come together as a real family. It is wonderful. It makes her heart sing! There is only one thing missing........ _ehhh..._

 Blue's voice cuts through, “Emma, did you hear me? About your birthday?”

“Sorry,” Emma blushes as she realizes she was lost in her reverie. She turns from the snow falling outside the big kitchen window and refocuses on Blue. “I didn’t hear you.”

Blue pats the chair next to her with an amused look on her face. “Come sit with us baby.”

Emma joins the fold. They all chat about the things at hand. Ruby and Emma give their ‘parents’ the third degree until they are thoroughly convinced Granny’s appointment was just a routine check up. They don’t cave easily. Finally Granny snaps before reassuring them she is fine. A little boring Diner and clinician talk later and they are pressing Emma about her birthday tomorrow.

Emma counters, “I am supposed to work. I missed so much time after the trial. I want Robin to know he can count on me-”

“Will can work for you. I already asked him,” Ruby pleads.

“I know you have to find your own way at your job kid,” Granny eyes her. “But you know Robin is a family friend. He knows about what happened, you know that. He does not fault you for the time you missed. Lets put that in your past. You need to give yourself a break and let yourself live now. What do you want to do?”

Emma considers Granny’s words and speaks into the last of her cocoa. “Well I can’t remember the last time I had a Saturday off for fun........ And then we could all decorate the tree as a family-”

“It is settled then!” Ruby jets up to her feet in anticipation. “Anyways Will was already planning on it-”

Emma is about to react when Ruby hushes her and jumps in place. _“Emma we have a surprise for you!”_

“I thought we were going to wait until tomorrow,” Granny eyebrows her granddaughter elf.

“I will just die,” Ruby exclaims.

Granny and Blue slowly get up and help Emma up to her feet. Blue is laughing again. “Follow your elf, santa.”

They follow Ruby out the door to the driveway where Ruby, like Vanna White, illuminates the small bow on her Mustang. “It’s yours now.”

“ _What?”_ Emma tears up in shock.

“Yeah, I am getting my new car tomorrow morning. I have thought about this a lot. You love this damn shit box. Like _really love it._ It might be unhealthy.” Ruby jokes, trying to make Emma more comfortable with the gift.

Emma steps back, “I can’t-”

“Emma please honey,” Blue entreats. “Let Ruby do this for you. It is all she has been talking about for the last month. Do it for our sake so she doesn’t drive us crazy.” Blue catches Emma’s retreating eyes and puts her hands on her shoulders. “Baby, you deserve this. Think of how symbolic it is to have wheels again. It’s your freedom Emma. You are starting your life again. And you _are the one_ doing all the work. Like I always say, it’s ok to have a little help.”

Emma feels light on her feet, the gesture is overwhelming.

Ruby approaches her and puts the keys in her hands. “See, I am _Santa’s little elf-”_ She winks and flirts.

“ _Stop Flirting!”_ Emma laughs through her teary eyes. She feels arms around her and more tears sing through her. These are happy tears. That is new! She rests in the family embrace and most symbolic gift of her life. The moment is too much to even reflect from the bursting rays of love.

 

 

 


	48. Out of the Woods

Multiple POVs

 

 

“I- I thought you were at work. Ruby said you refused to take your birthday off.” Regina stutters and goes pale.

Emma’s heart doubles. She is taken aback by the dark beauty, haloed in the crisp December air. Regina is a breath to behold in the open doorway of the Shepherd’s home. _“What?_ They made me take it off. We are doing the tree.” Emma slaps her forehead. “Oh, _Ruby set this up._ Blue and Granny went to get some more Christmas lights.”

“I see-”

“Please, come in.”

“I don’t think that is a good idea-”

“This is your family too-”

“ _I am not ready to see you.”_ Regina snaps rudely. She looks down and clutches at her elbows sheepishly, embarrassed by her tone but refusing to acknowledge it.

“Regina,” Emma responds calmly, “I could really use a walk. Lately I can spend hours at a time in my woods. It is so peaceful. Let me go now for an hour or two.”

“ _but it is cold-”_ Regina whines softly, unable to mask her care for Emma.

Emma tries to hide her smile back. “I have good gear. Anyways, I like the cold now. If I am here when Blue comes back with cake I am going to have a sugar overdose. After what they have been feeding me all week-”

“I have _warned you_ about your sweet tooth.” Regina’s punitive tone makes them both blush. “Excuse me, I didn’t mean...” Regina clears her throat and shifts awkwardly in her white winter boots.

“It's ok.” Emma is dizzy. As fucked up as the corporal punishment plan became, it doesn’t change how kinky they both are. And if she didn’t know better, what just came out of Regina’s mouth was, uhm, _flirting._ Emma can’t help but respond by staring at Regina through batted eyes. Regina’s cheeks burn and her lips are all swollen. Her eyes are sweet and inviting as she quietly tilts her head under Emma’s gaze.

Regina is unnerved by her desire to pull Emma towards her. Why can’t she just fight her feelings and be done with it?! There is no coming back from the places they have been. She knows it. Plus, Emma is nowhere near done healing! Therefore Emma is capable of pulling them both back into a hell they can’t recover from. _‘Never again,’_ she resolves hostilely to herself. Her voice cracks and stutters under the pressure of mixed feelings. “I should, I shou-should go-”

“No, wait. Don’t. I mean it. Let me take my walk. You would be doing me a favor. You know Ruby needs a babysitter.” Emma smirks through the tension. It is a relief really, she is having a moment with the woman she can’t _not_ love. “Right now Ruby is about to set an electrical fire in the living room. if she plugs in one more outdated decoration _there goes Christmas.”_ Emma gently gestures for her to come in.

Regina swallows a smile back in a failed determination to be distant. She proudly tilts up her chin like it is her idea to come in. She is secretly relieved, as always, those blue green eyes see right through her.

 

\----

 

“Shit, shit! I gave it away!” Ruby yells at Regina who is sitting on the floor untangling old tinsels.

“What on earth is wrong?” Regina’s temperature rises. Please don’t tell her twenty minutes at the Shepherd’s home and she is back in the middle of another crisis. “Who was at the door?”

“Put on your coat we have to find Emma. Hurry. It was Zelena. I looked down the road when Zelena asked for her. I was freaked out. Now she knows Emma is out walking!”

“Ruby, I am done getting involved. Emma is her own woman. This is her life, it has nothing to with me.”

Ruby is enraged. “Nothing to do with you? Are you kidding me-”

“Really, it's over.”

Ruby grabs the tinsel out of Regina’s hands. _“You love her_ Regina. You have never loved anyone. Blue told me what a mess you have been since you left her. Look, I almost left the day you two almost killed each other. But I didn’t. Family doesn’t quit. She could get hurt.”

Regina tensely folds her arms around her chest, clenching her jaw and refusing to look up at Ruby.

Ruby has had it with the most stubborn woman on the planet,. Regina is imploding in her own fucking misery. Not anymore. She grabs her sister by the shirt and pulls her up to her feet.

Regina lets her. Regina's secret guilt reveals itself all over her twisted face. She is so torn!

“She trusted you. She trusted your crazy fucking plan. _She is in love with you!_ Did you forget she has been fighting for her life? It hasn’t even been two years and it's not even over for her. You never saw Maleficent again. Where were you two years after we got you? You couldn’t even speak in complete sentences. You were in your bathrobe all day staring at a wall. I thought you were mentally challenged!”

_“Fuck you.”  
_

“She is still trying! She is still fighting. You’re not, you quitter. It is so fucking like you to give up you selfish, scared piece of shit. _Prove me wrong-”_

“She hurt me!”

“Poor baby! I hate admitting it, _sis,_ but no two people on the entire fucking planet are more made for each other.” Ruby releases Regina’s shirt in detest. She puts on her coat and spits over her shoulder. “But you know what? You may not get another chance. You may never see her again. Zelena has still been threatening her. And now the law is on Zelena’s side! But you wouldn’t know how badly Emma has been harassed over the last month would you? Or how strong she has been, you fucking selfish-

“Ok, _you’re right._ lets go!”

 

\----

 

Ruby guides Regina through a path in the neighborhood to try to reach Emma before Zelena does. They run through the forest behind all the houses. They trace the path that parallels the quiet, dead end road. Their boots hit the snowy, hard earth in a desperate gait.

Finally, minutes after the last house can be seen, the path opens up to a dead end. It is a cul-de-sac surrounded by woods on all sides. This is where Emma always goes into the forest. Only now as they approach they see Zelena’s car. The car door is open. Regina feels herself stop breathing. She may have just had a silent heart attack. Ruby clutches Regina’s arm and gestures for her to stay quiet. They sneak up on them.

As they make it to the treeline Emma and Zelena are only 10 to 15 feet away. Regina gapes at the sight before her. Zelena is pinned on her back on the frozen pavement. Emma is straddling her and clutching around Zelena’s neck. Emma is holding her just tight enough, Zelena can still breathe. Zelena’s nose is bleeding. Her eye is bloody and Emma looks like she was scuffed up too.

Regina can hear what Emma is yelling. Every cell of her wants to help Emma. But, stop. As if an angel commands Regina and Ruby to freeze in place, they both _know_ they have to let Emma finish this. They glance at each other in adrenaline and then fixate on the scene before them.

Regina realizes Emma is emulating Regina's voice and tone over the different times she dominated Emma. She even hears certain things she has said, among certain things she would never say.

“It’s over Zelena. You won court but you can’t have me. I don't belong to you anymore. It is over. come find me again and I will kill you. It’s over. You will stay away from me, my wife and my family forever. _Do you hear me? look at me!”_

Zelena resists under Emma but can’t get up. She tries to speak and starts to panic.

Emma squeezes Zelena’s neck tighter and yells violently. _“I told you to look at me.”_

Finally Zelena cooperates in complete terror. She surrenders and stares wide eyed up at her captor.

“It is over, come back and I will kill you!”

Zelena nods that she understands.

Emma releases her. Zelena coughs. “Get out of here! Don’t ever come back, _so help me!!!!!_ Get out of here!”

Zelena drags herself onto her hands and knees and is obviously terrified for her life. With that terror she lifts her injured body as quickly back into the car as she can. She struggles to start the ignition and close the door. She speeds off. Her car skids a few feet on the icy pavement before disappearing down the road.

Emma collapses her shoulders. She buries her face in her hands in the aftershock. She looks like a fallen angel in the middle of the circle. Huge pine trees reaching tall to the heavens seem to bend into her. They encircle Emma like the sacred, loving witness of God. Emma doesn’t notice.

Regina’s heart swells. Emma called Regina her wife. The last month fighting how much she wants to be with Emma has been unbearable. She has been in utter misery. And, as violent as Emma just was, she had to be. Regina just witnessed Emma’s victory. She took her freedom back and won. There will still be bumps in the road. Emma may still have ‘tantrums,’ she is not done healing. It was not fair for Regina to fault her for that. In this moment it all comes together. It is time to forgive Emma for her failures. And, it is time to forgive _herself_ for quitting. She just knows Emma is going to make it. They are going to make it.

Emma’s chest heaves. Her head hangs low. Frosty air emotes through her fingers and heavy breaths.

Regina and Ruby approach her. Branches crack in the cold as they step out from behind the trees and onto the road.

“ _Regina?!”_

Emma is undone as she stares up at them.

“I-I-” Emma is terrified Regina will be even more angry now. She just lost her shit again and _Regina_ _had to see the whole fucking thing?!_ She anxiously stares between the two and then looks down, trying to process it all. Holy shit! Emma is startled by Zelena’s blood on her hands. She freaks out, _“oh my god!”_ She frantically rubs her hands over the icy pavement to get the blood off!

“Stop.” Regina sits on her knees right in front of Emma.

Emma obeys in a heartbeat. She stills her bloody, raw hands on the gravelly pavement. She can’t help it. She obeys Regina like she is _Hers._

Ruby steps back into the treeline and keeps her distance. She is so fucking relieved Emma is ok. She has this feeling everything is going to be ok. Emma just beat Zelena. Now these two just have to work it out.

Regina takes her long white scarf off. She looks intently at Emma who can’t return the eye contact. Emma doesn’t even realize she smeared Zelena’s blood on her distraught face. Regina calmly takes one side of the white silk and wipes the blood off Emma’s face. She then takes the other side of the scarf and gently cleans Emma’s trembling hands. She softly squeezes them through the fabric, before throwing the scarf in the woods.

Emma keeps her eyes glued to the gravel underneath her in anguish. She is trying to avoid Regina even under the hot stare and the dark beauty’s knees pressed up against hers.

Now that Emma is steady and cleaned up, the floodgates open in Regina. She becomes apologetic and breathless. “I should _never_ have left Emma. Especially the way I did. You did not deserve that-”

“No, I was horrible. I get it-”

Regina puts her hand over Emma’s mouth to silence her. She becomes sharp again in an instant. _“Do I need to repeat myself?”_

Regina’s punitive tone is intoxicating. It is effective at getting Emma to listen.

“Like I said, you shouldn’t. _What I did was wrong.”_

Emma is still trembling and sweating from the adrenaline. She can’t look at Regina. She is so afraid the dark beauty thinks Emma _still_ doesn’t have any control of herself.

_“Why won’t you look at me?”_ Regina husks.

“If you saw what I just, I mean, you must think-”

“That you did what you had to do,” Regina asserts and then her tone softens. “We still have a long road ahead of us............ _I know that.”_

Emma looks up in the dawning of unbearable hope. Her lip quivers. _Is Regina coming back to her?_

Regina’s eyes are filled with tears as she brushes sweaty wisps of hair out of Emma’s face and behind her ears. She whispers almost inaudibly. “But you did it.”

“What?” Emma looks imploringly into love filled eyes.

“You heard me. I said, _you did it._ You just fought back Emma. And you won.” Regina offers a reassuring smile and then turns into her typical firm self. “Get up, we are going home.” She helps Emma stand.

Emma is stiff and unsteady as she tries to get on her feet.

Ruby rushes in with a huge grin on her face and takes Emma’s other arm.

Emma tries to argue, still in shock. She is not able to fully trust the reunion. Regina steps into her and hushes her again, but this time with a soft, lingering kiss.

Emma relaxes as Regina’s lips wet her fears away. She feels herself starting to breath again in the kiss and wraps her arms around Regina’s neck. .....

They feel Ruby hugging them. They finally break the kiss to revel in it all together. They made it.

Regina points them back to the Shepherd's house. But Emma's feet are still frozen in shock. Seems like she needs a little push. Regina revels in getting firm with _her girl._ There is simply nothing more natural, what a relief. “Emma, let's go home. _Now.”_

Emma takes a deep breath in ...... Ok, it is all really setting in. Regina is back and Zelena is gone. And, Emma beat her demons herself. She really just fucking won?!?

She stares into deep brown eyes beckoning her to respond. And then her dark beauty does that thing, the most arousing thing of all. She becomes delicate. Regina flashes the soft princess only Emma knew was in there. Maybe this time Emma can finally be her hero too. Maybe she already is. By the way Regina is looking at her, yup, the writing is on the wall.

Firmness aside, her tender heart takes over. Regina feels herself surrender in a way she never has, her whole life. It is happening right here and now. She is going to see this through. She is going to let herself belong to Emma too. Fighting it almost sent her over the edge. Denying it almost tore her apart, irrevocably. She is smart enough to know when she was wrong. It’s time. It’s time to _just let go._

Regina begs in a vulnerable whisper. She doesn’t even recognize herself. But, it is long overdo. “Please baby. I want you to _take me home.”_

 

 

 


End file.
